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Very sad. In case you didn't open the link yet, this is from the widow of Jake Seliger, who was very active on HN: https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=jseli

Very sad. In case you didn't open the link yet, this is from the widow of Jake Seliger, who was very active on HN: https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=jseliger https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=jseliger. He died a few months ago. Grieving while being a new mom must be brutal.

LorenDB 2y ago
Checked his profile. His last comment was an archive.ph link to bypass a paywall. If that's not a great HN legacy, I don't know what is.
- DC-3 2y ago
  It was on the day he died, too.
- LorenzoGood 2y ago
  I noticed the same. What a guy.
tasuki 2y ago
> Grieving while being a new mom must be brutal. As always, yes and no. I'm a single father, my partner died when our daughter was 1.5 years old. A baby requires constant attention and care, so I didn't quite have the option of falling into some kind of depression and just doing nothing. That said, I quite miss the abundant free time I used to have in my other life. Nowadays is constant battle about the littlest things. I pour the milk the wrong way and get screamed at for 15 minutes.
- Trollmann 2y ago
  > I didn't quite have the option of falling into some kind of depression and just doing nothing Don't know if this was your intention but this comes across as if having a depression was a choice, which it rarely is with any kind of illness.
  - sneak 2y ago
    Not sure why you’re being downvoted; plenty of new parents let mental illness come between them and their responsibilities to their child/ren. They didn’t have the option of neglecting their kids either; somehow it doesn’t stop them from doing so anyway.
    - tasuki 2y ago
      Wikipedia says "Depression is a mental state of low mood and aversion to activity" - that's what I meant. Mental illness is I think a different thing. Depression doesn't imply mental illness, nor does mental illness imply depression. I understand and agree that many people let mental illness come between them and whatever. It's a problem. It's just a different problem.
    - s1artibartfast 2y ago
      Yet you used the word "let", which implies agency and choice.
  - tasuki 2y ago
    It's difficult to say what is a choice and what isn't. Is anything my choice? Perhaps the world is deterministic, so nothing is anyone's choice. But also, I have seen people who seemingly choose to wallow in their grief. Also what is depression? I'm very sad that my partner died. I miss her. Some people have a chemical imbalance in their body. These are entirely different things. Perhaps I shouldn't have used that word, which has so many different meanings as to lose meaning altogether. When you have a kid and don't want to get out of bed the whole day, eventually the kid is hungry enough to start screaming, and it will keep screaming until you get out of bed and feed it. It really is in everyone's mutual interest, depression or not. It's harder to stay depressed when you have to do things. It's easier to stay depressed when you can lie in bed the whole day.
    - Trollmann 2y ago
      Thanks for restating, I get where you're coming from. Also your reply to another comment made me realize this is also a language mixup on my side. I didn't realize there is a depression (mood) in English. My native language has the major depressive disorder as depression, not sure if there is a term for the mood. Sorry for not checking this assumption before but I guess my perception of suggesting 'have you tried not being depressed?' just didn't sit well with me.
- Tade0 2y ago
  > I pour the milk the wrong way and get screamed at for 15 minutes. All too familiar. Occasionally I stop to think what would I do if my SO passed away suddenly. I've found that it's easier to think about my own death than this. Anyway, I hope you'll get some much needed downtime eventually.
  - tasuki 2y ago
    We all do! It's called death. The great equalizer :)
    - Tade0 2y ago
      I was on the fence whether to add "...and not in a coffin" to that last paragraph.
ErigmolCt 2y ago
I just hope she has the support she needs
- pbronez 2y ago
  If you want to help, she has a Go Fund Me here https://www.gofundme.com/f/secure-a-bright-future-for-bess-and-athena/cl/d?utm_campaign=pd_ss_icons&utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link&attribution_id=sl%3A152c6d19-fc6d-421f-95c1-aaae1fb6a591 https://www.gofundme.com/f/secure-a-bright-future-for-bess-a...
  - ErigmolCt 2y ago
    I appreciate you sharing this.

LorenDB 2y ago

Checked his profile. His last comment was an archive.ph link to bypass a paywall. If that's not a great HN legacy, I don't know what is.

DC-3 2y ago
It was on the day he died, too.
LorenzoGood 2y ago
I noticed the same. What a guy.

tasuki 2y ago

> Grieving while being a new mom must be brutal. As always, yes and no. I'm a single father, my partner died when our daughter was 1.5 years old. A baby requires constant attention and care, so I didn't quite have the option of falling into some kind of depression and just doing nothing. That said, I quite miss the abundant free time I used to have in my other life. Nowadays is constant battle about the littlest things. I pour the milk the wrong way and get screamed at for 15 minutes.

Trollmann 2y ago
> I didn't quite have the option of falling into some kind of depression and just doing nothing Don't know if this was your intention but this comes across as if having a depression was a choice, which it rarely is with any kind of illness.
- sneak 2y ago
  Not sure why you’re being downvoted; plenty of new parents let mental illness come between them and their responsibilities to their child/ren. They didn’t have the option of neglecting their kids either; somehow it doesn’t stop them from doing so anyway.
  - tasuki 2y ago
    Wikipedia says "Depression is a mental state of low mood and aversion to activity" - that's what I meant. Mental illness is I think a different thing. Depression doesn't imply mental illness, nor does mental illness imply depression. I understand and agree that many people let mental illness come between them and whatever. It's a problem. It's just a different problem.
  - s1artibartfast 2y ago
    Yet you used the word "let", which implies agency and choice.
- tasuki 2y ago
  It's difficult to say what is a choice and what isn't. Is anything my choice? Perhaps the world is deterministic, so nothing is anyone's choice. But also, I have seen people who seemingly choose to wallow in their grief. Also what is depression? I'm very sad that my partner died. I miss her. Some people have a chemical imbalance in their body. These are entirely different things. Perhaps I shouldn't have used that word, which has so many different meanings as to lose meaning altogether. When you have a kid and don't want to get out of bed the whole day, eventually the kid is hungry enough to start screaming, and it will keep screaming until you get out of bed and feed it. It really is in everyone's mutual interest, depression or not. It's harder to stay depressed when you have to do things. It's easier to stay depressed when you can lie in bed the whole day.
  - Trollmann 2y ago
    Thanks for restating, I get where you're coming from. Also your reply to another comment made me realize this is also a language mixup on my side. I didn't realize there is a depression (mood) in English. My native language has the major depressive disorder as depression, not sure if there is a term for the mood. Sorry for not checking this assumption before but I guess my perception of suggesting 'have you tried not being depressed?' just didn't sit well with me.
Tade0 2y ago
> I pour the milk the wrong way and get screamed at for 15 minutes. All too familiar. Occasionally I stop to think what would I do if my SO passed away suddenly. I've found that it's easier to think about my own death than this. Anyway, I hope you'll get some much needed downtime eventually.
- tasuki 2y ago
  We all do! It's called death. The great equalizer :)
  - Tade0 2y ago
    I was on the fence whether to add "...and not in a coffin" to that last paragraph.

ErigmolCt 2y ago

I just hope she has the support she needs

pbronez 2y ago
If you want to help, she has a Go Fund Me here https://www.gofundme.com/f/secure-a-bright-future-for-bess-and-athena/cl/d?utm_campaign=pd_ss_icons&utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link&attribution_id=sl%3A152c6d19-fc6d-421f-95c1-aaae1fb6a591 https://www.gofundme.com/f/secure-a-bright-future-for-bess-a...
- ErigmolCt 2y ago
  I appreciate you sharing this.