6 ms·

Life is wasting my time

128 points by daemonl 14y ago

Kluny 14y ago
Not sure I agree with you, but I really enjoy your particular version of English-as-a-second-language.
mr_penguin 14y ago
Journey, not the destination.
ejsl 14y ago
Sounds like depression.
- RyanZAG 14y ago
  It's actually the very opposite of depression. Depression is generally a lack of hope for the future. This would be a case of so much hope for the future and himself that he is unable to live in the present, as what he is currently doing simply cannot live up to his hopes. It's interesting how similar to depression the effects would be.
  - codeboost 14y ago
    Depression is a long period of negative thought patterns. The person is locked in a loop of insatisfaction, disappointment, health concerns, feelings of wasting life (guilt), followed by feelings of worthlessness. It is a terrible place to be. And unfortunately a lot of smart people fall into this mental trap. I am emerging from such an episode myself and I can relate perfectly to the article. I was helped by the book "Feeling good: The New mood therapy" and I highly recommend it to anyone who seeks help.
bryanjclark 14y ago
"There was once a boy named Milo who didn't know what to do with himself - not just sometimes, but always. "When he was in school he longed to be out, and when he was out he longed to be in. On the way he thought about coming home, and coming home he thought about going. Wherever he was he wished he were somewhere else, and when he got there he wondered why he'd bothered. Nothing really interested him - least of all the things that really should have."
- notimetorelax 14y ago
  Sounds interesting, for those who don't know its from "The Phantom Tollbooth" book: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4684236 http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4684236
- sreyaNotfilc 14y ago
  Story of my life. I took a look at the link notimetorelax sent (thanks man) and read the exert. Seems like a good book so far. I'll be sure to go out and get it today. That is... if bookstores still exists.
- nollidge 14y ago
  "FOR MILO, WHO HAS PLENTY OF TIME"
copperx 14y ago
I felt like my life was being described by the author. However, I don't feel like that anymore. My life changed when I got to be responsible for a kid. There's nothing I rather be doing instead of being with my child; there's no nagging in the back of my mind anymore telling me to go read some more, to come up with the next big thing, to hack something out, to work out math problems. I still enjoy doing constructive activities, but it's no longer my life's purpose. For me, it's like seeing the 'big picture' of life. I remember, like the author, being extremely impatient with family life and social activities because I would rather be spending time building something, learning something new. Normal human activities seemed boring and purposeless. I made a promise to myself that I would never have a family for the fear of being too draining and becoming frustrated for not having enough time for my projects. All of that vanished in a couple of weeks after meeting my now wife's kid. The kid I'm responsible for is not my biological child, so it's not just the instinct of caring for my own child that's at play here. Perhaps that's why the most important scientific discoveries come before scientists have kids; it's not the responsibility and the time suck that impede growth, it's an overwhelming feeling of happiness and indescribable feeling of "doing the right thing" that rearing a child brings. I honestly thought that child rearing distracted and frustrated parents because they HAD to become selfless. It doesn't feel that way at all. Self-growth seems superficial and meaningless now in the grand scheme of things, and I am a pretty ambitious and obsessed person.
- daemonl 14y ago
  That evokes some interesting feelings. While I'm ready to let go of being the 'uber-hacker' in favor of, you know, life, I still want to be among the elite, or at least do something big and great before I settle in to the bigger picture of life. But that's probably got something to do with not being able to see the bigger picture. How recursive. Is it truly better when you get there?
  - copperx 14y ago
    The thing is, I now definitely feel like I'm "en route" towards doing something amazing and every step in the journey feels right and resonates with my whole being; something I never felt before even though I was doing a lot of self-growth and I got a huge adrenaline kick of learning new things. The goal, which in my case is raising a wonderful person, is not totally within my control, so the only thing that I can do is focus on the process, on the everyday things, the often mundane. I'm not working toward a big goal, and I don't feel like "It'll be great when I get there" anymore. In other words, I've become process-oriented instead of goal-oriented, and that's something I should have done a long, long time ago. This is the first time that the cliche "it's the journey, not the destination" that makes sense to me. I feel at peace now, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Before this, when I was self-growth and build-stuff oriented, I never got to enjoy the journey. I felt like I was always working towards some far and amorphous goal, letting the rest of my life to pass by. If someone told me I was going to die today, I would feel like I have lived to the fullest. Before this epiphany? it would had been a tragedy.
lucian303 14y ago
"Existence precedes essence." Since you exist (I assume you're not a bot, but I could be wrong) only you have the power to define your essence. I would say, it is every person's duty to do at least as much.
