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You don’t need the updates. It’s better to find those out in person or just not even find out about them. We are obsessed as a society with FOMO but the truth i
by ericmay 1y ago
You don’t need the updates. It’s better to find those out in person or just not even find out about them. We are obsessed as a society with FOMO but the truth is, you’re not really missing out on much, even for so-called important family events.
- watwut 1y agoI like the dichotomy on this site - constant complaining about loneliness on one hand ... and systematic refusal to engage in social ritual mainstream people do to keep connections.
- yorpinn 1y agoI've deleted my accounts too (HN obviously notwithstanding) but telling people they should disengage with their family because they don't need that information is patronizing and undermines your point. They get to decide what they need.
- Bluestein 1y ago... yet I respectfully think the above point still stands, "people need not get even that family info via Zuck's brain-grinder".-
- yorpinn 1y agoYou need not get that information. Other people have different needs and priorities. What if the reason they are so concerned about getting updates on this kid is that they have serious medical issues? What if it brings a ray of sunshine on stressful days to see pictures of them? What if missing these updates means missing family functions and becoming more isolated and lonely? (Note that they confirmed my last speculation.) What if, instead of berating people for using social media, we discussed how we might build a healthier alternative?
- Bluestein 1y ago> we discussed how we might build a healthier alternative? Totally for that. We really need it.-
- yorpinn 1y agoWelp, I ought to stand on business I suppose, I think social media communities are too big. I think it would be less toxic if we were balkanized into smaller communities, and interacted with people of unlike minds in a more considered and intentional way. As it is, it becomes a free for all for dunking on people. Small communities of like minds can become too insular, ideas need to be challenged, but they also need space to grow and develop in a friendly environment.
- Bluestein 1y agoWherein the balance, eh? Though nut to crack.-
- skydhash 1y ago> What if, instead of berating people for using social media, we discussed how we might build a healthier alternative? Why do we need to build one? Before the internet, we had letters and memos. The Email and IM came. The reason to have a feed is to share things, it shouldn't be for people to come consuming it. And there's no reason for it to be social. To have a special feed that mix everything from everyone on the platform according to "the algorithm" No need to build something else. Blogs, Email, and IM are still here.
- yorpinn 1y agoI think there's good parts of social media that are salvageable. I think it's generally good to be able to communicate with anyone and encounter people you otherwise wouldn't. I think we can have social media without having feeds optimized for "engagement" or any single metric. I think blogs and email are great, I just don't think they're the can-all-be-all.
- ilinx 1y agoThat seems like a strange judgement to make for another person. While I agree that it’s typically better to get updates in person, it may be very difficult to do so based on their circumstances. And judging the importance of someone else’s family events feels even more inappropriate.
- ericmay 1y agoI’m not judging - I’m just stripping away the excuses. “Oh I just use social media for XYZ” ok so does everyone else who uses it for whatever random purposes that other people want to judge them for. People had great, meaningful relationships before social media.
- yorpinn 1y agoYou are in fact expressing judgement, and your comments are getting more judgemental as the thread goes on. This is the excuse people always use to portray their feelings and judgements as objective "uncomfortable truths".
- ericmay 1y agoOk I’m expressing judgement then. Now that I’m expressing judgement, I stand by my judgements.
- bluGill 1y agoI live several hundred miles from my sister. In-person events are rare things that need planning ahead. Sure I could not find out about events, but I'm better off because I can: when I do get a chance to visit I have an idea what has been going on and thus what to talk about.
- ericmay 1y agoWhy do you need to have an idea about what’s going on? You could just ask and then talk about it. You’re using social media to skip the initial asking part, but you don’t need to do that. I can tell you this works because I do it. You’re not missing anything. If you don’t communicate much because of distance either the relationship isn’t that important - so you’re lying to yourself about it, or you should move and live closer together.
- hackable_sand 1y agoI agree with this commenter. Y'all making excuses and then complaining you need to use a platform. It's fake as hell.
- yorpinn 1y agoYou will have deeper and better conversations if you know what questions to ask. Things that work for you might not work for others. Communication and connection is a need, not a vice. The idea that you can tell them that their relationships aren't important is so chauvinistic and inappropriate. You ought to take a step back and reflect before commenting further, that's out of line.
- ericmay 1y agoYou’ll have even deeper connections if you have more things to talk about and genuine curiosity about the novelty of those things instead of “already knowing the questions to ask” - good lord are we robots or something? > The idea that you can tell them that their relationships aren't important is so chauvinistic and inappropriate. You ought to take a step back and reflect before commenting further, that's out of line. Save this stuff for someone who cares because it’s not me.