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Pretty amazing effort, this looks like a great labour of love! I can't give feedback on the code/technology, but on the writing on the lore section, I would tr
by Closi 2y ago
Pretty amazing effort, this looks like a great labour of love!
I can't give feedback on the code/technology, but on the writing on the lore section, I would try to simplify the writing. For instance the following:
> The reverberations of the trumpet stirred the knights from their deep repose, igniting a tumultuous awakening. With swords unsheathed and hearts ablaze, they clashed in a thunderous symphony of war, each seeking to claim dominance over the waking realm.
Feels too ornate (purple prose) and could be more directly put as:
> The trumpet’s call jolted the knights from their rest. Swords drawn and hearts alight, they clashed in a fierce battle, each striving for dominance.
I'm not an author or anything, but a little bit of copy writing could help - although this might just be me as it's probably a matter of personal taste!
- skulk 2y agoIt's definitely a matter of taste. The first version has flavor, the second is flat. The first reminds me of the style of writing that got me hooked on MUDs.
- adamc 2y agoYeah, agree. "Jolted" is not as evocative as "stirred".
- inopinatus 2y agoLOUD MUSIC BROUGHT ALL THESE ANGRY SWORD GUYS TO THE YARD AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
- montedeipaschi 2y agoWe were actually considering a MUD at first, but then we added raylib
- dgfitz 2y agoThe colorful version is better.
- wyldfire 2y agoMaybe we could throw a "lurgid bee" in there somewhere?
- nonethewiser 2y agoIt's a style thing. Fantasy writing often does this deliberately. I've thought about this before when I revisited fantasy after years of being in the CS domain which helped me abhor ornate writing. I definitely think there is such thing as TOO ornate but dead-simple language also feels bad. It feels wrong to just say its an exception with fantasy - simplicity is good because it conveys the same thing more clearly and with less effort. I would think that transcends all domains. Still not sure how I feel about this. I guess there is a baseline non-styled language that is all about communicating raw info and then there is style that can be applied to writing which makes it feel more natural in different domains. Having said all this, I actually do like your example more.
- Closi 2y agoYou are right - it's a balance and definitely a matter of taste. Although not-ornate doesn't necessarily mean dead-simple or bad. For instance compare the following: > The reverberations of the trumpet stirred the knights from their deep repose, igniting a tumultuous awakening. With a very similar sentence from Tolkein: > At that moment, among the trees nearby, a horn rang out. It rent the night like fire on a hill-top. Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake! This is much less ornate, with simpler language, yet easier to parse and the image is much more vivid.
- pandemic_region 2y agoSo when there is less ornate and difficult language to parse for the brain, there are more cycles available for imagination? Indeed z a thin line to balance.
- nonethewiser 2y agoThat's a good example. I agree the imagery is strong with the Tolkien example. It also struck me as how you might say it if you are verbally telling the story. The "among the trees nearby" interlude and the successive exclamations at the end.
- sigbottle 2y ago
- Kinrany 2y agoThe short version is better.
- bitterblotter 2y agoThis definitely has a GPT smell, at no fault of the creator. Reminds me of a PR i reviewed about a simple security patch, where the description said "The following changes have been implemented to strengthen our role-based access policies and system security" - Like yeah, it's security patch. A small tweak to his prompt would probably do the trick
- pmarreck 2y agoi have "no purple prose" in my custom instructions
- DuLR10 2y agoNo AI-based tools were used to make the lore. One of our developers (not me) is more of an intense reader and retro gamer; he was the one chosen to write it.
- montedeipaschi 2y agoI hate AI I hate AI I hate AI I hate AI
- nineteen999 2y agoBut we love Bulwer-Lytton!
- curtisblaine 2y agoI love Siena!
- montedeipaschi 2y agoI wrote that down as an inspiration of Paradise Lost by Milton. The original idea was to appeal to the phonology of English and structure it as a sonnet, but that got rushed
- montedeipaschi 2y agoThat is purple prose, however. I cannot deny it