4 ms·
Truth be told I also feel sharper when not dating or in a relationship, software engineering takes a lot of mental overhead. Competing in the modern meat market
by hmmmcurious1 2y ago
Truth be told I also feel sharper when not dating or in a relationship, software engineering takes a lot of mental overhead. Competing in the modern meat market that is the current dating scene increases that mental overhead
- mantas 2y agoStaying single is only one of the ways to get out of the dating market.
- mohsen1 2y agoYour loaded comment reminds me of Sheryl Sandberg's statements. "Look how easy it is to maintain work/life balance if you LEAN IN!" -- ignoring the fact that an army of people supporting her "LEAN IN" lifestyle.
- mantas 2y agoIs it considered „loaded“ to say that starting a family is um… an option? What a time to be alive.
- disgruntledphd2 2y agoTo be fair to her, after her husband died I think she had to re-assess a lot of the Lean In stuff.
- gotts 2y agoWhat are other ways?
- credit_guy 2y agoMaybe getting married?
- goodpoint 2y agoThe only type of marriage that does not require constant effort is a failed marriage.
- SketchySeaBeast 2y agoIt requires effort, but it's not always a chore. It should make your life easier by sharing the load of everyday burdens. I'm thankful to be sharing my life with my wife.
- goodpoint 2y agoI wrote "effort", not "chore", and yet I got downvoted...
- SketchySeaBeast 2y agoI think because it came off as gloomy. I tried to differentiate effort from being and solely negative and emphasize how marriage is a combination of the good and the bad.
- mantas 2y agoLife in general requires constant energy. Unless you’re freeloader. Be it relationship, participating in a society or anything else.
- taddevries 2y agoAre you implying that marriage is, somehow, the end state of relationship building? I can assure you it does not end at marriage.
- bitzun 2y agoMail order bride
- thatcat 2y agomarriage, which is presumably the intention of dating
- bluescrn 2y agoIt used to be. But people are now pushed towards the dating equivalent of 'fast fashion', hookups via apps, throwaway relationships, shopping around for something new and exciting.
- mantas 2y agoAnd then people get surprised that somehow it’s exhausting. It was not supposed to be used like that. Just like shopping in a fast fashion lifestyle is exhausting. Compared to buying long lasting outfit once in a while.
- __MatrixMan__ 2y agoI've never dated in this mode before. It's it like... an interview?
- thatcat 2y agohaha yea basically, "dating with intention" can be pretty awkward
- ojhughes 2y agoPlenty of couples don’t get married and have happy lives together.
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- fHr 2y agoPretty much feels like a second job to me and currently in the stage of advancing in my career and learning Rust on the side and more devops things and then the actual job as a Java SWE I already do like a 150%/60+ hour week, I can not have a 250% load.
- untrust 2y agoThere are phases of life where it makes sense to prevent preoccupying yourself with romantic relationships (which end up occupying large chunks of your free time), however I believe that long term this is a bad strategy. Focusing on career above all else will not make you happy in the long run unless you define your entire identity as a career professional. In short bursts this is probably fine (and I followed a similar strategy early in my career) but I am personally happy to have not fallen into the trap of focusing on my career to the detriment of my personal life throughout my entire youth.
- closewith 2y agoWell, no-one can decide your priorities for you, but this is a path you want to be sure you want to follow, as your life options narrow more quickly than you might imagine. Advancing your career may seem important now, but will you feel that way on your deathbed looking back?
- karmakurtisaani 2y agoOn my deathbed I'll be fondly remembering all the value I created for the shareholders, and the KPIs my team exceeded.
- red-iron-pine 2y agoi'll pass those KPI metrics down to my children!
- hn_throwaway_99 2y agoLol, you and George Costanza: https://youtu.be/AariEduyb7s?t=56 https://youtu.be/AariEduyb7s?t=56
- pylua 2y agoOnce you are out of the dating game you may get married and start a family. That also has a mental overhead, and it can be hard to keep your kids schedules aligned with demands / timelines from work in tech. I think you learn to bear the load more gracefullly as you age and mature. It also puts life more into perspective. My main point is you learn to handle it, which is actually a good form of personal growth.
- Seanambers 2y agoWork to live or live to work.
- darth_avocado 2y agoDating and relationships add to the mental overhead, but navigating a tough marriage and eventually divorce add a whole layer of mental overhead that I can’t even describe. It’s a miracle people manage to stay employed after going through it.
- red-iron-pine 2y agotoo absorbed in work making money for a corporate overlord to try to breed. I hope you're working at a startup that you own, otherwise you're just helping fund some executive's Disney vacation with his four kids, while you end up an evolutionary dead-end. but maybe you'll write something that everyone will use for a couple years, then replace, right?