8 ms·

If you ever feel alone in this...

439 points by dariusmonsef 14y ago

BeckyBausman 14y ago
Beautiful post. TY for the candor and truth.
kirillzubovsky 14y ago
Great post Bubs. It's really unfortunate that the world responds better to "we are killing it", than to the truth. Thank you for being around to chat. You rock!
- mattgreenrocks 14y ago
  What the world wants is never what it needs. It needs authentic people who are vulnerable and willing to speak to the full emotional spectrum that most of humanity goes through. It needs a sense of community, and an ability to listen as much as it talks. These are things worth working on. Fame is not real. It is little more than a flash in the pan of mainstream consciousness. As soon as they've discovered you they're looking to move on.
- tomjen3 14y ago
  Just know that "we are killing it" doesn't mean anything. Like how do you do, it is just an empty phrase. If things are really going well for people they will say things like we doubled our user numbers, became profitable, received an investment, got aquired, had an IPO. "Killing it" is just a vague thing people say when they have no actual success but won't admit it.
knowaveragejoe 14y ago
Interesting perspective and an engaging read. Thanks for sharing. Spotted some typos you may want to fix though: > chartered plains vs first class > there “limited success."
- nell 14y ago
  One more typo: > either are or we're very depressed
- dariusmonsef 14y ago
  fixed. thanks.
mgkimsal 14y ago
Good read, and useful. Whether you're in silicon valley or not, as any sort of entrepreneur, it's hard to find people you can relate to without any sense of competition. Family/friends can sometimes help, but they can't often relate. When speaking with close family, you may often either scare them or piss them off when talk of money issues way outside their experience level. A few years ago I ran a phone/email group of some fellow entrepreneurs to help support each other - it ran its course and people moved to various stages of life and business at different rates, but was extremely useful for me to help put perspective on issues I was having in business. I've also recently found a 'support group' of sorts in a local business group in town. Most of the businesses aren't tech related at all, but the support and being able to just be honest about issues 'in private' is very useful for all of us. EDIT: If anyone is interested in starting/joining an informal support group, ping me at mgkimsal@gmail.com.
- neltnerb 14y ago
  Yeah, I would love to see more of this. I use my close friends a bit as a sounding board for these sorts of things, usually they tell me -- dude, stop working so hard, even if you fail you'll learn stuff that will make you much much more valuable in the future either for your own company or even for someone else's.
  - mindcrime 14y ago
    I use my close friends a bit as a sounding board for these sorts of things, usually they tell me -- dude, stop working so hard, even if you fail you'll learn stuff that will make you much much more valuable in the future either for your own company or even for someone else's. One reason, I think, that I don't use my best friends for a sounding board on this, is that they are too likely to be supportive and encouraging like that, and I don't think I want that kind of talk. For one, I'm too old and there isn't enough time left for that kind of thing. If this startup fails, it's pretty much "game over" for me, as I see it. So any talk that isn't "fuck or walk", "do this or hit the bricks pal", "do or die", etc. is counter-productive to me. Rational? Probably not. But I don't want any fatalistic talk, or overt acknowledgement that failure is even a remotely reasonable option, because it might give me an excuse. Of course, explaining why I put so much internal pressure on myself is a whole other story. And one that I don't feel like I could ever really tell anybody. It would involve too many uncomfortable truths and too much digging around in my past. Easier to keep soldiering on, amped up on a steady dose of heavy-metal, adrenaline and caffeine and a mindset that there are two outcomes in front of me: 1. Succeed at this startup, and achieve some things I've been questing after my whole life. 2. Emulate Nick Cage's character in Leaving Las Vegas.
ispivey 14y ago
In a nutshell, this is why the problem is so hard to fix: > When I was raising my first round, it fell apart because > an A-list investor who had given us a verbal commitment > backed out. He did this because he had heard from his > friend, who I had went out for beers with, said that we > were struggling and unsure of what we were doing. I don't > blame the investor for backing out and I don't blame his > friend for relating his honest opinion he took away from > our conversation. But I will tell you that I now never > share my struggles with anybody I think might be even > remotely close to affecting my future opportunities. And > in San Francisco, that pretty much means everybody. It's not a problem of attitude, or perspective. It's that investors and potential hires and partners really want to make the best choices for themselves, and that means working with companies that are doing great and founders who are driven and aren't going to flame out or give up, which is perfectly understandable. And so founders who want to have the best chances at "winning" have to create an aura of momentum, of inevitable success, around themselves and their companies. That's perfectly understandable too. How would you even fix that? How do you even define the problem you're trying to fix?
- cbs 14y ago
  How do you even define the problem you're trying to fix? The competitive nature of the marketplace has inherent perverse incentives. It doesn't get fixed, people just tend to adjust their world view in one of many potential ways that allow them to stop seeing it as a problem.
- neltnerb 14y ago
  Make it common knowledge that anyone who pretends that they are winning all the time are frauds and hucksters? Not that this is necessarily a good idea, but in terms of psychology it makes sense to me. Plant a kernel of doubt so that people ask real questions, and if they don't get honest sounding answers hit the door. Gives an incentive for founders to be honest with both themselves and others and less downside to doing so. I was definitely told by several VC folks and by even the NSF grant office that if they get "overly optimistic" coming in the door, they tend to ignore what they say. Having a realistic appraisal of your problems and advantages is a sure sign of delusion and lack of maturity.
iandanforth 14y ago
I'm constantly amazed at the human mind's inability to measure happiness on an absolute scale, and societies inability to acknowledge that this is normal. I know that I'm well off. I know I'm incredibly lucky to be working on exactly what I want. I know what I'm working on matters and will have a huge impact on the world eventually. And yet, the uncertainty of success (or at least its timing), and the inexplicable daily feeling of unworthiness/ineptitude combine to put stupid mental roadblocks in my path. While unsurprising, it saddens me that an investor would pull away from a founder because they found out he was human. Silicon valley's greatest strength is accepting and embracing failure, I hope that strength will begin to extend to embracing the humanity of founders. If you expect founders to be perfect models of confidence, skill, willpower and brilliance, you will be lied to and eventually disappointed. It strikes me as part of our culture's maturation process that we begin breaking down these myths and replacing them with understanding, compassion, and realistic expectations.
- drusenko 14y ago
  I too think quite a bit about our ability to readjust expectations and inability to measure happiness on an absolute scale. I've come to the conclusion that it just might be our greatest strength. Without it, we'd still be living in huts and hunting prey, because on an absolute basis that is way better than sleeping under a tree in the cold. It's the thing that lets a child enjoy watching a lion at the zoo, behind glass, angrily advancing and pawing at them. It's the thing that makes a billionaire keep working hard at the next big thing, despite them having enough money to not care. Our inability to be perfectly happy and content with our situation, in an oddly confusing way, is what makes us so great, what makes us continue to strive to make things better, and get out of bed every morning to continue advancing humanity.
