4 ms·

Exactly why my parents stopped hosting dinner and cocktail parties. Nobody ever reciprocated, it was a lot of work, and eventually they just stopped.

duderific 10mo ago
We've noticed this in our neighborhood. Once a year we host a few families before going out trick or treating with our kids. We buy a bunch of pizza so everyone can eat and don't ask for the other families to kick in. We were hoping the other families would reciprocate, and maybe invite us to some of their gatherings (especially two families who hang out together quite a bit.) So far it hasn't happened at all, they just receive our graciousness and move on immediately.
- socalgal2 10mo ago
  Potluck parties help. Then they, generally, at least partly participated. Some people will just bring soda or chips or beer but that's still better than 0.
- unsupp0rted 10mo ago
  > they just receive our graciousness Or think they’re doing you a favor by not rejecting your invite
- pardon_me 10mo ago
  So you set something up to weasel your way into other "families" friendships by doing a specific thing and then judging their response/non-response? Like A/B testing humans. Perhaps some people can sense this stuff subconsciously. Relationships should build naturally.
parpfish 10mo ago
As somebody who does host and doesn’t get a ton of reciprocity, the problem isn’t burn out (because I love doing it). The problem is second guessing whether this is something the group enjoys and whether they are just humoring me.
- sailfast 10mo ago
  I also love hosting - but what I’m really trying to do is have particles collide and form bonds outside the larger events. Even smaller scale gatherings, game nights, or hell even a couples dinner invite would be a nice change of pace.
polynomial 10mo ago
1000x this. Hosts are a minority. The vast majority of guests not only don't host, they are not good at showing appreciation. Low key this feels why so much of our social life gets productized/monetized.

duderific 10mo ago

We've noticed this in our neighborhood. Once a year we host a few families before going out trick or treating with our kids. We buy a bunch of pizza so everyone can eat and don't ask for the other families to kick in. We were hoping the other families would reciprocate, and maybe invite us to some of their gatherings (especially two families who hang out together quite a bit.) So far it hasn't happened at all, they just receive our graciousness and move on immediately.

socalgal2 10mo ago
Potluck parties help. Then they, generally, at least partly participated. Some people will just bring soda or chips or beer but that's still better than 0.
unsupp0rted 10mo ago
> they just receive our graciousness Or think they’re doing you a favor by not rejecting your invite
pardon_me 10mo ago
So you set something up to weasel your way into other "families" friendships by doing a specific thing and then judging their response/non-response? Like A/B testing humans. Perhaps some people can sense this stuff subconsciously. Relationships should build naturally.

parpfish 10mo ago

As somebody who does host and doesn’t get a ton of reciprocity, the problem isn’t burn out (because I love doing it). The problem is second guessing whether this is something the group enjoys and whether they are just humoring me.

sailfast 10mo ago
I also love hosting - but what I’m really trying to do is have particles collide and form bonds outside the larger events. Even smaller scale gatherings, game nights, or hell even a couples dinner invite would be a nice change of pace.

polynomial 10mo ago

1000x this. Hosts are a minority. The vast majority of guests not only don't host, they are not good at showing appreciation. Low key this feels why so much of our social life gets productized/monetized.