7 ms·
In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay
by michaelfeathers 14y ago
In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay or straight.
I don't know how common that is, or how it got started. I wonder whether it will ever catch on in the US?
- ionfish 14y agoIt's pretty common in the UK these days.
- thisone 14y agoSome people still give you weird glances and awkward pauses when you use it though. In situations where it doesn't matter (and that's most of them) I've stopped correcting people who assume we're married and I've taken my partner's surname. It actually makes things easier. If they assume you're married, they generally have no problem talking to you about whatever they called to talk to your partner about. When they find out you're not married, sometimes suddenly you can't be trusted.
- agilebyte 14y agoBut then it reinforces the belief there there aren't other options. Or rather, it does not show alternatives as more normal than one would assume. I guess that was the point of the article.
- thisone 14y agoI can understand that, but I also don't like having to fight with a company rep because suddenly I'm not good enough to talk to. If they want to assume I'm Mrs so-so, rather than Ms so, partner of Mr so-so, and that gets me better service, then I don't correct them. If they ask directly, for whatever reason, I don't lie.
- gadders 14y agoIt's common, but daft. It makes every relationship sound like a firm of solicitors. I don't see what's wrong with wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.
- AndrewDucker 14y agoMany people over the age of, say, 30, feel weird about using the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", because they feel that it implies a young person.
- gadders 14y agoI had a fabulous middle-class friend once who would refer to his Mum's boyfriend as "My mother's lover". Let's bring "lover" back. Failing that "Other Half" or "Baby Mums".
- jiggy2011 14y agoI always thought "lover" meant the person one was having an affair with.
- pyre 14y agoI've always thought that lover implied sex ('lover' describing that they 'make love'), which is not a given in all relationships.
- jiggy2011 14y agoIt would probably be unusual (and super depressing) to have a sexless affair. I have also heard the term used in place of "fuck buddy" though.
- pyre 14y agoI meant to imply that "lover" was defined as "someone you have sex with," not "someone you are having an affair with." It's just used in the context of an affair because your partner in the affair is someone you have sex with.
- mmahemoff 14y agoThe bad thing is when people say "my partner" now, I think they might mean their bf/gf even when they mean business partner. I guess it got started in non-gay context because it's awkward to describe someone of a certain age as a boy or girl.
- ry0ohki 14y agoHah yes, that's why I started switching to saying "Co-Founder", most non business people assuming you are a couple when you are two guys (or even a girl and a guy) and introduce the other as your partner.
- carlob 14y agoUnfortunately not all languages give you that level of neutrality: in romance languages the word partner has a gender attached to it. I guess we'd have to use some sort of periphrasis, which is not very common raising a red flag anyway.
- theorique 14y agoPartner is annoying in a romantic context. It's ambiguous forces a person to ask (internally if nothing else "business or romantic?") Boyfriend or girlfriend work just fine. Husband or wife if you're that serious.
- cgh 14y agoSo a woman in her 50s is supposed to refer to her equally old significant other as her "boyfriend"? Seems odd to me. "Partner" seems more dignified and has a connotation of "in it for life".
- theorique 14y agoI prefer it. YMMV. She could also use "lover", and creep out the young people who don't want to think about older people as sexual beings...
- pavel_lishin 14y agoI prefer "significant other" if the relationship (with any combination of genders and genitals) is more serious than "boyfriend/girlfriend" but not to the level of "husband/wife".