  - neilk 14y ago
    You're right but it's not as benign as you suggest. Our genes are stupid. They don't care if you are happy or not, as long as you are potentially reproductively successful. They are so stupid they can't even tell the difference between drug-based euphoria, or other addictions, and genuine success. And our genes don't even care if the entire ecosystem collapses underneath us, because the whole species is acting the same way. Sometimes this restlessness does "advance humanity", but that's not inherent in what our genes want. It's only because we have carefully set up institutions and practices such that the best way to compete is to serve other people. But, barring the discovery of some infinite source of non-polluting energy and materials, at some point - either tomorrow or in a thousand years - this restlessness will have to be tamed. In short, there are limits. And for individuals, those limits are much nearer, and the benefits of controlling your desires are as well.
Cherian 14y ago
When I came to the Valley to raise funds for my first startup I called up Bubs connecting from a TechCrunch article he wrote [1]. Not only did he spend time with me through calls from Hawaii, he introed me to others from YC who went on to have significant impact in influence, connections and capital for my startup. Bubs taught me an important lesson. A lending hand to a fellow entrepreneur can take you a long way. I am sure all of us entrepreneurs can relate to this article very deeply. Thank you. http://techcrunch.com/2012/05/28/the-art-of-raising-seed-youre-either-hot-or-you-make-your-own-heat/ http://techcrunch.com/2012/05/28/the-art-of-raising-seed-you...
timtamboy63 14y ago
I saw his talk, and honestly Bubs, you were inspirational. Keep up the awesome work
jazzychad 14y ago
Thank you for writing openly about these issues, Bubs. You really hit the nail on the head about not being able to have honest conversations with people, especially in SF. Since I moved here, I have met hundreds of people and interact closely with dozens... but I only count one person as a true friend in whom I can confide my personal struggles. Having to maintain a never-ending facade of success and happiness really is draining. Sometimes I wonder for what gain am I paying this price?
- coffeemug 14y ago
  Having to maintain a never-ending facade of success and happiness really is draining. Learning to be able to confidently say "I'm very concerned our company might die if we don't do X by Y because of Z" was one of the hardest and the most rewarding things I learned how to do. I found that skillfully expressing my real feelings leads to much better results than not expressing them at all. If you pay careful attention to how politicians speak, they often utter phrases like "I'm very concerned about..." It sounds odd at first, almost fake, but when done genuinely it can be a source of great strength. You don't need to fake things in a time of crisis. You can share your darkest fears with people while maintaining a confident demeanor, and it does wonders for how people perceive you. Of course this is harder to do than to say. I'm still learning, but a while ago I resolved not to hide my feelings from people anymore.
  - PebblesRox 14y ago
    I've had a mentor point out the difference between processing the hard stuff that's going on and sharing it. She was saying that it's important to have peers that you can process things with, and once you start to have it figured out, you'll be able to share it more broadly with people you're leading and so on. You'll still be honest with them, but you're not falling apart or dropping this big thing on them that they can't handle. And I suppose you can process things on your own, but it's much better to have people you can trust to help you with that.
- mindcrime 14y ago
  but I only count one person as a true friend in whom I can confide my personal struggles. For me, I wouldn't even share my struggles with my best friend. It's hard to explain exactly why that is, but I don't think I could do it. Some things it would be easier to tell a random stranger at a bar... maybe because they don't have any expectations of you, and you don't have to worry about a feeling of letting them down, or disappointing them or whatever. Having to maintain a never-ending facade of success and happiness really is draining. No doubt.
mindcrime 14y ago
Good stuff. It hits a little close to home, but one thing stands out: the bit about how you fear showing any weakness or self-doubt, because of the impact it might have on others. I would be very reluctant to share some of my own internal fears and self-doubt with anybody. Some of it is pragmatic (what if that person relays it to an investor), some of it is ego, some of it is, well, who knows?
- javajosh 14y ago
  Doubt is an odd duck because it can become genuinely self-justifying. I know of few other mental qualities that can claim that. If you doubt yourself, then, at the very least, you have the problem of doubting yourself, which is an actual, legitimate problem! Boom: you've just created a real problem out of thin air! In truth, there is no place for self-doubt. It shows a lack of trust in your past-self and the decisions he made. You made the best decision that you could. (There is an exception, of course. If you made a decision when under the sway of some passing, mental evil: arrogance, greed, malice, hatred, then you might want to revisit the decision.) The vast majority of mistakes do not come from some personal lack. They come from bad luck. Which is why individuals, as much as investors, need to diversify. Create more than one path to success. (This is such good advice, maybe one day I'll take it! :)
hakaaaaak 14y ago
This is the important part to read: "While I was in Thailand I got a dotted line tattooed across my wrist as a reminder of all those who didn't get another day, who all would I'm sure do anything to have just a little more time. I got the cut here line tattooed on my wrist to remind myself that if I ever don't fully appreciate the opportunity that I have and the life ahead of me, then I don't deserve it and it can easily be taken away. To me it's a very positive reminder, with a dark but real truth behind it."
jongraehl 14y ago
Excessive risk (loss) aversion saps some of the enjoyment of having probably (but not certainly) sufficient wealth. 1% problems, I guess.
stuckineurope 14y ago
I'm not sure if @Bubs will ever read this, but I found this was a deeply interesting article, that hits close to home. If you are reading this - thank you. There is so much to say on this subject, from various perspectives. Me, I'm stuck in Europe (offers-a-plenty, no chance for a visa). I am a founder of a start-up here, and I cannot complain about how it currently runs - but the things I've been through to get here ... A lot about the start-up culture is simply different here in Europe - so maybe I am a little out of place among you. But what I believe is largely the same is the pressure, the stress, and the pretending. There are but few people who really understand what you are going through. "Why don't you just quit and get a (real) job ?" - if I had to raise a finger for how often I've gotten this response in dark times, I would be several hands short. I believe there may be a need for some sort of chatter group for this. Maybe a tad unconventional, perhaps with a respected gate-keeper (like @Bubs) to check on people before they are let in (prevent moles), but once inside, everybody is anonymous to everybody else, and all conversation is group-private. You could be Mr Brown, I could be Mr Black - as long as I'm not Mr Pink. Perhaps it could have prevented what happened to those two founders mentioned in the article. I would be interested to join it, both for giving as well as receiving support. The good just writing something that the people who read it would actually understand could do. Take this post for example - http://pastebin.com/BgxFCTEC http://pastebin.com/BgxFCTEC . I wonder if whomever wrote it read this response: http://swombat.com/2013/2/21/truth-failing-startup http://swombat.com/2013/2/21/truth-failing-startup and maybe felt better or even changed his view, or never saw any of the response and is sitting at his desk staring at the wall, wondering why (or if) he's still here.