alexhaefner 14y ago
Maybe I misunderstood this because of what books I have been reading lately, but I really enjoyed reading this piece as a piece of irony. Apparently the word irony, pre-14th century had more to do with an author writing an opinion he or she did not hold, as if he or she did hold it. When I read this as if the author doesn't believe that life is wasting his time, but is being ironic, because the inherent flaw resides within himself, and not within life, then I find the piece to be a really, really interesting and an exposing and humble read.
- daemonl 14y ago
  You totally got it. Apparently not many others did, my bad. Thanks for your comment.
  - alexhaefner 14y ago
    Thanks again for writing this. You're writing about a feeling that I've experienced and can relate to, and I thought the piece was excellent. Great job.
  - dpatrick86 14y ago
    Blame it on a verbose minority not getting it... I think your opening title was a pretty strong hint of the direction you were taking it. Well done
  - RBerenguel 14y ago
    Got it, too and found it quite close to some ideas I wasn't sure how to write.
  - blablabla123 14y ago
    Excellent article... At first I wasn't sure whether it was serious or not. I guess many have gotten into the trap of complaining that they don't work like a robot in a robot factory. I have gotten more than once into it ;)
  - JohnLBevan 14y ago
    Great article, but I couldn't help thinking my time could have been better spent elsewhere. ;)
unimpressive 14y ago
I don't get the nasty comments on his blog, it's clearly a self aware piece poking fun at it's own sense of superiority. If he really had things the way he wanted them, he wouldn't need to be there in the first place. And on top of that, it's brilliantly poetic.
- yen223 14y ago
  Read the entire blog before commenting? What a waste of time! Better comment first. ;)
- daemonl 14y ago
  Thank you, that's really nice!
ritchiea 14y ago
I struggle with this myself. But sometimes the problem is actually the thing you're pursuing. What if the thing you're second guessing is a zombie startup? Or really any pursuit that isn't measuring up to reasonable standards set for it. Setting lofty goals often involves taking on projects and employment opportunities before they are mature ventures. And you end up asking the question "am I being unreasonable and impatient or is this project doomed?" It's not an easy question to answer.
scotty79 14y ago
I felt the same way. But I gave up struggling and accepted that my destiny is to lead sucky life, waste my time here on earth with mortals and mediocre jobs and most likely never accomplish anything non-average.
- daemonl 14y ago
  As long as that's because you have realised a 'sucky' life isn't all that bad.
- thewarrior 14y ago
  Same feeling here . But i guess its not that bad after all .
- Nursie 14y ago
  What's a sucky life? Writing code for other people, even on sucky projects, pays for an awesome life for me :)
- olive_ 14y ago
  It's same for me, too. How long did it take for you to decide that way? I do not think about giving up until I get my master degree and plan my future again.
kayoone 14y ago
Great piece, I am sure many people on HN can relate to this. Its especially true in this community where you are constantly reminded that other people "like you" build these amazing things. The project that millions use, the open source software that is a godsend to developers, the game that is getting rave reviews, the prototype that is so amazing in a technical sense. Add to that the interaction with super smart people that talk alot about programming best practices, new technologies, the future of computing, maths, literature. I think as a person inside of this world, its really hard to not get sucked into the mindsight of: * i need to get more work done * i need to start this amazing project * i need to learn more * i need to grow * i need to make more money faster All this is well and good, but for me it often results in being impatient when doing things "normal people do". I have this constant feel of "i should be doing something more useful" no matter what i do. This is were it gets dangerous and i think in the long run it will lead to alot of unhappiness. Atleast that i am aware of it and try to reflect on it, is the first step to more happiness, or so i hope.
- h2s 14y ago
  What if being aware of this mindset problem and yearning to be more content and calm is just another iteration of the exact same generalised problem of being overly mindful of the imperfections in one's life?
  - rfugger 14y ago
    When you're sick of being sick, you're beginning to get well
  - kayoone 14y ago
    Possibly true, but i still believe that self-reflection is very important.
  - jdotjdot 14y ago
    I think at that point you begin meditating, where the point is to have no mind at all.
  - jdotjdot 14y ago
ivanbernat 14y ago
I hope the author is reading this thread. What struck me was this line: "Family time bores me because I could otherwise be doing amazing things". I felt like this for a long time. I was in a long-term relationship with an amazing woman, yet I spent my free time working or thinking about all the "amazing" things I could have been working on. Up to the point where she left me. Family time is the one thing you should never consider a bore or a chore.
- hobbes 14y ago
  Thankfully, the last sentence of the article states: "Then I'm going to the beach with my partner to 'do nothing' for an evening." Just to add, it's not mererly a lack of "doing" something, but valuing the "being" part of ourselves: Father, husband, partner, friend, etc - out of which the "doing" bit naturally flows. Due to my personality flaws, I too often "do nothing" when in presence of my wife, which can be just as destructive for the relationship as wishing I was doing something somewhere else.
