5 ms·

If you know you have time blindness and you still arrive late it is worse, because you knew it will happen and did nothing to prevent it

by nomdep 1y ago

Walf 1y ago
Sorry, but you clearly have no idea what it's like to actually deal with this, at all. If I try to be on time to things, I will be stupidly early, or still think I have time to do tasks A & B before doing C, because they invariably take more or less time than I estimate. Or I start doing tasks X & Y, because I'm easily distracted, you know because it's a deficit in attention. Don't trivialise what you don't understand. Your advice is as ignorant as saying 'just do more fun things' to someone with depression.
- osn9363739 1y ago
  You have to do something about it though. You either come up with strategies to work with the condition or what? Just give up?
  - Walf 1y ago
    [flagged]
    - osn9363739 1y ago
      So you agree with nomdep? If you know you have time blindness it's a good opportunity to do something about it. I tend to choose the be really early option because that works for me. But it can be stressful for sure. And I probably don't get as much done as someone that can organise their time better. That's just the way it goes.
      - Walf 1y ago
        False dichotomy. You can both take measures to address an issue you have, and still know that won't always solve the problem. Being really early sometimes is the only option, but if you're always doing it, regardless of how critical it is, you're wasting a huge amount of waking life.
        nradov 1y ago
        Everyone wastes a huge amount of waking life on something, whether it's sitting around waiting for an event to start or watching TV or scrolling social media. So what.
        Walf 1y ago
        Some of us have families to take care of, and shit to do. I guess that's not you.
        nradov 1y ago
        Lol. I actually spend a lot of time taking care of my family, and plenty of other shit to do besides.
        Walf 1y ago
        So, knowing how much time and effort is required to maintain such responsibilities, you think someone with a similar situation, but who also has trouble being organised in general, has extra time to twiddle their thumbs for half an hour or something, before every single obligation with a time attached, just to be sure they don't get distracted? Do you have any comprehension of how ridiculous that sounds? If you're less capable of completing tasks you need more time than a typical person to do so, not less. They don't give students with ADHD less time in exams to ensure they can break task and put their pens down on time. Still pushing those preconceptions, eh? Is this how you approach everything you could learn from? Assume you know all the answers before actually studying? Your teacup is full.
    - sjsdaiuasgdia 1y ago
      I think part of why time blindness / chronic lateness gets such visceral responses is that the behavior is a broken promise generator. The impact feels very personal. Continuing with the walking stick metaphor...it'd be like if the person with the walking stick was frequently committing to go jogging, hiking, etc with others. They know the activity might be beyond their capabilities, but they keep saying they'll go on the difficult hiking trail or whatever. This impacts the plan for everyone else. Saying you'll be somewhere at a particular time is a commitment to someone else. If you're making commitments and frequently breaking them, people will react badly to that. Having had a number of chronically late people pass through my life, I've often heard "be there in a second", "I'm on my way", "5 minutes, max" and similar phrases once the person is late. What I rarely hear is proactive acknowledgement and ownership of the issue. The commitments you make as a chronically late person need to include your chronic lateness as a factor, just as the mobility limited person should take their limitations into account before signing up for the group hike.
      - Walf 1y ago
        That's a good assessment, but it misses the fact that the person with the effective dysfunction genuinely believes they will 'be there in a second', because they cannot accurately assess time. The lack of forthcoming contrition is not difficult to explain, shame discourages people from drawing attention to their faults. If it's happening frequently, one would always be feeling 'faulty'. Aversion to that is expected.
- js8 1y ago
  I don't want to trivialize, as I am currently procrastinating due to axiety on something, I know it's not easy. But yeah, let's be stupidly early. I think part of accepting that you have a mental condition means that your life will simply not be optimal. Which is harsh to accept in a society which values efficiency above all else.
- Auracle 1y ago