- dariusmonsef 14y ago
  Yup. I read it. Thanks for sharing. I'm not sure how well a big group would work. If its bit an intimate close group of people, it wouldn't be easy to open up and share. This is why I think it's important to have a small group of founder friends to confide in.
- dodyg 14y ago
  I started my company in 2003 with one partner thanks to Visa and AMEX. In 2006 we got bigger and reached to about 40 people working in 4 different countries. The financial crisis of 2008 brought us down (by accelerating the damages of our mistakes) and by December we went down to just 10. It was the most depressing Summer and Winter I've had. In 2009 I worked for bouts of 50 - 60 straight days trying clear up the unfinished commitments we had with our clients and almost burned me up in the process but we got through. Things went upward trajectory until early 2011 where the country I am located went through a revolution. Our local customers suddenly couldn't pay on time and we have had majority of our pending new contracts cancelled. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up around the same time and suddenly I stared back at the abyss that I thought I have left behind 2008. It's been two years since that time and things have gone incrementally worse. It's a drip by drip bloodletting. These cycles of advances and failures are exhausting. I was supposed to get better at this "be responsible of other people's payroll and livelihood" thing after ten years but I am not. I still try though - every single day - inch by single fucking inch. I don't know whether this is grit or just denials. It's a close call.
jianshen 14y ago
Thanks for sharing this. I can't help but see parallels here to Hollywood and the struggling actor. "Things are great! I've been in a few indies you probably haven't seen..." I hope in time, with more stories like this, the mainstream will better understand the more human side of an overly romanticized place.
InfinityX0 14y ago
The only thing I find disheartening here is his discussion of how he lost funding because he told his friend they were struggling and had no idea what they were doing. This implies to me that they were not being transparent with the investor, and in essence were on the verge of "stealing" the investor's money because of it, because his aim was essentially to sell the investor on a thriving business that was in fact not there. An investor should get a real and full analysis of the business, with accurate numbers, so it should not have come as a surprise or a fallout if someone said they "were struggling", because simply, their numbers and growth should have shown otherwise if they were actually worthy of investment, and no conversation should have been able to sway that. You should never fear a transparent conversation with others getting back to important parties as long as you really have nothing to hide.
- dariusmonsef 14y ago
  Still building the same company, so we weren't conning any investors. And we weren't doing poorly back then... Just going through some challenges. Site load bringing down servers, hiring, etc. rarely can an investor take the time to really know every possible deal and founder in the seed stage. They're looking at a volume of deals and need to be able to take thin slices of founders to make decisions. And again, the point of my post is to say... Yes, we're not fully transparent with people because everybody else isn't. We're to blame first for the lack of transparency. I'm making an effort to change this.
blufox 14y ago
Great Read, Thank you.
mindcrime 14y ago
It's a bit silly, but when I feel depressed or down, this is always good for perking me up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA
slashedzero 14y ago
Excellent post! The one thing I have to wonder is if there are those out there who can really separate themselves from their company's business. I like to think of James Altucher's advice that you will be most happy when there are the fewest amount of people in your life who have the ability to create negative influences. In this case, having that investor mean so much to you that it has a severely negative outcome on your emotional well being is not worth it. I've come to realize that less stress is definitely worth more than extra income, in the long run.
thestartupguy 14y ago
Thank you Bubs. The work your doing is so important and needed by our community. I've just finished Seth Godin's 'The Icarus Deception' and your post truly resembles art.
xijuan 14y ago
It is a very inspiring story! I think everyone can relate to it to some extent because everyone has down times. It saddens me very much that we live in such a society that stigmatizes depression and suicide this much. I have only realized how bad the stigmatization is until recently due to things that happened in my personal life. This article also made me want to write out my own story and share it online. Maybe one day I will do that.
ardit33 14y ago
This is not just for startup founders. As an employee of a startup you are going to go through major roller-coasters as well. Having very close friends to talk to, and that understand your problems (they might work on similar spaces as well), is crucial. Your parents, your family might not be much help on these cases, as they wont understand or be able to give you good advice. I have 3 friends that are very close to me, and they know every detail of my life (and so do I of theirs), good or bad. When I do need advice, or they do, we can rely on each other to get some feedback on any thing. But I trust them and I know they will have my back, and they wont divulge my personal details. People that don't form these type of friendships are missing out. It makes the roller-coaster so much easier, and especially when going through life changing moments (job changed, marriage, breakups, etc). I might have to add though that I suspect the startup community is full of people that are partially inside the bi-polar spectrum. Sometimes it takes a bit of a mania to start something new or crazy, but that euphoric high is always followed by a depressing low. Adding the uncertain nature of the startups, the emotional rollacoster becomes even more crazy and magnified. .... .... Addition: The arm-chair psychologist in me says the author might have had BPD symptoms, (borderline) during his childhood: "I cried in private, hoping that my cries might just be loud enough for somebody to hear. I hit myself, to create physical pain that might distract from the emotional."
- dariusmonsef 14y ago
  Arm-chair patient: Maybe. I've only seen a therapist as a kid, but as far as I know, through the rest of my adult life I haven't had any bipolar tendencies. But honestly I'm not that informed on BPD. So if I am somewhere on that spectrum, I'm not living pretty happily there.
- doktrin 14y ago
  > This is not just for startup founders. The OP resonated quite strongly with me, and I am neither a founder nor (currently) an employee of a startup. IMO, the struggle that is described here is inherently universal. It's shared by anyone who has to maintain a facade of success while facing intense insecurity (often financial). Likewise, the emotions described will ring very familiar to anyone who suffers or has suffered with depression - regardless of triggers. > My personal bank account & business accounts both overdrawn, tens of thousands of dollars in debt to family members and my credit cards maxed out or closed. I've had no cash in my pocket and a dwindling supply of food in the cabinet. On a smaller monetary scale, that is in fact me at this very moment. Last week I was de-facto homeless (living in a $10/day rental car). I don't want to wax poetic about my mental state at the time, but it bordered on the worst. I was eventually able to swallow my pride and confided in some close friends and family that I was tapped out financially, physically drained and psychologically in quite a dark place. Knowing, viscerally, that I have a support network that is in the know about my situation and willing to back me up was very powerful. If / when I move past this particular time in my life, I know that I most likely could not have done it without them. I think I used to view that as a sign of weakness and dependence. Perhaps it is, but that's not really something that concerns me any more.
