8 ms·

My takeaways from 12 months of therapy

• lobito25 2y ago
  Offer a lunch or dinner to a friend and you'll be in better hands, at least they care for you.
  • whitefang 2y ago
    Yes that would be ideal but with age friends are fewer and more busy.
    • ramon156 2y ago
      I've been told that its just different, not harder. Then again I'm only 23, so I have no idea.
      • meowfly 2y ago
        It's harder. 1. Older adults are less open. I wouldn't just start texting someone from work about my favorite bands after knowing them for a couple weeks. In college that was common. 2. Children and family responsibilities are primary relationships, while in college friends are primary relationships. 3. Energy levels drop and responsibility rises as you age; limiting what you want to do. 4. There is a light social pressure to "act your age" that has a small governing influence to adult relationships. I have good friendships, but almost all of my adult friendships are from college and highschool. Hanging out is usually a set activity like hopping on a game, grabbing lunch, or maybe biking, golf, etc on a sunday. Work is where I meet people and all of those relationships tend to be tainted by the professional relationship.
    • Otek 2y ago
      friends as sole outlet for deep issues can strain relationships and offer biased advice—they’re a support system, not a substitute for professional, objective therapy
      • worthless-trash 2y ago
        I always find this train of thought hard to believe, as a species we've been through much harder times with more trauma. How did we evolve to need a professional objective therapy instead of strong support systems.
        • moffkalast 2y ago
          Those harder times that caused more trauma were themselves almost always caused by traumatized people who had no way of getting help. Friend/family support systems rely on people actually knowing what to do, and most have no clue whatsoever. The treatment for "shell shock" was to man up, and "hysteria" got you an ice pick to the brain. Evolution works on the scale of millennia, we've been the same organism for the past 300k years and it's random best effort that only selects based on what kills you before you procreate, it doesn't guarantee anything at all.
        • Dilettante_ 2y ago
          I'd say people for a long time, in many cultures have gone to trusted faith leaders or elders to seek guidance their peers weren't suited/equipped to give.
        • basedfigure 2y ago
          Neither one can still substitute for the immersively subjective realities in which our psyches were formed around, nor even begin to answer how that relates to everything we pick up and carry throughout our lives. Perhaps it would take an equally intense experience, developed over a lifetime and coupled with accurate insights into how those relate to the brain, to change some deep-seated traits or begin to answer how something such as a disorder actually behaves in the brain.
        • wruza 2y ago
          At the species level the nature couldn't care less about a single specimen. If you have offspring, suffer as much as you want. If not, too. Suffer anyway, just leave offspring. Or not, who cares. Professional therapy (at least the one I experienced) uses well-defined methods in addition to drawing parallels and analogies. Downward arrow, event/emotion logging, exposure, core belief removal methods, etc. I was really intrigued when I realized that therapy is not about whining and listening to "it's okay" or shallow advices, but akin to debugging and programming with a mentor who already seen most bug like yours and only needs you to start dumping logs to confirm. You can come up with something vaguely like this by accident, after talking to lots of friends. But why bother if you have a professional who can point out the inconsistency and suggest/explain the way to solve it in just in a few sessions?
  • deleted 2y ago
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• wruza 2y ago
  I’d like to read on actual techniques, cause this post makes me suspicious. That question “how do I feel about it” is only a first step in a complex approach and the focus on it may suggest that there’s something missing in my picture. Which is lots of circumstantial techniques and ideas. I wouldn’t think of pointing this particular question out from all that if I was writing a blog post. Maybe I’m just different? Anyway, I agree when they say that people who need therapy the most are the ones who cannot afford it. It makes you think different, not just pat you on the head and commiserate.
  • m463 2y ago
    I suspect that's the question the therapist asked to get things going. I agree with you, I'm pretty sure after that there are things that were explored and not explored that maybe are hidden from view. A good friend of mine is very good exploring things with "why is that?" or "give me an example" but they are just tools.
    • whitefang 2y ago
      Yes it indeed was the question asked by the Therapist and that made me realize I've not been asking that often to myself. The question made me think and made me feel uncomfortable. So now whenever I am in a tricky situtation, I ask myself that question. It gives me more understanding of my feeling. And once I've more grasp on it, I can tackle it better.
  • whitefang 2y ago
    I have some techniques that I use for coping. I also have ADHD so there are other overlapping challenges too. Though I was not sure about sharing them and more importantly I still have to clearly identify them and list them out to be able to share. It would be a good exercise and I will try to do that. Thanks for the idea.