  Oh, come on. “It takes me 15 minutes to get to my destination. I should leave 5 minutes earlier than I need to in case there’s traffic or whatever.” Set an alarm for 20 minutes before you need to get there, and leave when it goes off. Done. I will absolutely trivialize it because everyone I’ve ever known that’s like that simply leaves at the time they’re supposed to already be somewhere. Or yes, they get distracted and start working on stuff that they know will take 30 minutes when they need to leave in 10. Thankfully we all have mini computers in our pockets that tell us exactly how long it takes to get somewhere that can also easily set alarms.
  - Walf 1y ago
    You clearly don't have these issues, and I doubt you care about anyone who does, because your "Oh, come on." response positively reeks of 'that's not my experience, so other people's can't be that different.' It's never just one thing like travel time, it's scores of steps in a routine, which aren't always the same, and can easily be derailed by anything unexpected. You can estimate how long something you do frequently will take, based on how much time it took previously, and still get an inapplicable answer because distraction is a constant problem, and the executive function deficit means you literally do not think 'don't do that, get back on task' in the moment. You know how long everything should take, and still struggle to apply that when you're doing the routine.
    - Hyperboreanal 1y ago
      Everyone else manages to do it, you're not special. Be on time, or be a NEET I guess. You've decided you'll never be able to function properly so yeah you probably won't.
      - Walf 1y ago
        What a fuckwit. No, not everyone else manages it. I decided no such thing, you're just fabricating bullshit to feel better about being an arsehole to people who weren't born neurotypical. I have a career with pretty good pay and benefits, and you obviously didn't read anything else I wrote about managing my issues. I'd rather be late than a sociopath.
- nradov 1y ago
  Do or do not, there is no "try". If you know you have to leave home at 7:00 AM to avoid being late then just set an alarm at that time. When it goes off then walk out the door, even if you're in the middle of some other task. Like if you're brewing coffee then just unplug the machine and leave: no coffee for you today. Don't allow yourself the opportunity to get distracted. Simple.
  - Walf 1y ago
    [flagged]
    - nradov 1y ago
      You're really missing the point. I'm trying to help by giving you practical, actionable advice which has worked well for other people. When it's time to leave, take the kid out the door even if that means carrying them out in the middle of a meltdown. This teaches children discipline and makes them understand that they can't get their own way by acting like spoiled brats.
      - karohalik 1y ago
        Did this person ask for the advice? Also, treating children without empathy, like objects, is not the solution to the problem.
        nradov 1y ago
        Demonstrating empathy is great but it's not a valid reason to tolerate misbehavior. And being on time for school is more important.
        karohalik 1y ago
        No one is saying that structure or boundaries aren’t important. Of course they are. But what is being challenged here is the assumption that a meltdown = misbehavior. Sometimes it is. But often what looks like “acting out” is actually communication. Discomfort, overstimulation, unmet needs, not manipulation. Teaching kids discipline without empathy doesn't create resilience. It creates shame, masking, and fear of expressing emotions. And yeah, being on time matters. But so does understanding why the kid is melting down in the first place, especially if it’s a recurring thing. Otherwise, you’re just dragging a panicked, overwhelmed human out the door like a bag of potatoes and calling it a parenting win.
- ryanjshaw 1y ago
  I’m sorry people are so dismissive of your reality. I really don’t understand why they feel a need to insist you are just lazy when you are clearly intelligent and hard working, but struggling due to wiring you can’t directly control.
  - nradov 1y ago
    People aren't being dismissive. The point is that whether someone is intelligent and hard working is utterly irrelevant to everyone else, especially in a work environment. What matters are results, not inner qualities.
    - Walf 1y ago
      Yes, you are, and punctuality ≠ productivity.
      - nradov 1y ago
        That rather depends on the job. Punctuality = productivity for many jobs, especially those in manufacturing, food service, agriculture, education, hospitality, transportation, security, etc. In the real world certain things have to be done on set schedules and anyone who can't reliably show up on time is worse than useless to those employers.
        Walf 1y ago
        [flagged]

