6 ms·

I guess if you are isolated and feeling like you can't make friends, this seems unlikely, but group based activities of all sorts are a great way to make friend

I guess if you are isolated and feeling like you can't make friends, this seems unlikely, but group based activities of all sorts are a great way to make friends. It's not necessarily instant, but once you've been there a bit, if you make the effort, it happens. It's a matter of realizing as adults that a lot of people (not all) like to make new social connections.

eru 2y ago
That's what church does for a lot of folks, I imagine?
- keithnz 2y ago
  for sure, and if you are not religious, for instance I belong to a rationalist group (https://rationalists.nz/ https://rationalists.nz/) which has regular meetups also, martial arts groups - I made many friends through this especially doing BJJ, hiking groups especially after going on multiday hikes you develop a bit of a bond with the others.
- kylehotchkiss 2y ago
  It's been working for me lately. Been making quite a few older friends, and it's nice to find they accept me despite maybe not voting the same way they do. Not for everybody, and there's a lot of churches not as conductive for it. If you grew up in that environment it may be comfortable for you. You just gotta bite your tongue during service when they conflate faith with candidate choice. May December 2024 arrive quickly.
  - shepherdjerred 2y ago
    There are also plenty of more liberal churches out there, especially if you're in a city. Even in Arkansas I found a church or two that I found more reasonable.
  - zeven7 2y ago
    Maybe check out an Acts 29 church. I don't know what they're all like, but the one I'm in is very against conflating faith with politics. Another option may be churches affiliated with 9Marks because I know the leader of it, who is a pastor on Capitol Hill in DC, was outspoken against getting involved in politics a decade ago. However, a lot has changed in a decade, and I haven't kept up. Of course, if you're happy with the community you have and are fine biting your tongue, that's fine as well.
    - kylehotchkiss 2y ago
      Thanks! I actually gave acts29 a look and might consider switching over to one in the future. Interesting to see their map with options all over the world.
  - Micanthus 2y ago
    Check out Unitarian Universalism if you're looking for a more liberal church community. If you follow a specific religion and care that the services talk about that it may not be for you, they don't have specific religious beliefs in the way that Christianity does. But the UU congregations I've seen are largely made from old hippies and their children and grandchildren, as well as ex-Christians and Muslims who grew disillusioned by their own congregations but still want a church community
  - mydriasis 2y ago
    Joined an orthodox church last year. Hasn't been a single mention of politics in any way shape or form yet besides "the current climate is spooky, have faith and support one-another". It has been incredibly refreshing.
  - dangus 2y ago
    Do they accept you? Or do they just not know who you really are? Would they accept you if you were someone different? > You just gotta bite your tongue during service when they conflate faith with candidate choice. Or you can report them to the IRS for illegal campaigning: https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/charitable-organizations/restriction-of-political-campaign-intervention-by-section-501c3-tax-exempt-organizations https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/charitable-organiz.... IMO, the "I go to church for community but I don't agree with their views" crowd are essentially enablers. I'd rather not have community at all than give legitimacy and support to a cult that has a net negative impact on society.
    - pc86 2y ago
      It's pretty clear they're talking about other churchgoers conflating faith and politics, which is not illegal.
      - deleted 2y ago
        [deleted]
  - 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
    > it's nice to find they accept me despite maybe not voting the same way they do. They don't accept me, if they vote for people who would make my life terrible for nobody's benefit
