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Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)
- pmg101 2y ago(2013)
- saltserv 2y ago[dead]
- troupo 2y agoAll these "should be allowed" are basically "children are people, too. Let them have everything normal people do/have/experience/feel". This applies to all "children should be allowed to play/go outside/be bored/be not bored/...." expert takes
- switch007 2y agoBut the younger parents are of a generation who may not know that's normal and who have grown up glued to TVs, consoles and phones. They may need it spelled out
- krisoft 2y agoIt is also not just electronic distractions. I have seen parents who are wealthy enough so they can afford to fill their kids life with a regiment of after school activities. Monday French tutoring, Tuesday/Thursday basketball practice, Wednesday math tutoring, Friday swimming and German tutoring, Saturday basketball game and piano, Sunday sailing. And of course homework crammed into every free time around these. Not much time around that to experience boredom ever. Naturally not everyone can afford this kind of pace so this is not a problem which involves everyone. But the insidous problem is that these parents are convinced that they are doing everything right for their kids. They are the most likely who can change course and incorporate such research.
- watwut 2y agoThis is not about not allowing kids to be bored. This is about them wanting parents to create situations when kids are bored (by preventing their access to electronics specifically). As in, boredom nowdays requires additional work on the side of parents.
- theGnuMe 2y agoDad, can I bring my iPad? Me: no Dad, my iPad is dead. Can I use your phone? Me: no And so forth. Not hard.
- WA 2y agoMy kid usually wants to know how I make decisions and never settles for a single "no" or "because I said so". I can tell them "because I want you to find some other stuff to play with", which might result in complaining for a while. Saying "not hard" is definitely not true in many cases. It's doable, but it's still hard.
- theGnuMe 2y agoWhatever works for your family. The more you set the boundary though the better. I guess the ideal parenting method is to reinforce good choices and not reinforce bad ones. The best trained dogs are those trained only by positive reinforcement so…
- dolmen 2y agoDad, can I have an tablet/smartphone for birthday/Christmas? Me: no
- watwut 2y agoDad, can I go to visit my friend Johny? Me: yes. And there they are, watching movies with Johny in Johny house.
- theGnuMe 2y agoSocial movie watching or gaming is not bad imho.
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- dailykoder 2y ago>such as talking to elderly neighbours No no no, that's dangerous!!! Don't ever let your kids talk to strangers, duh. /s Same thing applies to adults imo. Embracing boredom was one of the best things I did in the past years. Boredom is fun!
- skrebbel 2y ago“should be allowed”, in practice, means “should be forced”, since it means saying no to the huge collection of devices (TVs, computers, tablets, nintendos etc) that prevent boredom.
- user3939382 2y agoYou could argue by providing those things you’re forcing them into perpetual stimulation. It’s a matter of perspective. The difference is that like sugar, unless we’re using our rationality to override the impulse, we’ll always pick stimulation though that’s not necessarily healthy.
- watwut 2y agoWords means things. If I ask you for something again and again, you then provides it for me as a gift for christmas, using the word "forcing" is massively inappropriate. It is not just a question of perspective. It is quite literally a question of what word means.
- toenail 2y agoAnd being a parent means you are responsible for somebody. Yeah, maybe you don't "force" them, you just create offers they can't refuse.
- watwut 2y agoSure. But it has nothing to do with ridiculous argument that "kids are forced them into perpetual stimulation". No they are not forced. They want it and they are either allowed it or not.
- robertlagrant 2y ago> Yeah, maybe you don't "force" them, you just create offers they can't refuse. Agreed - it's not forcing. Not all things that are bad are forcing.
- 2y ago
- Refusing23 2y agoWhen my kid is bored he eventually figures out something to do. if he gets less tv or whatever, for a period, he gets deeply invested in lego or drawing or similar
- JR1427 2y agoI'm not saying its evil or anything, but on demand TV is IMO not a good thing for kids. It can be a real battle to get my daughter away from Bluey. Back in my day, we had to wait at least a day for the next episode, or often a week, or more! TV was actually "seasonal", which it no longer is. I firmly believe that humans need seasons, i.e. periods of time that are different from each other, either summer, winter etc, or periods where a TV show is simply not accessible. What almost always works to get away from TV, though, is if _I_ start a project, and within minutes my daughter will have picked up her own project, and we'll be companionably working on something.
- imp0cat 2y agoUnderstood, it can be a real battle to get myself away from Bluey. :) I find that setting (and enforcing!) a limit works great though. Play X episodes a day, the turn the TV off.
