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The other side of that coin is that if she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money then maybe the other guy dodged a bullet too depending on what

The other side of that coin is that if she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money then maybe the other guy dodged a bullet too depending on what he's after. I found myself turning down the class intentionally a lot because my current income/wealth level exceeds the norm for my background at my age and I don't want to live with someone who doesn't share my social/cultural norms. It reminds me of a passage in IIRC it was Keith Richards biography (maybe not him, but definitely one of the Rolling Stones) where he was flabbergast at what his wife (he married up in some ways) spent on a chandelier. Not that he couldn't afford it, but he just wasn't from the kind of background where you spend a bunch of money on a chandelier and was rather ticked off by the expense. All that said, a f-ing bed frame seems like a pretty stupid thing to skimp on. You can get them, any pretty much every other piece of furniture, for free on CL or FBMP if you're not picky and don't mind waiting a big for something decent near you.

393744748 2y ago
Re-read this post and seriously evaluate what's actually being described. Dodged a bullet from what? A low quality gold digger? Normal well adjusted people have standards and unless you're going to make some absent minded appeal to norms in other cultures one of those standards is an actual bed complete with a frame. It's a low bar to reach for.
- wegfawefgawefg 2y ago
  It is simply a matter of utility. Bed frames do not provide much utility, and cost money, which seperates me from my early retirement. Tech bros are probably making this utilitarian decision more consciously than the woman was considering her own mate evaluation feature detectors. A more intelligent, less shallow woman would have connected the dots. Had the male been percieved as sufficiently physically attractive she would have ignored the lack of bed anyways, and addressed the lack of aesthetics with communication like an adult human being. I say this as a tech bro who wore ten year old clothes with holes the first time I met the girl who became my wife. The situation was resolved simply. I threw away the old ones, and I gave her a budget of $200. She took me shopping for outfits. It was fun. You may want to reconsider your position on the matter. If someone rejects another human being due to not having a bed frame when they live alone that is sufficiently shallow that it indicates some inner growth is in order.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
  - hiddencost 2y ago
    You are in a lot of pain. I'm sorry to hear that.
  - 4gotunameagain 2y ago
    I honestly cannot tell whether this is an intentional troll meme attempt. This is just too good to be true. A more intelligent, less shallow woman [would've seen past the lack of a bed frame] [bed frames] separate me from my early retirement. ahahahh so you will retire 15 minutes earlier after a lifetime of sleeping on the floor, what an intelligent trade-off
    - wegfawefgawefg 2y ago
      It is not a joke or a troll. I have made the choice to save a few hundred dollars here or there many thousands of times. It adds up. I do believe living frugally is virtuous. I do think not acknowledging others care, sacrifice or not, for utility over aesthetic is shallow. I know people who would not have made such a silly judgement. I appreciate that quality in those people.
    - aaron695 2y ago
      [dead]
    - imtringued 2y ago
      Calling a woman shallow for being concerned about your sleeping conditions sure sounds like trolling.
      - wegfawefgawefg 2y ago
        It is disingenuous to call it "conditions" as though we were discussing a negative quality of sleep or negative health influence a merely unframed mattress would not realistically cause. I think needless over-concern with aesthetics is a very common issue. I do equate it with shallowness. I think most people do consider it to be shallow. I do think many of the worlds problems are caused by excessive attention to that which does not matter, and not enough attention to that which matters a lot. It is a difference in values. To give context, I grew up poor. The first 16 years of my life I slept on futons on the floor. When I finally did have a typical american bed with frame, headboard, boxspring, and mattress, it made me uncomfortable. I eventually gave away the headboard to a sibling. I value the extra few inches beyond the mattress and do not like hitting my head, or hanging my feet over the edge. The discomfort cost was not worth the aesthetic gain. (I didnt think the headboard really looked good anyways.) If a woman rejects me solely for my well considered preference in sleeping platform, she is shallow. I would hope she cared for more important things such as the way we treat eachother, reliability, patience, etc. Moral virtue. Living inexpensively, being happy with less, the absence of vanity. These are good qualities. A good person will be able to recognize these, and love another for them.
- immibis 2y ago
  From someone who is going to spend a lot more of his money than he is, on things he thinks are completely unnecessary.
cherry_tree 2y ago
Where did you grow up that to social norm is a bed with no frame?
- WarOnPrivacy 2y ago
  Where ... social norm is a bed with no frame? Poverty is one I've seen personally. Recent flood victims is another but I think that's a riff on poverty. They have a zillion priorities for their meager dollars. They also didn't foresee being flooded 3x in 2 years.
rsynnott 2y ago
> The other side of that coin is that if she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money ... I mean, this isn't most peoples' primary intention when dating.
pjc50 2y ago
> she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money What, is the money supposed to be under the mattress? It's certainly a very clear signal that money - keeping it, not spending it - is the most important thing in your life. Which is of course a very clear signal that you're not going to make a person an important thing in your life.

