6 ms·

Why would my "sexuality" be a topic for anyone other than those close to me? If my wife and I like to dress up as robotic ninjas in order to get satisfaction,

by fallous 14y ago

Why would my "sexuality" be a topic for anyone other than those close to me? If my wife and I like to dress up as robotic ninjas in order to get satisfaction, well then that's between my wife and I despite how "out of mainstream" it is and is no business of anyone else. I tire of the "acceptance" desire of so many people in so many areas of their lives. Tolerance != acceptance, it merely means that someone can tolerate an alternative without resorting to an attempt to suppress it. I don't have to accept the choice of people to paint their cars in zebra stripes, but I don't reach for an orbital sander and remove the paint because I can at least tolerate such a choice.

elemenohpee 14y ago
If you read the blog post, you would see that it's much harder to avoid than a "robotic ninja fetish". Simple small talk can often lead to it being brought up, and it's counterproductive to the goal of an inclusive society to expect him to lie about it.
jpxxx 14y ago
Your sexuality doesn't come in air-quotes, and you're teetering dangerously close to the word "choice" in a topic where no such thing exists. Your sexuality informs and alters 100% of your life.
- ams6110 14y ago
  Your sexuality informs and alters 100% of your life. No it doesn't. And choice exists in almost everything.
  - jpxxx 14y ago
    Hrm, let's perform an in situ experiment! Right now, get on the horn with the people in your world and announce that you're actually gay/straight, whichever is different than currently. Then live accordingly for a few years so we can see what changes! The stakes: one upvote.
    - TheAmazingIdiot 14y ago
      I'm bisexual.. So the opposite is bisexual? I'm fine with that. Can I have my upvote?
      - jpxxx 14y ago
        Well played! Yes. :)
      - faul_sname 14y ago
        I believe the "opposite," or at least the closest thing, would be asexual.
  - elemenohpee 14y ago
    Too bad you chose to be ignorant :/ The scientific evidence is not on your side, if you're interested in that sort of thing.
    - Dylan16807 14y ago
      Too bad you chose to misread the comment :/ The choice is in your actions, not your feelings.
      - elemenohpee 14y ago
        So you think gay people shouldn't act on their feelings?
        Dylan16807 14y ago
        I think gay people have control over their emotions just like everyone else and it doesn't automatically impact 100% of their lives.
    - cup 14y ago
      Actually I would argue that the scientific evidence is highly controversial, incredibly ambiguous and in need of serious and systematic review.
mtrimpe 14y ago
We're talking about sexuality in the sense of the physical sex of your partner; not your fetishes. Unfortunately that's a difficult topic to avoid since we can hardly start referring to our partners as 'it' when the topic comes up. Choosing to answer vaguely and switch the topic is the easiest way for gay people to get out of these issues, but it is also how you end up staying in the closet to a lot of people. This article talks about choosing, in those situations, to not closet yourself and let the conversation flow as though the sex of your partner were a normal thing, knowing full well that it isn't for many people.
drivebyacct2 14y ago
Because the cab driver isn't going to say "Oh, you have kids? I bet you hate dressing up as robotic ninjas" forcing you to have to correct them and explain that, no, you don't fit his presumptions. It's not the cab drivers fault necessarily, people are socialized to expect that other people are straight, often because many people hide it. Hence the circle. By pointing out that I'm gay, when NO ONE (literally, I mean no one, most people don't believe me) expects it, I break that assumption and cause that person to second guess that assumption in the future.
lilsunnybee 14y ago
Are you seriously trying to compare same-sex relationships to having sexual fetishes? Your fetishes will never come up in any sort of everyday conversation, and no one has ever been discriminated against for their sexual kinks. Asking someone to be private about who they're partners with is very discriminatory. It's not required of opposite-sex couples. And very simple freedoms you might take for granted, like holding your partners hand in public, or engaging in simple discussions, can be a battle sometimes. Compare to mixed race relationships in US history and the present day. It's no more fair and civilized to suggest a 'don't ask don't tell' on same-sex partners than any other type of partnership. And comparing same sex attraction to a sexual fetish is frankly insulting.
- fallous 14y ago
  Actually, "fetishes" would most assuredly come up in the same kinds of meaningless conversations in everyday life. "Oh, it's your anniversary? So you're going to go out for a nice romantic meal?" The assumption being that's what "normal" people do for such occasions. I do not feel compelled to correct their mistaken assumption simply because it's none of their damned business unless I decide they are important in my life. You misunderstand the idea of "it's no one else's business" with "you must be silent!" Holding your partner's hand in public is already publicly declaring the very thing that would alter the direction of a conversation regarding the sex of your significant other, which has no bearing on the original post or my response. This is about feeling the need to actively correct the incorrect assumptions of people who have no meaningful value to you and your partner's life. As for suggesting DADT, well when I suggest such a thing feel free to argue against it.