gavanwoolery 14y ago
My range of wealth has been somewhere between -30k to 60k in the bank. That might not seem like a big range but I can tell you it is worlds of difference in terms of lifestyle. I once made $30,000 in the stock market, in one hour after the bell rang. Thinking it would keep rising, I went back to bed (rookie mistake!). I woke up to to find my gains negated, and my losses at around $15k. Over the past two years I have battled debt, debt that would have been nonexistent if I had just pressed the sell button. I am thankful for this, very very thankful. I used to be, for lack of better words, a prick (still am, to a lesser degree!). I would spend money on trivial things. Now I know much better the value of a dollar, and have a least a little bit more perspective on the struggle that many people face ($30k in debt might seem trivial, but I paid as much as others with $200k of student loans due to high interest rates). As of today, I am almost debt free. Startup culture really saddens me, not because of the chase for wealth - there is nothing bad about that. It saddens me because young people get rich really quickly, many times straight out of college or earlier. They never know what it is like to carry debt. They get rich, and they have no perspective. Elitism is not at all uncommon, subconscious or not, and it has nothing to do with how liberal you are, what charities you donate to, etc. Obviously, I do not look down on these people, I just wish they could experience legitimate hardship for their own benefit.
- flatline 14y ago
  What a beautiful sentiment. Until I was in my early 30s, I was generally contemptuous of those who were struggling with weight issues, with physical or psychological pain, or with fear of death. I didn't mean to be so arrogant, and was generally not aware that I was at the time. I was not unsympathetic, exactly, I just didn't have enough personal context to grok others' internal state. I was young and healthy and financially comfortable, and with no one else to care for. It would indeed be sad to have continued throughout my life without seeing a bit deeper into the suffering of others. It would be sad to continue from this point without similar opportunities, though I think that once you have taken a first hard look, you can keep looking deeper without having to repeat old mistakes.
leoh 14y ago
I thought some aspects of this were interesting, but the emphasis on money felt tacky. Money is a motivator, but it is not an end to itself. The author appears to support this notion, but sets an arbitrarily high net worth of 5*10^6 and talks about how miserable it was to be "successful." I don't know. To me, all this money is a big problem in the valley. On the one hand, it's great, because there is a lot of extra money around for cool things to get done. On the other hand, there are people that are just around for the money and it feels tasteless and I have personally found it very unpleasant to work with people who hav ambition for money and the prestige. And there are a lot of people like that right now. Maybe I have been blessed to have grown up around some exceptionally succesful, but humble people. Just my 2 cents, though.
- dariusmonsef 14y ago
  Sorry for the confusion. I wasn't trying to say "successful" was miserable, but that often people who are successful are so focused on the next level of success that they don't enjoy the one their at. And I agree with your point, money isn't everything. I guess I didn't phrase it well enough, but I grew up around wealth and that has provided me the perspective to know that it isn't everything. But money is powerful, and I hope lots of people who want to make the world better acquire that power.
  - leoh 14y ago
    I understand. You were open and your other blog posts see to show a true interest in technology. Thank you for your reply. I did not know you were active here. Hope you had a great weekend :-).
j45 14y ago
There are some people who can't learn from the rattlesnake biting the other person first. This article is not for them.
ilaksh 14y ago
> The truth is EVERYBODY is struggling. Bullshit. I probably won't be able to pay rent unless my client pays my invoice next week. And that isn't very unusual. I'm not about to kill myself, because I am used to the constant stress and poor health and barely getting by, but the point is, a lot of that post was just bragging, and financial security DOES matter. I honestly don't feel sorry for rich people who want to kill themselves.
- panique 14y ago
  Totally agree! I get angry when people who have an iphone, a macbook and an it job are worried about their startup company and talk about being broke or suicide. Guys, you have never seen real life! I'm living in one of the richest countries in the world, but i know poverty, hunger, being homeless, without parents, without a bank card and without health insurance and without any perspective, any jobs or even university degree. Did I mention i was very good at school, but never finished because of having to work for food ? Business Gentlemen, you should not judge life by money! I think the general aim in life is to have food, health, a home, friends, sex, doing something useful and having a future. People in rich countries usually have all these things without even doing anything for it, so they cry about bad loans, bad jobs and bad internet connection. Guys, every day 150.000 people are dying on the planet, most of them due to hunger. So open your head and realize how good your life is.
saumil07 14y ago
So, so so damn good.
Harj 14y ago
I find that keeping a journal helps tremendously when I'm feeling low or find myself dwelling on negative thoughts. I believe it's because you can get away with fuzzy thinking when your thoughts are only in your head. Once you put them on paper you're forced to refine them and any distortion or irrationality in them becomes more apparent.
thomaspun 14y ago
Thanks, Bubs. I felt better reading your post already. You are one of the founders I admire, especially on how you are able to balance between startups and family.
- dariusmonsef 14y ago
  Thanks Thomas. I appreciate it.
warmwaffles 14y ago
Very powerful post. I thought I was going down in flames recently but only realized that it could be so much worse and that it does get better with time. Thanks bub
cpsales 14y ago
This game is fucking cruel. I'm in the middle of raising a large seed round for my startup. We were ramping up the product like crazy and my co-founder left the day the term sheets were coming in. I somehow managed to turn it around and not lose interest from the investors, but fund raising has been taking all my time. The product is suffering BIG TIME because he left. I'm completely overwhelmed with user tickets, fixing the site and due diligence. I work over 100 hours/weekm literally. I don't know how I'll get through this as I'm on the verge of burning out, quitting and moving to Africa for 10 years. We haven't even started and I'm already a mess. Even if we raise that dough, hiring is so hard that I don't see the end to this. I just went to the liquor store and bought myself a 40 of Southern Comfort. It's been helping. Back to working and drinking. EDIT: this is a throwaway account. I have over 1000 karma.
alexandroid 14y ago
I would add that a big cultural difference in US from, say, Ukraine is that people avoid talking about money as a plaque. As if it is a bad shameful subject. I do not know where it comes from - pride, competitiveness, avoiding jealousy, lack of confidence or extrapolating work policies into personal life. I think people lose a lot because of this. First, they do not let share their struggles with each other. Where I came from people used to complain and exaggerate about their money problems, but nevertheless they share. Without sharing, there is less emotional and practical support from friends and family. Secondly, without talking about money there is less chance to learn and cooperate for successes. If my friend wants to do X and never mentions to me that, I have no chance of telling him what I know about it from my experience or from my other friends experience.

