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I felt like my life was being described by the author. However, I don't feel like that anymore. My life changed when I got to be responsible for a kid. There's

by copperx 14y ago

I felt like my life was being described by the author. However, I don't feel like that anymore. My life changed when I got to be responsible for a kid. There's nothing I rather be doing instead of being with my child; there's no nagging in the back of my mind anymore telling me to go read some more, to come up with the next big thing, to hack something out, to work out math problems. I still enjoy doing constructive activities, but it's no longer my life's purpose. For me, it's like seeing the 'big picture' of life. I remember, like the author, being extremely impatient with family life and social activities because I would rather be spending time building something, learning something new. Normal human activities seemed boring and purposeless. I made a promise to myself that I would never have a family for the fear of being too draining and becoming frustrated for not having enough time for my projects. All of that vanished in a couple of weeks after meeting my now wife's kid. The kid I'm responsible for is not my biological child, so it's not just the instinct of caring for my own child that's at play here. Perhaps that's why the most important scientific discoveries come before scientists have kids; it's not the responsibility and the time suck that impede growth, it's an overwhelming feeling of happiness and indescribable feeling of "doing the right thing" that rearing a child brings. I honestly thought that child rearing distracted and frustrated parents because they HAD to become selfless. It doesn't feel that way at all. Self-growth seems superficial and meaningless now in the grand scheme of things, and I am a pretty ambitious and obsessed person.

daemonl 14y ago
That evokes some interesting feelings. While I'm ready to let go of being the 'uber-hacker' in favor of, you know, life, I still want to be among the elite, or at least do something big and great before I settle in to the bigger picture of life. But that's probably got something to do with not being able to see the bigger picture. How recursive. Is it truly better when you get there?
- copperx 14y ago
  The thing is, I now definitely feel like I'm "en route" towards doing something amazing and every step in the journey feels right and resonates with my whole being; something I never felt before even though I was doing a lot of self-growth and I got a huge adrenaline kick of learning new things. The goal, which in my case is raising a wonderful person, is not totally within my control, so the only thing that I can do is focus on the process, on the everyday things, the often mundane. I'm not working toward a big goal, and I don't feel like "It'll be great when I get there" anymore. In other words, I've become process-oriented instead of goal-oriented, and that's something I should have done a long, long time ago. This is the first time that the cliche "it's the journey, not the destination" that makes sense to me. I feel at peace now, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Before this, when I was self-growth and build-stuff oriented, I never got to enjoy the journey. I felt like I was always working towards some far and amorphous goal, letting the rest of my life to pass by. If someone told me I was going to die today, I would feel like I have lived to the fullest. Before this epiphany? it would had been a tragedy.
precisioncoder 14y ago
While this is amazing for you it should be taken with a note of caution from readers. This may happen or may not if you decide to have kids. There are many parents who are unhappy with their families and feel trapped. Before having a family do research into it beneath the pop culture "transformation" ideas. This transformation may happen and you may be incredibly happy. It may not and you will feel trapped. Have children because you want to, not because you need them to change your life.
- jacobr 14y ago
  I love my son and I love playing with him, but it did not change my life in the way GP describes. I try to be present in the moment, and I work part-time to spend more time with my son, but it's not rare that I feel a bit impatient for him and his mother to go to sleep so I can build stuff.
mowfask 14y ago
This very well goes with the thoughts I have had about life for some time now. To really be content with what I do, to have the feeling of doing what I'm supposed to do, I have to do something that has an impact, changes the world. After all, I have only a finite number of years to live and I think it's my duty to not waste that time. As I'm young and inexperienced I have come up with only three ways to do so: 1) Build that next big thing everyone uses, which improves peoples lives (which probably only is in the list because I spend too much time on HN) 2) Help people in a very direct manner. A great example for this is Johnny Long, who stopped hacking for money and went to Uganda, using his energy and skills to help those who need it most. 3) Have and raise children. To me this seems to be the most commonly chosen path, mostly because it's only natural. But if you think about it, having children and raising them to be goodhearted, responsible persons with a high moral self-demand [1] is a honorable way of improving the future of our world. Thinking about it this way, though, will probably make the decision of having children myself one day really hard, the responsibility seems remarkable. That said, it probably comes down to what it always comes down to in life: strike an appropriate balance between all factors of life. [1] It's really hard to say what makes a good person. I hope you get the idea :)
rjh29 14y ago
Is it possible that while you had these nagging thoughts to read, build and hack, you were never really fully interested in it? Rearing a child may have given you the impetus you need to abandon those stressful goals.
Uncompetative 14y ago
Please. Unless you have adopted a goat, don't call it a kid. I hate the terms 'kid' and 'kids'. What is wrong with 'child' and 'children'?
- copperx 14y ago
  I'm sorry, English is my second language. Could you explain the difference?
  - nollidge 14y ago
    There isn't one. "Kid" can mean the young of either humans or goats. "Child" is a bit more formal, but that's about it.
- hobbes 14y ago
  Definition of kid (noun): 1. informal a child or young person http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/kid?q=kid http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/kid?q=kid
- recursive 14y ago
  What's wrong with the terms 'kid' and 'kids'?
- Nursie 14y ago
  I prefer 'puppy'. Perhaps for overweight kids we could start using 'calf' ?

