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These studies never seem to look at time spent parenting, between baby-boom years and now. My parents parented a few hours a week and were entirely typical. I
by WarOnPrivacy 1y ago
These studies never seem to look at time spent parenting, between baby-boom years and now.
My parents parented a few hours a week and were entirely typical. I parented ceaselessly, just like my parenting-peers.
My parents world was possible because kids roamed with peers (and without adults) for many hours a week. This was my childhood, my parents childhood, my grandparents childhood.
My kids grew up under 24/7 adulting, moving from one adult-curated, adult-populated box to the next. They are also typical of their generation.
Parenting and childhood are radically altered from the baby boom era. Our birth rates (and youth mental health stats) seem like a natural outcome of that.
- IshKebab 1y agoI don't think that's a significant factor because it doesn't come into play until all of your children are at least like 8. Nobody is thinking "I'll have to drive them to music lessons in 10 years instead of letting them play outside". I think the obvious factors are far more likely - people are poorer, childcare is more expensive, stay-at-home parents are less common.
- ElevenLathe 1y agoIt also may be the wrong causality. Perhaps when children are rarer, they are more precious and we naturally want to protect them more. It's bizarre to me that the piece doesn't mention the contraceptive pill, which debuted in 1960, the exact same year as peak fertility.
- thijson 1y agoI saw it mentioned once that there's less crime today due to birth control. Supposedly there's fewer unwanted children.
- alexey-salmin 1y agoI think the level of obsessive care people feel obliged to deliver to their single child prior to age of 8 is a part of the same story. You can see how radically it changes even with the second child (not to mention the third) but half of the parents never get there nowadays and think it's the norm.
- IshKebab 1y agoI actually have two children and this is nonsense. Obviously the first child gets more attention than the second, but not in terms of the amount of time and money the childcare involves. And most people (in the UK at least) are not delivering obsessive levels of care. Some are of course, but most aren't.
- alexey-salmin 1y agoSince what age did your kids start to go outside and play by themselves? I'm not in the UK, but in France it seems that people generally won't let their kids outside alone until they're 10 or not even then. That makes a difference of several hours of free time a week which is quite significant. Luckily people seem to be fine to leave their kids alone at home, which amounts to a few more hours of time per week. Also luckily there are mandatory public schools starting from the age of 3, so France in general is not bad for raising kids time-wise and money-wise. However I do notice that amount of autonomy people entrust to their kids here is lower than what I tend to do.
- IshKebab 1y agoThey're only 4 & 6 so they don't yet. A 6 year old cannot reliably cross the road safely. The NSPCC says 12 is a minimum for leaving kids alone at home: https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone That's going to depend wildly on the actual child (my eldest is ridiculously responsible so we'll probably go out when she's younger, maybe 10). I really don't think people are focusing on how busy lives will be in 10-12 years when they decide whether or not to have children. Obviously things like finances and childcare when they are young are way more important. Kind of insane that we're even debating that.
- redeeman 1y ago> Also luckily there are mandatory public schools starting from the age of 3 wtf... let the kids be kids. this is totally gross and government violation of families
- Qem 1y ago> it doesn't come into play until all of your children are at least like 8. Not all, but probably at least one. When it was usual to have larger families, it was common older children being tasked with some care/monitoring of their younger siblings. My mother was fistborn, and she took care of walking her younger brothers/sisters to school.
- bongodongobob 1y agoI was roaming the country and forest with the neighbor kids when we were 4. This was mid 80s.
- IshKebab 1y agoYes presumably those neighbour kids were a little older than 4...
- bongodongobob 1y agoThey weren't. Kids are capable if you don't treat them like infants.
- refurb 1y agoI think this is a major factor to the number of children people have. It’s not hard to have 3 or 4 kids when the expectation is public schools then “they figure it out”. Today the expectation is much higher on a per kid basis.
- like_any_other 1y agoDon't forget the parenting of extended family and neighbors - it takes a village.. But we're moving further and further from local, village-like lives.
- pishpash 1y agoYou need slack in the system for this to happen. If everyone needs to work then the village is empty.
- paradox460 1y agoWe're also seeing baby boomers, who were raised partially by their grandparents, neglecting the role of grandparent. They live vicariously, through Facebook and video calls, and when the parents ask for them to get more involved, they're met with "I raised you, so I've done my part" Both my wife and my parents maybe see our kids twice a year, thrice if they have some other reason to come to town. And it's not an issue of health. They all travel regularly, for extended periods.
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- sebmellen 1y agoI'm hoping you mean your wife's parents and not your wife haha. But I’m sorry to hear that… my wife and I got blessed with very involved grandparents.
- paradox460 1y agoYeah haha, wife's parents and my parents We've got some really good neighbors that have helped out a lot, but it's never quite the same
- ponector 1y agoThat's right. Good babysitter is more valuable then grandparents nowadays. Same story: my mother is not involved into rising kid. But she also often asks when are we planning to have more kids. But I barely manage one child
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