Uncompetative 14y ago
You have a partner and access to a beach. I have neither and haven't had a job since 1988. Yet the only thing I have found boring about my life of late has been reading this. I am not going to tell you to stop bleating, to accept the uneliminatable imperfections inherent in life so you can better focus on reducing the recurring overall inefficiencies because I feel it would fall on deaf ears. You can't be helped. You can only help yourself out of this mental rut and change your subjective perspective towards your circumstances by developing not a positive mental attitude but a pragmatic one. I can't reach into your cerebellum and rewire it. You can. It will take about six months - assuming you don't kill yourself in the meantime.
k_infinite 14y ago
My whole life is consumed by this feeling. I feel like I should already have achieved something great, yet I don't explicitly think I'm special, although feeling like this and letting other people know about this constant irking feeling might understandably lead them to think that I think of myself as someone special or superior to them, especially when talking to people who haven't experienced this kind of push and don't have these kinds of aspirations. I think that in my case there's a healthy part to it and there's an obsessive, blown-out-of-proportions part to it, based on the healthy part. And it's not easy to tell, where one ends and where the other starts. The most dreaded thought to me is the thought of mediocrity, me being just another working bee as someone put it in the comments, with no power, ability, skills, and certainly no destiny to build or do something great. What "something great" is, I didn't really outline it yet. Maybe this should be the first step towards actually starting a project that matters. I cannot relax. I cannot let go. In my life it is rare, when I can just kick back and relax and enjoy doing something that is not the next step towards something big. Whenever I'm left alone with nothing to do, the feeling of guilt sooner of later overwhelms me, I cannot have a breakfast without my thoughts rushing. I just keep thinking about what I had done wrong or why I haven't achieved anything of significance in my life. For one part, there is this feeling that I already should have achieved great things and this feeling implies that I should actually be able to achieve great things, and therefore that somehow I am destined to achieve great things. Then rationally I know that I am not special at all, but I can be. I know that things that I consider great can be achieved by just people like me, because I know people who have achieved great things. And that there's no destiny involved, just hard work and a lot of skills which can be learned. The thing that is special about these people is their attitude. The only times I came close to feeling relaxed and being able to kick back and relax, were times when I've felt that I actually had something great going on in my life, something that I've felt could go somewhere, something with potential. I consider the notion of potential one of the greatest things in life. I would even go as far as to say that I value potential more than I value actual results, more than I value potential realized. Potential is the start of everything, potential contains everything in it, nothing is determined yet, nothing is sure, but everything is possible. And I think I'm afraid of stepping out of my zone of potential into the real world, because out of the infinite possibilities, I have to choose one, I have to choose a direction, _one_ direction and go there, knowing I will probably never be able to go back. And take directions after directions, and from the abstract notion of being everything at once, out of all the possibilities, I have become only one path, one string of life, that either becomes successful or withers and dies. From the place where there is no meaning to failure or to success, to certainty or to uncertainty, to decision, because everything is in there all at once, and there is only excitement and anticipation, to the place, where I might fail like many people have failed before. For now I try to focus on doing things I really like, things that deeply excite and interest me, things that matter to me, and I try to put the maximum amount of effort into doing those things, and now I just have faith that out of these things a project will emerge. And that as long as I can find things that excite me, there will always be a project in there somewhere that's worth doing.
basicallydan 14y ago
Mate, I can also relate to this. It's tough. I know the problem is myself but I don't know how to solve it. Although, I do know how to solve it, yet somehow I don't. Sure, it might be a "humblebrag" but it's a god damned frustrating one. I Think a lot of people, especially people on HN, feel this way.
snuze 14y ago
This bring to mind the Kevin Spacey monologue in Casino Jack: Cause in reality, mediocrity is where most people live. Mediocrity is the elephant in the room. It's ubiquitous. Mediocrity in your schools. It's in your dreams. It's in your family. And those of us who know this - those of us who understand the disease of the dull - we do something about it. We do more because we have to. Read more at: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194417/quotes?qt=qt1477054 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194417/quotes?qt=qt1477054