  • e40 2y ago
    Some of the people who need it the most refuse to try it when it is offered.
  • 2y ago
• pizza234 2y ago
  The concept of "good therapist" can be misleading, as it suggests the idea that there good therapist necessarily work well with any patient (and as a consequence, patients may give up too early in their search for a therapist). I think it's more appropriate to talk about "suitable" therapist. In a way, it's like talking about friendships. Some people certainly have better "friendship skills" than others, but because a given person has such skills, it doesn't automatically make them a good friend to everybody.
  • lambertsimnel 2y ago
    > I think it's more appropriate to talk about "suitable" therapist. Can you say any more about how a therapist might be more suitable for some patients than others? Is it about a methodology (like cognitive behavioral therapy), or about disorder(s) the therapist usually treats (like addiction), or is it something else (possibly something the patient won't discover until after treatment starts)?
    • HPsquared 2y ago
      Even something like gender could affect the process. There are so many variables when it comes to real people.
    • Towaway69 2y ago
      Being able to emotional connect to a therapist can be far more important than methodology. If it’s all about methodology then a) we’re robots and b) there would be no need for therapists.
  • zsoltkacsandi 2y ago
    Although I partially agree, there are definitely bad therapists (a lot), and it implies there are good ones.
  • bowsamic 2y ago
    I agree. I’m a bit horrified when I hear about other people’s therapists being universally affirmative yes men. Then again, other people seem to be horrified that my therapist challenges me
• lelanthran 2y ago
  The problem with mainstream therapy is that, unless you're being treated by a psychiatrist, there's very little in the way of objective evidence of therapy working. Sure, lots of self-reported successes by patients with no control to compare against, but at this point there is just as much self-reported evidence that prayer works. For medical treatments, the bar should be higher than "patient believes it worked".
  • 0xDEADFED5 2y ago
    if you learn things from therapy that improve your life then i guess it has worked. i imagine success stories tend to self-select as well. if you go to therapy in the first place it means you're admitting a need and willingness to change. if a person thinks they know everything and can't benefit from therapy then they're probably unlikely to gain anything from the experience.
    • lelanthran 2y ago
      > if you learn things from therapy that improve your life then i guess it has worked. But this is true of things that we already know don't work - aromatherapy, homeopathy, acupuncture. The evidence for therapy is neither more nor less than the "evidence" for things we already know fails double-blind studies.
      • mikebonnell 2y ago
        For CBT therapy, the evidence strongly suggests that it does help in the vast majority (but not all cases). More research is still needed to your point, and we can acknowledge the research done so far has provided evidence in favor. "The effect's associated prediction interval −0.05 to 0.50 suggested CBT will remain effective in conditions for which we do not currently have available evidence. While there remain some gaps in the completeness of the evidence base, we need to recognise the consistent evidence for the general benefit which CBT offers." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7856415/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7856415/ "Eleven studies compared response rates between CBT and other treatments or control conditions. CBT showed higher response rates than the comparison conditions in 7 of these reviews and only one review reported that CBT had lower response rates than comparison treatments. In general, the evidence-base of CBT is very strong. However, additional research is needed to examine the efficacy of CBT for randomized-controlled studies." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3584580/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3584580/
• kissgyorgy 2y ago
  Try group therapy! It can significantly change your life. I was saying "no fucking way" whenever my psychiatrist suggested it, but after I tried, it turned my life upside down in the best possible way. It will be very uncomfortable first, but worth it!
  • aleph_minus_one 2y ago
    I have a feeling that if I were in group therapy, the other patients in the session would get really bad ideas for life by listening to me ... ;-)
    • kissgyorgy 2y ago
      One of the lessons learned on group therapy is how wrong you are all the time about what others think of you.
• wwilim 2y ago
  How do I know if my therapist is a good fit? There are good days but on bad days I don't know if it's him or if I'm just that emotionally constipated
  • bowsamic 2y ago
    A bad day in therapy doesn’t mean the therapy is bad. I’ve had proper arguments with my therapist and even asked to quit multiple times. Thankfully stuck with it and turned out to be part of the process Really all you can do is stick with it for a few months and see if you get better. It’s hard to tell in an immediate moment if it’s good
• bawolff 2y ago
  I hope this doesn't come across disrepectful, but its kind of weird the take away from 1 year of therapy is so cliched. The take away is basically you should pay attention to your emotions, don't be afraid to express your emotions and don't be afraid to try new things. Which feels like something you would see on instagram written over a sunset. Perhaps its just a case of the difference between knowing the path and walking the path, and the 12 months was learning to walk it.