If you know you have time blindness and you still arrive late it is worse, because you knew it will happen and did nothing to prevent it

by nomdep 1y ago

If you know you have time blindness and you still arrive late it is worse, because you knew it will happen and did nothing to prevent it

Walf 1y ago

Sorry, but you clearly have no idea what it's like to actually deal with this, at all. If I try to be on time to things, I will be stupidly early, or still think I have time to do tasks A & B before doing C, because they invariably take more or less time than I estimate. Or I start doing tasks X & Y, because I'm easily distracted, you know because it's a deficit in attention. Don't trivialise what you don't understand. Your advice is as ignorant as saying 'just do more fun things' to someone with depression.

osn9363739 1y ago
You have to do something about it though. You either come up with strategies to work with the condition or what? Just give up?
- Walf 1y ago
  [flagged]
  - osn9363739 1y ago
    So you agree with nomdep? If you know you have time blindness it's a good opportunity to do something about it. I tend to choose the be really early option because that works for me. But it can be stressful for sure. And I probably don't get as much done as someone that can organise their time better. That's just the way it goes.
    - Walf 1y ago
      False dichotomy. You can both take measures to address an issue you have, and still know that won't always solve the problem. Being really early sometimes is the only option, but if you're always doing it, regardless of how critical it is, you're wasting a huge amount of waking life.
      - nradov 1y ago
        Everyone wastes a huge amount of waking life on something, whether it's sitting around waiting for an event to start or watching TV or scrolling social media. So what.
        Walf 1y ago
        Some of us have families to take care of, and shit to do. I guess that's not you.
        nradov 1y ago
        Lol. I actually spend a lot of time taking care of my family, and plenty of other shit to do besides.
        Walf 1y ago
        So, knowing how much time and effort is required to maintain such responsibilities, you think someone with a similar situation, but who also has trouble being organised in general, has extra time to twiddle their thumbs for half an hour or something, before every single obligation with a time attached, just to be sure they don't get distracted? Do you have any comprehension of how ridiculous that sounds? If you're less capable of completing tasks you need more time than a typical person to do so, not less. They don't give students with ADHD less time in exams to ensure they can break task and put their pens down on time. Still pushing those preconceptions, eh? Is this how you approach everything you could learn from? Assume you know all the answers before actually studying? Your teacup is full.
  - sjsdaiuasgdia 1y ago
    I think part of why time blindness / chronic lateness gets such visceral responses is that the behavior is a broken promise generator. The impact feels very personal. Continuing with the walking stick metaphor...it'd be like if the person with the walking stick was frequently committing to go jogging, hiking, etc with others. They know the activity might be beyond their capabilities, but they keep saying they'll go on the difficult hiking trail or whatever. This impacts the plan for everyone else. Saying you'll be somewhere at a particular time is a commitment to someone else. If you're making commitments and frequently breaking them, people will react badly to that. Having had a number of chronically late people pass through my life, I've often heard "be there in a second", "I'm on my way", "5 minutes, max" and similar phrases once the person is late. What I rarely hear is proactive acknowledgement and ownership of the issue. The commitments you make as a chronically late person need to include your chronic lateness as a factor, just as the mobility limited person should take their limitations into account before signing up for the group hike.
    - Walf 1y ago
      That's a good assessment, but it misses the fact that the person with the effective dysfunction genuinely believes they will 'be there in a second', because they cannot accurately assess time. The lack of forthcoming contrition is not difficult to explain, shame discourages people from drawing attention to their faults. If it's happening frequently, one would always be feeling 'faulty'. Aversion to that is expected.
js8 1y ago
I don't want to trivialize, as I am currently procrastinating due to axiety on something, I know it's not easy. But yeah, let's be stupidly early. I think part of accepting that you have a mental condition means that your life will simply not be optimal. Which is harsh to accept in a society which values efficiency above all else.
