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> I just want to check up on what my friends and family are up to Literally just call them. You don't even have to ask for permission. Cold call them. If they

> I just want to check up on what my friends and family are up to Literally just call them. You don't even have to ask for permission. Cold call them. If they don't want to talk now, they won't answer. That's fine. Call again another time. In the last year I have just started cold calling my friends and family. It's been great.

amelius 2y ago
For a long time my main use of Facebook was to check what events my friends were attending, and to check which events had which people going. At some point Facebook crippled those features. Maybe for good reasons (I guess the possibility of stalking might be one). But in any case, I use Facebook much less now.
wk_end 2y ago
The success of this seems highly dependent on the nature of your social circle. I would probably be less inclined to be friends with someone who was randomly calling me for awkward chats about what I'm up to.
- afthonos 2y ago
  I think GP’s approach is optimized towards a smaller but closer-knit group of friends. Facebook does the opposite: it makes you feel like you have hundreds or thousands of friends when in reality you may not communicate with any of them at all. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a close-knit group of friends, or a few close friends, and communicate Facebook-style. But Facebook points you a different way.
- manuelmoreale 2y ago
  I mean, if you’re friend with someone it shouldn’t be “awkward chats”. It should just be a chat with a friend that wants to know if you’re doing great and knowing what you’re up to.
  - em-bee 2y ago
    the problem is that reaching this level of friendship is difficult. it depends on both people to be open and the ability and willingness to show they care, but also on opportunity. in my experience this is usually connected to some difficult situation that allows one or both to engage. for example of the few close friends that i have, one invited me to a private blog where he detailed his personal challenges over the decades. his level of trust made it easy for me to return that trust, and when i needed help/advice it was easy to turn to him. another i met a few months ago, and he likewise went out of his way to help out in a challenging situation. if he ever asks me for help, no doubt i will return the favor. and if either ask how i am doing, i have no doubt it is genuine. but then, if anyone else would send such a message i would approach it with the same assumption. there was another friend that i met many years ago, where i had the feeling that we could become close friends, but we lost touch. but writing this comment motivated me to reach out. let's see what happens. what would make chats awkward is if the topics never go beyond smalltalk. if every so often a message exchange is like: hi, how are you? how are the kids? i am fine, kids are doing well. how about you? likewise thanks. and the conversation keeps remaining at that level, then i start wondering, why are we even talking. there has got to be more.
    - manuelmoreale 2y ago
      First, I think it's great that you have a couple of relationships that are at that level which is definitely not a given. Second, I love that you decided to reach out to that old friend because relationships come and go and it's never to late to pick up an old friendship. As for your final point, if the idea is to call someone in order to replace the classic facebook passive stalking I think it's fine if the conversation never goes too deep. It's a way to show you care and sometimes it's all that matters. Maybe in doing that, when it's time to have deeper conversations, they'll remember that you called them and showed interest. And that's something they can't see if you just scroll their facebook page. And I'm saying you generically, not talking about you specifically. But I do get what you're saying, if every time you talk to someone you have shallow chats, after a while you might start wondering what's the point.
- xivzgrev 2y ago
  If you find a friend reaching out once in a while to be awkward, then I’m guessing you probably don’t want to be friends with that person. Or, maybe you have a bar for “friend” that involves more regular contact so it doesn’t feel random.
manuelmoreale 2y ago
I love that we’re going full circle. Social media is so terrible we’re getting back to just call people on the phone. I hope the next thing to come back are pen pals. Proper old school with envelopes and paper pen pals. It’s gonna be great!
- Squeeeez 2y ago
  Sending encrypted messages with that cursive algorithm
  - manuelmoreale 2y ago
    No need to do that. My handwriting is plenty terrible without cursive ahah
- lovethevoid 2y ago
  Most people really never left the calling people part. Tech just made it easier for them. I've known people who have gone from on the phone all the time people to using skype to those in discord voice chats. Largely because of the costs of calling internationally as well, can't leave that out! Although I will say, some of these platforms could learn a thing or two from the voicemail system!
  - manuelmoreale 2y ago
    You’re absolutely right although I do think there is a subtle but fundamental difference between old school phone calls (especially if done on a landline) and modern voice chats. Now it’s a lot easier to do a voice call and also do something else since you’re probably sitting in front of your computer. And you can stay there for hours chatting about literally nothing. Phone calls, had to be a lot more intentional. Firstly because of the cost but also because it was harder to do something else while on the phone. And I kinda miss that.

