3 ms·

Many still have the desire, but today have the choice to walk away from that desire in order to pursue a career, or to just live life in a different way. Some a

by mym1990 1y ago

Many still have the desire, but today have the choice to walk away from that desire in order to pursue a career, or to just live life in a different way. Some also have the desire but have trouble conceiving, or don't have the means to support a child. The gap is definitely there.

lmm 1y ago
> Many still have the desire, but today have the choice to walk away from that desire in order to pursue a career, or to just live life in a different way. I'd say in that case they don't have the desire. They may want children all else being equal, but they don't want to put in what it would cost them to have children. Otherwise they would.
- mym1990 1y ago
  Okay…I usually have the desire to eat cake, I don’t have it for every meal though.
  - lmm 1y ago
    I'm not claiming that desire is zero, just that it's below replacement rate. Just like if the desire for cake isn't enough to sustain a bakery in my neighbourhood.
unstablediffusi 1y ago
the deciding metric here is how old are they when they start wanting children. naturally, that factor is ignored, because it's politically incorrect to discuss it for a number of reasons. a woman in her thirties has very slim chances to find a partner because men in their thirties have unlimited access to an unlimited number of women in their twenties. it's a harsh truth, but burying one's head in the sand doesn't really help.
- lmm 1y ago
  > men in their thirties have unlimited access to an unlimited number of women in their twenties On the contrary. Maybe the most desirable 20% do, but many men in their thirties have very little access to women of any age.
  - unstablediffusi 1y ago
    yes, there certain discrepancies between what men and women consider desirable in a partner, but we aren't really allowed to discuss this on the internet without certain folx coming out of the woods to claim that 2+2=5. still, your claim does not invalidate my point, does it?
    - lmm 1y ago
      "There are no men available" and "women do not want the men who are available" are quite different situations with different solution spaces.
      - unstablediffusi 1y ago
        no, no, my point was neither of those things. my point was that "women past a certain age have slim chances of finding a man who would be willing to have children with them," and I don't think it's a particularly outrageous or controversial statement.
        lmm 1y ago
        Then perhaps we have a real disagreement. I think for the vast majority of women over 30 there is a ready supply of men who would be willing to have children with them - just not men that those women would condescend to have children with.
        unstablediffusi 1y ago
        which doesn't invalidate my point, does it? :) I don't know where is that you live that men are so desperate and eager to commit to low-value women, but in the world I live in, men in their thirties are unmarried and/or childless by choice.

lmm 1y ago

> Many still have the desire, but today have the choice to walk away from that desire in order to pursue a career, or to just live life in a different way. I'd say in that case they don't have the desire. They may want children all else being equal, but they don't want to put in what it would cost them to have children. Otherwise they would.

mym1990 1y ago
Okay…I usually have the desire to eat cake, I don’t have it for every meal though.
- lmm 1y ago
  I'm not claiming that desire is zero, just that it's below replacement rate. Just like if the desire for cake isn't enough to sustain a bakery in my neighbourhood.

unstablediffusi 1y ago

the deciding metric here is how old are they when they start wanting children. naturally, that factor is ignored, because it's politically incorrect to discuss it for a number of reasons. a woman in her thirties has very slim chances to find a partner because men in their thirties have unlimited access to an unlimited number of women in their twenties. it's a harsh truth, but burying one's head in the sand doesn't really help.

lmm 1y ago
> men in their thirties have unlimited access to an unlimited number of women in their twenties On the contrary. Maybe the most desirable 20% do, but many men in their thirties have very little access to women of any age.
- unstablediffusi 1y ago
  yes, there certain discrepancies between what men and women consider desirable in a partner, but we aren't really allowed to discuss this on the internet without certain folx coming out of the woods to claim that 2+2=5. still, your claim does not invalidate my point, does it?
  - lmm 1y ago
    "There are no men available" and "women do not want the men who are available" are quite different situations with different solution spaces.
    - unstablediffusi 1y ago
      no, no, my point was neither of those things. my point was that "women past a certain age have slim chances of finding a man who would be willing to have children with them," and I don't think it's a particularly outrageous or controversial statement.
      - lmm 1y ago
        Then perhaps we have a real disagreement. I think for the vast majority of women over 30 there is a ready supply of men who would be willing to have children with them - just not men that those women would condescend to have children with.
        unstablediffusi 1y ago
        which doesn't invalidate my point, does it? :) I don't know where is that you live that men are so desperate and eager to commit to low-value women, but in the world I live in, men in their thirties are unmarried and/or childless by choice.