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Pretty good article. I think everyone could do with a little less pathologization of a lot of human behaviour. My wife has suggested in the past that we have an
by renewiltord 2y ago
Pretty good article. I think everyone could do with a little less pathologization of a lot of human behaviour. My wife has suggested in the past that we have another wife so that we can have more children[0]. I'm amenable to the idea but the logistics of this seem hard to me: our finances are fused, our desires are mostly unified, and it took me many years to find someone with whom this was easy to do. A two-party marriage like mine is straightforward for us both. There is a natural Nash equilibrium in responsibility splitting. We do so without explicit handling and simple nudges one way or the other suffice to recalibrate. I imagine long-term polyamorous relationships are easier to handle for people who have more explicit procedures in interaction or who are more comfortable with the uncertainty.
If there's an equivalent article which focuses more on the machinery of long-term polyamorous relationships that would be interesting.
0: It's not that we're old but that we will be old by the time we're done.
- thatfrenchguy 2y ago> 0: It's not that we're old but that we will be old by the time we're done. Raising children when you're old is so much harder, and you'll be mega-old when they're 20. I really don't see the point?
- renewiltord 2y agoThe point is to avoid that precise problem by parallelizing the child-having. My wife can only have one child at a time and medically recommended spacing is 18 months. The objective is to have our children as young as we can given our current ages.
- echoangle 2y agoI hope it’s not too personal, ignore if it is: How many children are you aiming for?
- renewiltord 2y agoGiven that we have this limit and our age, 3 if her health permits. If we could parallelize, one could imagine twice that+.
- beachtaxidriver 2y agoIf you don't mind me asking, how many are you starting with now? Because three is a lot. And if you're starting from 0 or 1 today, I can't imagine you actually want six.
- renewiltord 2y agoWe'll see where we get. In some sense, the revealed preference is that I didn't, considering I prioritized my career over finding a partner. But we'll see.
- big-green-man 2y agoWhat you're describing is polygamy, and I've considered it for myself. It is corrosive if it is adopted as a social institution in a culture, but if a free rider here or there (such as myself) pulls it off, better for them. I have talked to my wife about it, she doesn't like the idea, although she does like women and it wouldn't be a just me getting the benefit type deal. I think she's probably right, the dynamic can get too messy, and I think youre right, it took me my whole life to find her, finding another one that's perfect for me as well as perfect for her would probably take a decade. Not really a reasonable timeline. Also, she wants the children she raises to be hers, the shared responsibility thing doesn't appeal to her, and the potential rivalries between women and their respective children just aren't conducive to raising healthy people, which is ultimately the goal of all of this. Maybe she will change her mind one day. Maybe it could be made to work. I'm not dead set on it and am happy with the status quo.