6 ms·

It’s a two-way street. I used to have to deal with unhinged people on the regular and one of the techniques that keep the peace and stay safe is to present an

It’s a two-way street. I used to have to deal with unhinged people on the regular and one of the techniques that keep the peace and stay safe is to present an edge that gives the vibe that you may be more unhinged. My dad used to run housing projects, and my uncle was an assistant principal at one of the most violent schools in New York City. They were like Jedi masters of presence. They had stories that were absolutely insane.

echelon_musk 9mo ago
> They had stories that were absolutely insane. Don't leave us hanging.
- johnisgood 9mo ago
  Yes, please give us some!
- Spooky23 9mo ago
  lol, Sure! Here’s one that was one of the crazier ones that I remember from my dad. There were a bunch of people complaining about smells coming from an apartment. The dude was a little out there and some sort of religious practitioner. The workers were afraid of the guy, but he hadn’t really done anything except be weird and creepy. So he ended up going up with a few folks to check it out. The dude was capturing (many) wild animals and boiling their blood. So much so that it was condensating on the ceiling. The dude opened the door and came at them with a bloody machete. He was babbling something about his mother, and I guess as it was told dad just softly said something along the lines of “Your mom sent us and she is not happy with what is happening here, and I think you know that.” I guess the guy stopped in his tracks, dropped the machete and started bawling. He was a special guy and made a point to treat people fairly and with respect. They’d kick out drug dealers and people who’d terrorize neighbors with dogs and such. The local street dealers beat up some guy who tried to steal his car because being diligent in the buildings was keeping their families safe. He’d take me down as a kid in the summer to hang out and help out with kids programs. It was profoundly meaningful to me as I got to understand that we are all really the same.
  - railsgirls112 9mo ago
    I love this, thank you for sharing. I imagine that position gives you an exposure to humanity that many can't handle with that kind of grace and constitution. We surely need more people like him.
getdoneist 9mo ago
It is pure game theory. An aggressive person expects no bad outcomes from his passive victim. If they get a signal that their own outcome may be not that good, even marginally, this very often changes their behaviour. That's why the advice to act submissively presented as "avoiding confrontation" is often the wrong advice. You are not seeking confrontation, but you should signal that you are ready for confrontation. Stops aggressive behaviour very often.
- fc417fc802 9mo ago
  Unfortunately this quite reasonable observation has been mangled by pop culture and memes into "be aggressive yourself". It also fails to account for there being different sorts of aggressive people.
  - Spooky23 9mo ago
    That's a good point. There's alot of weird stuff out there about this, especially with regard to weapons. There's a balance between being aggressive and not a victim. If you tip too much on the "aggressive" side, you become a threat. If you work with dogs it's very obvious with them as they are so empathic and attuned to humans. If you are afraid, they will try to take over. If you present as in control, they accept your control. If you are a threat, they respond as they see it. It happens between other animals too -- we're all seen reels of family pets chasing off bears or tiny chihuahuas chasing off German Shepards. People aren't dogs, but I think the comparison has some merit.
- aidenn0 9mo ago
  Anectodal evidence, but 3 out of 4 bullies left me alone after I punched them back just a single time. The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire.
  - latexr 9mo ago
    > The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire. But was there a next time after that, or did they stop after getting their revenge once? If they did stop, and assuming you didn’t receive any permanent damage, you still won the interaction long term.

echelon_musk 9mo ago

> They had stories that were absolutely insane. Don't leave us hanging.

johnisgood 9mo ago
Yes, please give us some!
Spooky23 9mo ago
lol, Sure! Here’s one that was one of the crazier ones that I remember from my dad. There were a bunch of people complaining about smells coming from an apartment. The dude was a little out there and some sort of religious practitioner. The workers were afraid of the guy, but he hadn’t really done anything except be weird and creepy. So he ended up going up with a few folks to check it out. The dude was capturing (many) wild animals and boiling their blood. So much so that it was condensating on the ceiling. The dude opened the door and came at them with a bloody machete. He was babbling something about his mother, and I guess as it was told dad just softly said something along the lines of “Your mom sent us and she is not happy with what is happening here, and I think you know that.” I guess the guy stopped in his tracks, dropped the machete and started bawling. He was a special guy and made a point to treat people fairly and with respect. They’d kick out drug dealers and people who’d terrorize neighbors with dogs and such. The local street dealers beat up some guy who tried to steal his car because being diligent in the buildings was keeping their families safe. He’d take me down as a kid in the summer to hang out and help out with kids programs. It was profoundly meaningful to me as I got to understand that we are all really the same.
- railsgirls112 9mo ago
  I love this, thank you for sharing. I imagine that position gives you an exposure to humanity that many can't handle with that kind of grace and constitution. We surely need more people like him.

getdoneist 9mo ago

It is pure game theory. An aggressive person expects no bad outcomes from his passive victim. If they get a signal that their own outcome may be not that good, even marginally, this very often changes their behaviour. That's why the advice to act submissively presented as "avoiding confrontation" is often the wrong advice. You are not seeking confrontation, but you should signal that you are ready for confrontation. Stops aggressive behaviour very often.

fc417fc802 9mo ago
Unfortunately this quite reasonable observation has been mangled by pop culture and memes into "be aggressive yourself". It also fails to account for there being different sorts of aggressive people.
- Spooky23 9mo ago
  That's a good point. There's alot of weird stuff out there about this, especially with regard to weapons. There's a balance between being aggressive and not a victim. If you tip too much on the "aggressive" side, you become a threat. If you work with dogs it's very obvious with them as they are so empathic and attuned to humans. If you are afraid, they will try to take over. If you present as in control, they accept your control. If you are a threat, they respond as they see it. It happens between other animals too -- we're all seen reels of family pets chasing off bears or tiny chihuahuas chasing off German Shepards. People aren't dogs, but I think the comparison has some merit.
aidenn0 9mo ago
Anectodal evidence, but 3 out of 4 bullies left me alone after I punched them back just a single time. The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire.
- latexr 9mo ago
  > The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire. But was there a next time after that, or did they stop after getting their revenge once? If they did stop, and assuming you didn’t receive any permanent damage, you still won the interaction long term.