439 points by dariusmonsef 14y ago

Beautiful post. TY for the candor and truth.

Great post Bubs. It's really unfortunate that the world responds better to "we are killing it", than to the truth. Thank you for being around to chat. You rock!

mattgreenrocks 14y ago
What the world wants is never what it needs. It needs authentic people who are vulnerable and willing to speak to the full emotional spectrum that most of humanity goes through. It needs a sense of community, and an ability to listen as much as it talks. These are things worth working on. Fame is not real. It is little more than a flash in the pan of mainstream consciousness. As soon as they've discovered you they're looking to move on.
tomjen3 14y ago
Just know that "we are killing it" doesn't mean anything. Like how do you do, it is just an empty phrase. If things are really going well for people they will say things like we doubled our user numbers, became profitable, received an investment, got aquired, had an IPO. "Killing it" is just a vague thing people say when they have no actual success but won't admit it.

knowaveragejoe 14y ago

Interesting perspective and an engaging read. Thanks for sharing. Spotted some typos you may want to fix though: > chartered plains vs first class > there “limited success."

nell 14y ago
One more typo: > either are or we're very depressed
dariusmonsef 14y ago
fixed. thanks.

mgkimsal 14y ago

Good read, and useful. Whether you're in silicon valley or not, as any sort of entrepreneur, it's hard to find people you can relate to without any sense of competition. Family/friends can sometimes help, but they can't often relate. When speaking with close family, you may often either scare them or piss them off when talk of money issues way outside their experience level. A few years ago I ran a phone/email group of some fellow entrepreneurs to help support each other - it ran its course and people moved to various stages of life and business at different rates, but was extremely useful for me to help put perspective on issues I was having in business. I've also recently found a 'support group' of sorts in a local business group in town. Most of the businesses aren't tech related at all, but the support and being able to just be honest about issues 'in private' is very useful for all of us. EDIT: If anyone is interested in starting/joining an informal support group, ping me at mgkimsal@gmail.com.

neltnerb 14y ago
Yeah, I would love to see more of this. I use my close friends a bit as a sounding board for these sorts of things, usually they tell me -- dude, stop working so hard, even if you fail you'll learn stuff that will make you much much more valuable in the future either for your own company or even for someone else's.
- mindcrime 14y ago
  I use my close friends a bit as a sounding board for these sorts of things, usually they tell me -- dude, stop working so hard, even if you fail you'll learn stuff that will make you much much more valuable in the future either for your own company or even for someone else's. One reason, I think, that I don't use my best friends for a sounding board on this, is that they are too likely to be supportive and encouraging like that, and I don't think I want that kind of talk. For one, I'm too old and there isn't enough time left for that kind of thing. If this startup fails, it's pretty much "game over" for me, as I see it. So any talk that isn't "fuck or walk", "do this or hit the bricks pal", "do or die", etc. is counter-productive to me. Rational? Probably not. But I don't want any fatalistic talk, or overt acknowledgement that failure is even a remotely reasonable option, because it might give me an excuse. Of course, explaining why I put so much internal pressure on myself is a whole other story. And one that I don't feel like I could ever really tell anybody. It would involve too many uncomfortable truths and too much digging around in my past. Easier to keep soldiering on, amped up on a steady dose of heavy-metal, adrenaline and caffeine and a mindset that there are two outcomes in front of me: 1. Succeed at this startup, and achieve some things I've been questing after my whole life. 2. Emulate Nick Cage's character in Leaving Las Vegas.

ispivey 14y ago

In a nutshell, this is why the problem is so hard to fix: > When I was raising my first round, it fell apart because > an A-list investor who had given us a verbal commitment > backed out. He did this because he had heard from his > friend, who I had went out for beers with, said that we > were struggling and unsure of what we were doing. I don't > blame the investor for backing out and I don't blame his > friend for relating his honest opinion he took away from > our conversation. But I will tell you that I now never > share my struggles with anybody I think might be even > remotely close to affecting my future opportunities. And > in San Francisco, that pretty much means everybody. It's not a problem of attitude, or perspective. It's that investors and potential hires and partners really want to make the best choices for themselves, and that means working with companies that are doing great and founders who are driven and aren't going to flame out or give up, which is perfectly understandable. And so founders who want to have the best chances at "winning" have to create an aura of momentum, of inevitable success, around themselves and their companies. That's perfectly understandable too. How would you even fix that? How do you even define the problem you're trying to fix?

cbs 14y ago
How do you even define the problem you're trying to fix? The competitive nature of the marketplace has inherent perverse incentives. It doesn't get fixed, people just tend to adjust their world view in one of many potential ways that allow them to stop seeing it as a problem.
neltnerb 14y ago
Make it common knowledge that anyone who pretends that they are winning all the time are frauds and hucksters? Not that this is necessarily a good idea, but in terms of psychology it makes sense to me. Plant a kernel of doubt so that people ask real questions, and if they don't get honest sounding answers hit the door. Gives an incentive for founders to be honest with both themselves and others and less downside to doing so. I was definitely told by several VC folks and by even the NSF grant office that if they get "overly optimistic" coming in the door, they tend to ignore what they say. Having a realistic appraisal of your problems and advantages is a sure sign of delusion and lack of maturity.

iandanforth 14y ago

I'm constantly amazed at the human mind's inability to measure happiness on an absolute scale, and societies inability to acknowledge that this is normal. I know that I'm well off. I know I'm incredibly lucky to be working on exactly what I want. I know what I'm working on matters and will have a huge impact on the world eventually. And yet, the uncertainty of success (or at least its timing), and the inexplicable daily feeling of unworthiness/ineptitude combine to put stupid mental roadblocks in my path. While unsurprising, it saddens me that an investor would pull away from a founder because they found out he was human. Silicon valley's greatest strength is accepting and embracing failure, I hope that strength will begin to extend to embracing the humanity of founders. If you expect founders to be perfect models of confidence, skill, willpower and brilliance, you will be lied to and eventually disappointed. It strikes me as part of our culture's maturation process that we begin breaking down these myths and replacing them with understanding, compassion, and realistic expectations.

