8 ms·

How to get to know someone (2018)

45 points by eamag 2y ago

thunderbong 2y ago
Most of these questions would make me uncomfortable if they came from casual acquaintances. IMHO, getting to know someone takes time. And willingness to be vulnerable yourself. It's not a one way street.
- frabert 2y ago
  If someone asked me what my most "radical belief" is, and then started pressing me for a genuine answer when first meeting them, I would probably just tell them to fuck off
  - bravetraveler 2y ago
    Yea. My answer would start somewhere along the lines of: "my time is better spent elsewhere" ... becoming more toxic as it's asked more intently. I don't think people actually want to know this for the vast majority of people, but maybe I'm projecting. I feel we tend to all be rather radical about Our Thing. The true answer isn't as cute or pedestrian as one would expect. It's not good conversation, I think we're all just looking for compatible crazy - if anything. Emphasis mine/significant. Edit: My username is a neat example, inspired by Mr Robot. Everyone has their type of hack and weaknesses.
  - Zambyte 2y ago
    That's really interesting. That's one of the questions I feel like would be easiest for me to answer even to a total stranger.
- borggambit 2y ago
  [flagged]
newsbinator 2y ago
> What’s a decision you’re trying to make right now? Do you want to walk me through your thinking? Whoa, why don't you take 2 steps back, new friend
- RCitronsBroker 2y ago
  Shoot, let me try again "What’s a crime you’ve been considering to commit as of lately? Wanna walk me thru your rationale?"
  - drewcoo 2y ago
    Well, I've been considering murder because I don't think anyone would miss you . . . but you're a new friend, so let's just shoplift together!
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
NayamAmarshe 2y ago
Here's how I'd phrase it to make it sound less creepy: > How did your parents meet? (Share something about myself and then ask) Where are your parents from? > What was your favorite thing to do at recess in 3rd grade? What was your childhood like? > What’s a decision you’re trying to make right now? Do you want to walk me through your thinking? So, any big plans for the future? > What thing did you buy for under $50 that brought you the most joy/convenience/utility? Do you like shopping? It's such a chore for me. > What do you believe most strongly that you can’t prove? Do you follow any religion or spiritual practice? > What do people misunderstand about you when they first meet you? What do your best friends know about you that your acquaintances don’t? I think sometimes people kinda misunderstand us without knowing us well. What do you think?
- nougati 2y ago
  Considering these all as creepy is beside the fact that not all of these questions benefit from being replaced. The nature of a lot of these questions is to use specificity to learn and connect about highly specific things in life, which a lot connection is based around. You find it creepy because it's very personal. You don't need to say it like a serial killer, but getting personal is the whole point of this post
  - mrbungie 2y ago
    > What was your favorite thing to do at recess in 3rd grade? Tell me how to say that when knowing someone and without sounding like a tryhard or a weirdo.
    - defrost 2y ago
      If you actually know someone and you really want to tease that out you don't ask them, first you invoke nostalgia organically, then when you're both tripping down memory lane you offer up your own favourite thing from recess in primary school (starting fires with a magnifying glass, say) and wait. More often than not they'll gift back a similar story of their own.
hkgjjgjfjfjfjf 2y ago
[dead]
frabert 2y ago
If I wasn't as conflict-averse as I am, if someone I just met were to start asking me these questions my first reaction would be, why should I tell you any of this? What makes you think you're worthy of my most personal thoughts? How do I know you're someone I can be vulnerable with? I don't share most of these thoughts with my closest friends and family in normal circumstances, why should I trust a complete stranger with it?
- cauch 2y ago
  I don't disagree with that, but your comment made me realize something. What is the real risk of answering these questions? I perfectly understand the discomfort, and I have it myself, but is this discomfort justified by anything concrete? I mean, sure, they may be personal thoughts, but what nefarious use can be done with them? I think that people in general greatly overestimate how much their personal thoughts matter in the grand scheme of things of other people's life. You would tell me that you had a dog when you were young and it was your best friend. I will answer that that's a nice story, but it will not affect my life much. For example, to the question "what makes you think you're worthy of my most personal thoughts?", a similarly conflict-charged answered is "what makes you think your most personal thoughts are worth anything?". In the process, the personal thoughts are not really the point, the point is that the interlocutor is trying to bond, which is a win-win situation, where you gain as much as they gain. And if you are not interested to bond with this person, no problem, just say so. But sometimes, two persons may both want to try to bond, and this article is probably for these situations. It's a bit like if there was an article "how to make sure your guests are happy when they are visiting you for a meal" and answering "if someone asks me if I have food allergies, I will just answer 'mind your own business', I don't want to eat with them anyway".
