3 ms·

You don't do in-person socialization to "pull" people. You "pull" git repositories. You do in-person socialization to experience the companionship of other huma

by api 2y ago

You don't do in-person socialization to "pull" people. You "pull" git repositories. You do in-person socialization to experience the companionship of other human beings. It can be done over the net too, but in-person is better while the net has been actively and intentionally made worse to monetize addiction. If you want a girlfriend/boyfriend you start by making friends with people. Then you will notice some of your friends are of your sexually compatible gender, which means you may have friends that want to have sex. Also helps to avoid listening to incel/femcel, PUA, and similar bullshit that actively makes the listener repellent. A lot of women for example will ghost at the first whiff of Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson adjacent thinking, and as a man I'd do the same at the first whiff of the kind of stuff you hear on the angry womens' subreddits. I don't want someone with a head full of influencer poison. A major reason to get off the apps is because the apps (social media and similar) reward toxicity and exploitation and are structurally designed to be maximally addictive, meaning they're made to keep you on them not talking to other people. Social media stopped being social around 2012 really. I call them tobacco companies of the mind.

blueflow 2y ago
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pull https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pull
- api 2y ago
  Yeah that was kind of my point. Hope I wasn't too much of a jerk about it, but I think the idea that you're just meat and that all interactions are transactional is what turns people off. The real "red pill" is disconnecting from the matrix of social media, influencers, and PUA/MGTOW/incel (or their female equivalents, which do exist) stuff and being human. The "matrix" is monetized, manipulative, addictive social media and apps. Influencers are people who have aligned themselves intentionally with this matrix to ride on it and monetize you. Wasn't that how it was in the movie? Blue pill == stay connected to the matrix, red pill == go to the real world.
  - topheroo 2y ago
    Your posts in this thread have said exactly what I was thinking
  - blueflow 2y ago
    And you inferred that about me from my use of the word "pull"? I never dated and have been in the same relationship for 12 years now. Something is off.
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]
- stevenAthompson 2y ago
  Reducing human interaction to disingenuous, transactional terms like this one are the private-life version of "building a personal brand." It's evidence that you don't view other people, or even yourself, as having intrinsic value outside of what can be provided to others. I fear sometimes that sociopaths have inherited the earth.
  - blueflow 2y ago
    This is a very uncharitable interpretation. "to pull" is slang for being attractive to others (see latin "adtrahere"), and i didn't mean to imply more than that.
    - stevenAthompson 2y ago
      Sorry, I didn't meant to imply that it was a problem with you on a personal level. In retrospect I see why you interpreted it that way. My mistake. I mostly meant to say that there seems to be something wrong with society at large and that it's leaking into our language. I view it in terms of psychological framing (or something like it). We use these very utilitarian and transactional phrases more and more frequently, and I suspect it may reflect a deeper change in the way we think about others.
taneq 2y ago
Ah but here you're thinking of other meatsacks as "people" which interferes with your ability to manipulate them as objects. /s ugh at the huge proportion of humanity that's like this, though
Cumpiler69 2y ago
>If you want a girlfriend/boyfriend you start by making friends with people. Not a good advice if your friends group are the same sex with you, which tends to be the case for a lot of people. You gotta fish where the fish are. Like, if you're unemployed and you want a job, you don't first go out making friends, hoping that once you become friends one of them can give you a job. You get a job by looking for a job and applying to jobs. Sure, depending on where you live and who you engage with you, might luck out and meet someone who can have a job for you but that's not the norm and you don't want to leave your survival to that random chance. Similarly, if you want a romantic relationship you need to engage in dating activities specifically designed to maximize the protentional of meeting a romantic partner, not in friend making activities hoping one of them will be your next romantic partner because you might be wasting a lot of time with no returns. Actually, I think the opposite is better: Engaging in dating activates can actually net you some friends along the way if the romantic part doesn't click.
- throw4847285 2y ago
  The majority of people I know did not find their romantic partners that way. Sure, I know people who had success with online dating, but I know many more who ended up dating friends or better yet friends of friends. If you have a friend group with a healthy mix of gender+sexual orientations, and those people know other people, then you have a good shot at finding somebody you gel with. A friend invites you to their friends party and you spend some time talking to people. The more people you encounter with whom you have overlapping social circles, the more options you have for people to either befriend, flirt with, or both.
  - Cumpiler69 2y ago
    > but I know many more who ended up dating friends or better yet friends of friends I know almost none such people. Do you see how anecdotes work? Almost everyone I know met their SOs either in college, via online dating or at work, and rarely at a sports group or through a common friend gathering. >If you have a friend group with a healthy mix of gender+sexual orientations So a friend group that isn't gender mixed is unhealthy? I think friend groups form (as adults) organically via matching interest and personalities, they're not guaranteed to be mixed gender, especially if you're a male into male dominated jobs and hobbies. What now? Do I kick out Bob from my friends group and tell him due to DEI requirements, his position needs to be filled by a female in order to achieve a "healthy mix"? >those people know other people, then you have a good shot at finding somebody you gel with. Just because people know people doesn't automatically mean more dates for you. A lot of those people might already be in relationships or just incompatible with you romantically or even socially. Not every new person you get to meet will want to be your date or even your friend. You're underestimating how many things need to fall into place in order to meet your SO "from other people". It's a lot more luck than things you can control. > A friend invites you to their friends party and you spend some time talking to people. I think your PoV and advice in entirely skewed towards college/early 20's dating when everyone's single and throwing parties.

