4 ms·

we wake up at 7, prep the kids to school, they walk there alone then, we have coffee together, then I drive to the office by usually 9:30. have a proper lunch b

we wake up at 7, prep the kids to school, they walk there alone then, we have coffee together, then I drive to the office by usually 9:30. have a proper lunch break with colleagues, then in the office until 6pm or so, then drive home, have dinner, put the kids in bed by 8, then we can watch a movie/do hobbies/etc. while I work, my wife can do the shopping and take care of other household chores if needed.

bakies 2mo ago
No one my age can afford a stay at home wife
- firesteelrain 2mo ago
  How old are you? Wife has been stay at home mom since 2006. And that was when I made $40k/yr.
  - bakies 2mo ago
    30
    - firesteelrain 2mo ago
      Everyone’s situation is different. It can be done.
      - bakies 2mo ago
        Yeah...
    - vel0city 2mo ago
      I've known many families around that age (+/- 5 years) with a stay at home spouse taking care of multiple kids. It really shapes their lifestyle in a lot of ways (smaller/older house, rarely eat out, rarely big family vacations, clothes/toys often from secondhand consignment stores, fewer/cheaper vehicles, etc.), but that's what's important to them so that's how they've set their priorities. Most didn't come from extremely wealthy backgrounds so its not necessarily like other wealthy people are propping them up, although a few are like that. It may very well be impossible in certain markets but I wouldn't say its true across every family with the parents being around 30 years old.
      - bakies 2mo ago
        That's mostly speaking personal anecdote and live in a wealthy area. So that drives the point
        vel0city 2mo ago
        > live in a wealthy area Its an "easier" thing to do (not claiming its an easy thing) when you're not living in a very wealthy area. Far easier to own a home when home prices are $200k not $2M. Groceries are often cheaper in less expensive areas. The few times you do decide to eat out the restaurants are also usually cheaper in the cheaper parts of town. There's more demand for good second-hand stores so they tend to thrive more in those areas. Very rich people often vote against public transit and bike lanes, at least in many parts of the country. If you're trying to do it on a normal-ish kind of salary in an expensive place to live, its no wonder it seems impossible. > personal anecdote Anecdotes can refute an absolute claim like "no one my age can afford a stay at home wife". If you claim all screwdrivers are blue and I point to a red screwdriver in my tool drawer you can't just wave it away and say that's an anecdote. In reality, more millennials are opting for a single working parent lifestyle than Gen X did, largely due to extreme childcare costs. When the cost for childcare is essentially eating a whole normal person's salary, there's a strong question of why have that parent go to wage-earning job. https://policycommons.net/artifacts/617147/stay-at-home-moms-and-dads-account-for-about-one-in-five-us/1597915/ https://policycommons.net/artifacts/617147/stay-at-home-moms...
      - nonameiguess 2mo ago
        This discussion gets me every single time. All three of my younger sisters are stay at home moms and their husbands make less than I do, and they have kids, whereas I don't. Until you're at least a deca-millionaire, no amount of money will ever feel like enough and you'll be stressed, or at least I will be, and I'm sure my sisters are, but the material differences in our day to day lives are nil. Their houses are smaller and they live in the middle of nowhere, whereas I live downtown in a major metro, but I also barely leave the house, so what difference does it make? Everybody who thinks they absolutely cannot do it needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask how it is that 7 billion or so other people manage it with even less. It's nice not ever worrying about bills or paying much attention to what anything costs, but it's not that nice. I'm not actually any happier now than when I was living with four guys in a two bed apartment in the slums of Long Beach.
    - _zoltan_ 2mo ago
      my wife was stay at home when I was 30. doesn't change a thing. I earned much less then, and we had a different lifestyle (and less kids :-))
      - bakies 2mo ago
        Sounds like a lot was different and those things cause change
- Aurornis 2mo ago
  Most of the stay at home spouses I know come from lower middle class households and they’ve made their lifestyle, living location, and other spending decisions fit their desired work arrangement. Even many of the construction contractors I’ve talked to recently (which is a decent number due to some remodel work) have stay at home wives. What most people can’t afford is to maintain their desired lifestyle and only have one parent working. It’s similar to how people earning 3-4X the median wages for an area will think they’re barely getting by, while someone earning 1/4 of what they do is raising a family with two kids.
  - geodel 2mo ago
    > What most people can’t afford is to maintain their desired lifestyle True, goes without saying. I see most of the time when lifestyle is not even considered making a choice but simply as "everyone does it". I might turn into most odd person in some sense among friends, colleagues, family/ relatives because I just happen to say things explicitly which makes for weird conversation. Everyone around me expects these between the lines.
- disgruntledphd2 2mo ago
  > No one my age can afford a stay at home wife If you work in tech, this is possible. It's gonna suck, and you'll feel poor relative to your peers, but it's entirely possible.
- _zoltan_ 2mo ago
  this is mostly the norm in Switzerland in my social circle for families with children - husband works in tech, mom stays home until all the kids are old that they don't need mom around so much and/or you don't need to spend a fortune on them. school launch + supervision for the 11:30 - 13:30 period is ~42 USD per day per kid, kita (pre-kindergarten) is easily ~3100 USD/month or more per kid. (I've put the numbers here in USD as most of the audience is outside of Switzerland for easier comparability), so for a lot of families, if mom works, mom's salary is spent on these costs.
krupan 2mo ago
Those aren't high school kids prepping for college that you are talking about. Just wait a few years
- _zoltan_ 2mo ago
  not so worried, to be honest. Switzerland is much more chill in live at everything