by copperx 14y ago

daemonl 14y ago

That evokes some interesting feelings. While I'm ready to let go of being the 'uber-hacker' in favor of, you know, life, I still want to be among the elite, or at least do something big and great before I settle in to the bigger picture of life. But that's probably got something to do with not being able to see the bigger picture. How recursive. Is it truly better when you get there?

copperx 14y ago
The thing is, I now definitely feel like I'm "en route" towards doing something amazing and every step in the journey feels right and resonates with my whole being; something I never felt before even though I was doing a lot of self-growth and I got a huge adrenaline kick of learning new things. The goal, which in my case is raising a wonderful person, is not totally within my control, so the only thing that I can do is focus on the process, on the everyday things, the often mundane. I'm not working toward a big goal, and I don't feel like "It'll be great when I get there" anymore. In other words, I've become process-oriented instead of goal-oriented, and that's something I should have done a long, long time ago. This is the first time that the cliche "it's the journey, not the destination" that makes sense to me. I feel at peace now, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Before this, when I was self-growth and build-stuff oriented, I never got to enjoy the journey. I felt like I was always working towards some far and amorphous goal, letting the rest of my life to pass by. If someone told me I was going to die today, I would feel like I have lived to the fullest. Before this epiphany? it would had been a tragedy.

precisioncoder 14y ago

While this is amazing for you it should be taken with a note of caution from readers. This may happen or may not if you decide to have kids. There are many parents who are unhappy with their families and feel trapped. Before having a family do research into it beneath the pop culture "transformation" ideas. This transformation may happen and you may be incredibly happy. It may not and you will feel trapped. Have children because you want to, not because you need them to change your life.

jacobr 14y ago
I love my son and I love playing with him, but it did not change my life in the way GP describes. I try to be present in the moment, and I work part-time to spend more time with my son, but it's not rare that I feel a bit impatient for him and his mother to go to sleep so I can build stuff.

mowfask 14y ago

This very well goes with the thoughts I have had about life for some time now. To really be content with what I do, to have the feeling of doing what I'm supposed to do, I have to do something that has an impact, changes the world. After all, I have only a finite number of years to live and I think it's my duty to not waste that time. As I'm young and inexperienced I have come up with only three ways to do so: 1) Build that next big thing everyone uses, which improves peoples lives (which probably only is in the list because I spend too much time on HN) 2) Help people in a very direct manner. A great example for this is Johnny Long, who stopped hacking for money and went to Uganda, using his energy and skills to help those who need it most. 3) Have and raise children. To me this seems to be the most commonly chosen path, mostly because it's only natural. But if you think about it, having children and raising them to be goodhearted, responsible persons with a high moral self-demand [1] is a honorable way of improving the future of our world. Thinking about it this way, though, will probably make the decision of having children myself one day really hard, the responsibility seems remarkable. That said, it probably comes down to what it always comes down to in life: strike an appropriate balance between all factors of life. [1] It's really hard to say what makes a good person. I hope you get the idea :)

rjh29 14y ago

Is it possible that while you had these nagging thoughts to read, build and hack, you were never really fully interested in it? Rearing a child may have given you the impetus you need to abandon those stressful goals.

Uncompetative 14y ago

Please. Unless you have adopted a goat, don't call it a kid. I hate the terms 'kid' and 'kids'. What is wrong with 'child' and 'children'?

copperx 14y ago
I'm sorry, English is my second language. Could you explain the difference?
- nollidge 14y ago
  There isn't one. "Kid" can mean the young of either humans or goats. "Child" is a bit more formal, but that's about it.
hobbes 14y ago
Definition of kid (noun): 1. informal a child or young person http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/kid?q=kid http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/kid?q=kid
recursive 14y ago
What's wrong with the terms 'kid' and 'kids'?
Nursie 14y ago
I prefer 'puppy'. Perhaps for overweight kids we could start using 'calf' ?