8 ms·

So what do I do if I don't have a blog or any real friends to refer me? I don't know anyone at all here in SV and no one seems to want me anyways. On the flip

by sown 14y ago

So what do I do if I don't have a blog or any real friends to refer me? I don't know anyone at all here in SV and no one seems to want me anyways. On the flip side, I suppose that there are people that could use me but they don't know how to find consultants. The only time this has happened was when a potential employer and I didn't quite work so they let me name a price for the time I worked and they paid (rare in consultancy, I bet).

girasquid 14y ago
- Start a blog - Start going to meetups and make friends (no meetups? Organize one!)
- Jach 14y ago
  "So what if I hate people and don't want to make friends?" (You tolerate it and with civility it's easy to make acquaintances!)
  - girasquid 14y ago
    Took the words right out of my mouth. :)
  - thirdtruck 14y ago
    And no small part of that negative sentiment, at least for some of the population, seems to stem from the same "growing pains" that accompany the early steps of any skill set. Socializing can turn into an enjoyable activity over time, just like how a multiplayer game turns fun once you get past the newbie mistakes.
bmelton 14y ago
"So what do I do if I don't have a blog or any real friends to refer me? I don't know anyone at all here in SV and no one seems to want me anyways." Change that. Go to conferences. Go to meetups. Leverage whatever professional network you currently have to expand it. Start a blog. Post to it. Establish yourself as an authority on something. If you can't do the above yet (because you aren't an authority on something), become an authority. Contribute to a related open source project. Get involved in meetups that focus on the topic. Find conferences that relate to it and attend... later, speak at said conferences.
- sown 14y ago
  > Go to conferences. ... Find conferences that relate to it and attend... later, speak at said conferences. Well, I'm screwed. I can barely speak in private or deal with people. Perhaps someone else can use your advice, though.
  - scott_s 14y ago
    There was also a time you could barely walk. Even if you have social anxiety, or are somewhere on the autistic spectrum, you can still improve your social skills. Because they are skills, not traits. You can improve them through practice. It will be difficult, of course, if you have a problem such as social anxiety. But consider seeking help for that, if it is a problem. It can improve your life immensely - and not just professionally.
  - trapexit 14y ago
    Kaizen. Small improvements. Start now and don't deviate. You grow by constantly pushing yourself just barely outside of your comfort zone. No anxiety or panic needed, just a little tiny dose of discomfort. Start now, with the smallest improvement you could possibly make. Then continue to make one small improvement every day. Are you a complete shut in? Make it your goal to spend just 1 minute outside in public. If 1 minute is too much, then make it 10 seconds. Do it again tomorrow, and add just a little more time. Did you feel a bit uncomfortable? Good. If not, push yourself just a little more. Are you good with being outside? Make eye contact with one person for 1 second. Tomorrow, make eye contact with two people. Or try to hold eye contact for 2 seconds. Good with eye contact? Let's get talking. Go to the grocery store and use the human checkout line instead of the self-checkout. Then the next day, make it your goal to say one sentence to the checkout person beyond the usual pleasantries. A comment about the weather will be just fine. Once you're good with talking about the weather, ask the checker if they have big exciting plans for this evening/the weekend/Christmas/whatever. Just take action every day. ACTION. EVERY. DAY. If you feel like you're not making process fast enough, or if you slip up one day and stay firmly within your comfort zone, don't beat yourself up about it. Just get out there tomorrow and make one small improvement. Small improvements will have a huge effect on your quality of life before you even realize it. I've been there. It's possible. Start now and don't deviate.