  - frabert 2y ago
    What is the risk of just having the conversation naked? We just want to know each other, seeing each other naked would just speed things up, wouldn't it? Answering private questions means this stranger now has knowledge I would consider "privileged" about myself, which they can use as they see fit. Mean comments? Oversharing with friends? Gossipping? There's a reason we keep some conversations only between trusted parties, and getting to know which parties we trust takes time. You can't speed that up by skipping steps.
Jverse 2y ago
I understand that you want to stand out and go beyond platitudes and canned answers. But for me, I always get a bit uncomfortable with these sorts of questions. I've been on dates where I've gotten a barrage of questions like these. What makes me feel like backing off is that they seemingly come out of the blue and appear as canned interview questions. I also get the feeling that I'm getting judged on my answer. That some answers are more "right" than others, for example the article's question about material gifts versus experiences. Will I tick the box as materialistic if I mention that my best gift was an object?
- jhbadger 2y ago
  Yeah, I can see these as "off-the-wall" questions in a job interview but if somebody started asking me these at a party or something I would be seriously weirded out and would quickly find an excuse to go talk to someone else.
  - malux85 2y ago
    Wow I’m really surprised by answers in this thread - I just read the article and questioned myself on all of these, and thoroughly enjoyed thinking about them, when they finished I thought to myself “I wish I had someone to talk to right now and ask these questions with” I guess everyone is different, I’m just offering a counterpoint, I thought these questions were thought provoking and interesting and don’t find them intrusive or anything.
- Zambyte 2y ago
  These questions aren't meant to be a substitute for conversation, they are meant to be something to give it direction when there is none. If they were simply barraging you with questions, either they were bad at listening and replying to what you said, you were bad at replying in a way that they could reply to (asking your own, related questions maybe?), or both.
anentropic 2y ago
> What is your most radical belief? > Gives you a sense for if they think independently. Call them out if what they say is something you’ve heard before or 30%+ of the people in the room would agree with what they say is their most “radical” belief. This isn't a measure of independent thinking, this is whether they're a complete nutjob.
- kidintech 2y ago
  "radical" is definitely a word imbued with meaning in recent times and might take away from OP's point here. I saw a version of this question in a book once and it stuck with me: "What important truth do very few people agree with you on?" Obviously, never asking this when first meeting someone but further down the line, once you are comfortable with each other. Does having an answer to the question phrased as such still make you a nutjob? Personally, I value individuals that are able to ponder on this question for a while and provide a valid answer.
- strken 2y ago
  If someone asked me this I'd either make a joke or literally tell them to fuck off, depending on how serious they were. Telling someone your least socially acceptable belief is giving them a weapon to use against you, and is proof of significant trust. You shouldn't be expected to trot it out for someone who doesn't know you yet.
- dotancohen 2y ago
  Maybe the OP is just used to hanging around theoretical physics conventions. Honestly I can not think of any other venue where such a question would be socially acceptable.
- borggambit 2y ago
  [flagged]
strken 2y ago
Something of a tangent, but I misread "What do you believe most strongly that you can’t prove?" to mean "What theory do you believe is the most unprovable?" the first time, and I suspect it might be an equally interesting question.
khafra 2y ago
The "creepy" vibe is because answering honestly to some of these, for many people, is going to be fairly severe thoughtcrime. You'll need to exude some really strong "not a fed" vibes for those to work.
polotics 2y ago
I got one of these types of questions in a job interview once, I think it was: "in your life what do you regret the most" and I was torn between showing true honesty, possibly getting emotional, and staying professional in the answer. So context here is super important: what does this [chatty person / interviewer / evaluator / investigator / lawyer / judge] really want to know, and why? ... and what does it tell me about them and their attitude!
rrgok 2y ago
Yeah, well, I thought I could find something about finding the motivation to get to know someone. Alas, I was wrong. This assumes I already want to get to know someone, but that almost never happens to me. Lately, I've been enjoying superficial things. When you come into contact with something superficial — whether it's people, objects, or relationships — it slaps you in the face with the reality that everything ends. It shows its true face at the first encounter. The opposite things, the ones that give you deep connection and long-lasting relationships, are the illusion. They provide a false sense of permanence, meaning, or some deep mystical value that doesn't exist. Given enough time, everything will end. So I'm stuck at the previous step: I don't know how to find the motivation to get to know someone.