128 points by daemonl 14y ago

Kluny 14y ago

Not sure I agree with you, but I really enjoy your particular version of English-as-a-second-language.

mr_penguin 14y ago

Journey, not the destination.

ejsl 14y ago

Sounds like depression.

RyanZAG 14y ago
It's actually the very opposite of depression. Depression is generally a lack of hope for the future. This would be a case of so much hope for the future and himself that he is unable to live in the present, as what he is currently doing simply cannot live up to his hopes. It's interesting how similar to depression the effects would be.
- codeboost 14y ago
  Depression is a long period of negative thought patterns. The person is locked in a loop of insatisfaction, disappointment, health concerns, feelings of wasting life (guilt), followed by feelings of worthlessness. It is a terrible place to be. And unfortunately a lot of smart people fall into this mental trap. I am emerging from such an episode myself and I can relate perfectly to the article. I was helped by the book "Feeling good: The New mood therapy" and I highly recommend it to anyone who seeks help.

bryanjclark 14y ago

"There was once a boy named Milo who didn't know what to do with himself - not just sometimes, but always. "When he was in school he longed to be out, and when he was out he longed to be in. On the way he thought about coming home, and coming home he thought about going. Wherever he was he wished he were somewhere else, and when he got there he wondered why he'd bothered. Nothing really interested him - least of all the things that really should have."

notimetorelax 14y ago
Sounds interesting, for those who don't know its from "The Phantom Tollbooth" book: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4684236 http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4684236
sreyaNotfilc 14y ago
Story of my life. I took a look at the link notimetorelax sent (thanks man) and read the exert. Seems like a good book so far. I'll be sure to go out and get it today. That is... if bookstores still exists.
nollidge 14y ago
"FOR MILO, WHO HAS PLENTY OF TIME"

copperx 14y ago

I felt like my life was being described by the author. However, I don't feel like that anymore. My life changed when I got to be responsible for a kid. There's nothing I rather be doing instead of being with my child; there's no nagging in the back of my mind anymore telling me to go read some more, to come up with the next big thing, to hack something out, to work out math problems. I still enjoy doing constructive activities, but it's no longer my life's purpose. For me, it's like seeing the 'big picture' of life. I remember, like the author, being extremely impatient with family life and social activities because I would rather be spending time building something, learning something new. Normal human activities seemed boring and purposeless. I made a promise to myself that I would never have a family for the fear of being too draining and becoming frustrated for not having enough time for my projects. All of that vanished in a couple of weeks after meeting my now wife's kid. The kid I'm responsible for is not my biological child, so it's not just the instinct of caring for my own child that's at play here. Perhaps that's why the most important scientific discoveries come before scientists have kids; it's not the responsibility and the time suck that impede growth, it's an overwhelming feeling of happiness and indescribable feeling of "doing the right thing" that rearing a child brings. I honestly thought that child rearing distracted and frustrated parents because they HAD to become selfless. It doesn't feel that way at all. Self-growth seems superficial and meaningless now in the grand scheme of things, and I am a pretty ambitious and obsessed person.

daemonl 14y ago
That evokes some interesting feelings. While I'm ready to let go of being the 'uber-hacker' in favor of, you know, life, I still want to be among the elite, or at least do something big and great before I settle in to the bigger picture of life. But that's probably got something to do with not being able to see the bigger picture. How recursive. Is it truly better when you get there?
- copperx 14y ago
  The thing is, I now definitely feel like I'm "en route" towards doing something amazing and every step in the journey feels right and resonates with my whole being; something I never felt before even though I was doing a lot of self-growth and I got a huge adrenaline kick of learning new things. The goal, which in my case is raising a wonderful person, is not totally within my control, so the only thing that I can do is focus on the process, on the everyday things, the often mundane. I'm not working toward a big goal, and I don't feel like "It'll be great when I get there" anymore. In other words, I've become process-oriented instead of goal-oriented, and that's something I should have done a long, long time ago. This is the first time that the cliche "it's the journey, not the destination" that makes sense to me. I feel at peace now, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Before this, when I was self-growth and build-stuff oriented, I never got to enjoy the journey. I felt like I was always working towards some far and amorphous goal, letting the rest of my life to pass by. If someone told me I was going to die today, I would feel like I have lived to the fullest. Before this epiphany? it would had been a tragedy.

lucian303 14y ago

"Existence precedes essence." Since you exist (I assume you're not a bot, but I could be wrong) only you have the power to define your essence. I would say, it is every person's duty to do at least as much.