  - graemep 2y ago
    Traditional denominations are probably less prone to party politics than evangelicals. In decades of going to Catholic and Anglican churches (not in the US, but in multiple varied places) I have never heard a candidate endorsed from the pulpit. The only political thing I recall was being told we should stand up for people of other religions who were at risk of persecution - apart from unarguable and nonspecific things about the poor
    - kylehotchkiss 2y ago
      That's really beautiful :')
    - eru 2y ago
      It might be more of a contemporary American thing than an 'evangelical' thing?
      - graemep 2y ago
        Possibly. The US also produced groups like "rad trad" Catholics.
- defrost 2y ago
  sure, and there's also local fire fighting, St. John's Ambulance, State Emergency Services, Men's Shed's, etc. There are community groups all over, in this part of the world at least. * https://dfes.vol.org.au/ https://dfes.vol.org.au/ * https://careers.stjohnwa.com.au/volunteer-page https://careers.stjohnwa.com.au/volunteer-page * https://ses-wa.asn.au/the-ses/ https://ses-wa.asn.au/the-ses/ * https://mensshed.org/ https://mensshed.org/
- beAbU 2y ago
  Or choirs! If going to church is not your bag.
- johnnyanmac 2y ago
  I'd even go so far to say that Church is the last real "third place". One that hasn't signifigantly deteriorated over the decades like bars, public facilities, malls, etc.
yawnxyz 2y ago
try a community sport like basketball or kickball and find a team that likes to get food/drinks after. So fun
- SoftTalker 2y ago
  team sports are generally not fun for introverts, but more individual sports/working out where you can interact with people more one-on-one might be good, even if they often organize as a group.
  - briandear 2y ago
    Motorsports, especially motorcycle racing is great because you’re completely in to yourself on track, then off track, you are inevitably going to help someone load a van, or get a bike on a stand or put on tire warmers, etc. It’s unforced because there’s a task to accomplish together, but then friendship develops seemingly effortlessly.
  - jajko 2y ago
    Climbing (not bouldering), you literally trust with your life to other person. Or some hiking/alpinism sports club, usually if they do 1 of those many of them do other interesting stuff like ski touring in winter.
  - matwood 2y ago
    JiuJitsu has been a great place to make friends. On open mat days you spar with someone for ~5 minutes then chat a bit, then find someone else and repeat. Small group chats at the end, maybe grab some food. The are a lot of IT oriented people at my gym, but also surgeons, lawyers, business owners, etc... The key, like anything, is try a few different schools to find the vibe you want.
  - paulcole 2y ago
    > team sports are generally not fun for introverts Uh, citation needed? Team sports may not be generally fun for people who are shy or who have poor social skills, but those 2 things aren’t synonymous with introversion. But team sports can be great fun for people who are shy or who have poor social skills because they force improvement of those skills.
winternewt 2y ago
I don't think it necessarily even has to be a group based activity. Just showing up at the same time every week in a place means that you'll see the same people over and over again. Eventually after spending many hours in each other's presence, people get comfortable and curious about you.
JeremyNT 2y ago
It definitely works but you get out of it what you put into it, just being there isn't enough unless you happen to find a group with a super connector who is quick to invite new people into their circle. To guarantee success you have to engage with other people and be willing to take the next step yourself (i.e. ask potential friends out on a "date" to explore a different shared interest).
pmg101 2y ago
I understand your general point and I'm not trying to make a general refutation of it. I'm just reporting some actual events from my own life where group based activities did not result in friendships, and doing some initial reflection and analysis on why that might have been, which I thought might be of interest.

