5 ms·

Weird doesn't exist. You are not weird. You are not normal. This may be different to your situation, but when i was younger I wanted people to like me, and if

by hi_hi 2y ago

Weird doesn't exist. You are not weird. You are not normal. This may be different to your situation, but when i was younger I wanted people to like me, and if they didn't I'd blame myself for being weird. Now I'm older, I don't give a shit if people like me or not, and I've stopped thinking of myself as weird.

pinkmuffinere 2y ago
I agree to some extent, and I am getting better at just being comfortable in my own skin, but I think social conventions matter too. Eg I shouldn’t act overly surprised when someone says they’re a morning person, but I should/can do that when they say they’re pregnant. If you get too many conventions wrong, people are uncomfortable lol Edit: I realized I didn’t respond as directly as I’d like to. I think I do want people to like me, and that’s ok. I think it’s also ok to not care
- hi_hi 2y ago
  Thank you for the considered and insightful response. This is obviously a deeply person topic and each individual will have their own take on how they feel. I think the key point in all of this, which you and others highlighted, is weird vs not weird is very much a consequence of social conventions. It's also important, generally speaking, to fit into these conventions to facilitate social cohesion. There are obviously extremes, which are outside of my considerations here. I should have put more effort into my original comment but I was in a rush at the time. This bit might not apply to you, I don't know you, these are just my own poor articulations. Feeling like you are weird, or don't fit in, or make people uncomfortable, basically comes down to peoples reflections of their judgement on you. This is inescapable and to judge is human nature. But being on the wrong side of it, for long enough, can lead to a very negative mental state. Having the ability to realise you are not responsible for other peoples feelings is important. And also realising these feelings are largely dictated by the society you find yourself in is also important. These things can be changed, social circles need not be permanent, and should probably be changed if leading to a negative mental state, brought about because you feel you don't fit in. I stand by my original point that there is no such thing as weird or normal, anymore so than some cultures or societies can appear weird or normal, which is highly relative. Otherwise intelligent and conscientious people should not believe themselves to be less than they are because they are at odds with their current time and place. As Yuval Noah Harari would say, society is a fiction.
  - pinkmuffinere 2y ago
    Don’t worry at all, I think your original post was fine too, and I agree with what you say! I think some of this comes down to personal preference, how you want to relate to the world, and who you want to surround yourself with. “Different strokes for different folks” :)
kortilla 2y ago
Weird definitely exists. If you can’t form social connections well with pretty much everyone you run into, you’re weird. You can pontificate about the proper terminology but that’s the one society understands.
- Earw0rm 2y ago
  I don't entirely buy that, I'd suggest there's a fair sized chunk of sampling bias in that statement. Simply because the sample of people we encounter socially is skewed towards the pro-social, and the ones we notice and remember, doubly so. There's a lot more quiet, reserved, low-key people out there than we realise, and most of them aren't weird. (Also plenty of pro-social, extrovert types who are weird AF, but that's a different topic.)
  - pineaux 2y ago
    I am very weird and quite capable of making friends with people. I am not super extrovert, I need concentrated down time. And will ignore people when I am doing the introvert phase. But overal people find me sociable. Weird just means not normal. It's basically a codified statistical concept.
    - Earw0rm 2y ago
      There's whether or not you can make friends at all, and how choosy you are about who to make friends with, which aren't really the same thing. As a moderate introvert (handle social situations OK but need the down time to balance), I just find some people aren't worth the effort, and like to save my energy for those that are. But the weird/normal axis, I'm a little less comfortable with (similarly "neurotypical"/"neurodivergent"). Fundamentally I dislike the idea of letting the most boring people claim normal, in a similar way to how LGBTQ and nonwhite folks don't like it when cishet or white people claim normal. Most of the people I most enjoy spending time with are ADD, ADHD or ASD, and all the better for it. It's not like these are even disabilities, they're just different ways of being. I'm OK with the labels themselves as a broad, shorthand way of understanding personality types / ways of seeing the world, but I don't buy that no-label people are more normal.
bowsamic 2y ago
Sounds like you developed a bad coping mechanism imo, you absolutely should and still do care if people like you
- s5300 2y ago
  [dead]
- WizardClickBoy 2y ago
  I actually laughed out loud at how different this is to the usual "be yourself and to hell with what people think" advice. Can you elaborate on why it's so important to care if people like you?
  - OldOneEye 2y ago
    Not OP, but we humans are social animals. As much as we may want to pretend we live alone just fine, it's not the common case. Sure, some people enjoy solitude and don't have to care about what others think, but most of us enjoy company, and this comes with caring about others and what they think of you. You surely care about what your partner thinks about you. Your parents perhaps? Your friends? It's part of the emotional connection. You can be laid back and easy going, but you're still going to care if your loved ones strongly go against your core beliefs and ways of living, right?
  - bowsamic 2y ago
    It’s basic human psychology
  - otikik 2y ago
    At the very least your parents need to tolerate you, because you depend on them for living during your early years. So early on it is a simple survival necessity. It turns out that this necessity never truly goes away. Aside from merely surviving (e.g. you need your doctor to at least tolerate you) interacting with other human is what makes life more than just surviving. At least it’s like that for most people. Even hermits and sociopaths need to be liked by at least one person, which is their own selves. Since the number must be at least one, it might as well be 2 or 3.
baq 2y ago
If most people aren’t like you, you are not normal by definition. Good for you that you learned to cope with that. After the ‘don’t give a shit’ stage there usually is ‘sit back and observe’ stage to understand what exactly you don’t give a shit about.
- hi_hi 2y ago
  Define "most people"? Clearly an absurd question in the context of this discussion. It's like saying "Most people on earth are not like you". How do you define that?
  - baq 2y ago
    You always compare some projections, turns out people are similar (or not) when dimensionally reduced.
vasco 2y ago
This comment only has a slight amount of ground to stand on if you actually have a bunch of friends, otherwise it's just "hell is other people".

