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I had my children at 36 and 38, and I'm the mother, and energy-wise, I've had no issues. Yes, they considered me to be of "advanced maternal age" in the OB depa

I had my children at 36 and 38, and I'm the mother, and energy-wise, I've had no issues. Yes, they considered me to be of "advanced maternal age" in the OB department and gave me special treatment due to it, but my doctors told me that the "advanced maternal age" threshold (35) was based off outdated research anyway. In the bay area, most of the mothers I've met were around that age, and my friends are having their kids at the same age. It was really nice that I had time to establish my career and figure things out before having kids.

Swizec 1y ago
> In the bay area, most of the mothers I've met were around that age, and my friends are having their kids at the same age San Francisco has the highest rate of geriatric pregnancies in USA. We are in a statistical bubble where having kids late is normal (because careers and hcol). https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/mother-birth-age-oldest-nationally-20269493.php https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/mother-birth-age...
- deleted 1y ago
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- amanaplanacanal 1y ago
  Bubble implies that it's going to burst. I don't see it. Women aren't going to stop wanting careers, and HCOL is coming for everybody. I expect the whole country to join SF in this "bubble".
  - TeaBrain 1y ago
    Bubble in this context means a unique environment that is unlike places on the outside of said bubble. It's not referring to a bubble like in the sense of a inflating market bubble.
  - Spooky23 1y ago
    The desire to work and have children is going nowhere. Like Hollywood, the careers are going to go away. The money that lubricates the Bay Area is all from the Middle East now, and the return on in-region labor dollars is declining.
    - froohmb 1y ago
      I’m sure the return on in region labor dollars decline that you note is real but is it regional? Where in the US is the return on labor dollars not declining? Housing costs, including taxes, seems to be the big problem in the Bay Area. Workers are still productive, but they require higher pay to offset the demand for housing caused by all the foreign “lubrication” and tech-49ers.
      - Spooky23 1y ago
        For movies, it’s cheaper to lots of work in Atlanta
  - kgwxd 1y ago
    The US is already a bubble. Government is currently trying to make it burst as fast as possible. Getting back to the point where what women want doesn't matter again. HCOL will be a luxury term, life in debtors prisons will be the new norm.
  - positr0n 1y ago
    Bubble: used to refer to a situation (esp. good or fortunate) that is isolated from reality or unlikely to last.
999900000999 1y ago
The issue here is this can lead people to pushing it till 40+. I was talking to a nice girl up until she mentioned still wanting kids in her late 40s. Maybe I’m old school, but telling someone you froze your eggs the same day you meet them is weird. Society itself is broken. You SHOULD be able to graduate high school and make enough to support yourself and a family with a bit of struggle. This rapidly transformed into no, get your masters, get 8 years of experience. Earn at least 300k as a couple. Then and only then should you consider a family. Childcare is 3k plus a month in many places. For myself , I wish I made this happen in my mid 20s. I had to move back home to take care of a family member (fck cancer) and I suffered various personal setbacks due to it. In my 30s I’ve let go of expecting anything. This world has already given me so much.
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- anyfoo 1y ago
  Nobody said you should wait that long. As for your anecdote, what’s wrong with figuring out early during dating whether you plan on having children or not? People should talk about those things early, since there is hardly anything that makes a relationship more incompatible long term, and leads to more (even mutual) heartbreak and sorrow than having to break up with a person solely because their most uncompromisable life plan differs. In my 20s, it felt indeed weird to bring that up early for me, because I wasn’t ready yet and didn’t even really know what I wanted yet. Later in life, when dating we always talked about potential family planning and general outlook on life early. (Unless it was never meant to be a serious relationship to begin with.)
  - frollogaston 1y ago
    Yeah, this is exactly something to discuss early. My wife and I were on the same page from earlier in dating about having kids in our 20s.
    - lo_zamoyski 1y ago
anitil 1y ago
I wish they called it "advanced maternal age" here. They use the delightful phrase "Geriatric pregnancy" in Australia
- zafka 1y ago
  My wife is a retired nurse ( American ), she uses that term when referring to such pregnancies.
- kergonath 1y ago
  It’s just the technical medical term. I don’t think “advanced maternal age” is much better (advanced age at 35?). Besides, advanced age is exactly what geriatric means.
  - lesuorac 1y ago
    Mother's age of 35 at estimated due date. So, if the due date is beyond your 35th birthday but you give birth early it's still a advanced maternal age pregnancy.
- Always42 1y ago
  so people feel better about having kids when its riskier?
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graemep 1y ago
It also depends on your health and fitness. My ex-wife was 37, and I was an year older, when our younger one was born and energy was not the problem so I agree with you that 35+ should not be a problem. However, a lot of people are having kids significantly older than that. I not know whether I could cope with a baby 20 years later. Contrary to stereotypes I used to get up faster and more fully if a baby cried in the night. On the other hand, having a baby might energise and motivate me! Not planning to try it out though!
ncruces 1y ago
You'll probably be 80 by the time your oldest grandkid enters kindergarten. How energetic will we be in our 80s? That's the bit that's scary to me.
jorts 1y ago
Same here. The issue is mainly the likelihood of getting pregnant after about 36, from what the fertility folks shared with us. It drops off a cliff.