by fallous 14y ago

elemenohpee 14y ago

If you read the blog post, you would see that it's much harder to avoid than a "robotic ninja fetish". Simple small talk can often lead to it being brought up, and it's counterproductive to the goal of an inclusive society to expect him to lie about it.

jpxxx 14y ago

Your sexuality doesn't come in air-quotes, and you're teetering dangerously close to the word "choice" in a topic where no such thing exists. Your sexuality informs and alters 100% of your life.

ams6110 14y ago
Your sexuality informs and alters 100% of your life. No it doesn't. And choice exists in almost everything.
- jpxxx 14y ago
  Hrm, let's perform an in situ experiment! Right now, get on the horn with the people in your world and announce that you're actually gay/straight, whichever is different than currently. Then live accordingly for a few years so we can see what changes! The stakes: one upvote.
  - TheAmazingIdiot 14y ago
    I'm bisexual.. So the opposite is bisexual? I'm fine with that. Can I have my upvote?
    - jpxxx 14y ago
      Well played! Yes. :)
    - faul_sname 14y ago
      I believe the "opposite," or at least the closest thing, would be asexual.
- elemenohpee 14y ago
  Too bad you chose to be ignorant :/ The scientific evidence is not on your side, if you're interested in that sort of thing.
  - Dylan16807 14y ago
    Too bad you chose to misread the comment :/ The choice is in your actions, not your feelings.
    - elemenohpee 14y ago
      So you think gay people shouldn't act on their feelings?
      - Dylan16807 14y ago
        I think gay people have control over their emotions just like everyone else and it doesn't automatically impact 100% of their lives.
  - cup 14y ago
    Actually I would argue that the scientific evidence is highly controversial, incredibly ambiguous and in need of serious and systematic review.

mtrimpe 14y ago

We're talking about sexuality in the sense of the physical sex of your partner; not your fetishes. Unfortunately that's a difficult topic to avoid since we can hardly start referring to our partners as 'it' when the topic comes up. Choosing to answer vaguely and switch the topic is the easiest way for gay people to get out of these issues, but it is also how you end up staying in the closet to a lot of people. This article talks about choosing, in those situations, to not closet yourself and let the conversation flow as though the sex of your partner were a normal thing, knowing full well that it isn't for many people.

drivebyacct2 14y ago

Because the cab driver isn't going to say "Oh, you have kids? I bet you hate dressing up as robotic ninjas" forcing you to have to correct them and explain that, no, you don't fit his presumptions. It's not the cab drivers fault necessarily, people are socialized to expect that other people are straight, often because many people hide it. Hence the circle. By pointing out that I'm gay, when NO ONE (literally, I mean no one, most people don't believe me) expects it, I break that assumption and cause that person to second guess that assumption in the future.

lilsunnybee 14y ago

Are you seriously trying to compare same-sex relationships to having sexual fetishes? Your fetishes will never come up in any sort of everyday conversation, and no one has ever been discriminated against for their sexual kinks. Asking someone to be private about who they're partners with is very discriminatory. It's not required of opposite-sex couples. And very simple freedoms you might take for granted, like holding your partners hand in public, or engaging in simple discussions, can be a battle sometimes. Compare to mixed race relationships in US history and the present day. It's no more fair and civilized to suggest a 'don't ask don't tell' on same-sex partners than any other type of partnership. And comparing same sex attraction to a sexual fetish is frankly insulting.

fallous 14y ago
Actually, "fetishes" would most assuredly come up in the same kinds of meaningless conversations in everyday life. "Oh, it's your anniversary? So you're going to go out for a nice romantic meal?" The assumption being that's what "normal" people do for such occasions. I do not feel compelled to correct their mistaken assumption simply because it's none of their damned business unless I decide they are important in my life. You misunderstand the idea of "it's no one else's business" with "you must be silent!" Holding your partner's hand in public is already publicly declaring the very thing that would alter the direction of a conversation regarding the sex of your significant other, which has no bearing on the original post or my response. This is about feeling the need to actively correct the incorrect assumptions of people who have no meaningful value to you and your partner's life. As for suggesting DADT, well when I suggest such a thing feel free to argue against it.