- JR1427 2y agoYup, setting limits in advance is the way to go. "okay, just one more episode" definitely doesn't work!
- watwut 2y agoI agree that nonstop access is not good. But I also think that current ability to see the series at once and then be done with that is strictly superior over past "episode once a week" schedule. First, it leads to way more interesting shows, but also it affects my life much less. The tv schedule used to rule peoples days, they would try to be at home for the show, they would stop socializing and what not just to see the show.
- brohoolio 2y agoFor my own kids when they are bored there is a flow of requests. First they ask if they can watch TV. Then they ask if they play video games. Then they ask if they can goto a friends house that they like. Then they ask if they can see a neighbor kid who they are kinda meh about. If I keep saying no to all the distractions they typically will enter a complainy phase about how they are bored, but after a bit of boredom they enter a very imaginative state where we can end up with some top tier kid games, the kind you might see on Bluey.
- lupusreal 2y agoDogs that beg for food are dogs that know they get fed when they beg for food.
- actionfromafar 2y agoDogs have varying levels of optimism. Some cheerfully begs for food despite a success rate of maybe 1:100.
- wojciii 2y agoI noticed a similar pattern with mine. I limit their time with electronic devices (yt kids, games, etc) because it seems that the devices/services are similar to drugs including withdrawal symptoms. So getting bored just means having to find something to play with. Lego is a good creative way to spend time. Going outside is also preferable to Minecraft ..
- monkeydust 2y agoSounds very similar to mine, perhaps the process they need to go through to achieve the 'state of boredom' where true creativity can be unlocked.
- dolmen 2y ago> Then they ask if they can goto a friends house that they like. The friends house where they will get TV or video games.
- veidr 2y agoprotip: not just kids
- 082349872349872 2y ago> All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. —BP
- ralfd 2y agoBlaise Pascal
- A_non_e-moose 2y agoMy brain immediately went to British Petrol
- vesinisa 2y agoYou're excused. After all, the original comment failed to use the correct SI unit (BPa).
- TheAlchemist 2y agoThe older I get, the more I agree with this.
- StanislavPetrov 2y agoThis immediately brings to mind the Seinfeld episode where Ellen's boyfriend stares blankly at the back of the airplane seat in front of him on a long international flight. That being said, I generally agree with the sentiment.
- starspangled 2y ago
- tuatoru 2y agoBeing bored is good, I'd tell my kids. It means you're not hungry, or cold, or wet, or hurt, or scared for your life. Enjoy it!
- nikanj 2y agoChildren vehemently disagree with expert (since times immemorial)
- ithkuil 2y agoBut that's exactly the point. The point is not because boredom is good per-se. The point is that our natural instinct to avoid boredom is what drives us to do stuff, to go places, to invent things, to dream. The problem is not that eventually kids/people will find a way to not be bored. The problem is how easy and effortless it is to find entertainment these days. The situation is similar to food. It's not that eating and enjoying food is bad, but the way modern society makes food available (and the quality of it) enables some quote suboptimal behaviours (to put it mildly)
- christianqchung 2y agoWish there was more rigorous studies on this. Yesterday I got stuck waiting for a train for 3 hours with a dead phone, so I walked around Boston and an old lady sat down at the park to talk to me about her dogs. I got back to the station an hour too early and read the beginning of a book someone left behind. Can we get a (2024) study on this?
- xarope 2y agoWhen waiting for lifts, instead of focusing on my phone in the vain hope of finding something useful and enlightening, I have a quick chat with those around me. Unsurprisingly, the security guards and other neighbours now say hi to me regularly.
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- mojo74 2y agoA generation that cannot endure boredom will be a generation of little people… unduly divorced from the slow processes of nature, in whom every vital impulse withers, as though they were cut flowers in a vase. —Bertrand Russell
- melvinroest 2y agoHere's a short story that I just quickly wrote that alludes to the title. It's also something I actually do. __The Chair That Changed My Life__ There is the chair. Sit on it. Tell yourself: this is my life now. "But, but, I want to watch a YouTube video! I want to be on Instagram." No you little media fueled thrill-seeker. You sit on the chair. "But I AM FUCKING BORED! For the love of God please let me out!" If it helps mister thrill-seeker, you can do anything on the chair that you want. "Anything?" Anything. As long as you don't get off the chair. "I'm gonna sing!" Go right ahead. "I'm gonna dance on the chair." It's yours to do so. "I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Wait a second, I should file my taxes!" Oh, taxes? Hmm, that sounds important. Alright then, feel free to get off the chair or whatever it is that you need to do to fill your taxes - such as using a computer. "Thanks!" But remember, when you're done, get back on the chair. And no, no secret laptop smuggling with internet! This is an electronic free zone. --- This exercise has given me some success in allowing myself to be media free at the times where I need it. I invented the exercise by at one point being so frustrated by my digital media addiction that I just told myself "you'd rather live your life on a chair? Fine! Feel free to do so. See what it does!" Then I got bored and I realized there was a key to explore there, and here we are.