patio11 14y ago
Get a blog and start making new business acquaintances. (Being in the Valley should not exactly have you hurting for options on that score.)
- bmelton 14y ago
  Perhaps not the most appropriate forum, but in paragraph three of the post, s/peak/peek/g.
- deleted 14y ago
  [deleted]
- sown 14y ago
  How do you make business acquaintances? I have a hard enough time leaving the house.
  - onewland 14y ago
    If you write Ruby and go to a SFRuby Meetup, you will learn quickly that even if you are looking for work it is quite annoying to say you are looking for work, as the recruiters swarm in like vultures to fresh carrion.
    - xiaoma 14y ago
      I write ruby (though I haven't done much rails yet), and went to literally dozens of SFRuby meetups. Yes, recruiters did swarm in a few times. However, it was a massive waste of time, hopes and energy since every single one of them was looking for a senior engineer. Interestingly, the last SFRuby meetup I went to at Carbon5, where we all had to introduce ourselves and what we did, about 5-7 of the twenty some people there were unemployed. I've actually had better success finding work through HN and through friends of people I've worked for before (once again no help to someone just starting out).
- pknerd 14y ago
  And what about those who not even in US and belong to a "3rd world country" where one wish to give work only because it's Cheap?
seiji 14y ago
Nobody wants a nobody. Have you tried manipulating the HN audience into thinking you're special? I can, annoyingly, name a dozen people from here who self-promote and pop up with frustrating frequency. After a while you start to think they're special even when they're just persistent. But few people are persistent with such follow through. Write stuff people want. Get it distributed widely. Repeat.
- intellegacy 14y ago
  No, dear god. We need less self-promoting manipulators here and more substantive, authentic posters.
- ahoyhere 14y ago
  It's sad that you think "writing stuff people want" is manipulative and faux.
  - okok 14y ago
    Well writing it for the sake of promoting yourself most definitely is.
    - ahoyhere 14y ago
      "Most definitely"? Why?
bdunn 14y ago
Take a listen to the podcast Patrick mentions in the P.S. Eric and I have had a lot of success in offering free seminars to local business leaders (e.g., "How to find customers online"), and use the opportunity to also create a networking mixer - centered around you, where people are talking about you and what you had to say afterward. It's one of the easiest ways to build credibility and a pool of clients (direct or sources of referrals) I've come across.
driverdan 14y ago
2 things, Twitter and meetups. There are sooooooo many free tech events in SV you can go to. Get out and go to them! I've found Twitter is a great way to meet new people in real life. There is little to no friction in following someone and replying to their posts. Often they'll be happy to interact with you through Twitter, even if they're internet famous. See what events they go to and go as well. Say hi if you see them. Invite them to lunch or for beers.