eru 2y ago

That's what church does for a lot of folks, I imagine?

keithnz 2y ago
for sure, and if you are not religious, for instance I belong to a rationalist group (https://rationalists.nz/ https://rationalists.nz/) which has regular meetups also, martial arts groups - I made many friends through this especially doing BJJ, hiking groups especially after going on multiday hikes you develop a bit of a bond with the others.
kylehotchkiss 2y ago
It's been working for me lately. Been making quite a few older friends, and it's nice to find they accept me despite maybe not voting the same way they do. Not for everybody, and there's a lot of churches not as conductive for it. If you grew up in that environment it may be comfortable for you. You just gotta bite your tongue during service when they conflate faith with candidate choice. May December 2024 arrive quickly.
- shepherdjerred 2y ago
  There are also plenty of more liberal churches out there, especially if you're in a city. Even in Arkansas I found a church or two that I found more reasonable.
- zeven7 2y ago
  Maybe check out an Acts 29 church. I don't know what they're all like, but the one I'm in is very against conflating faith with politics. Another option may be churches affiliated with 9Marks because I know the leader of it, who is a pastor on Capitol Hill in DC, was outspoken against getting involved in politics a decade ago. However, a lot has changed in a decade, and I haven't kept up. Of course, if you're happy with the community you have and are fine biting your tongue, that's fine as well.
  - kylehotchkiss 2y ago
    Thanks! I actually gave acts29 a look and might consider switching over to one in the future. Interesting to see their map with options all over the world.
- Micanthus 2y ago
  Check out Unitarian Universalism if you're looking for a more liberal church community. If you follow a specific religion and care that the services talk about that it may not be for you, they don't have specific religious beliefs in the way that Christianity does. But the UU congregations I've seen are largely made from old hippies and their children and grandchildren, as well as ex-Christians and Muslims who grew disillusioned by their own congregations but still want a church community
- mydriasis 2y ago
  Joined an orthodox church last year. Hasn't been a single mention of politics in any way shape or form yet besides "the current climate is spooky, have faith and support one-another". It has been incredibly refreshing.
- dangus 2y ago
  Do they accept you? Or do they just not know who you really are? Would they accept you if you were someone different? > You just gotta bite your tongue during service when they conflate faith with candidate choice. Or you can report them to the IRS for illegal campaigning: https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/charitable-organizations/restriction-of-political-campaign-intervention-by-section-501c3-tax-exempt-organizations https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/charitable-organiz.... IMO, the "I go to church for community but I don't agree with their views" crowd are essentially enablers. I'd rather not have community at all than give legitimacy and support to a cult that has a net negative impact on society.
  - pc86 2y ago
    It's pretty clear they're talking about other churchgoers conflating faith and politics, which is not illegal.
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]
- 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
  > it's nice to find they accept me despite maybe not voting the same way they do. They don't accept me, if they vote for people who would make my life terrible for nobody's benefit
- graemep 2y ago
  Traditional denominations are probably less prone to party politics than evangelicals. In decades of going to Catholic and Anglican churches (not in the US, but in multiple varied places) I have never heard a candidate endorsed from the pulpit. The only political thing I recall was being told we should stand up for people of other religions who were at risk of persecution - apart from unarguable and nonspecific things about the poor
  - kylehotchkiss 2y ago
    That's really beautiful :')
  - eru 2y ago
    It might be more of a contemporary American thing than an 'evangelical' thing?
    - graemep 2y ago
      Possibly. The US also produced groups like "rad trad" Catholics.
defrost 2y ago
sure, and there's also local fire fighting, St. John's Ambulance, State Emergency Services, Men's Shed's, etc. There are community groups all over, in this part of the world at least. * https://dfes.vol.org.au/ https://dfes.vol.org.au/ * https://careers.stjohnwa.com.au/volunteer-page https://careers.stjohnwa.com.au/volunteer-page * https://ses-wa.asn.au/the-ses/ https://ses-wa.asn.au/the-ses/ * https://mensshed.org/ https://mensshed.org/
beAbU 2y ago
Or choirs! If going to church is not your bag.
johnnyanmac 2y ago
I'd even go so far to say that Church is the last real "third place". One that hasn't signifigantly deteriorated over the decades like bars, public facilities, malls, etc.

yawnxyz 2y ago

try a community sport like basketball or kickball and find a team that likes to get food/drinks after. So fun

SoftTalker 2y ago
team sports are generally not fun for introverts, but more individual sports/working out where you can interact with people more one-on-one might be good, even if they often organize as a group.
- briandear 2y ago
  Motorsports, especially motorcycle racing is great because you’re completely in to yourself on track, then off track, you are inevitably going to help someone load a van, or get a bike on a stand or put on tire warmers, etc. It’s unforced because there’s a task to accomplish together, but then friendship develops seemingly effortlessly.
- jajko 2y ago
  Climbing (not bouldering), you literally trust with your life to other person. Or some hiking/alpinism sports club, usually if they do 1 of those many of them do other interesting stuff like ski touring in winter.
- matwood 2y ago
  JiuJitsu has been a great place to make friends. On open mat days you spar with someone for ~5 minutes then chat a bit, then find someone else and repeat. Small group chats at the end, maybe grab some food. The are a lot of IT oriented people at my gym, but also surgeons, lawyers, business owners, etc... The key, like anything, is try a few different schools to find the vibe you want.
- paulcole 2y ago
  > team sports are generally not fun for introverts Uh, citation needed? Team sports may not be generally fun for people who are shy or who have poor social skills, but those 2 things aren’t synonymous with introversion. But team sports can be great fun for people who are shy or who have poor social skills because they force improvement of those skills.

winternewt 2y ago

I don't think it necessarily even has to be a group based activity. Just showing up at the same time every week in a place means that you'll see the same people over and over again. Eventually after spending many hours in each other's presence, people get comfortable and curious about you.

JeremyNT 2y ago

It definitely works but you get out of it what you put into it, just being there isn't enough unless you happen to find a group with a super connector who is quick to invite new people into their circle. To guarantee success you have to engage with other people and be willing to take the next step yourself (i.e. ask potential friends out on a "date" to explore a different shared interest).

pmg101 2y ago

I understand your general point and I'm not trying to make a general refutation of it. I'm just reporting some actual events from my own life where group based activities did not result in friendships, and doing some initial reflection and analysis on why that might have been, which I thought might be of interest.