Joker_vD 2y ago
Strangely enough, I'd be more comfortable answering "Most people squirm/try and get out of answering these" than "Soft ball" questions. Should I, uh, reconsider something about my attitudes?
changexd 2y ago
At first I was super weirded out by these questions, but I do think these are good convo starter but the delivery must be less straightforward, instead of directly asking these questions, I would rather start from something small then see if anything that can lead me to getting to know better about people, actually listen and respond is the key i suppose edit: nvm I changed my mind, I think "intentionally starting a conversation" is somewhat unnatural, If I'm actually curious about a person, the conversation will start naturally
lou1306 2y ago
How did your parents meet? This seems like a bad bad way to start and anything but a "soft ball". There's a lot of people out there who'd rather think as little as possible about their family of origin.
monacobolid 2y ago
As some other commenters here noted, most of these questions are uncomfortable when coming from strangers. But! I can imagine (asking and) being asked (some of) these questions by someone whom I already met/spent some time with and am interested in becoming closer with them (being asked and not getting uncomfortable, that is to say). Like if you meet a person in a group settings (once or multiple times), spend some time with them, they seem interesting and fun, and then you meet that person but without the group. One more important thing to note, as some other commenter below noted, the questions from the articled should be adapted to the context - instead of flat out asking "Tell me, how did you parents meet?" like a weirdo, what about first mentioning something about yourself and your parents and only then asking something about their parents (like where are they from, or something alike). Additionally, if you just keep asking these personal questions, one after another, without taking time to give away something about yourself (and also reacting to the environment; conversations don't happen in a vacuum), that is not "getting to know someone" that is interrogation. There are no shortcuts in making friends. It just takes time (and effort, obv).
RcouF1uZ4gsC 2y ago
These questions are a huge turnoff to me. They suggest a hustle mindset that just wants to get certain results. For me, and I suspect a lot of others, the journey in getting to know someone is a huge part. The small talk, the process of getting more comfortable to ask deeper questions, etc is all part of the journey. Being asked these questions at the outset feels like the person asking is just trying to get more check marks for non-superficial relationships without putting in the time.
VoodooJuJu 2y ago
A lot of these questions would make me cringe off the face of the earth. >What is your love story? Who did the wooing? >Who did the wooing? Mother of God...
kreyenborgi 2y ago
This probably combines well with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FM_2-22.3_Human_Intelligence_Collector_Operations#Interrogation_methods https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FM_2-22.3_Human_Intelligence_C... or maybe that's where it's from, I haven't read the full report. Always interesting to read these declassified HUMINT documents, and to wonder how I would do if I were subjected to this kind of inhuman questioning.
ricardobeat 2y ago
I really wonder under what circumstances one would actually weave these questions into a conversation. They sound incredibly robotic, what kind of person talks like this to strangers?
- memcg 2y ago
  'Here are some questions I’ve found fun to ask people I’ve just met to get to know them. I’ve found that good conversations start from questions that get your (future) friend to' Next questions usually involve trying to sell me something, donate or sign a petition
Brajeshwar 2y ago
Personal perspective > Here are some questions I’ve found fun to ask people I’ve just met to get to know them. If you are asking these questions to people for fun, I’m very certain that it won’t be fun very long with most of the people you meet. I've found that the best way is to nudge people to let them talk more about their things (be it work, of personal/family) from their own. Based on their own stories, and the narrative, augment that with relevant questions and keep making them talk. Based on the body language, and the tone, it is easy to realize that sometime I need to talk too and I try to "communicate." All the questions, I feel, will come out in time eventually. Don't make it an interview to complete within a time-slot or at one-go.
deleted 2y ago
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PopAlongKid 2y ago
I specifically am turned off by the superlatives aspect of the questions, as in "what is the best..." or "what is the most...". It immediately leads me to think about what metric is being used to measure it, since my "best" or "most" something may not be yours, and so I can't really answer, and instead would go off on a tangent about the meta aspect of the question. So, if you are going to ask me about something, just ask without forcing me to rank things against some undefined scale.
- hanifc 2y ago
  I think part of the point is that you share your defined scale because that helps the other person understand you and your values.
bomewish 2y ago
No one else would find these kinds of questions simply intolerable? I'm reading these thinking "seriously???"