by sown 14y ago

girasquid 14y ago

- Start a blog - Start going to meetups and make friends (no meetups? Organize one!)

Jach 14y ago
"So what if I hate people and don't want to make friends?" (You tolerate it and with civility it's easy to make acquaintances!)
- girasquid 14y ago
  Took the words right out of my mouth. :)
- thirdtruck 14y ago
  And no small part of that negative sentiment, at least for some of the population, seems to stem from the same "growing pains" that accompany the early steps of any skill set. Socializing can turn into an enjoyable activity over time, just like how a multiplayer game turns fun once you get past the newbie mistakes.

bmelton 14y ago

"So what do I do if I don't have a blog or any real friends to refer me? I don't know anyone at all here in SV and no one seems to want me anyways." Change that. Go to conferences. Go to meetups. Leverage whatever professional network you currently have to expand it. Start a blog. Post to it. Establish yourself as an authority on something. If you can't do the above yet (because you aren't an authority on something), become an authority. Contribute to a related open source project. Get involved in meetups that focus on the topic. Find conferences that relate to it and attend... later, speak at said conferences.

sown 14y ago
> Go to conferences. ... Find conferences that relate to it and attend... later, speak at said conferences. Well, I'm screwed. I can barely speak in private or deal with people. Perhaps someone else can use your advice, though.
- scott_s 14y ago
  There was also a time you could barely walk. Even if you have social anxiety, or are somewhere on the autistic spectrum, you can still improve your social skills. Because they are skills, not traits. You can improve them through practice. It will be difficult, of course, if you have a problem such as social anxiety. But consider seeking help for that, if it is a problem. It can improve your life immensely - and not just professionally.
- trapexit 14y ago
  Kaizen. Small improvements. Start now and don't deviate. You grow by constantly pushing yourself just barely outside of your comfort zone. No anxiety or panic needed, just a little tiny dose of discomfort. Start now, with the smallest improvement you could possibly make. Then continue to make one small improvement every day. Are you a complete shut in? Make it your goal to spend just 1 minute outside in public. If 1 minute is too much, then make it 10 seconds. Do it again tomorrow, and add just a little more time. Did you feel a bit uncomfortable? Good. If not, push yourself just a little more. Are you good with being outside? Make eye contact with one person for 1 second. Tomorrow, make eye contact with two people. Or try to hold eye contact for 2 seconds. Good with eye contact? Let's get talking. Go to the grocery store and use the human checkout line instead of the self-checkout. Then the next day, make it your goal to say one sentence to the checkout person beyond the usual pleasantries. A comment about the weather will be just fine. Once you're good with talking about the weather, ask the checker if they have big exciting plans for this evening/the weekend/Christmas/whatever. Just take action every day. ACTION. EVERY. DAY. If you feel like you're not making process fast enough, or if you slip up one day and stay firmly within your comfort zone, don't beat yourself up about it. Just get out there tomorrow and make one small improvement. Small improvements will have a huge effect on your quality of life before you even realize it. I've been there. It's possible. Start now and don't deviate.

patio11 14y ago

Get a blog and start making new business acquaintances. (Being in the Valley should not exactly have you hurting for options on that score.)

bmelton 14y ago
Perhaps not the most appropriate forum, but in paragraph three of the post, s/peak/peek/g.
deleted 14y ago
[deleted]
sown 14y ago
How do you make business acquaintances? I have a hard enough time leaving the house.
- onewland 14y ago
  If you write Ruby and go to a SFRuby Meetup, you will learn quickly that even if you are looking for work it is quite annoying to say you are looking for work, as the recruiters swarm in like vultures to fresh carrion.
  - xiaoma 14y ago
    I write ruby (though I haven't done much rails yet), and went to literally dozens of SFRuby meetups. Yes, recruiters did swarm in a few times. However, it was a massive waste of time, hopes and energy since every single one of them was looking for a senior engineer. Interestingly, the last SFRuby meetup I went to at Carbon5, where we all had to introduce ourselves and what we did, about 5-7 of the twenty some people there were unemployed. I've actually had better success finding work through HN and through friends of people I've worked for before (once again no help to someone just starting out).
pknerd 14y ago
And what about those who not even in US and belong to a "3rd world country" where one wish to give work only because it's Cheap?

seiji 14y ago

Nobody wants a nobody. Have you tried manipulating the HN audience into thinking you're special? I can, annoyingly, name a dozen people from here who self-promote and pop up with frustrating frequency. After a while you start to think they're special even when they're just persistent. But few people are persistent with such follow through. Write stuff people want. Get it distributed widely. Repeat.

intellegacy 14y ago
No, dear god. We need less self-promoting manipulators here and more substantive, authentic posters.
ahoyhere 14y ago
It's sad that you think "writing stuff people want" is manipulative and faux.
- okok 14y ago
  Well writing it for the sake of promoting yourself most definitely is.
  - ahoyhere 14y ago
    "Most definitely"? Why?

bdunn 14y ago

Take a listen to the podcast Patrick mentions in the P.S. Eric and I have had a lot of success in offering free seminars to local business leaders (e.g., "How to find customers online"), and use the opportunity to also create a networking mixer - centered around you, where people are talking about you and what you had to say afterward. It's one of the easiest ways to build credibility and a pool of clients (direct or sources of referrals) I've come across.

driverdan 14y ago

2 things, Twitter and meetups. There are sooooooo many free tech events in SV you can go to. Get out and go to them! I've found Twitter is a great way to meet new people in real life. There is little to no friction in following someone and replying to their posts. Often they'll be happy to interact with you through Twitter, even if they're internet famous. See what events they go to and go as well. Say hi if you see them. Invite them to lunch or for beers.