bakies 2mo ago

No one my age can afford a stay at home wife

firesteelrain 2mo ago
How old are you? Wife has been stay at home mom since 2006. And that was when I made $40k/yr.
- bakies 2mo ago
  30
  - firesteelrain 2mo ago
    Everyone’s situation is different. It can be done.
    - bakies 2mo ago
      Yeah...
  - vel0city 2mo ago
    I've known many families around that age (+/- 5 years) with a stay at home spouse taking care of multiple kids. It really shapes their lifestyle in a lot of ways (smaller/older house, rarely eat out, rarely big family vacations, clothes/toys often from secondhand consignment stores, fewer/cheaper vehicles, etc.), but that's what's important to them so that's how they've set their priorities. Most didn't come from extremely wealthy backgrounds so its not necessarily like other wealthy people are propping them up, although a few are like that. It may very well be impossible in certain markets but I wouldn't say its true across every family with the parents being around 30 years old.
    - bakies 2mo ago
      That's mostly speaking personal anecdote and live in a wealthy area. So that drives the point
      - vel0city 2mo ago
        > live in a wealthy area Its an "easier" thing to do (not claiming its an easy thing) when you're not living in a very wealthy area. Far easier to own a home when home prices are $200k not $2M. Groceries are often cheaper in less expensive areas. The few times you do decide to eat out the restaurants are also usually cheaper in the cheaper parts of town. There's more demand for good second-hand stores so they tend to thrive more in those areas. Very rich people often vote against public transit and bike lanes, at least in many parts of the country. If you're trying to do it on a normal-ish kind of salary in an expensive place to live, its no wonder it seems impossible. > personal anecdote Anecdotes can refute an absolute claim like "no one my age can afford a stay at home wife". If you claim all screwdrivers are blue and I point to a red screwdriver in my tool drawer you can't just wave it away and say that's an anecdote. In reality, more millennials are opting for a single working parent lifestyle than Gen X did, largely due to extreme childcare costs. When the cost for childcare is essentially eating a whole normal person's salary, there's a strong question of why have that parent go to wage-earning job. https://policycommons.net/artifacts/617147/stay-at-home-moms-and-dads-account-for-about-one-in-five-us/1597915/ https://policycommons.net/artifacts/617147/stay-at-home-moms...
    - nonameiguess 2mo ago
      This discussion gets me every single time. All three of my younger sisters are stay at home moms and their husbands make less than I do, and they have kids, whereas I don't. Until you're at least a deca-millionaire, no amount of money will ever feel like enough and you'll be stressed, or at least I will be, and I'm sure my sisters are, but the material differences in our day to day lives are nil. Their houses are smaller and they live in the middle of nowhere, whereas I live downtown in a major metro, but I also barely leave the house, so what difference does it make? Everybody who thinks they absolutely cannot do it needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask how it is that 7 billion or so other people manage it with even less. It's nice not ever worrying about bills or paying much attention to what anything costs, but it's not that nice. I'm not actually any happier now than when I was living with four guys in a two bed apartment in the slums of Long Beach.
  - _zoltan_ 2mo ago
    my wife was stay at home when I was 30. doesn't change a thing. I earned much less then, and we had a different lifestyle (and less kids :-))
    - bakies 2mo ago
      Sounds like a lot was different and those things cause change
Aurornis 2mo ago
Most of the stay at home spouses I know come from lower middle class households and they’ve made their lifestyle, living location, and other spending decisions fit their desired work arrangement. Even many of the construction contractors I’ve talked to recently (which is a decent number due to some remodel work) have stay at home wives. What most people can’t afford is to maintain their desired lifestyle and only have one parent working. It’s similar to how people earning 3-4X the median wages for an area will think they’re barely getting by, while someone earning 1/4 of what they do is raising a family with two kids.
- geodel 2mo ago
  > What most people can’t afford is to maintain their desired lifestyle True, goes without saying. I see most of the time when lifestyle is not even considered making a choice but simply as "everyone does it". I might turn into most odd person in some sense among friends, colleagues, family/ relatives because I just happen to say things explicitly which makes for weird conversation. Everyone around me expects these between the lines.
disgruntledphd2 2mo ago
> No one my age can afford a stay at home wife If you work in tech, this is possible. It's gonna suck, and you'll feel poor relative to your peers, but it's entirely possible.
_zoltan_ 2mo ago
this is mostly the norm in Switzerland in my social circle for families with children - husband works in tech, mom stays home until all the kids are old that they don't need mom around so much and/or you don't need to spend a fortune on them. school launch + supervision for the 11:30 - 13:30 period is ~42 USD per day per kid, kita (pre-kindergarten) is easily ~3100 USD/month or more per kid. (I've put the numbers here in USD as most of the audience is outside of Switzerland for easier comparability), so for a lot of families, if mom works, mom's salary is spent on these costs.

krupan 2mo ago

Those aren't high school kids prepping for college that you are talking about. Just wait a few years

_zoltan_ 2mo ago
not so worried, to be honest. Switzerland is much more chill in live at everything