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> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you e

• arcbyte 8mo ago
  > But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. This is regional within the US and obviously differs by person even then. Just remember that the people you are talking to may be the kind of people that need articles like the above to teach them how to talk to people. Their defenses go up when someone approaches them and while they are well practiced at appearing relaxed, they are not. Conversations are short because its emotionally difficult to stay in a heightened awareness state while someone is trying to pull you out of it. But you can certainly provide offramps
• vasco 8mo ago
  When I visited New York City (and the US) for the first time in like 2010 I was taken a back but how much Americans like to chat randomly so this is strange to read. I remember a random guy was chatting to me in the subway, then I got out, waiting at a crosswalk for the green, in those 15 seconds another guy starts another random conversation. In the first 2 hours of the trip I already had maybe 10 random circumstantial conversations. The whole trip I felt like if I wanted I could always be talking!
  • bspammer 8mo ago
    This was my experience too. The USA is the only country I've ever been to where random strangers will strike up a conversation with me completely out of the blue, and I've travelled quite a lot.
  • wccrawford 8mo ago
    It's both regional and depends on how you are perceived. I'm an introvert and I'm always surprised when a stranger talks to me, no matter where I am. But I make a point of always being pleasant back, no matter how I feel about it at the moment. Sometimes it's just a couple sentences, and sometimes it's more of a conversation. It'd probably be more if I was better at conversations. The only exception is if I feel the other person wants something from me, or they seem crazy or dangerous. I don't engage with those types.
  • tunapizza 8mo ago
    For people whose cultures value reserve and privacy, visiting the U.S. is a study in cross-cultural dynamics and sometimes a serious test of social boundaries. Your comment reflects that. The loudness, friendliness, warmth, and (occasional) casual intrusiveness is both a reality and a stereotype. It always reminds me of this hilarious Harry & Paul (UK) sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGc3zFOFI-s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGc3zFOFI-s
  • zukzuk 8mo ago
    NYC is very different in that regard from most anywhere else in the US. Random people tend to talk to each other. There’s a vague sense of “we’re all in this shit together”. Maybe it’s something to do with living on a cramped island, with no choice but to work together.
  • eszed 8mo ago
    Yep. I lived long enough in the UK to thoroughly absorb their social dynamic, and the chattiness of strangers was my biggest culture shock moving back to the US. (West Coast USA, for those of you who think people here rate high on the "actually reserved" social scale.) I've been back long enough (+decade) to feel comfortable again with this level of random social interaction, but my wife, who's from the US South - twenty years on the West Coast, now - still feels like folks here are socially "cold". Everyone here should note that The Guardian (I'm old enough to remember when it was The Manchester Guardian) is a UK newspaper, and adjust your understanding of its advice, or its necessity, accordingly.
• robotbikes 8mo ago
  I think a lot of it has to do with the somewhat complicated engagement protocol, if everyone assumes that nobody else wants to talk then it's easier to just keep your head down and at best nod or even avert eye contact but when someone extends a level of conversational courtesy I think people often respond in kind. My challenge is that I don't often have the impulse to break the ice but when I do and feel genuinely outgoing people tend to appreciate the chit chat even if it's just about the weather but I also have many moments of standing awkwardly in elevators silently ascending or walking down the street silently and even feeling awkward ordering food. Being able to consistently be outgoing I feel would be a net positive but I'm not sure what the trick is to just turn it on without it feeling forced.
• bsenftner 8mo ago
  A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.
  • SoftTalker 8mo ago
    That or someone running some sort of scam or asking for money. All on the same continuum I guess. I'm always on my guard when a talkative stranger approaches me. Which is sad in a way, but experience proves it's necessary.
    • erikerikson 8mo ago
      You may be shaping the samples you collect in a priors confirming manner.
    • gosub100 8mo ago
      I'm in my 42nd year of life and I've never been small talked into giving someone money. I have been accosted by pan handlers who are directly asking for money. But never under the guise of a conversation. Ok, I take it back, once in 2011.
      • astura 8mo ago
        Depends on the MLM penetration in your community, some (Amway being a big one) recruits strangers in public.
  • b40d-48b2-979e 8mo ago
    we push away chatty strangers in the United States Where? I've lived on the coasts, I live in the Midwest, that has not been my experience aside from anti-social persons.
    • 8mo ago
• MDGeist 8mo ago
  I think it depends on the part of the US. In my experience, being from the south, I am used to people engaging in small talk with strangers. However, working in the northeast I find people to be very transactional until you wear them down over an extended period of time haha.
  • coldfoundry 8mo ago
    This was also my observation after growing up in New England and then moving to Denver, Colorado. People were much more open to conversation than I was previously used to which felt like a breath of fresh air. I realized people in New England seemingly default to a “defensive” interaction mode when conversed with without a pre-shared common ground, such as a task or moment. Its quite apparent when visiting family back east.
    • caseyohara 8mo ago
      Fellow New England -> Colorado transplant. It was pleasantly shocking for me too how much chattier and friendlier people are in Colorado. But now I've lived in Colorado long enough that when I go back to visit New England, it's shocking how cold and taciturn people are there. Conversations with strangers rarely get past "How ya doin?" "Fine and you? "Fine, thanks." I do appreciate how direct people in the northeast tend to be, and sometimes miss that aspect of the culture.
      • dugmartin 8mo ago
        I grew up in small town Midwest and have now lived in tiny town New England for 20+ years. It still bothers me that folks here in New England won’t even acknowledge you on the sidewalk as you pass each other whereas in the Midwest that is a good excuse for a conversation. They haven’t worn me down though, I still say hello at least to each person as I pass and maybe get a mumble back 50% of the time.
  • morley 8mo ago
    In some cultures, you signal respecting someone's time by not bothering them. In other cultures, you signal respecting someone's time by making small-talk with them. Advice about making small talk vs. not making small talk is not really useful unless it acknowledges this cultural divide and the percentage chance a stranger falls into one culture or another.
• dudefeliciano 8mo ago
  Same, from a Latin country living in Germany and it feels like two different worlds
  • Markoff 8mo ago
    I think this applies for most of the Europe other than south, though smaller the town more talkative the people I think, in villages with nothing to do are people more likely to be curious about the stranger or just having small talk. I live in tourist Prague, pretty much never talking with someone other than when I see someone clearly struggling with directions in public transport and I see they go out of the tourist city center I just confirm whether they know it, most of the time* it's not what they intend to do. *Germans being the exemption, seems they like to do whole team line grim the end to end to see the city even when it's not touristy, for these I have recommendation of some rare above the ground subway sections
• hax0ron3 8mo ago
  For what it's worth, this has not been my experience with Americans. There are certainly things that I don't like about the average American, but I find him to be pretty gregarious.
• SequoiaHope 8mo ago
  I’m in the US in the Bay Area. Talking to strangers is not the norm but plenty of people are responsive and happy to talk if you engage them. Break the norms and see how it goes!
• brailsafe 8mo ago
  I'm Canadian and this is how I feel about the U.S, but in practice it's turned out to not be true most of time I've tried.
• IAmBroom 8mo ago
  I'm guessing you're either in a big US (northern) city, or along the eastern seaboard. In the Midwest, if someone starts up a conversation and you don't engage, YOU are the weirdo.