45 points by eamag 2y ago

Most of these questions would make me uncomfortable if they came from casual acquaintances. IMHO, getting to know someone takes time. And willingness to be vulnerable yourself. It's not a one way street.

frabert 2y ago
If someone asked me what my most "radical belief" is, and then started pressing me for a genuine answer when first meeting them, I would probably just tell them to fuck off
- bravetraveler 2y ago
  Yea. My answer would start somewhere along the lines of: "my time is better spent elsewhere" ... becoming more toxic as it's asked more intently. I don't think people actually want to know this for the vast majority of people, but maybe I'm projecting. I feel we tend to all be rather radical about Our Thing. The true answer isn't as cute or pedestrian as one would expect. It's not good conversation, I think we're all just looking for compatible crazy - if anything. Emphasis mine/significant. Edit: My username is a neat example, inspired by Mr Robot. Everyone has their type of hack and weaknesses.
- Zambyte 2y ago
  That's really interesting. That's one of the questions I feel like would be easiest for me to answer even to a total stranger.
borggambit 2y ago
[flagged]

newsbinator 2y ago

> What’s a decision you’re trying to make right now? Do you want to walk me through your thinking? Whoa, why don't you take 2 steps back, new friend

RCitronsBroker 2y ago
Shoot, let me try again "What’s a crime you’ve been considering to commit as of lately? Wanna walk me thru your rationale?"
- drewcoo 2y ago
  Well, I've been considering murder because I don't think anyone would miss you . . . but you're a new friend, so let's just shoplift together!

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

NayamAmarshe 2y ago

Here's how I'd phrase it to make it sound less creepy: > How did your parents meet? (Share something about myself and then ask) Where are your parents from? > What was your favorite thing to do at recess in 3rd grade? What was your childhood like? > What’s a decision you’re trying to make right now? Do you want to walk me through your thinking? So, any big plans for the future? > What thing did you buy for under $50 that brought you the most joy/convenience/utility? Do you like shopping? It's such a chore for me. > What do you believe most strongly that you can’t prove? Do you follow any religion or spiritual practice? > What do people misunderstand about you when they first meet you? What do your best friends know about you that your acquaintances don’t? I think sometimes people kinda misunderstand us without knowing us well. What do you think?

nougati 2y ago
Considering these all as creepy is beside the fact that not all of these questions benefit from being replaced. The nature of a lot of these questions is to use specificity to learn and connect about highly specific things in life, which a lot connection is based around. You find it creepy because it's very personal. You don't need to say it like a serial killer, but getting personal is the whole point of this post
- mrbungie 2y ago
  > What was your favorite thing to do at recess in 3rd grade? Tell me how to say that when knowing someone and without sounding like a tryhard or a weirdo.
  - defrost 2y ago
    If you actually know someone and you really want to tease that out you don't ask them, first you invoke nostalgia organically, then when you're both tripping down memory lane you offer up your own favourite thing from recess in primary school (starting fires with a magnifying glass, say) and wait. More often than not they'll gift back a similar story of their own.

hkgjjgjfjfjfjf 2y ago

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frabert 2y ago

If I wasn't as conflict-averse as I am, if someone I just met were to start asking me these questions my first reaction would be, why should I tell you any of this? What makes you think you're worthy of my most personal thoughts? How do I know you're someone I can be vulnerable with? I don't share most of these thoughts with my closest friends and family in normal circumstances, why should I trust a complete stranger with it?

cauch 2y ago
I don't disagree with that, but your comment made me realize something. What is the real risk of answering these questions? I perfectly understand the discomfort, and I have it myself, but is this discomfort justified by anything concrete? I mean, sure, they may be personal thoughts, but what nefarious use can be done with them? I think that people in general greatly overestimate how much their personal thoughts matter in the grand scheme of things of other people's life. You would tell me that you had a dog when you were young and it was your best friend. I will answer that that's a nice story, but it will not affect my life much. For example, to the question "what makes you think you're worthy of my most personal thoughts?", a similarly conflict-charged answered is "what makes you think your most personal thoughts are worth anything?". In the process, the personal thoughts are not really the point, the point is that the interlocutor is trying to bond, which is a win-win situation, where you gain as much as they gain. And if you are not interested to bond with this person, no problem, just say so. But sometimes, two persons may both want to try to bond, and this article is probably for these situations. It's a bit like if there was an article "how to make sure your guests are happy when they are visiting you for a meal" and answering "if someone asks me if I have food allergies, I will just answer 'mind your own business', I don't want to eat with them anyway".
- frabert 2y ago
  What is the risk of just having the conversation naked? We just want to know each other, seeing each other naked would just speed things up, wouldn't it? Answering private questions means this stranger now has knowledge I would consider "privileged" about myself, which they can use as they see fit. Mean comments? Oversharing with friends? Gossipping? There's a reason we keep some conversations only between trusted parties, and getting to know which parties we trust takes time. You can't speed that up by skipping steps.

