5 ms·

three days before xmas in 2022, my partner of 6 years threatened to kill me because i was scared to travel through an ice storm to her mom's house. while she

three days before xmas in 2022, my partner of 6 years threatened to kill me because i was scared to travel through an ice storm to her mom's house. while she was downstairs getting her pocket knife, i texted her best friend for help and got her to call her and she talked her down. the ice storm prevented any travel for 2 days; we still made it to her moms for xmas, but i was gone mentally for the next year and a half. broke up with her in may this year; this is my first xmas all alone. all my friends and family moved out of state years ago, and i spent all my vacation days and sick days studying for a coding interview that i had last week for my dream job. i bombed it, partly because of anxiety, partly because ive been procedural programming for 8 years and suck at OOP principles, and partly because the PTSD makes it tough to study/concentrate around xmas. anyway, im drinking a bottle of mccallan, out here alone with my two cats, and its still a better xmas than the last two years. apologies for trauma dumping, just tipsy i guess. oh and i did get the oracle java 8 associate cert last night, so i got that going for me, which is nice. edit: best xmas memory was playing KOTOR 1 when it came out, while eating a big tub of dansk sugar cookies. that dantooine music was lovely

CoastalCoder 2y ago
Sorry about the crappy part, and congrats on the good stuff! If it's any encouragement, I bombed a bunch of interviews during my 14 months of unemployment, but in January I'm returning to a position I loved. Just saying that you shouldn't extrapolate too much from even a string of such things. Hope your new year is awesome.
- lazystar 2y ago
  thank you, and congrats! best of luck in your new job!
  - CoastalCoder 2y ago
    Thanks!
jemmyw 2y ago
I don't know if there's a way to ask with sensitivity, but I'm very interested to know why you stayed with her for 18 months after she threatened to kill you? Sorry about the job, happens to the best of us. I think when it's the dream job you're that much more likely to bomb. I quit my dream job because it couldn't pay the bills and joined a place I thought I wouldn't last at, now in year 8 it turns out it was the dream job.
- lazystar 2y ago
  no worries, been asking myself that question too. my best guess is that i had disassociated because i couldnt bear the cognitive dissonance from accepting the fact that i was in an abusive relationship. before that incident, everything in that relationship had been going well - but looking back i see that i was slowly becoming more and more reliant on her for her network of friends and her family, which made breaking up a difficult thought to consider. anyway, the other thing going on was sleep deprivation from a severely deviated septum - i broke up with her in may 2024 after a couples counseling session, in which she a) tried to blame me for the stabbing incident, and b) admitted to kicking me awake every night over the previous 4 years when i snored. anyway. got surgery to fix that apnea issue in july, and ive been getting back to my old self. edit: the other jarring thing was just how successful i was at work. anyone that uses AWS lambda benefited from my projects in 2023/2024 - some of that stuff got L10 visibility inside AWS. i guess i spent all my mental energy at work, even though i was (and still am) fully remote/WFH. anyway it was tough to reconcile my failures in my personal life with my successes in work life - i was both a failure and a success.
  - willismichael 2y ago