393744748 2y ago

Re-read this post and seriously evaluate what's actually being described. Dodged a bullet from what? A low quality gold digger? Normal well adjusted people have standards and unless you're going to make some absent minded appeal to norms in other cultures one of those standards is an actual bed complete with a frame. It's a low bar to reach for.

wegfawefgawefg 2y ago
It is simply a matter of utility. Bed frames do not provide much utility, and cost money, which seperates me from my early retirement. Tech bros are probably making this utilitarian decision more consciously than the woman was considering her own mate evaluation feature detectors. A more intelligent, less shallow woman would have connected the dots. Had the male been percieved as sufficiently physically attractive she would have ignored the lack of bed anyways, and addressed the lack of aesthetics with communication like an adult human being. I say this as a tech bro who wore ten year old clothes with holes the first time I met the girl who became my wife. The situation was resolved simply. I threw away the old ones, and I gave her a budget of $200. She took me shopping for outfits. It was fun. You may want to reconsider your position on the matter. If someone rejects another human being due to not having a bed frame when they live alone that is sufficiently shallow that it indicates some inner growth is in order.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- hiddencost 2y ago
  You are in a lot of pain. I'm sorry to hear that.
- 4gotunameagain 2y ago
  I honestly cannot tell whether this is an intentional troll meme attempt. This is just too good to be true. A more intelligent, less shallow woman [would've seen past the lack of a bed frame] [bed frames] separate me from my early retirement. ahahahh so you will retire 15 minutes earlier after a lifetime of sleeping on the floor, what an intelligent trade-off
  - wegfawefgawefg 2y ago
    It is not a joke or a troll. I have made the choice to save a few hundred dollars here or there many thousands of times. It adds up. I do believe living frugally is virtuous. I do think not acknowledging others care, sacrifice or not, for utility over aesthetic is shallow. I know people who would not have made such a silly judgement. I appreciate that quality in those people.
  - aaron695 2y ago
    [dead]
  - imtringued 2y ago
    Calling a woman shallow for being concerned about your sleeping conditions sure sounds like trolling.
    - wegfawefgawefg 2y ago
      It is disingenuous to call it "conditions" as though we were discussing a negative quality of sleep or negative health influence a merely unframed mattress would not realistically cause. I think needless over-concern with aesthetics is a very common issue. I do equate it with shallowness. I think most people do consider it to be shallow. I do think many of the worlds problems are caused by excessive attention to that which does not matter, and not enough attention to that which matters a lot. It is a difference in values. To give context, I grew up poor. The first 16 years of my life I slept on futons on the floor. When I finally did have a typical american bed with frame, headboard, boxspring, and mattress, it made me uncomfortable. I eventually gave away the headboard to a sibling. I value the extra few inches beyond the mattress and do not like hitting my head, or hanging my feet over the edge. The discomfort cost was not worth the aesthetic gain. (I didnt think the headboard really looked good anyways.) If a woman rejects me solely for my well considered preference in sleeping platform, she is shallow. I would hope she cared for more important things such as the way we treat eachother, reliability, patience, etc. Moral virtue. Living inexpensively, being happy with less, the absence of vanity. These are good qualities. A good person will be able to recognize these, and love another for them.
immibis 2y ago
From someone who is going to spend a lot more of his money than he is, on things he thinks are completely unnecessary.

cherry_tree 2y ago

Where did you grow up that to social norm is a bed with no frame?

WarOnPrivacy 2y ago
Where ... social norm is a bed with no frame? Poverty is one I've seen personally. Recent flood victims is another but I think that's a riff on poverty. They have a zillion priorities for their meager dollars. They also didn't foresee being flooded 3x in 2 years.

rsynnott 2y ago

> The other side of that coin is that if she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money ... I mean, this isn't most peoples' primary intention when dating.

pjc50 2y ago

> she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money What, is the money supposed to be under the mattress? It's certainly a very clear signal that money - keeping it, not spending it - is the most important thing in your life. Which is of course a very clear signal that you're not going to make a person an important thing in your life.