Jverse 2y ago

I understand that you want to stand out and go beyond platitudes and canned answers. But for me, I always get a bit uncomfortable with these sorts of questions. I've been on dates where I've gotten a barrage of questions like these. What makes me feel like backing off is that they seemingly come out of the blue and appear as canned interview questions. I also get the feeling that I'm getting judged on my answer. That some answers are more "right" than others, for example the article's question about material gifts versus experiences. Will I tick the box as materialistic if I mention that my best gift was an object?

jhbadger 2y ago
Yeah, I can see these as "off-the-wall" questions in a job interview but if somebody started asking me these at a party or something I would be seriously weirded out and would quickly find an excuse to go talk to someone else.
- malux85 2y ago
  Wow I’m really surprised by answers in this thread - I just read the article and questioned myself on all of these, and thoroughly enjoyed thinking about them, when they finished I thought to myself “I wish I had someone to talk to right now and ask these questions with” I guess everyone is different, I’m just offering a counterpoint, I thought these questions were thought provoking and interesting and don’t find them intrusive or anything.
Zambyte 2y ago
These questions aren't meant to be a substitute for conversation, they are meant to be something to give it direction when there is none. If they were simply barraging you with questions, either they were bad at listening and replying to what you said, you were bad at replying in a way that they could reply to (asking your own, related questions maybe?), or both.

anentropic 2y ago

> What is your most radical belief? > Gives you a sense for if they think independently. Call them out if what they say is something you’ve heard before or 30%+ of the people in the room would agree with what they say is their most “radical” belief. This isn't a measure of independent thinking, this is whether they're a complete nutjob.

kidintech 2y ago
"radical" is definitely a word imbued with meaning in recent times and might take away from OP's point here. I saw a version of this question in a book once and it stuck with me: "What important truth do very few people agree with you on?" Obviously, never asking this when first meeting someone but further down the line, once you are comfortable with each other. Does having an answer to the question phrased as such still make you a nutjob? Personally, I value individuals that are able to ponder on this question for a while and provide a valid answer.
strken 2y ago
If someone asked me this I'd either make a joke or literally tell them to fuck off, depending on how serious they were. Telling someone your least socially acceptable belief is giving them a weapon to use against you, and is proof of significant trust. You shouldn't be expected to trot it out for someone who doesn't know you yet.
dotancohen 2y ago
Maybe the OP is just used to hanging around theoretical physics conventions. Honestly I can not think of any other venue where such a question would be socially acceptable.
borggambit 2y ago
[flagged]

strken 2y ago

Something of a tangent, but I misread "What do you believe most strongly that you can’t prove?" to mean "What theory do you believe is the most unprovable?" the first time, and I suspect it might be an equally interesting question.

khafra 2y ago

The "creepy" vibe is because answering honestly to some of these, for many people, is going to be fairly severe thoughtcrime. You'll need to exude some really strong "not a fed" vibes for those to work.

polotics 2y ago

I got one of these types of questions in a job interview once, I think it was: "in your life what do you regret the most" and I was torn between showing true honesty, possibly getting emotional, and staying professional in the answer. So context here is super important: what does this [chatty person / interviewer / evaluator / investigator / lawyer / judge] really want to know, and why? ... and what does it tell me about them and their attitude!

rrgok 2y ago

Yeah, well, I thought I could find something about finding the motivation to get to know someone. Alas, I was wrong. This assumes I already want to get to know someone, but that almost never happens to me. Lately, I've been enjoying superficial things. When you come into contact with something superficial — whether it's people, objects, or relationships — it slaps you in the face with the reality that everything ends. It shows its true face at the first encounter. The opposite things, the ones that give you deep connection and long-lasting relationships, are the illusion. They provide a false sense of permanence, meaning, or some deep mystical value that doesn't exist. Given enough time, everything will end. So I'm stuck at the previous step: I don't know how to find the motivation to get to know someone.