by api 2y ago

blueflow 2y ago

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pull https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pull

api 2y ago
Yeah that was kind of my point. Hope I wasn't too much of a jerk about it, but I think the idea that you're just meat and that all interactions are transactional is what turns people off. The real "red pill" is disconnecting from the matrix of social media, influencers, and PUA/MGTOW/incel (or their female equivalents, which do exist) stuff and being human. The "matrix" is monetized, manipulative, addictive social media and apps. Influencers are people who have aligned themselves intentionally with this matrix to ride on it and monetize you. Wasn't that how it was in the movie? Blue pill == stay connected to the matrix, red pill == go to the real world.
- topheroo 2y ago
  Your posts in this thread have said exactly what I was thinking
- blueflow 2y ago
  And you inferred that about me from my use of the word "pull"? I never dated and have been in the same relationship for 12 years now. Something is off.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
stevenAthompson 2y ago
Reducing human interaction to disingenuous, transactional terms like this one are the private-life version of "building a personal brand." It's evidence that you don't view other people, or even yourself, as having intrinsic value outside of what can be provided to others. I fear sometimes that sociopaths have inherited the earth.
- blueflow 2y ago
  This is a very uncharitable interpretation. "to pull" is slang for being attractive to others (see latin "adtrahere"), and i didn't mean to imply more than that.
  - stevenAthompson 2y ago
    Sorry, I didn't meant to imply that it was a problem with you on a personal level. In retrospect I see why you interpreted it that way. My mistake. I mostly meant to say that there seems to be something wrong with society at large and that it's leaking into our language. I view it in terms of psychological framing (or something like it). We use these very utilitarian and transactional phrases more and more frequently, and I suspect it may reflect a deeper change in the way we think about others.

taneq 2y ago

Ah but here you're thinking of other meatsacks as "people" which interferes with your ability to manipulate them as objects. /s ugh at the huge proportion of humanity that's like this, though

Cumpiler69 2y ago

>If you want a girlfriend/boyfriend you start by making friends with people. Not a good advice if your friends group are the same sex with you, which tends to be the case for a lot of people. You gotta fish where the fish are. Like, if you're unemployed and you want a job, you don't first go out making friends, hoping that once you become friends one of them can give you a job. You get a job by looking for a job and applying to jobs. Sure, depending on where you live and who you engage with you, might luck out and meet someone who can have a job for you but that's not the norm and you don't want to leave your survival to that random chance. Similarly, if you want a romantic relationship you need to engage in dating activities specifically designed to maximize the protentional of meeting a romantic partner, not in friend making activities hoping one of them will be your next romantic partner because you might be wasting a lot of time with no returns. Actually, I think the opposite is better: Engaging in dating activates can actually net you some friends along the way if the romantic part doesn't click.

throw4847285 2y ago
The majority of people I know did not find their romantic partners that way. Sure, I know people who had success with online dating, but I know many more who ended up dating friends or better yet friends of friends. If you have a friend group with a healthy mix of gender+sexual orientations, and those people know other people, then you have a good shot at finding somebody you gel with. A friend invites you to their friends party and you spend some time talking to people. The more people you encounter with whom you have overlapping social circles, the more options you have for people to either befriend, flirt with, or both.
- Cumpiler69 2y ago
  > but I know many more who ended up dating friends or better yet friends of friends I know almost none such people. Do you see how anecdotes work? Almost everyone I know met their SOs either in college, via online dating or at work, and rarely at a sports group or through a common friend gathering. >If you have a friend group with a healthy mix of gender+sexual orientations So a friend group that isn't gender mixed is unhealthy? I think friend groups form (as adults) organically via matching interest and personalities, they're not guaranteed to be mixed gender, especially if you're a male into male dominated jobs and hobbies. What now? Do I kick out Bob from my friends group and tell him due to DEI requirements, his position needs to be filled by a female in order to achieve a "healthy mix"? >those people know other people, then you have a good shot at finding somebody you gel with. Just because people know people doesn't automatically mean more dates for you. A lot of those people might already be in relationships or just incompatible with you romantically or even socially. Not every new person you get to meet will want to be your date or even your friend. You're underestimating how many things need to fall into place in order to meet your SO "from other people". It's a lot more luck than things you can control. > A friend invites you to their friends party and you spend some time talking to people. I think your PoV and advice in entirely skewed towards college/early 20's dating when everyone's single and throwing parties.