6 ms·

I see others expressing this point, but I'll add my two cents: this essay really bothered me. 1. The writer describes hitchhiking to work every day, presumably

by gcanyon 10mo ago

I see others expressing this point, but I'll add my two cents: this essay really bothered me. 1. The writer describes hitchhiking to work every day, presumably for months or years. He doesn't describe in any way how he paid back that kindness, either to the people he rode with directly, or just by paying it forward. 2. The writer describes traveling in Asia for 8 years, and many of the instances of kindness he describe imply very strongly that he intentionally put himself at risk, where others were faced with the choice to help him or let him suffer consequences. It's one thing to get caught in a rip current and need assistance; it's another entirely to swim out past where you are safe, and then wait for someone to rescue you -- and to do that repeatedly for eight years. Further, it is obvious from the language used that he was traveling rough by choice, with the privilege and economic security of his background, and yet repeatedly accepting -- I would argue demanding -- the help of people from a poorer background than himself. He was cosplaying poverty and repeatedly being assisted by people living it for real. 3. The backyard idea seems similarly pushy. He says he was never turned away, not once. So he believes that no one, given an actual free choice, would rather not have a stranger camp in their backyard. He ignores the possibility that people would feel uncomfortable about rejecting someone presenting as having no place to stay, and rather believes that everyone he asked woke up that day thinking about how happy they'd be to do a favor for a stranger. And he couches the whole process as him doing them a favor. 4. He lists multiple instances where people less well-off than him went to great lengths to help him, without ever thinking about why they might feel obligated, and through it all admitting that not only doesn't he engage in such kindness himself, he can't imagine that he would. 5. And through it all he characterizes what he very nearly describes as him pushing himself on people as "willingness to be helped" -- as some sort of saintliness. And of course each of these people only saw him once, for a short while. Reading this essay we see how it is a pattern: how he is essentially a traveling con man, moving from mark to mark, letting each of them believe that he just happens to need help this one time, so they put good out into the universe. But in reality he is taking, taking, taking, abusing the world's willingness to help -- if everyone did what he did, the world would swiftly become a meaner, poorer place.

throw4432w56 10mo ago
He basically thinks he’s the main character, and other people around him are NPCs.
wavemode 10mo ago
The author's philosophy is that, what the people doing him kindness got in return was that they got to do something kind for someone. To be honest, I think there's something to that. It could certainly be taken too far, but your assumption that it has been taken too far in this case is mostly based on an uncharitable reading of the text, in which the author was "pushing himself on people" and they were secretly resentful of him.
- schainks 10mo ago
  This is also how I read it. Also many of these acts of kindness happened in places where people culturally pay it forward for each other, regardless of wealth.
- kashyapc 10mo ago
  > what the people doing him kindness got in return was that they got to do something kind for someone Yes, there is something to that but he gives too much credit[1] to his own "willingness to be open". I don't know if KK has taken it too far or not, but the way he expresses it all is not inspiring. It carries an air of pretentious wisdom. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46561144 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46561144
- gcanyon 10mo ago
  > they got to do something kind for someone And he never needs/wants this benefit of giving for himself? Because he never describes paying it forward, in fact quite the opposite. And again, he repeated describes never failing to get the help he seeks. Either he is taking advantage of people, or he is the luckiest person on the planet. Interestingly, I have some similar incidents in my past: I took the Amtrak to Crescent City, then bicycled south along the coast of California. On the train up I met someone from Eureka, who invited me to stay at their place when I got there the second night, and I did. It's been so long I had forgotten the situation until just now, and I don't remember the conversation leading up to that. I don't think I was pushing for a place to stay; I stayed at a hostel in Crescent City the night before, and another somewhere near Leggett the night after, and I never slept indoors for free on the rest of the trip. Later, when I was looking for a public trash can in a small town, I asked someone if there were any. They said no, and just to toss whatever I wanted to get rid of into the back of their pickup, and they'd drop it at the dump the next time they went. My knees got extremely painful by the time I reached San Francisco. At a hostel near Muir Beach(?) I ran into a guy from San Diego (where I lived) who took half my gear (lightening the load) and gave me a Mueller knee brace he happened to have with him to wear for the rest of the trip. That act definitely saved my trip. Still later on the trip, camping at a park I ran into a guy who was also bicycling, homeless by choice -- he said he was divorced and living without an address to deny his ex her alimony. He said to never go into a grocery store without checking the dumpster out back first, and handed me an over-date yogurt :-) But I can very confidently state that I wasn't asking for any favors. Maybe that makes me not "open" to the world looking to help me? At first I questioned whether I was being judgmental. But writing it out as I did convinced me I was not. If people are helping him at every turn, even people far less well off than he is, that is clearly him pressing the world's "kindness" button -- hard. "We ended up sleeping like sardines under a single home-woven blanket while snow fell." -- how would he have kept warm if they didn't share the blanket with him? Did they have any option but to share their blanket or feel like they were leaving an innocent to freeze? Actually, I have an experience for that as well. When I was prepping for the California ride I rode through the Cuyamaca mountains east of San Diego. I brought no clothing but a bike jersey and shorts. It dropped well below freezing that night. I spent the entire night huddled in a bad K-Mart sleeping bag, dozing, shivering, and cursing how long it was until dawn. I suppose I could have knocked on any van or RV at the site, but I didn't even think to, even though I was legitimately freezing. Again, maybe I'm not "open" enough, but I made a stupid decision to not bring better gear, or at least a jacket -- I earned that consequence, and I paid for it in full. :-) And I tell that story all the time. At this point I don't think it's a better or worse story/memory than the one I would have if I had asked someone for help and received it. I've received help many times in my life. But again, it rubs me the wrong way if someone purposefully and repeatedly throws themself into deep water, expecting others to rescue them. And to me at least, it seems clear that's what he's done.

