5 ms·

I feel the same. One thing that I have struggled with in relationships is that others need to feel validated, that their decisions are rational and that other

I feel the same. One thing that I have struggled with in relationships is that others need to feel validated, that their decisions are rational and that other people believe that they are rational. Stimulus from the outside to satisfy the inside. What makes this difficult for me is that I don’t need to feel validated, I am comfortable with my own decisions in life and do not need someone else to approve. I think this ties into self worth which seems to be related to people’s perception of their actions and the approval they see from others. If you do not need external validation then you are not concerned about peoples perception of you and therefore self worth is a foreign concept.

Aeolun 2y ago
You may not need anyone else to approve, but doesn’t it still cause issues when they don’t?
- TheOtherHobbes 2y ago
  Yes, but that's a different problem. Although it's also tangential to the essay, which is about the mechanisation of self-image - not just sell-worth, but identity in general. Which has always been socially imposed (even on those who are sure they're different). But now it can be directed algorithmically by a very small number of actors, who have the power to apply behaviour and value modification tools that can be individually tailored for everyone in a demographic - in ways which most people aren't even aware of. "Low self-esteem" is just one the effects.
- __turbobrew__ 2y ago
  Sure, those issues come just as a storm comes for a sailor. You cannot control what comes your way but only how you react. I’m not a psychopath, I understand social norms and I do take into consideration how my actions will affect others, but I try my best to live a fair life and deal with whatever comes my way instead of focusing on what-if’s or how people perceive me.
Aerbil313 2y ago
Is the total lack of care about what others think of me a sign or symptom of autism? I had it from childhood to a much larger extent than any of my peers, even though it diminished as I grew older.
- AbstractH24 2y ago
  I didn’t care in my teens and 20s and then suddenly in the last few years (in 35), i realized I cared tremendously. Part of it I think is blows to my self-confidence, part is that when you have casual light social connections (school, the in-person workplace, I now wfh) you get this sense of people pseudo-caring about you. But once that wanes (age and wfh) and you have you put effort into getting even the smallest amount of care from others. Which, in turn requires vulnerability.
AbstractH24 2y ago
> What makes this difficult for me is that I don’t need to feel validated, I am comfortable with my own decisions in life and do not need someone else to approve. I think you are conflating a lack of need for validation and the ability to self-validate. It’s not that you don’t need any validation, it’s that you have the ability to provide yourself with the validation you need. Don’t take that for granted. It’s both something to be proud of and a reminder that you aren’t so different from others.

Aeolun 2y ago

You may not need anyone else to approve, but doesn’t it still cause issues when they don’t?

TheOtherHobbes 2y ago
Yes, but that's a different problem. Although it's also tangential to the essay, which is about the mechanisation of self-image - not just sell-worth, but identity in general. Which has always been socially imposed (even on those who are sure they're different). But now it can be directed algorithmically by a very small number of actors, who have the power to apply behaviour and value modification tools that can be individually tailored for everyone in a demographic - in ways which most people aren't even aware of. "Low self-esteem" is just one the effects.
__turbobrew__ 2y ago
Sure, those issues come just as a storm comes for a sailor. You cannot control what comes your way but only how you react. I’m not a psychopath, I understand social norms and I do take into consideration how my actions will affect others, but I try my best to live a fair life and deal with whatever comes my way instead of focusing on what-if’s or how people perceive me.

Aerbil313 2y ago

Is the total lack of care about what others think of me a sign or symptom of autism? I had it from childhood to a much larger extent than any of my peers, even though it diminished as I grew older.

AbstractH24 2y ago
I didn’t care in my teens and 20s and then suddenly in the last few years (in 35), i realized I cared tremendously. Part of it I think is blows to my self-confidence, part is that when you have casual light social connections (school, the in-person workplace, I now wfh) you get this sense of people pseudo-caring about you. But once that wanes (age and wfh) and you have you put effort into getting even the smallest amount of care from others. Which, in turn requires vulnerability.

AbstractH24 2y ago

> What makes this difficult for me is that I don’t need to feel validated, I am comfortable with my own decisions in life and do not need someone else to approve. I think you are conflating a lack of need for validation and the ability to self-validate. It’s not that you don’t need any validation, it’s that you have the ability to provide yourself with the validation you need. Don’t take that for granted. It’s both something to be proud of and a reminder that you aren’t so different from others.