    Godspeed, stranger. Sometimes just taking the first steps can be the hardest part of taking care of yourself. Keep it up, and best of luck during the new year.
  - lizzas 2y ago
    Well thank you. My current job is probably only possible due to lambda!
artimaeis 2y ago
Man that Christmas playing KOTOR was phenomenal. First game I remember beating and immediately restarting to see the other storylines. Christmas cookies for sure enhances the experience.
- matheusmoreira 2y ago
  I have a similar experience with Mass Effect. Completed the trilogy just in time for Christmas. Just getting lost in another universe like that is amazing and it's becoming increasingly difficult as I get older. Really treasure these moments, they remind me of a carefree childhood. Never played KOTOR myself but I always read great things about it. Look forward to playing it one day. Merry Christmas.
  - burgerzzz 2y ago
    Same with 007 on n64
    - jamiek88 2y ago
      Was just going to chime in with this. Goldeneye on n64 Xmas day, selection box and sticky controller. What I wouldn’t do to feel that innocent safety again.
edm0nd 2y ago
Cheers homie! I'll go pour myself some Angels Envy and drink with ya.
- lazystar 2y ago
  cheers!
whatamidoingyo 2y ago
> i bombed it, partly because of anxiety I feel this. Can't tell you how many interviews I bombed because of anxiety. The worst one I had spent like 3 months interviewing with the company, passed all of their tests, etc. When it came time to meet the team, I just froze. I answered all of their questions correctly, but it was like I wasn't myself. I became extremely slow, stammering my words, and just blanking out. The CTO couldn't take it anymore and said "just stop talking. This isn't going to work". I quickly ended the call without saying anything and felt so defeated. What is wrong with me. That was years ago. I'm much better now, mostly because I have the confidence in my skills, but it still comes up, especially when people are being aggressive during interviews. Anyway, Merry Christmas. I wish you the best.
mynameisvlad 2y ago
If it was the Seattle ice storm you're talking about, WTF. I could barely walk 10 feet out to let my dog out for potty/poop, let alone driving a car through that. The entire city shut down for the day.
- lazystar 2y ago
  yep. she had a dually truck and got home from the barn at 5pm; the storm was set to hit at 5:30. she wanted to load up the gifts, luggage, cats in the truck, travel 2 hours to a ferry down the backroads, and gamble on beating the storm. when i said i was scared, she went ballistic. never seen anyone get that mad before; being stuck with her in that house for 2 days after that was the worst moment of my life (as homer simpson would say, worst moment of your life... so far!)
jongjong 2y ago
It's hard to comprehend how much mental trauma someone must have gone through to be so unstable and violent. The range of human experiences is significant. Humans communicate using the same languages and same expressions but mentally, different people are wired very differently. Trauma seems to spread like a virus.
olalonde 2y ago
That's horrible, sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine the mental toll, Java 8 really?
- lazystar 2y ago
  my specialty's always been refactoring legacy codebases; java 8 is gonna be the new FORTRAN lol
- drunkonvinyl 2y ago
  That resulted in a loud chuckle. My mind was perfectly prepared to not expect a punch line, and it smacked me over the head. Thanks for the Christmas gift of laughter.
  - olalonde 2y ago
    Glad I gave you a laugh, Merry Christmas! :)
mynameyeff 2y ago
If you enjoy high-end scotch, you're a good person in my book.
s5300 2y ago
[dead]