  • bowsamic 2y ago
    It is exactly that. I've also been in a pretty intense therapy for 12 months (3 hours a week) and all the takeaways are really obvious. That I had to take responsibility for my life, that I would feel better if I made my life better, to step outside my comfort zone, etc. Therapy isn't really about the advice but actually transforming it into action, as you say, walking the path instead of just knowing the path. But for someone who is, let's say, suffering from depression, the aforementioned path sounds like cheesy bullshit and not a source of happiness at all. They don't do those things for many different reasons depending on the person's psychological history, and the advice sounds empty because they don't realise it actually works. I had been avoiding that advice, pretending outwardly that it was bullshit, for 30 years of my life. Those cliche Instagram slogans actually do mean a lot to me now, it just turns out I literally spent my entire life until now unconsciously, but actively, avoiding them. The way I learnt to take my first step on that path was to understand the rich psychological tapestry that caused me to avoid the path.
  • rpdillon 2y ago
    I really enjoyed the post, especially its focus and brevity. I agree with your last thought. In my experience, there's a significant gap between understanding something intellectually and understanding how to live it. Therapy seems to focus on the latter.
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• submeta 2y ago
  My spouse is a psychotherapist, and from her 10+ years of work I have seen that it can work very well. But the success depends on the patient’s mental attitude. If you go to a therapist with the mindset „here I am, do something that I feel better (again)“, then I can guarantee you you‘ll be disappointed. A psychotherapist is like a midwife who can help a woman in giving birth to a child, but the woman must go through the process herself, through the pain, the labour. But when you come with the right mindset, do the work, do not expect quick fixes, the results can be transformative.
  • zadler 2y ago
    Once you figure out what your issues are, you might however find yourself going to therapists with the questions “what are we to do or what am I to do about it?” And finding they have no answer. Just, “yea it’s a process…”
    • submeta 2y ago
      There‘s a therapy form that can help you in that case as well: Behaviour therapy. But if you try to understand the root causes (in the present) of your problem(s), you need psychodynamic psychotherapy. Both will be helpful. Depending on your needs.
      • TheNewsIsHere 2y ago
        Exactly this. There are multiple types of psychotherapy, each with a particular focus oriented toward particular themes and goals. It’s easy for the layman to misunderstand how these different types work in practice and for what circumstances they’re well suited. I once underwent psychodynamic psychotherapy for a serious interpersonal relationship problem that was taking a devastating toll on my life. When I had reached a point where I was ready to discuss what (if any) therapy came next, I thought CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) would be right for me after reviewing the particulars. It’s important to note that along with different therapies, psychologists are also quite different. There are different schools and concepts that a psychologist may subscribe to or favor, and of course each has their own personal approach and style. It turned out that on paper I thought CBT would be a good next step, but when I got there with a therapist who specialized in it, it wasn’t what I needed or wanted, and while I liked the therapist, I didn’t much care for their style of rapport building.
• rsp1984 2y ago
  The expressing of emotion comes with a lot of side benefits: the other person becomes aware of your feelings (yes, people generally don’t know how you feel about something). They will respect your boundaries better. You can tell they've never dealt with a person with narcissistic / sociopathic personality disorder. You express your emotions to them, all it does is provide them with a crystal clear signal of how to push your red buttons and believe me they will. A lot of therapy is based on the assumption that "we're all the same" or "we all mean well" but it's simply not true. There's real scum out there.
  • moralestapia 2y ago
    This is particularly shocking if you were raised in a somewhat healthy family and then go out to the world oblivious of how ill-intended average people are (way more marked on big cities). Many people actively work on making other people's lives miserable, everyday. The solution to this, by the way, is not to become more sociopathic but just to be aware they exist and how they operate. The kind of schemes they put together are embarrassingly simple to understand and spot, but only once you know about them. I always thought that coursework/lectures on this topic during high school would be extremely beneficial for the young and perhaps even quite fun to go through.
    • rsp1984 2y ago
      Agree 100%
    • deleted 2y ago
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  • torginus 2y ago
    > There's real scum out there. Yup, and that's a particularly important lesson in context of group dynamics, where a large enough group (of say 10+ people) almost certainly contains some bad eggs, and if you present yourself as either isolated or psychologically vulnerable, these people WILL single you out. Though the corollary is true as well - if you meet enough people, sometimes you will get to find folks who surpass your expectaions.