by hi_hi 2y ago

pinkmuffinere 2y ago

I agree to some extent, and I am getting better at just being comfortable in my own skin, but I think social conventions matter too. Eg I shouldn’t act overly surprised when someone says they’re a morning person, but I should/can do that when they say they’re pregnant. If you get too many conventions wrong, people are uncomfortable lol Edit: I realized I didn’t respond as directly as I’d like to. I think I do want people to like me, and that’s ok. I think it’s also ok to not care

hi_hi 2y ago
Thank you for the considered and insightful response. This is obviously a deeply person topic and each individual will have their own take on how they feel. I think the key point in all of this, which you and others highlighted, is weird vs not weird is very much a consequence of social conventions. It's also important, generally speaking, to fit into these conventions to facilitate social cohesion. There are obviously extremes, which are outside of my considerations here. I should have put more effort into my original comment but I was in a rush at the time. This bit might not apply to you, I don't know you, these are just my own poor articulations. Feeling like you are weird, or don't fit in, or make people uncomfortable, basically comes down to peoples reflections of their judgement on you. This is inescapable and to judge is human nature. But being on the wrong side of it, for long enough, can lead to a very negative mental state. Having the ability to realise you are not responsible for other peoples feelings is important. And also realising these feelings are largely dictated by the society you find yourself in is also important. These things can be changed, social circles need not be permanent, and should probably be changed if leading to a negative mental state, brought about because you feel you don't fit in. I stand by my original point that there is no such thing as weird or normal, anymore so than some cultures or societies can appear weird or normal, which is highly relative. Otherwise intelligent and conscientious people should not believe themselves to be less than they are because they are at odds with their current time and place. As Yuval Noah Harari would say, society is a fiction.
- pinkmuffinere 2y ago
  Don’t worry at all, I think your original post was fine too, and I agree with what you say! I think some of this comes down to personal preference, how you want to relate to the world, and who you want to surround yourself with. “Different strokes for different folks” :)

kortilla 2y ago

Weird definitely exists. If you can’t form social connections well with pretty much everyone you run into, you’re weird. You can pontificate about the proper terminology but that’s the one society understands.

Earw0rm 2y ago
I don't entirely buy that, I'd suggest there's a fair sized chunk of sampling bias in that statement. Simply because the sample of people we encounter socially is skewed towards the pro-social, and the ones we notice and remember, doubly so. There's a lot more quiet, reserved, low-key people out there than we realise, and most of them aren't weird. (Also plenty of pro-social, extrovert types who are weird AF, but that's a different topic.)
- pineaux 2y ago
  I am very weird and quite capable of making friends with people. I am not super extrovert, I need concentrated down time. And will ignore people when I am doing the introvert phase. But overal people find me sociable. Weird just means not normal. It's basically a codified statistical concept.
  - Earw0rm 2y ago
    There's whether or not you can make friends at all, and how choosy you are about who to make friends with, which aren't really the same thing. As a moderate introvert (handle social situations OK but need the down time to balance), I just find some people aren't worth the effort, and like to save my energy for those that are. But the weird/normal axis, I'm a little less comfortable with (similarly "neurotypical"/"neurodivergent"). Fundamentally I dislike the idea of letting the most boring people claim normal, in a similar way to how LGBTQ and nonwhite folks don't like it when cishet or white people claim normal. Most of the people I most enjoy spending time with are ADD, ADHD or ASD, and all the better for it. It's not like these are even disabilities, they're just different ways of being. I'm OK with the labels themselves as a broad, shorthand way of understanding personality types / ways of seeing the world, but I don't buy that no-label people are more normal.

bowsamic 2y ago

Sounds like you developed a bad coping mechanism imo, you absolutely should and still do care if people like you

s5300 2y ago
[dead]
WizardClickBoy 2y ago
I actually laughed out loud at how different this is to the usual "be yourself and to hell with what people think" advice. Can you elaborate on why it's so important to care if people like you?
- OldOneEye 2y ago
  Not OP, but we humans are social animals. As much as we may want to pretend we live alone just fine, it's not the common case. Sure, some people enjoy solitude and don't have to care about what others think, but most of us enjoy company, and this comes with caring about others and what they think of you. You surely care about what your partner thinks about you. Your parents perhaps? Your friends? It's part of the emotional connection. You can be laid back and easy going, but you're still going to care if your loved ones strongly go against your core beliefs and ways of living, right?
- bowsamic 2y ago
  It’s basic human psychology
- otikik 2y ago
  At the very least your parents need to tolerate you, because you depend on them for living during your early years. So early on it is a simple survival necessity. It turns out that this necessity never truly goes away. Aside from merely surviving (e.g. you need your doctor to at least tolerate you) interacting with other human is what makes life more than just surviving. At least it’s like that for most people. Even hermits and sociopaths need to be liked by at least one person, which is their own selves. Since the number must be at least one, it might as well be 2 or 3.

baq 2y ago

If most people aren’t like you, you are not normal by definition. Good for you that you learned to cope with that. After the ‘don’t give a shit’ stage there usually is ‘sit back and observe’ stage to understand what exactly you don’t give a shit about.

hi_hi 2y ago
Define "most people"? Clearly an absurd question in the context of this discussion. It's like saying "Most people on earth are not like you". How do you define that?
- baq 2y ago
  You always compare some projections, turns out people are similar (or not) when dimensionally reduced.

vasco 2y ago

This comment only has a slight amount of ground to stand on if you actually have a bunch of friends, otherwise it's just "hell is other people".