3 ms·

What happened is that everything turned into playdates? When we were kids, the general direction was GTFO, and don't be late for dinner. Who did you go play w

by taeric 1y ago

What happened is that everything turned into playdates? When we were kids, the general direction was GTFO, and don't be late for dinner. Who did you go play with? Whoever was at the park. When you got older, you hopefully had access to the skating rink. Or maybe a bowling alley. Before that, kickball at the park. Pretty much every day. Maybe see if you can over shoot the swing again.

jppope 1y ago
Totally valid observation, but things definitely changed. Neighbors don't know each other as well, so the grandma keeping an eye out the back window doesn't exist anymore. It was a village watching the kids before, its not that way now.
- taeric 1y ago
  I suspect they didn't know each other that well back in the day, either. We just tell ourselves that they did. When we've lived in apartment complexes, as an easy example, there were a lot of people we didn't know. We just also got to know a few that we would see on a regular basis, as well.
  - jppope 1y ago
    I think theres probably an uneven distribution on this... I can think back to my childhood in a small town in new england and I can still remember everyone on my block, the block across the street, and every kid's house within a half mile or so. I even remember some of the 4 digit phone numbers (b/c almost everyone had the same area code and city code). When we moved though we didn't know anywhere near that many people.
    - taeric 1y ago
      Agreed on the uneven distribution. I would posit that this is probably even uneven in the communities, as well? Just because you knew everyone in your block doesn't mean they knew each other that well. Similarly, I expect most kids in a classroom to know of each other, but I doubt they all know each other. If that makes sense. Such that, it is easy to think this is also a by product of how much more you can do inside your houses? Back when you would see folks outside more often, it was common for you to know of a lot of people. If you only had a few "shut in" type people, you knew them as the shut in type people. As it becomes more and more of us, it gets tougher.
  - bombcar 1y ago
    Before universal A/C you were basically forced out of doors in many parts of the USA. This, over time, leads to familiarity with those around you. Now most people would be highly suspicious if you sit in your front yard.
    - throwaway173738 1y ago
      AC is very rare in my state but I still see this phenomenon.
- foobarian 1y ago
  Is it because of less churchgoing? Church is basically one large standup (and sit down, and stand up, x a few times :-) ) for the community. Or maybe kidnapping paranoia fueled by years of crime news programs?
  - Klonoar 1y ago
    I dunno about you but I grew up Irish Catholic, had parents who very much lived by "GTFO and come back at dinner", and I never made any real friendships or relationships via church. It was a wholly useless avenue for anything - and this was in several different church communities over the years, too. IME while church might be a community, it's really a very stifled one.
    - foobarian 1y ago
      > "GTFO and come back at dinner" Right, this is what I am wondering, is the reason people were comfortable doing this the fact that there was a weekly touchpoint with the community? The church visits might be stifled but if they establish a relationship with that large group of people then that might enable more free roaming at other times.
      - Klonoar 1y ago
        No. They did it because they were alcoholics and didn't really give a shit what we got in to as long as we didn't bring the cops home with us.
        taeric 1y ago
        Ha! Probably more than fair for a lot of folks. It also was not uncommon for this to be when parents were cleaning the house. Doing that with a kid around is unreasonably difficult.
lbrito 1y ago
There was a line somewhere about Americans being increasingly unable to handle unstructured socializing. Parties typically have some sort of rules-based activity, be it beer pong or board games. Playdates themselves are perhaps the first manifestation of such phenomenon.
udkl 1y ago
The concept of playdates is amusing to me as an immigrant. In Indian cities where most people live in apartments, the kids just go down and play around with the 10s of kids from the neighborhood. Adults get free time and kids get to socialize and enjoy.
- tuna74 1y ago
  From which ages? Would you let out your 3-year old kid unsupervised?
parpfish 1y ago
Im convinced that car seat rules have played a big role in shaping child socialization. When was a kid, you were done with your car seat by elementary school so one parent could offer to carpool a minivan full of kids to/from an event. But now that some kids need their car seat into middle school carpools are gone and every kid needs their parent to pick them up. It requires way more planning and parental involvement
- miriam_catira 1y ago
  This. This is definitely part of the problem. I can't even offer to take my kid & his friends anywhere, other than walk to the park after they're deposited at my house, because every one of them needs a car seat.
- mock-possum 1y ago
  Whoa what?? I had no idea about this.
  - Auracle 1y ago
    While well intentioned, car seat laws have gotten a bit insane. Minnesota recently implemented some pretty nonsensical ones that are dependent on if they've outgrown their seat. How are cops supposed to know if they outgrew their seat? It also means that when they move to forward facing or a booster seat depends on the car seat you bought, not their height, (only their) age, or weight. For older kids, here's the new rule: "A child at least 9 years old or has outgrown their booster seat AND the child can pass the "5 step test" may be restrained by a regular seatbelt, but they must be in a the back seat if possible under 13." That's not too bad because they at least have a set age, but you still can't expect a parent to have a set of 4 booster seats ready to go to haul your kids friend's around.
    - taeric 1y ago
      I think a lot of this should have fallen back to liability setting in the laws, then? I feel safe saying cops should not be ticketing people for kids being in the seat wrong. However, I can see your rates going up if you are found to be in violation of some of these rules during an accident? Sucks, as this isn't as easy as saying it will be your responsibility and fault if the kid is injured. Odds are high this will just make a bad situation worse.
boogieknite 1y ago
some of our common free range play places included walking to the dump and new home construction sites to have dirt clod wars. maybe some structure isnt bad. i turned out fine but looking back it probably would have been cool to get taken to a park
micromacrofoot 1y ago
I saw a reddit post where a woman was arrested for letting her 10 year old walk a mile alone
- DaSHacka 1y ago
  What country was that in?

