4 ms·

The first question kind of gives away the whole thing. Man signs up to dating app, man isn't successful despite being successful at other stuff. Man blames the

by vasco 2y ago

The first question kind of gives away the whole thing. Man signs up to dating app, man isn't successful despite being successful at other stuff. Man blames the app. It's probably not the app. Specially when the only example for "who is doing it right" is a soft prostitution / openly looking for "sugar daddy" (its the websites own lingo).

closewith 2y ago
Yes, this is exactly right. What's disheartening are all the comments here talking about how online dating is rotten and terrible (and many comments saying the same modern dating in general). There's some extraordinarily misogynistic comments here. The dating apps work well and like any method of meeting others, can lead to lasting happy relationships. If that's not happening for you, is time to look inwards. Like you say, it's not the app.
- wiseowise 2y ago
  > The dating apps work well And you have some data to prove it?
  - closewith 2y ago
    The data seems quite positive: https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/ https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/ You can also read the bile in the comments here claiming they've had bad experiences with dating apps. They are largely (all?) filled with misogyny and outward condemnation, without any self awareness or insight that maybe the issue isn't the application or culture, but closer to home.
    - wiseowise 2y ago
      > A survey from OnePoll/Forbes Health conducted in August 2023 polled 5,000 U.S. respondents who have actively dated in the last five years Right.
    - imtringued 2y ago
      It's very easy to ride the just world fallacy. Just claim unsuccessful men are misogynistic and bad people. That way the world will seem fair and just and nothing needs to be changed, ever.
      - closewith 2y ago
        The article and many of the comments here reveal themselves to misogynistic in their own right. I'm sure there are many people for whom dating apps don't work, but these comments are blaming the women, not the apps.
        wiseowise 2y ago
        Because only men complain about women on dating apps.
imiric 2y ago
> It's probably not the app. Maybe. But then again, these apps are designed to extort single and desperate men, and keep them on the platform for as long as possible. Here's an example from Tinder. They allow you to buy tokens to "boost" your profile. While boosted, you get hundreds of likes in a couple of hours, whereas you usually get a few per week. How does that work exactly? Is your profile not attractive, or are they simply deciding to shadow ban it until you pay up? Similarly for likes you send. Will the other person even see it? Who knows. But you have better chances they do if you pay for a "super" like. These apps operate by keeping users in the dark, and giving them the least control over the experience as possible. This is why they have a swipe-based UI instead of allowing you to filter and search. They're borderline scams. So a fairer app can indeed exist, though whether it could be as lucrative as current apps is debatable. So the incentives aren't there, besides someone who genuinely wants to help people. And this is not a primary goal of any company.
- vasco 2y ago
  I acknowledge all of that and despite this I know a lot of people that are together today or married that met in apps. When I watch comedy shows on YouTube and the comedian asks where people met, nowadays most people say apps. Apps are becoming the main way people meet so how can they "not work"? Plus they have this property of "not working" until once they do. So you spend a few years complaining but then you finally get into a happy relationship and aren't going to be posting a retraction raving about them, you'll just move on with your life and not think of dating apps again.

by vasco 2y ago

closewith 2y ago

Yes, this is exactly right. What's disheartening are all the comments here talking about how online dating is rotten and terrible (and many comments saying the same modern dating in general). There's some extraordinarily misogynistic comments here. The dating apps work well and like any method of meeting others, can lead to lasting happy relationships. If that's not happening for you, is time to look inwards. Like you say, it's not the app.

wiseowise 2y ago
> The dating apps work well And you have some data to prove it?
- closewith 2y ago
  The data seems quite positive: https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/ https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/ You can also read the bile in the comments here claiming they've had bad experiences with dating apps. They are largely (all?) filled with misogyny and outward condemnation, without any self awareness or insight that maybe the issue isn't the application or culture, but closer to home.
  - wiseowise 2y ago
    > A survey from OnePoll/Forbes Health conducted in August 2023 polled 5,000 U.S. respondents who have actively dated in the last five years Right.
  - imtringued 2y ago
    It's very easy to ride the just world fallacy. Just claim unsuccessful men are misogynistic and bad people. That way the world will seem fair and just and nothing needs to be changed, ever.
    - closewith 2y ago
      The article and many of the comments here reveal themselves to misogynistic in their own right. I'm sure there are many people for whom dating apps don't work, but these comments are blaming the women, not the apps.
      - wiseowise 2y ago
        Because only men complain about women on dating apps.

imiric 2y ago

> It's probably not the app. Maybe. But then again, these apps are designed to extort single and desperate men, and keep them on the platform for as long as possible. Here's an example from Tinder. They allow you to buy tokens to "boost" your profile. While boosted, you get hundreds of likes in a couple of hours, whereas you usually get a few per week. How does that work exactly? Is your profile not attractive, or are they simply deciding to shadow ban it until you pay up? Similarly for likes you send. Will the other person even see it? Who knows. But you have better chances they do if you pay for a "super" like. These apps operate by keeping users in the dark, and giving them the least control over the experience as possible. This is why they have a swipe-based UI instead of allowing you to filter and search. They're borderline scams. So a fairer app can indeed exist, though whether it could be as lucrative as current apps is debatable. So the incentives aren't there, besides someone who genuinely wants to help people. And this is not a primary goal of any company.

vasco 2y ago
I acknowledge all of that and despite this I know a lot of people that are together today or married that met in apps. When I watch comedy shows on YouTube and the comedian asks where people met, nowadays most people say apps. Apps are becoming the main way people meet so how can they "not work"? Plus they have this property of "not working" until once they do. So you spend a few years complaining but then you finally get into a happy relationship and aren't going to be posting a retraction raving about them, you'll just move on with your life and not think of dating apps again.