alexhaefner 14y ago

Maybe I misunderstood this because of what books I have been reading lately, but I really enjoyed reading this piece as a piece of irony. Apparently the word irony, pre-14th century had more to do with an author writing an opinion he or she did not hold, as if he or she did hold it. When I read this as if the author doesn't believe that life is wasting his time, but is being ironic, because the inherent flaw resides within himself, and not within life, then I find the piece to be a really, really interesting and an exposing and humble read.

daemonl 14y ago
You totally got it. Apparently not many others did, my bad. Thanks for your comment.
- alexhaefner 14y ago
  Thanks again for writing this. You're writing about a feeling that I've experienced and can relate to, and I thought the piece was excellent. Great job.
- dpatrick86 14y ago
  Blame it on a verbose minority not getting it... I think your opening title was a pretty strong hint of the direction you were taking it. Well done
- RBerenguel 14y ago
  Got it, too and found it quite close to some ideas I wasn't sure how to write.
- blablabla123 14y ago
  Excellent article... At first I wasn't sure whether it was serious or not. I guess many have gotten into the trap of complaining that they don't work like a robot in a robot factory. I have gotten more than once into it ;)
- JohnLBevan 14y ago
  Great article, but I couldn't help thinking my time could have been better spent elsewhere. ;)

unimpressive 14y ago

I don't get the nasty comments on his blog, it's clearly a self aware piece poking fun at it's own sense of superiority. If he really had things the way he wanted them, he wouldn't need to be there in the first place. And on top of that, it's brilliantly poetic.

yen223 14y ago
Read the entire blog before commenting? What a waste of time! Better comment first. ;)
daemonl 14y ago
Thank you, that's really nice!

ritchiea 14y ago

I struggle with this myself. But sometimes the problem is actually the thing you're pursuing. What if the thing you're second guessing is a zombie startup? Or really any pursuit that isn't measuring up to reasonable standards set for it. Setting lofty goals often involves taking on projects and employment opportunities before they are mature ventures. And you end up asking the question "am I being unreasonable and impatient or is this project doomed?" It's not an easy question to answer.

scotty79 14y ago

I felt the same way. But I gave up struggling and accepted that my destiny is to lead sucky life, waste my time here on earth with mortals and mediocre jobs and most likely never accomplish anything non-average.

daemonl 14y ago
As long as that's because you have realised a 'sucky' life isn't all that bad.
thewarrior 14y ago
Same feeling here . But i guess its not that bad after all .
Nursie 14y ago
What's a sucky life? Writing code for other people, even on sucky projects, pays for an awesome life for me :)
olive_ 14y ago
It's same for me, too. How long did it take for you to decide that way? I do not think about giving up until I get my master degree and plan my future again.

kayoone 14y ago

Great piece, I am sure many people on HN can relate to this. Its especially true in this community where you are constantly reminded that other people "like you" build these amazing things. The project that millions use, the open source software that is a godsend to developers, the game that is getting rave reviews, the prototype that is so amazing in a technical sense. Add to that the interaction with super smart people that talk alot about programming best practices, new technologies, the future of computing, maths, literature. I think as a person inside of this world, its really hard to not get sucked into the mindsight of: * i need to get more work done * i need to start this amazing project * i need to learn more * i need to grow * i need to make more money faster All this is well and good, but for me it often results in being impatient when doing things "normal people do". I have this constant feel of "i should be doing something more useful" no matter what i do. This is were it gets dangerous and i think in the long run it will lead to alot of unhappiness. Atleast that i am aware of it and try to reflect on it, is the first step to more happiness, or so i hope.

h2s 14y ago
What if being aware of this mindset problem and yearning to be more content and calm is just another iteration of the exact same generalised problem of being overly mindful of the imperfections in one's life?
- rfugger 14y ago
  When you're sick of being sick, you're beginning to get well
- kayoone 14y ago
  Possibly true, but i still believe that self-reflection is very important.
- jdotjdot 14y ago
  I think at that point you begin meditating, where the point is to have no mind at all.
- jdotjdot 14y ago

ivanbernat 14y ago

I hope the author is reading this thread. What struck me was this line: "Family time bores me because I could otherwise be doing amazing things". I felt like this for a long time. I was in a long-term relationship with an amazing woman, yet I spent my free time working or thinking about all the "amazing" things I could have been working on. Up to the point where she left me. Family time is the one thing you should never consider a bore or a chore.

hobbes 14y ago
Thankfully, the last sentence of the article states: "Then I'm going to the beach with my partner to 'do nothing' for an evening." Just to add, it's not mererly a lack of "doing" something, but valuing the "being" part of ourselves: Father, husband, partner, friend, etc - out of which the "doing" bit naturally flows. Due to my personality flaws, I too often "do nothing" when in presence of my wife, which can be just as destructive for the relationship as wishing I was doing something somewhere else.