amelius 2y ago

For a long time my main use of Facebook was to check what events my friends were attending, and to check which events had which people going. At some point Facebook crippled those features. Maybe for good reasons (I guess the possibility of stalking might be one). But in any case, I use Facebook much less now.

wk_end 2y ago

The success of this seems highly dependent on the nature of your social circle. I would probably be less inclined to be friends with someone who was randomly calling me for awkward chats about what I'm up to.

afthonos 2y ago
I think GP’s approach is optimized towards a smaller but closer-knit group of friends. Facebook does the opposite: it makes you feel like you have hundreds or thousands of friends when in reality you may not communicate with any of them at all. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a close-knit group of friends, or a few close friends, and communicate Facebook-style. But Facebook points you a different way.
manuelmoreale 2y ago
I mean, if you’re friend with someone it shouldn’t be “awkward chats”. It should just be a chat with a friend that wants to know if you’re doing great and knowing what you’re up to.
- em-bee 2y ago
  the problem is that reaching this level of friendship is difficult. it depends on both people to be open and the ability and willingness to show they care, but also on opportunity. in my experience this is usually connected to some difficult situation that allows one or both to engage. for example of the few close friends that i have, one invited me to a private blog where he detailed his personal challenges over the decades. his level of trust made it easy for me to return that trust, and when i needed help/advice it was easy to turn to him. another i met a few months ago, and he likewise went out of his way to help out in a challenging situation. if he ever asks me for help, no doubt i will return the favor. and if either ask how i am doing, i have no doubt it is genuine. but then, if anyone else would send such a message i would approach it with the same assumption. there was another friend that i met many years ago, where i had the feeling that we could become close friends, but we lost touch. but writing this comment motivated me to reach out. let's see what happens. what would make chats awkward is if the topics never go beyond smalltalk. if every so often a message exchange is like: hi, how are you? how are the kids? i am fine, kids are doing well. how about you? likewise thanks. and the conversation keeps remaining at that level, then i start wondering, why are we even talking. there has got to be more.
  - manuelmoreale 2y ago
    First, I think it's great that you have a couple of relationships that are at that level which is definitely not a given. Second, I love that you decided to reach out to that old friend because relationships come and go and it's never to late to pick up an old friendship. As for your final point, if the idea is to call someone in order to replace the classic facebook passive stalking I think it's fine if the conversation never goes too deep. It's a way to show you care and sometimes it's all that matters. Maybe in doing that, when it's time to have deeper conversations, they'll remember that you called them and showed interest. And that's something they can't see if you just scroll their facebook page. And I'm saying you generically, not talking about you specifically. But I do get what you're saying, if every time you talk to someone you have shallow chats, after a while you might start wondering what's the point.
xivzgrev 2y ago
If you find a friend reaching out once in a while to be awkward, then I’m guessing you probably don’t want to be friends with that person. Or, maybe you have a bar for “friend” that involves more regular contact so it doesn’t feel random.

manuelmoreale 2y ago

I love that we’re going full circle. Social media is so terrible we’re getting back to just call people on the phone. I hope the next thing to come back are pen pals. Proper old school with envelopes and paper pen pals. It’s gonna be great!

Squeeeez 2y ago
Sending encrypted messages with that cursive algorithm
- manuelmoreale 2y ago
  No need to do that. My handwriting is plenty terrible without cursive ahah
lovethevoid 2y ago
Most people really never left the calling people part. Tech just made it easier for them. I've known people who have gone from on the phone all the time people to using skype to those in discord voice chats. Largely because of the costs of calling internationally as well, can't leave that out! Although I will say, some of these platforms could learn a thing or two from the voicemail system!
- manuelmoreale 2y ago
  You’re absolutely right although I do think there is a subtle but fundamental difference between old school phone calls (especially if done on a landline) and modern voice chats. Now it’s a lot easier to do a voice call and also do something else since you’re probably sitting in front of your computer. And you can stay there for hours chatting about literally nothing. Phone calls, had to be a lot more intentional. Firstly because of the cost but also because it was harder to do something else while on the phone. And I kinda miss that.