drusenko 14y ago
I too think quite a bit about our ability to readjust expectations and inability to measure happiness on an absolute scale. I've come to the conclusion that it just might be our greatest strength. Without it, we'd still be living in huts and hunting prey, because on an absolute basis that is way better than sleeping under a tree in the cold. It's the thing that lets a child enjoy watching a lion at the zoo, behind glass, angrily advancing and pawing at them. It's the thing that makes a billionaire keep working hard at the next big thing, despite them having enough money to not care. Our inability to be perfectly happy and content with our situation, in an oddly confusing way, is what makes us so great, what makes us continue to strive to make things better, and get out of bed every morning to continue advancing humanity.
- neilk 14y ago
  You're right but it's not as benign as you suggest. Our genes are stupid. They don't care if you are happy or not, as long as you are potentially reproductively successful. They are so stupid they can't even tell the difference between drug-based euphoria, or other addictions, and genuine success. And our genes don't even care if the entire ecosystem collapses underneath us, because the whole species is acting the same way. Sometimes this restlessness does "advance humanity", but that's not inherent in what our genes want. It's only because we have carefully set up institutions and practices such that the best way to compete is to serve other people. But, barring the discovery of some infinite source of non-polluting energy and materials, at some point - either tomorrow or in a thousand years - this restlessness will have to be tamed. In short, there are limits. And for individuals, those limits are much nearer, and the benefits of controlling your desires are as well.

Cherian 14y ago

When I came to the Valley to raise funds for my first startup I called up Bubs connecting from a TechCrunch article he wrote [1]. Not only did he spend time with me through calls from Hawaii, he introed me to others from YC who went on to have significant impact in influence, connections and capital for my startup. Bubs taught me an important lesson. A lending hand to a fellow entrepreneur can take you a long way. I am sure all of us entrepreneurs can relate to this article very deeply. Thank you. http://techcrunch.com/2012/05/28/the-art-of-raising-seed-youre-either-hot-or-you-make-your-own-heat/ http://techcrunch.com/2012/05/28/the-art-of-raising-seed-you...

timtamboy63 14y ago

I saw his talk, and honestly Bubs, you were inspirational. Keep up the awesome work

jazzychad 14y ago

Thank you for writing openly about these issues, Bubs. You really hit the nail on the head about not being able to have honest conversations with people, especially in SF. Since I moved here, I have met hundreds of people and interact closely with dozens... but I only count one person as a true friend in whom I can confide my personal struggles. Having to maintain a never-ending facade of success and happiness really is draining. Sometimes I wonder for what gain am I paying this price?

coffeemug 14y ago
Having to maintain a never-ending facade of success and happiness really is draining. Learning to be able to confidently say "I'm very concerned our company might die if we don't do X by Y because of Z" was one of the hardest and the most rewarding things I learned how to do. I found that skillfully expressing my real feelings leads to much better results than not expressing them at all. If you pay careful attention to how politicians speak, they often utter phrases like "I'm very concerned about..." It sounds odd at first, almost fake, but when done genuinely it can be a source of great strength. You don't need to fake things in a time of crisis. You can share your darkest fears with people while maintaining a confident demeanor, and it does wonders for how people perceive you. Of course this is harder to do than to say. I'm still learning, but a while ago I resolved not to hide my feelings from people anymore.
- PebblesRox 14y ago
  I've had a mentor point out the difference between processing the hard stuff that's going on and sharing it. She was saying that it's important to have peers that you can process things with, and once you start to have it figured out, you'll be able to share it more broadly with people you're leading and so on. You'll still be honest with them, but you're not falling apart or dropping this big thing on them that they can't handle. And I suppose you can process things on your own, but it's much better to have people you can trust to help you with that.
mindcrime 14y ago
but I only count one person as a true friend in whom I can confide my personal struggles. For me, I wouldn't even share my struggles with my best friend. It's hard to explain exactly why that is, but I don't think I could do it. Some things it would be easier to tell a random stranger at a bar... maybe because they don't have any expectations of you, and you don't have to worry about a feeling of letting them down, or disappointing them or whatever. Having to maintain a never-ending facade of success and happiness really is draining. No doubt.

mindcrime 14y ago

Good stuff. It hits a little close to home, but one thing stands out: the bit about how you fear showing any weakness or self-doubt, because of the impact it might have on others. I would be very reluctant to share some of my own internal fears and self-doubt with anybody. Some of it is pragmatic (what if that person relays it to an investor), some of it is ego, some of it is, well, who knows?

javajosh 14y ago
Doubt is an odd duck because it can become genuinely self-justifying. I know of few other mental qualities that can claim that. If you doubt yourself, then, at the very least, you have the problem of doubting yourself, which is an actual, legitimate problem! Boom: you've just created a real problem out of thin air! In truth, there is no place for self-doubt. It shows a lack of trust in your past-self and the decisions he made. You made the best decision that you could. (There is an exception, of course. If you made a decision when under the sway of some passing, mental evil: arrogance, greed, malice, hatred, then you might want to revisit the decision.) The vast majority of mistakes do not come from some personal lack. They come from bad luck. Which is why individuals, as much as investors, need to diversify. Create more than one path to success. (This is such good advice, maybe one day I'll take it! :)

hakaaaaak 14y ago

This is the important part to read: "While I was in Thailand I got a dotted line tattooed across my wrist as a reminder of all those who didn't get another day, who all would I'm sure do anything to have just a little more time. I got the cut here line tattooed on my wrist to remind myself that if I ever don't fully appreciate the opportunity that I have and the life ahead of me, then I don't deserve it and it can easily be taken away. To me it's a very positive reminder, with a dark but real truth behind it."

jongraehl 14y ago

Excessive risk (loss) aversion saps some of the enjoyment of having probably (but not certainly) sufficient wealth. 1% problems, I guess.

stuckineurope 14y ago

I'm not sure if @Bubs will ever read this, but I found this was a deeply interesting article, that hits close to home. If you are reading this - thank you. There is so much to say on this subject, from various perspectives. Me, I'm stuck in Europe (offers-a-plenty, no chance for a visa). I am a founder of a start-up here, and I cannot complain about how it currently runs - but the things I've been through to get here ... A lot about the start-up culture is simply different here in Europe - so maybe I am a little out of place among you. But what I believe is largely the same is the pressure, the stress, and the pretending. There are but few people who really understand what you are going through. "Why don't you just quit and get a (real) job ?" - if I had to raise a finger for how often I've gotten this response in dark times, I would be several hands short. I believe there may be a need for some sort of chatter group for this. Maybe a tad unconventional, perhaps with a respected gate-keeper (like @Bubs) to check on people before they are let in (prevent moles), but once inside, everybody is anonymous to everybody else, and all conversation is group-private. You could be Mr Brown, I could be Mr Black - as long as I'm not Mr Pink. Perhaps it could have prevented what happened to those two founders mentioned in the article. I would be interested to join it, both for giving as well as receiving support. The good just writing something that the people who read it would actually understand could do. Take this post for example - http://pastebin.com/BgxFCTEC http://pastebin.com/BgxFCTEC . I wonder if whomever wrote it read this response: http://swombat.com/2013/2/21/truth-failing-startup http://swombat.com/2013/2/21/truth-failing-startup and maybe felt better or even changed his view, or never saw any of the response and is sitting at his desk staring at the wall, wondering why (or if) he's still here.