Uncompetative 14y ago

You have a partner and access to a beach. I have neither and haven't had a job since 1988. Yet the only thing I have found boring about my life of late has been reading this. I am not going to tell you to stop bleating, to accept the uneliminatable imperfections inherent in life so you can better focus on reducing the recurring overall inefficiencies because I feel it would fall on deaf ears. You can't be helped. You can only help yourself out of this mental rut and change your subjective perspective towards your circumstances by developing not a positive mental attitude but a pragmatic one. I can't reach into your cerebellum and rewire it. You can. It will take about six months - assuming you don't kill yourself in the meantime.

k_infinite 14y ago

My whole life is consumed by this feeling. I feel like I should already have achieved something great, yet I don't explicitly think I'm special, although feeling like this and letting other people know about this constant irking feeling might understandably lead them to think that I think of myself as someone special or superior to them, especially when talking to people who haven't experienced this kind of push and don't have these kinds of aspirations. I think that in my case there's a healthy part to it and there's an obsessive, blown-out-of-proportions part to it, based on the healthy part. And it's not easy to tell, where one ends and where the other starts. The most dreaded thought to me is the thought of mediocrity, me being just another working bee as someone put it in the comments, with no power, ability, skills, and certainly no destiny to build or do something great. What "something great" is, I didn't really outline it yet. Maybe this should be the first step towards actually starting a project that matters. I cannot relax. I cannot let go. In my life it is rare, when I can just kick back and relax and enjoy doing something that is not the next step towards something big. Whenever I'm left alone with nothing to do, the feeling of guilt sooner of later overwhelms me, I cannot have a breakfast without my thoughts rushing. I just keep thinking about what I had done wrong or why I haven't achieved anything of significance in my life. For one part, there is this feeling that I already should have achieved great things and this feeling implies that I should actually be able to achieve great things, and therefore that somehow I am destined to achieve great things. Then rationally I know that I am not special at all, but I can be. I know that things that I consider great can be achieved by just people like me, because I know people who have achieved great things. And that there's no destiny involved, just hard work and a lot of skills which can be learned. The thing that is special about these people is their attitude. The only times I came close to feeling relaxed and being able to kick back and relax, were times when I've felt that I actually had something great going on in my life, something that I've felt could go somewhere, something with potential. I consider the notion of potential one of the greatest things in life. I would even go as far as to say that I value potential more than I value actual results, more than I value potential realized. Potential is the start of everything, potential contains everything in it, nothing is determined yet, nothing is sure, but everything is possible. And I think I'm afraid of stepping out of my zone of potential into the real world, because out of the infinite possibilities, I have to choose one, I have to choose a direction, _one_ direction and go there, knowing I will probably never be able to go back. And take directions after directions, and from the abstract notion of being everything at once, out of all the possibilities, I have become only one path, one string of life, that either becomes successful or withers and dies. From the place where there is no meaning to failure or to success, to certainty or to uncertainty, to decision, because everything is in there all at once, and there is only excitement and anticipation, to the place, where I might fail like many people have failed before. For now I try to focus on doing things I really like, things that deeply excite and interest me, things that matter to me, and I try to put the maximum amount of effort into doing those things, and now I just have faith that out of these things a project will emerge. And that as long as I can find things that excite me, there will always be a project in there somewhere that's worth doing.

basicallydan 14y ago

Mate, I can also relate to this. It's tough. I know the problem is myself but I don't know how to solve it. Although, I do know how to solve it, yet somehow I don't. Sure, it might be a "humblebrag" but it's a god damned frustrating one. I Think a lot of people, especially people on HN, feel this way.

snuze 14y ago

This bring to mind the Kevin Spacey monologue in Casino Jack: Cause in reality, mediocrity is where most people live. Mediocrity is the elephant in the room. It's ubiquitous. Mediocrity in your schools. It's in your dreams. It's in your family. And those of us who know this - those of us who understand the disease of the dull - we do something about it. We do more because we have to. Read more at: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194417/quotes?qt=qt1477054 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194417/quotes?qt=qt1477054