Joker_vD 2y ago

Strangely enough, I'd be more comfortable answering "Most people squirm/try and get out of answering these" than "Soft ball" questions. Should I, uh, reconsider something about my attitudes?

changexd 2y ago

At first I was super weirded out by these questions, but I do think these are good convo starter but the delivery must be less straightforward, instead of directly asking these questions, I would rather start from something small then see if anything that can lead me to getting to know better about people, actually listen and respond is the key i suppose edit: nvm I changed my mind, I think "intentionally starting a conversation" is somewhat unnatural, If I'm actually curious about a person, the conversation will start naturally

lou1306 2y ago

How did your parents meet? This seems like a bad bad way to start and anything but a "soft ball". There's a lot of people out there who'd rather think as little as possible about their family of origin.

monacobolid 2y ago

As some other commenters here noted, most of these questions are uncomfortable when coming from strangers. But! I can imagine (asking and) being asked (some of) these questions by someone whom I already met/spent some time with and am interested in becoming closer with them (being asked and not getting uncomfortable, that is to say). Like if you meet a person in a group settings (once or multiple times), spend some time with them, they seem interesting and fun, and then you meet that person but without the group. One more important thing to note, as some other commenter below noted, the questions from the articled should be adapted to the context - instead of flat out asking "Tell me, how did you parents meet?" like a weirdo, what about first mentioning something about yourself and your parents and only then asking something about their parents (like where are they from, or something alike). Additionally, if you just keep asking these personal questions, one after another, without taking time to give away something about yourself (and also reacting to the environment; conversations don't happen in a vacuum), that is not "getting to know someone" that is interrogation. There are no shortcuts in making friends. It just takes time (and effort, obv).

RcouF1uZ4gsC 2y ago

These questions are a huge turnoff to me. They suggest a hustle mindset that just wants to get certain results. For me, and I suspect a lot of others, the journey in getting to know someone is a huge part. The small talk, the process of getting more comfortable to ask deeper questions, etc is all part of the journey. Being asked these questions at the outset feels like the person asking is just trying to get more check marks for non-superficial relationships without putting in the time.

VoodooJuJu 2y ago

A lot of these questions would make me cringe off the face of the earth. >What is your love story? Who did the wooing? >Who did the wooing? Mother of God...

kreyenborgi 2y ago

This probably combines well with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FM_2-22.3_Human_Intelligence_Collector_Operations#Interrogation_methods https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FM_2-22.3_Human_Intelligence_C... or maybe that's where it's from, I haven't read the full report. Always interesting to read these declassified HUMINT documents, and to wonder how I would do if I were subjected to this kind of inhuman questioning.

ricardobeat 2y ago

I really wonder under what circumstances one would actually weave these questions into a conversation. They sound incredibly robotic, what kind of person talks like this to strangers?

memcg 2y ago
'Here are some questions I’ve found fun to ask people I’ve just met to get to know them. I’ve found that good conversations start from questions that get your (future) friend to' Next questions usually involve trying to sell me something, donate or sign a petition

Brajeshwar 2y ago

Personal perspective > Here are some questions I’ve found fun to ask people I’ve just met to get to know them. If you are asking these questions to people for fun, I’m very certain that it won’t be fun very long with most of the people you meet. I've found that the best way is to nudge people to let them talk more about their things (be it work, of personal/family) from their own. Based on their own stories, and the narrative, augment that with relevant questions and keep making them talk. Based on the body language, and the tone, it is easy to realize that sometime I need to talk too and I try to "communicate." All the questions, I feel, will come out in time eventually. Don't make it an interview to complete within a time-slot or at one-go.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

PopAlongKid 2y ago

I specifically am turned off by the superlatives aspect of the questions, as in "what is the best..." or "what is the most...". It immediately leads me to think about what metric is being used to measure it, since my "best" or "most" something may not be yours, and so I can't really answer, and instead would go off on a tangent about the meta aspect of the question. So, if you are going to ask me about something, just ask without forcing me to rank things against some undefined scale.

hanifc 2y ago
I think part of the point is that you share your defined scale because that helps the other person understand you and your values.

bomewish 2y ago

No one else would find these kinds of questions simply intolerable? I'm reading these thinking "seriously???"