dariusmonsef 14y ago
Yup. I read it. Thanks for sharing. I'm not sure how well a big group would work. If its bit an intimate close group of people, it wouldn't be easy to open up and share. This is why I think it's important to have a small group of founder friends to confide in.
dodyg 14y ago
I started my company in 2003 with one partner thanks to Visa and AMEX. In 2006 we got bigger and reached to about 40 people working in 4 different countries. The financial crisis of 2008 brought us down (by accelerating the damages of our mistakes) and by December we went down to just 10. It was the most depressing Summer and Winter I've had. In 2009 I worked for bouts of 50 - 60 straight days trying clear up the unfinished commitments we had with our clients and almost burned me up in the process but we got through. Things went upward trajectory until early 2011 where the country I am located went through a revolution. Our local customers suddenly couldn't pay on time and we have had majority of our pending new contracts cancelled. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up around the same time and suddenly I stared back at the abyss that I thought I have left behind 2008. It's been two years since that time and things have gone incrementally worse. It's a drip by drip bloodletting. These cycles of advances and failures are exhausting. I was supposed to get better at this "be responsible of other people's payroll and livelihood" thing after ten years but I am not. I still try though - every single day - inch by single fucking inch. I don't know whether this is grit or just denials. It's a close call.

jianshen 14y ago

Thanks for sharing this. I can't help but see parallels here to Hollywood and the struggling actor. "Things are great! I've been in a few indies you probably haven't seen..." I hope in time, with more stories like this, the mainstream will better understand the more human side of an overly romanticized place.

InfinityX0 14y ago

The only thing I find disheartening here is his discussion of how he lost funding because he told his friend they were struggling and had no idea what they were doing. This implies to me that they were not being transparent with the investor, and in essence were on the verge of "stealing" the investor's money because of it, because his aim was essentially to sell the investor on a thriving business that was in fact not there. An investor should get a real and full analysis of the business, with accurate numbers, so it should not have come as a surprise or a fallout if someone said they "were struggling", because simply, their numbers and growth should have shown otherwise if they were actually worthy of investment, and no conversation should have been able to sway that. You should never fear a transparent conversation with others getting back to important parties as long as you really have nothing to hide.

dariusmonsef 14y ago
Still building the same company, so we weren't conning any investors. And we weren't doing poorly back then... Just going through some challenges. Site load bringing down servers, hiring, etc. rarely can an investor take the time to really know every possible deal and founder in the seed stage. They're looking at a volume of deals and need to be able to take thin slices of founders to make decisions. And again, the point of my post is to say... Yes, we're not fully transparent with people because everybody else isn't. We're to blame first for the lack of transparency. I'm making an effort to change this.

blufox 14y ago

Great Read, Thank you.

mindcrime 14y ago

It's a bit silly, but when I feel depressed or down, this is always good for perking me up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA

slashedzero 14y ago

Excellent post! The one thing I have to wonder is if there are those out there who can really separate themselves from their company's business. I like to think of James Altucher's advice that you will be most happy when there are the fewest amount of people in your life who have the ability to create negative influences. In this case, having that investor mean so much to you that it has a severely negative outcome on your emotional well being is not worth it. I've come to realize that less stress is definitely worth more than extra income, in the long run.

thestartupguy 14y ago

Thank you Bubs. The work your doing is so important and needed by our community. I've just finished Seth Godin's 'The Icarus Deception' and your post truly resembles art.

xijuan 14y ago

It is a very inspiring story! I think everyone can relate to it to some extent because everyone has down times. It saddens me very much that we live in such a society that stigmatizes depression and suicide this much. I have only realized how bad the stigmatization is until recently due to things that happened in my personal life. This article also made me want to write out my own story and share it online. Maybe one day I will do that.

ardit33 14y ago

This is not just for startup founders. As an employee of a startup you are going to go through major roller-coasters as well. Having very close friends to talk to, and that understand your problems (they might work on similar spaces as well), is crucial. Your parents, your family might not be much help on these cases, as they wont understand or be able to give you good advice. I have 3 friends that are very close to me, and they know every detail of my life (and so do I of theirs), good or bad. When I do need advice, or they do, we can rely on each other to get some feedback on any thing. But I trust them and I know they will have my back, and they wont divulge my personal details. People that don't form these type of friendships are missing out. It makes the roller-coaster so much easier, and especially when going through life changing moments (job changed, marriage, breakups, etc). I might have to add though that I suspect the startup community is full of people that are partially inside the bi-polar spectrum. Sometimes it takes a bit of a mania to start something new or crazy, but that euphoric high is always followed by a depressing low. Adding the uncertain nature of the startups, the emotional rollacoster becomes even more crazy and magnified. .... .... Addition: The arm-chair psychologist in me says the author might have had BPD symptoms, (borderline) during his childhood: "I cried in private, hoping that my cries might just be loud enough for somebody to hear. I hit myself, to create physical pain that might distract from the emotional."

dariusmonsef 14y ago
Arm-chair patient: Maybe. I've only seen a therapist as a kid, but as far as I know, through the rest of my adult life I haven't had any bipolar tendencies. But honestly I'm not that informed on BPD. So if I am somewhere on that spectrum, I'm not living pretty happily there.
doktrin 14y ago
> This is not just for startup founders. The OP resonated quite strongly with me, and I am neither a founder nor (currently) an employee of a startup. IMO, the struggle that is described here is inherently universal. It's shared by anyone who has to maintain a facade of success while facing intense insecurity (often financial). Likewise, the emotions described will ring very familiar to anyone who suffers or has suffered with depression - regardless of triggers. > My personal bank account & business accounts both overdrawn, tens of thousands of dollars in debt to family members and my credit cards maxed out or closed. I've had no cash in my pocket and a dwindling supply of food in the cabinet. On a smaller monetary scale, that is in fact me at this very moment. Last week I was de-facto homeless (living in a $10/day rental car). I don't want to wax poetic about my mental state at the time, but it bordered on the worst. I was eventually able to swallow my pride and confided in some close friends and family that I was tapped out financially, physically drained and psychologically in quite a dark place. Knowing, viscerally, that I have a support network that is in the know about my situation and willing to back me up was very powerful. If / when I move past this particular time in my life, I know that I most likely could not have done it without them. I think I used to view that as a sign of weakness and dependence. Perhaps it is, but that's not really something that concerns me any more.