CoastalCoder 2y ago

Sorry about the crappy part, and congrats on the good stuff! If it's any encouragement, I bombed a bunch of interviews during my 14 months of unemployment, but in January I'm returning to a position I loved. Just saying that you shouldn't extrapolate too much from even a string of such things. Hope your new year is awesome.

lazystar 2y ago
thank you, and congrats! best of luck in your new job!
- CoastalCoder 2y ago
  Thanks!

jemmyw 2y ago

I don't know if there's a way to ask with sensitivity, but I'm very interested to know why you stayed with her for 18 months after she threatened to kill you? Sorry about the job, happens to the best of us. I think when it's the dream job you're that much more likely to bomb. I quit my dream job because it couldn't pay the bills and joined a place I thought I wouldn't last at, now in year 8 it turns out it was the dream job.

lazystar 2y ago
no worries, been asking myself that question too. my best guess is that i had disassociated because i couldnt bear the cognitive dissonance from accepting the fact that i was in an abusive relationship. before that incident, everything in that relationship had been going well - but looking back i see that i was slowly becoming more and more reliant on her for her network of friends and her family, which made breaking up a difficult thought to consider. anyway, the other thing going on was sleep deprivation from a severely deviated septum - i broke up with her in may 2024 after a couples counseling session, in which she a) tried to blame me for the stabbing incident, and b) admitted to kicking me awake every night over the previous 4 years when i snored. anyway. got surgery to fix that apnea issue in july, and ive been getting back to my old self. edit: the other jarring thing was just how successful i was at work. anyone that uses AWS lambda benefited from my projects in 2023/2024 - some of that stuff got L10 visibility inside AWS. i guess i spent all my mental energy at work, even though i was (and still am) fully remote/WFH. anyway it was tough to reconcile my failures in my personal life with my successes in work life - i was both a failure and a success.
- willismichael 2y ago
  Godspeed, stranger. Sometimes just taking the first steps can be the hardest part of taking care of yourself. Keep it up, and best of luck during the new year.
- lizzas 2y ago
  Well thank you. My current job is probably only possible due to lambda!

artimaeis 2y ago

Man that Christmas playing KOTOR was phenomenal. First game I remember beating and immediately restarting to see the other storylines. Christmas cookies for sure enhances the experience.

matheusmoreira 2y ago
I have a similar experience with Mass Effect. Completed the trilogy just in time for Christmas. Just getting lost in another universe like that is amazing and it's becoming increasingly difficult as I get older. Really treasure these moments, they remind me of a carefree childhood. Never played KOTOR myself but I always read great things about it. Look forward to playing it one day. Merry Christmas.
- burgerzzz 2y ago
  Same with 007 on n64
  - jamiek88 2y ago
    Was just going to chime in with this. Goldeneye on n64 Xmas day, selection box and sticky controller. What I wouldn’t do to feel that innocent safety again.

edm0nd 2y ago

Cheers homie! I'll go pour myself some Angels Envy and drink with ya.

lazystar 2y ago
cheers!

whatamidoingyo 2y ago

> i bombed it, partly because of anxiety I feel this. Can't tell you how many interviews I bombed because of anxiety. The worst one I had spent like 3 months interviewing with the company, passed all of their tests, etc. When it came time to meet the team, I just froze. I answered all of their questions correctly, but it was like I wasn't myself. I became extremely slow, stammering my words, and just blanking out. The CTO couldn't take it anymore and said "just stop talking. This isn't going to work". I quickly ended the call without saying anything and felt so defeated. What is wrong with me. That was years ago. I'm much better now, mostly because I have the confidence in my skills, but it still comes up, especially when people are being aggressive during interviews. Anyway, Merry Christmas. I wish you the best.

mynameisvlad 2y ago

If it was the Seattle ice storm you're talking about, WTF. I could barely walk 10 feet out to let my dog out for potty/poop, let alone driving a car through that. The entire city shut down for the day.

lazystar 2y ago
yep. she had a dually truck and got home from the barn at 5pm; the storm was set to hit at 5:30. she wanted to load up the gifts, luggage, cats in the truck, travel 2 hours to a ferry down the backroads, and gamble on beating the storm. when i said i was scared, she went ballistic. never seen anyone get that mad before; being stuck with her in that house for 2 days after that was the worst moment of my life (as homer simpson would say, worst moment of your life... so far!)

jongjong 2y ago

It's hard to comprehend how much mental trauma someone must have gone through to be so unstable and violent. The range of human experiences is significant. Humans communicate using the same languages and same expressions but mentally, different people are wired very differently. Trauma seems to spread like a virus.

olalonde 2y ago

That's horrible, sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine the mental toll, Java 8 really?

lazystar 2y ago
my specialty's always been refactoring legacy codebases; java 8 is gonna be the new FORTRAN lol
drunkonvinyl 2y ago
That resulted in a loud chuckle. My mind was perfectly prepared to not expect a punch line, and it smacked me over the head. Thanks for the Christmas gift of laughter.
- olalonde 2y ago
  Glad I gave you a laugh, Merry Christmas! :)

mynameyeff 2y ago

If you enjoy high-end scotch, you're a good person in my book.

s5300 2y ago

[dead]