by gcanyon 10mo ago

throw4432w56 10mo ago

He basically thinks he’s the main character, and other people around him are NPCs.

wavemode 10mo ago

The author's philosophy is that, what the people doing him kindness got in return was that they got to do something kind for someone. To be honest, I think there's something to that. It could certainly be taken too far, but your assumption that it has been taken too far in this case is mostly based on an uncharitable reading of the text, in which the author was "pushing himself on people" and they were secretly resentful of him.

schainks 10mo ago
This is also how I read it. Also many of these acts of kindness happened in places where people culturally pay it forward for each other, regardless of wealth.
kashyapc 10mo ago
> what the people doing him kindness got in return was that they got to do something kind for someone Yes, there is something to that but he gives too much credit[1] to his own "willingness to be open". I don't know if KK has taken it too far or not, but the way he expresses it all is not inspiring. It carries an air of pretentious wisdom. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46561144 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46561144
gcanyon 10mo ago
> they got to do something kind for someone And he never needs/wants this benefit of giving for himself? Because he never describes paying it forward, in fact quite the opposite. And again, he repeated describes never failing to get the help he seeks. Either he is taking advantage of people, or he is the luckiest person on the planet. Interestingly, I have some similar incidents in my past: I took the Amtrak to Crescent City, then bicycled south along the coast of California. On the train up I met someone from Eureka, who invited me to stay at their place when I got there the second night, and I did. It's been so long I had forgotten the situation until just now, and I don't remember the conversation leading up to that. I don't think I was pushing for a place to stay; I stayed at a hostel in Crescent City the night before, and another somewhere near Leggett the night after, and I never slept indoors for free on the rest of the trip. Later, when I was looking for a public trash can in a small town, I asked someone if there were any. They said no, and just to toss whatever I wanted to get rid of into the back of their pickup, and they'd drop it at the dump the next time they went. My knees got extremely painful by the time I reached San Francisco. At a hostel near Muir Beach(?) I ran into a guy from San Diego (where I lived) who took half my gear (lightening the load) and gave me a Mueller knee brace he happened to have with him to wear for the rest of the trip. That act definitely saved my trip. Still later on the trip, camping at a park I ran into a guy who was also bicycling, homeless by choice -- he said he was divorced and living without an address to deny his ex her alimony. He said to never go into a grocery store without checking the dumpster out back first, and handed me an over-date yogurt :-) But I can very confidently state that I wasn't asking for any favors. Maybe that makes me not "open" to the world looking to help me? At first I questioned whether I was being judgmental. But writing it out as I did convinced me I was not. If people are helping him at every turn, even people far less well off than he is, that is clearly him pressing the world's "kindness" button -- hard. "We ended up sleeping like sardines under a single home-woven blanket while snow fell." -- how would he have kept warm if they didn't share the blanket with him? Did they have any option but to share their blanket or feel like they were leaving an innocent to freeze? Actually, I have an experience for that as well. When I was prepping for the California ride I rode through the Cuyamaca mountains east of San Diego. I brought no clothing but a bike jersey and shorts. It dropped well below freezing that night. I spent the entire night huddled in a bad K-Mart sleeping bag, dozing, shivering, and cursing how long it was until dawn. I suppose I could have knocked on any van or RV at the site, but I didn't even think to, even though I was legitimately freezing. Again, maybe I'm not "open" enough, but I made a stupid decision to not bring better gear, or at least a jacket -- I earned that consequence, and I paid for it in full. :-) And I tell that story all the time. At this point I don't think it's a better or worse story/memory than the one I would have if I had asked someone for help and received it. I've received help many times in my life. But again, it rubs me the wrong way if someone purposefully and repeatedly throws themself into deep water, expecting others to rescue them. And to me at least, it seems clear that's what he's done.