gavanwoolery 14y ago

My range of wealth has been somewhere between -30k to 60k in the bank. That might not seem like a big range but I can tell you it is worlds of difference in terms of lifestyle. I once made $30,000 in the stock market, in one hour after the bell rang. Thinking it would keep rising, I went back to bed (rookie mistake!). I woke up to to find my gains negated, and my losses at around $15k. Over the past two years I have battled debt, debt that would have been nonexistent if I had just pressed the sell button. I am thankful for this, very very thankful. I used to be, for lack of better words, a prick (still am, to a lesser degree!). I would spend money on trivial things. Now I know much better the value of a dollar, and have a least a little bit more perspective on the struggle that many people face ($30k in debt might seem trivial, but I paid as much as others with $200k of student loans due to high interest rates). As of today, I am almost debt free. Startup culture really saddens me, not because of the chase for wealth - there is nothing bad about that. It saddens me because young people get rich really quickly, many times straight out of college or earlier. They never know what it is like to carry debt. They get rich, and they have no perspective. Elitism is not at all uncommon, subconscious or not, and it has nothing to do with how liberal you are, what charities you donate to, etc. Obviously, I do not look down on these people, I just wish they could experience legitimate hardship for their own benefit.

flatline 14y ago
What a beautiful sentiment. Until I was in my early 30s, I was generally contemptuous of those who were struggling with weight issues, with physical or psychological pain, or with fear of death. I didn't mean to be so arrogant, and was generally not aware that I was at the time. I was not unsympathetic, exactly, I just didn't have enough personal context to grok others' internal state. I was young and healthy and financially comfortable, and with no one else to care for. It would indeed be sad to have continued throughout my life without seeing a bit deeper into the suffering of others. It would be sad to continue from this point without similar opportunities, though I think that once you have taken a first hard look, you can keep looking deeper without having to repeat old mistakes.

leoh 14y ago

I thought some aspects of this were interesting, but the emphasis on money felt tacky. Money is a motivator, but it is not an end to itself. The author appears to support this notion, but sets an arbitrarily high net worth of 5*10^6 and talks about how miserable it was to be "successful." I don't know. To me, all this money is a big problem in the valley. On the one hand, it's great, because there is a lot of extra money around for cool things to get done. On the other hand, there are people that are just around for the money and it feels tasteless and I have personally found it very unpleasant to work with people who hav ambition for money and the prestige. And there are a lot of people like that right now. Maybe I have been blessed to have grown up around some exceptionally succesful, but humble people. Just my 2 cents, though.

dariusmonsef 14y ago
Sorry for the confusion. I wasn't trying to say "successful" was miserable, but that often people who are successful are so focused on the next level of success that they don't enjoy the one their at. And I agree with your point, money isn't everything. I guess I didn't phrase it well enough, but I grew up around wealth and that has provided me the perspective to know that it isn't everything. But money is powerful, and I hope lots of people who want to make the world better acquire that power.
- leoh 14y ago
  I understand. You were open and your other blog posts see to show a true interest in technology. Thank you for your reply. I did not know you were active here. Hope you had a great weekend :-).

j45 14y ago

There are some people who can't learn from the rattlesnake biting the other person first. This article is not for them.

ilaksh 14y ago

> The truth is EVERYBODY is struggling. Bullshit. I probably won't be able to pay rent unless my client pays my invoice next week. And that isn't very unusual. I'm not about to kill myself, because I am used to the constant stress and poor health and barely getting by, but the point is, a lot of that post was just bragging, and financial security DOES matter. I honestly don't feel sorry for rich people who want to kill themselves.

panique 14y ago
Totally agree! I get angry when people who have an iphone, a macbook and an it job are worried about their startup company and talk about being broke or suicide. Guys, you have never seen real life! I'm living in one of the richest countries in the world, but i know poverty, hunger, being homeless, without parents, without a bank card and without health insurance and without any perspective, any jobs or even university degree. Did I mention i was very good at school, but never finished because of having to work for food ? Business Gentlemen, you should not judge life by money! I think the general aim in life is to have food, health, a home, friends, sex, doing something useful and having a future. People in rich countries usually have all these things without even doing anything for it, so they cry about bad loans, bad jobs and bad internet connection. Guys, every day 150.000 people are dying on the planet, most of them due to hunger. So open your head and realize how good your life is.

saumil07 14y ago

So, so so damn good.

Harj 14y ago

I find that keeping a journal helps tremendously when I'm feeling low or find myself dwelling on negative thoughts. I believe it's because you can get away with fuzzy thinking when your thoughts are only in your head. Once you put them on paper you're forced to refine them and any distortion or irrationality in them becomes more apparent.

thomaspun 14y ago

Thanks, Bubs. I felt better reading your post already. You are one of the founders I admire, especially on how you are able to balance between startups and family.

dariusmonsef 14y ago
Thanks Thomas. I appreciate it.

warmwaffles 14y ago

Very powerful post. I thought I was going down in flames recently but only realized that it could be so much worse and that it does get better with time. Thanks bub

cpsales 14y ago

This game is fucking cruel. I'm in the middle of raising a large seed round for my startup. We were ramping up the product like crazy and my co-founder left the day the term sheets were coming in. I somehow managed to turn it around and not lose interest from the investors, but fund raising has been taking all my time. The product is suffering BIG TIME because he left. I'm completely overwhelmed with user tickets, fixing the site and due diligence. I work over 100 hours/weekm literally. I don't know how I'll get through this as I'm on the verge of burning out, quitting and moving to Africa for 10 years. We haven't even started and I'm already a mess. Even if we raise that dough, hiring is so hard that I don't see the end to this. I just went to the liquor store and bought myself a 40 of Southern Comfort. It's been helping. Back to working and drinking. EDIT: this is a throwaway account. I have over 1000 karma.

alexandroid 14y ago

I would add that a big cultural difference in US from, say, Ukraine is that people avoid talking about money as a plaque. As if it is a bad shameful subject. I do not know where it comes from - pride, competitiveness, avoiding jealousy, lack of confidence or extrapolating work policies into personal life. I think people lose a lot because of this. First, they do not let share their struggles with each other. Where I came from people used to complain and exaggerate about their money problems, but nevertheless they share. Without sharing, there is less emotional and practical support from friends and family. Secondly, without talking about money there is less chance to learn and cooperate for successes. If my friend wants to do X and never mentions to me that, I have no chance of telling him what I know about it from my experience or from my other friends experience.