Swizec 1y ago

> In the bay area, most of the mothers I've met were around that age, and my friends are having their kids at the same age San Francisco has the highest rate of geriatric pregnancies in USA. We are in a statistical bubble where having kids late is normal (because careers and hcol). https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/mother-birth-age-oldest-nationally-20269493.php https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/mother-birth-age...

deleted 1y ago
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amanaplanacanal 1y ago
Bubble implies that it's going to burst. I don't see it. Women aren't going to stop wanting careers, and HCOL is coming for everybody. I expect the whole country to join SF in this "bubble".
- TeaBrain 1y ago
  Bubble in this context means a unique environment that is unlike places on the outside of said bubble. It's not referring to a bubble like in the sense of a inflating market bubble.
- Spooky23 1y ago
  The desire to work and have children is going nowhere. Like Hollywood, the careers are going to go away. The money that lubricates the Bay Area is all from the Middle East now, and the return on in-region labor dollars is declining.
  - froohmb 1y ago
    I’m sure the return on in region labor dollars decline that you note is real but is it regional? Where in the US is the return on labor dollars not declining? Housing costs, including taxes, seems to be the big problem in the Bay Area. Workers are still productive, but they require higher pay to offset the demand for housing caused by all the foreign “lubrication” and tech-49ers.
    - Spooky23 1y ago
      For movies, it’s cheaper to lots of work in Atlanta
- kgwxd 1y ago
  The US is already a bubble. Government is currently trying to make it burst as fast as possible. Getting back to the point where what women want doesn't matter again. HCOL will be a luxury term, life in debtors prisons will be the new norm.
- positr0n 1y ago
  Bubble: used to refer to a situation (esp. good or fortunate) that is isolated from reality or unlikely to last.

999900000999 1y ago

The issue here is this can lead people to pushing it till 40+. I was talking to a nice girl up until she mentioned still wanting kids in her late 40s. Maybe I’m old school, but telling someone you froze your eggs the same day you meet them is weird. Society itself is broken. You SHOULD be able to graduate high school and make enough to support yourself and a family with a bit of struggle. This rapidly transformed into no, get your masters, get 8 years of experience. Earn at least 300k as a couple. Then and only then should you consider a family. Childcare is 3k plus a month in many places. For myself , I wish I made this happen in my mid 20s. I had to move back home to take care of a family member (fck cancer) and I suffered various personal setbacks due to it. In my 30s I’ve let go of expecting anything. This world has already given me so much.

deleted 1y ago
[deleted]
anyfoo 1y ago
Nobody said you should wait that long. As for your anecdote, what’s wrong with figuring out early during dating whether you plan on having children or not? People should talk about those things early, since there is hardly anything that makes a relationship more incompatible long term, and leads to more (even mutual) heartbreak and sorrow than having to break up with a person solely because their most uncompromisable life plan differs. In my 20s, it felt indeed weird to bring that up early for me, because I wasn’t ready yet and didn’t even really know what I wanted yet. Later in life, when dating we always talked about potential family planning and general outlook on life early. (Unless it was never meant to be a serious relationship to begin with.)
- frollogaston 1y ago
  Yeah, this is exactly something to discuss early. My wife and I were on the same page from earlier in dating about having kids in our 20s.
  - lo_zamoyski 1y ago

anitil 1y ago

I wish they called it "advanced maternal age" here. They use the delightful phrase "Geriatric pregnancy" in Australia

zafka 1y ago
My wife is a retired nurse ( American ), she uses that term when referring to such pregnancies.
kergonath 1y ago
It’s just the technical medical term. I don’t think “advanced maternal age” is much better (advanced age at 35?). Besides, advanced age is exactly what geriatric means.
- lesuorac 1y ago
  Mother's age of 35 at estimated due date. So, if the due date is beyond your 35th birthday but you give birth early it's still a advanced maternal age pregnancy.
Always42 1y ago
so people feel better about having kids when its riskier?
deleted 1y ago
[deleted]

graemep 1y ago

It also depends on your health and fitness. My ex-wife was 37, and I was an year older, when our younger one was born and energy was not the problem so I agree with you that 35+ should not be a problem. However, a lot of people are having kids significantly older than that. I not know whether I could cope with a baby 20 years later. Contrary to stereotypes I used to get up faster and more fully if a baby cried in the night. On the other hand, having a baby might energise and motivate me! Not planning to try it out though!

ncruces 1y ago

You'll probably be 80 by the time your oldest grandkid enters kindergarten. How energetic will we be in our 80s? That's the bit that's scary to me.

jorts 1y ago

Same here. The issue is mainly the likelihood of getting pregnant after about 36, from what the fertility folks shared with us. It drops off a cliff.