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As a father of a son, this is heartbreaking. I understand the motivation behind #metoo as outrage against predatory men. Men and women alike feel this outrage.

As a father of a son, this is heartbreaking. I understand the motivation behind #metoo as outrage against predatory men. Men and women alike feel this outrage. But it's gone too far. My 39 year old single son was publicly shamed by Gen Z people around him for approaching a 22 yr old woman. Last I checked, 22 yr old women are adults who can say no if they want. It feels to me like my son has given up in this environment. He wants to get married and have kids, but it's not looking good at this point.

bell-cot 1y ago
Yeah. Obviously there's a huge amount of nuance in approaching another person. OTOH, I certainly know men who simply stay away from women - because "that's the best possible outcome anyway, and the least painful way of reaching it".
- nchmy 1y ago
  Cold approaching someone to ask them out - especially if they hadn't yet AT LEAST exchanged smiles - seems to be the sign of a deluded/misguided person. And even moreso with such an enormous - and generally creepy - age difference. More prudent and effective would be to approach a group, chat with them, and build a rapport. Then see where things go. Even more prudent would be to not be so utterly pathetic and desperate, and instead just focus on doing things that bring you fulfillment. And then meet people who also do those things, some of who you will just click with. And perhaps even romantically. There's no "approach anxiety" that way because there's no "approach" at all! Just live an authentic, contented life - that's what's actually attractive to people. The problem is that most people do not live an authentic life. But there's nothing stopping them from starting today and endless options for it. But keep "dating" out of your mind - just go and connect with people, develop interests, skills, self confidence etc
  - deleted 1y ago
    [deleted]
nchmy 1y ago
Why approach a 22 yr old though when you are 39? Nothing about that makes any sense. He could literally be her father.
- dinkusmcgrawkus 1y ago
  Well, didn't you just prove his point and your comment is exactly the same sort of finger wagging, virtue signalling bs that got us here. SHE IS 22, SHE IS AN ADULT! If you think that throughout history, 40 year old men have NOT sought out younger woman to mate with, you're fucking delusional. SHE IS AN ADULT, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. Your "disgust" over the relationship is no different then having disgust over a black man dating a white woman. Go outside and touch grass.
  - nchmy 1y ago
    You seem to be the only one exhibiting disgust here, friend. The main reason for my comment - though there's plenty more - is that a 38yr old and 22 yr old are literally a generation, and hopefully (for the older person's sake) immense life experience and maturity levels, apart. I'm late 30s and couldn't possibly fathom being in a fulfilling relationship with a 22 year old - unless I was only interested in her as an object to be enjoyed. That this guy had interest in her says to me that he's woefully misguided/underdeveloped. And she/the "defenders" could surely see that as well. This is compounded by just cold approaching her in public. If they happened to meet through some common activity and got to know each other and hit it off - which is how normal people go about such things - it would be a different story. I feel sorry for the guy, and all those here who are defending him.
    - labrador 1y ago
      You're assuming a cold approach from a stranger. They knew each other and were friendly. He asked, she declined. That should’ve been the end of it. But instead, she chose public shaming, which wasn’t about boundaries, it was about performing victimhood. That kind of social punishment teaches men to disappear, not to grow. What do you think that does to a generation of men already struggling with connection?

bell-cot 1y ago

Yeah. Obviously there's a huge amount of nuance in approaching another person. OTOH, I certainly know men who simply stay away from women - because "that's the best possible outcome anyway, and the least painful way of reaching it".

nchmy 1y ago
Cold approaching someone to ask them out - especially if they hadn't yet AT LEAST exchanged smiles - seems to be the sign of a deluded/misguided person. And even moreso with such an enormous - and generally creepy - age difference. More prudent and effective would be to approach a group, chat with them, and build a rapport. Then see where things go. Even more prudent would be to not be so utterly pathetic and desperate, and instead just focus on doing things that bring you fulfillment. And then meet people who also do those things, some of who you will just click with. And perhaps even romantically. There's no "approach anxiety" that way because there's no "approach" at all! Just live an authentic, contented life - that's what's actually attractive to people. The problem is that most people do not live an authentic life. But there's nothing stopping them from starting today and endless options for it. But keep "dating" out of your mind - just go and connect with people, develop interests, skills, self confidence etc
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]

nchmy 1y ago

Why approach a 22 yr old though when you are 39? Nothing about that makes any sense. He could literally be her father.

dinkusmcgrawkus 1y ago
Well, didn't you just prove his point and your comment is exactly the same sort of finger wagging, virtue signalling bs that got us here. SHE IS 22, SHE IS AN ADULT! If you think that throughout history, 40 year old men have NOT sought out younger woman to mate with, you're fucking delusional. SHE IS AN ADULT, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. Your "disgust" over the relationship is no different then having disgust over a black man dating a white woman. Go outside and touch grass.
- nchmy 1y ago
  You seem to be the only one exhibiting disgust here, friend. The main reason for my comment - though there's plenty more - is that a 38yr old and 22 yr old are literally a generation, and hopefully (for the older person's sake) immense life experience and maturity levels, apart. I'm late 30s and couldn't possibly fathom being in a fulfilling relationship with a 22 year old - unless I was only interested in her as an object to be enjoyed. That this guy had interest in her says to me that he's woefully misguided/underdeveloped. And she/the "defenders" could surely see that as well. This is compounded by just cold approaching her in public. If they happened to meet through some common activity and got to know each other and hit it off - which is how normal people go about such things - it would be a different story. I feel sorry for the guy, and all those here who are defending him.
  - labrador 1y ago
    You're assuming a cold approach from a stranger. They knew each other and were friendly. He asked, she declined. That should’ve been the end of it. But instead, she chose public shaming, which wasn’t about boundaries, it was about performing victimhood. That kind of social punishment teaches men to disappear, not to grow. What do you think that does to a generation of men already struggling with connection?