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I read this as a framing that allows the author and people like them to warm to the idea, as part of a longer iterative process -- Understanding first, then dec

by patcon 1y ago

I read this as a framing that allows the author and people like them to warm to the idea, as part of a longer iterative process -- Understanding first, then decide what's warranted, assess how you feel about the thing you did, repeat. I can't say if this affects the author, but I am aware that some people have a neurotype that is very opposed to "being told what to do", especially when they can't reason to it themselves. and sometimes being able to anticipate needs in advance is an important first step to meeting those needs more often <3 I share this as someone who is [un]fortunate to have easy access to empathy, but also has some tendencies of "pathological demand avoidance". For me, empathy is an innate skill, and I am who I am because my identity is shaped by how I use it to anticipate needs in advance, so that I can react more generously (and won't be caught by surprise when someone "demands" something of me that I didn't expect)

balamatom 1y ago
>decide what's warranted Bingo. Having the right to decide what's warranted in a situation a.k.a. essential human autonomy: a thing which isn't meant to somehow cancel out with being considerate of others or having a role in society. That's the question which IMO the post and most comments here are either vaguely getting at, or studiously avoiding. It's essential to empathize. Few things are more worthwhile than understanding others. It's by empathy that I've learned how when someone actually says something about "eMpAtHy" at you, they're usually trying to scam you out of genuine emotional labor. Beware this - chances are your own sorry ass would be your only recompense. Tbh I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say this particular one to me (or anywhere around me, maybe I'm too unapproachable hehe) but do I tend to hear "you should be more empathetic" as "someone other than you has already decided what's warranted, which you're supposed to telepathically infer, except there's no such person and we don't actually understand in what ways we need you to modify your behavior or why; so you're gonna have to come up with that by yourself, too - on your own time ofc" This happens because they don't have sufficient empathy to have a mature conversation with you about what's what, but have heard the word on the influence grapevine and are quick as ever to brand themselves with it. It's always fun to pretend to take these dog whistles in good faith, the Pavlovians don't know what hit 'em. Your own dam treadmill, that's wha
brudgers 1y ago
I am aware that some people have a neurotype that is very opposed to "being told what to do", especially when they can't reason to it themselves. and sometimes being able to anticipate needs in advance is an important first step to meeting those needs more often Lifelong direct and intimate familiarity with a person of the “neurotype” you describe is actually what drew forth my comment. To be more clear, a real person with the “being told what to do” interpretation of the world you mention was forced to my thought by what the author said.

by patcon 1y ago

balamatom 1y ago

>decide what's warranted Bingo. Having the right to decide what's warranted in a situation a.k.a. essential human autonomy: a thing which isn't meant to somehow cancel out with being considerate of others or having a role in society. That's the question which IMO the post and most comments here are either vaguely getting at, or studiously avoiding. It's essential to empathize. Few things are more worthwhile than understanding others. It's by empathy that I've learned how when someone actually says something about "eMpAtHy" at you, they're usually trying to scam you out of genuine emotional labor. Beware this - chances are your own sorry ass would be your only recompense. Tbh I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say this particular one to me (or anywhere around me, maybe I'm too unapproachable hehe) but do I tend to hear "you should be more empathetic" as "someone other than you has already decided what's warranted, which you're supposed to telepathically infer, except there's no such person and we don't actually understand in what ways we need you to modify your behavior or why; so you're gonna have to come up with that by yourself, too - on your own time ofc" This happens because they don't have sufficient empathy to have a mature conversation with you about what's what, but have heard the word on the influence grapevine and are quick as ever to brand themselves with it. It's always fun to pretend to take these dog whistles in good faith, the Pavlovians don't know what hit 'em. Your own dam treadmill, that's wha

brudgers 1y ago

I am aware that some people have a neurotype that is very opposed to "being told what to do", especially when they can't reason to it themselves. and sometimes being able to anticipate needs in advance is an important first step to meeting those needs more often Lifelong direct and intimate familiarity with a person of the “neurotype” you describe is actually what drew forth my comment. To be more clear, a real person with the “being told what to do” interpretation of the world you mention was forced to my thought by what the author said.