Auracle 1y ago
Oh, come on. “It takes me 15 minutes to get to my destination. I should leave 5 minutes earlier than I need to in case there’s traffic or whatever.” Set an alarm for 20 minutes before you need to get there, and leave when it goes off. Done. I will absolutely trivialize it because everyone I’ve ever known that’s like that simply leaves at the time they’re supposed to already be somewhere. Or yes, they get distracted and start working on stuff that they know will take 30 minutes when they need to leave in 10. Thankfully we all have mini computers in our pockets that tell us exactly how long it takes to get somewhere that can also easily set alarms.
- Walf 1y ago
  You clearly don't have these issues, and I doubt you care about anyone who does, because your "Oh, come on." response positively reeks of 'that's not my experience, so other people's can't be that different.' It's never just one thing like travel time, it's scores of steps in a routine, which aren't always the same, and can easily be derailed by anything unexpected. You can estimate how long something you do frequently will take, based on how much time it took previously, and still get an inapplicable answer because distraction is a constant problem, and the executive function deficit means you literally do not think 'don't do that, get back on task' in the moment. You know how long everything should take, and still struggle to apply that when you're doing the routine.
  - Hyperboreanal 1y ago
    Everyone else manages to do it, you're not special. Be on time, or be a NEET I guess. You've decided you'll never be able to function properly so yeah you probably won't.
    - Walf 1y ago
      What a fuckwit. No, not everyone else manages it. I decided no such thing, you're just fabricating bullshit to feel better about being an arsehole to people who weren't born neurotypical. I have a career with pretty good pay and benefits, and you obviously didn't read anything else I wrote about managing my issues. I'd rather be late than a sociopath.
nradov 1y ago
Do or do not, there is no "try". If you know you have to leave home at 7:00 AM to avoid being late then just set an alarm at that time. When it goes off then walk out the door, even if you're in the middle of some other task. Like if you're brewing coffee then just unplug the machine and leave: no coffee for you today. Don't allow yourself the opportunity to get distracted. Simple.
- Walf 1y ago
  [flagged]
  - nradov 1y ago
    You're really missing the point. I'm trying to help by giving you practical, actionable advice which has worked well for other people. When it's time to leave, take the kid out the door even if that means carrying them out in the middle of a meltdown. This teaches children discipline and makes them understand that they can't get their own way by acting like spoiled brats.
    - karohalik 1y ago
      Did this person ask for the advice? Also, treating children without empathy, like objects, is not the solution to the problem.
      - nradov 1y ago
        Demonstrating empathy is great but it's not a valid reason to tolerate misbehavior. And being on time for school is more important.
        karohalik 1y ago
        No one is saying that structure or boundaries aren’t important. Of course they are. But what is being challenged here is the assumption that a meltdown = misbehavior. Sometimes it is. But often what looks like “acting out” is actually communication. Discomfort, overstimulation, unmet needs, not manipulation. Teaching kids discipline without empathy doesn't create resilience. It creates shame, masking, and fear of expressing emotions. And yeah, being on time matters. But so does understanding why the kid is melting down in the first place, especially if it’s a recurring thing. Otherwise, you’re just dragging a panicked, overwhelmed human out the door like a bag of potatoes and calling it a parenting win.
ryanjshaw 1y ago
I’m sorry people are so dismissive of your reality. I really don’t understand why they feel a need to insist you are just lazy when you are clearly intelligent and hard working, but struggling due to wiring you can’t directly control.
- nradov 1y ago
  People aren't being dismissive. The point is that whether someone is intelligent and hard working is utterly irrelevant to everyone else, especially in a work environment. What matters are results, not inner qualities.
  - Walf 1y ago
    Yes, you are, and punctuality ≠ productivity.
    - nradov 1y ago
      That rather depends on the job. Punctuality = productivity for many jobs, especially those in manufacturing, food service, agriculture, education, hospitality, transportation, security, etc. In the real world certain things have to be done on set schedules and anyone who can't reliably show up on time is worse than useless to those employers.
      - Walf 1y ago
        [flagged]