by taeric 1y ago

jppope 1y ago

Totally valid observation, but things definitely changed. Neighbors don't know each other as well, so the grandma keeping an eye out the back window doesn't exist anymore. It was a village watching the kids before, its not that way now.

taeric 1y ago
I suspect they didn't know each other that well back in the day, either. We just tell ourselves that they did. When we've lived in apartment complexes, as an easy example, there were a lot of people we didn't know. We just also got to know a few that we would see on a regular basis, as well.
- jppope 1y ago
  I think theres probably an uneven distribution on this... I can think back to my childhood in a small town in new england and I can still remember everyone on my block, the block across the street, and every kid's house within a half mile or so. I even remember some of the 4 digit phone numbers (b/c almost everyone had the same area code and city code). When we moved though we didn't know anywhere near that many people.
  - taeric 1y ago
    Agreed on the uneven distribution. I would posit that this is probably even uneven in the communities, as well? Just because you knew everyone in your block doesn't mean they knew each other that well. Similarly, I expect most kids in a classroom to know of each other, but I doubt they all know each other. If that makes sense. Such that, it is easy to think this is also a by product of how much more you can do inside your houses? Back when you would see folks outside more often, it was common for you to know of a lot of people. If you only had a few "shut in" type people, you knew them as the shut in type people. As it becomes more and more of us, it gets tougher.
- bombcar 1y ago
  Before universal A/C you were basically forced out of doors in many parts of the USA. This, over time, leads to familiarity with those around you. Now most people would be highly suspicious if you sit in your front yard.
  - throwaway173738 1y ago
    AC is very rare in my state but I still see this phenomenon.
foobarian 1y ago
Is it because of less churchgoing? Church is basically one large standup (and sit down, and stand up, x a few times :-) ) for the community. Or maybe kidnapping paranoia fueled by years of crime news programs?
- Klonoar 1y ago
  I dunno about you but I grew up Irish Catholic, had parents who very much lived by "GTFO and come back at dinner", and I never made any real friendships or relationships via church. It was a wholly useless avenue for anything - and this was in several different church communities over the years, too. IME while church might be a community, it's really a very stifled one.
  - foobarian 1y ago
    > "GTFO and come back at dinner" Right, this is what I am wondering, is the reason people were comfortable doing this the fact that there was a weekly touchpoint with the community? The church visits might be stifled but if they establish a relationship with that large group of people then that might enable more free roaming at other times.
    - Klonoar 1y ago
      No. They did it because they were alcoholics and didn't really give a shit what we got in to as long as we didn't bring the cops home with us.
      - taeric 1y ago
        Ha! Probably more than fair for a lot of folks. It also was not uncommon for this to be when parents were cleaning the house. Doing that with a kid around is unreasonably difficult.

lbrito 1y ago

There was a line somewhere about Americans being increasingly unable to handle unstructured socializing. Parties typically have some sort of rules-based activity, be it beer pong or board games. Playdates themselves are perhaps the first manifestation of such phenomenon.

udkl 1y ago

The concept of playdates is amusing to me as an immigrant. In Indian cities where most people live in apartments, the kids just go down and play around with the 10s of kids from the neighborhood. Adults get free time and kids get to socialize and enjoy.

tuna74 1y ago
From which ages? Would you let out your 3-year old kid unsupervised?

parpfish 1y ago

Im convinced that car seat rules have played a big role in shaping child socialization. When was a kid, you were done with your car seat by elementary school so one parent could offer to carpool a minivan full of kids to/from an event. But now that some kids need their car seat into middle school carpools are gone and every kid needs their parent to pick them up. It requires way more planning and parental involvement

miriam_catira 1y ago
This. This is definitely part of the problem. I can't even offer to take my kid & his friends anywhere, other than walk to the park after they're deposited at my house, because every one of them needs a car seat.
mock-possum 1y ago
Whoa what?? I had no idea about this.
- Auracle 1y ago
  While well intentioned, car seat laws have gotten a bit insane. Minnesota recently implemented some pretty nonsensical ones that are dependent on if they've outgrown their seat. How are cops supposed to know if they outgrew their seat? It also means that when they move to forward facing or a booster seat depends on the car seat you bought, not their height, (only their) age, or weight. For older kids, here's the new rule: "A child at least 9 years old or has outgrown their booster seat AND the child can pass the "5 step test" may be restrained by a regular seatbelt, but they must be in a the back seat if possible under 13." That's not too bad because they at least have a set age, but you still can't expect a parent to have a set of 4 booster seats ready to go to haul your kids friend's around.
  - taeric 1y ago
    I think a lot of this should have fallen back to liability setting in the laws, then? I feel safe saying cops should not be ticketing people for kids being in the seat wrong. However, I can see your rates going up if you are found to be in violation of some of these rules during an accident? Sucks, as this isn't as easy as saying it will be your responsibility and fault if the kid is injured. Odds are high this will just make a bad situation worse.

boogieknite 1y ago

some of our common free range play places included walking to the dump and new home construction sites to have dirt clod wars. maybe some structure isnt bad. i turned out fine but looking back it probably would have been cool to get taken to a park

micromacrofoot 1y ago

I saw a reddit post where a woman was arrested for letting her 10 year old walk a mile alone

DaSHacka 1y ago
What country was that in?