- toddmorey 2y agoI agree with this advice. But know there’s always an expert somewhere who says something when it comes to parenting. Most parents really are trying their best with the skills they have. Hang in there.
- i5heu 2y agoThis article is not about "allowing" kids to be bored. It is to force kids to spend their time like this person that has a romanticized view of their childhood wants them to fill "the void".
- mihaaly 2y agoI believe there is a point there, we live in a society where we must be entertained well! Not being entertained is shame. Allowing is fine enough word here I believe.
- i5heu 2y agoRather then taking kinds their media away and in turn making this media even more valuable for them. I would suggest trying to establish attention as something valuable and that is important to direct yourself rather then having it directed by someone else.
- bigoldie 2y agoI often think that a lot of people are depressed and/or in a burn out because they don't give themselves a moment to do nothing. A moment were the brain can get up to speed with all the bombardments of information. In the past we had moments we were bored. Now, we always have a phone or other screen were we can indulge on dopamine.
- dolmen 2y agoAmericans should definitely get (and take) more vacations.
- szundi 2y agoWithout phones and connectivity
- lordofgibbons 2y agoAnecdotally, I just took a long vacation in a country without much cell connectivity, and had a great time. It was very eye opening. But ever since coming back, I've been extremely unmotivated to work. I'm not sure if this counts as work burnout, but I'm sure the vacation had an impact.
- netsharc 2y agoWhere's this. My first thought was North Korea, I wonder if people there are hella creative, but I guess sadly they're too busy doing things the medieval way to have free time. Second guess is Mongolia, where the steppes go on and on forever...
- dolmen 2y agoYou don't have to go to such extreme places to be forced into being disconnected from the Internet. I'm sure you'll find such places much nearer to your home.
- 2y ago
- xkbarkar 2y agoI feel the destructive behaviour of bored kids is forgotten a bit. Growing up in the late 70s early 80s we were kicked out of the house until dinner. We did a lot of really dangerous things exploring. Among these, -Playing in storm drains. Inside the narrow tunnels I might add. -Abandoned construction sites. -Railway tracks. Putting things o the rails waiting for the train to see what happened. Everything from rocks to toys to coins. -Dumpster diving in large dumpsters. There was a soap factory near us and wed dive for schampoo or hairgel. -Jumping in the biohazard pond looking for frogs eggs. -Throwing things off bridges. -Climbing various constructions, houses and dubios trees. -Competing in who could jump from the highest roof. Kids not only could get hurt. We did. Legs were broken. No one died fortunately. Bored kids outside is not really as romantic as many would have it. Not arguing against boredom, constant stimuli is not healthy. That being said, unsupervised bored kids can lead to some very dangerous outcomes.
- kvetching 2y agoThis is literally my childhood / teenage years, and I was born in the 90s. Seems like everything changed when our dopamine systems were highjacked by handheld screens. Started to see the first glimpses of this, everyone crowding around my IPod in shop class to watch a crazy Aphex Twin music video I put on it, or even watching a movie on the Ipod, hooked up to my car speakers with my gf sitting in the school parking lot
- coldtea 2y agoMost of the things you describe are part of a good childhood and learning boundaries and limits, and testing yourself, and growing harder, and having fun. Sorry, but we had been living like that for ages before helicopter parents became the norm. Kids didn't die in the streets by the truckload, or jump off of roofs to their doom any any number to statistically matter, as this alarmist comment implies.
- watwut 2y agoKids mortality used to be much higher then it is now.
- coldtea 2y agoThat we need an expert to understand that (and other trivial things) is a failure of common sense
- dolmen 2y agoOK, but the hard part is for care givers to overcome the period where the kid bothers the adults about his boredom. Screens are a so simple solution. And it's so hard to block them. https://www.3-6-9-12.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/flyer-apprivoiser-les-ecrans-2018-anglais2-hr.pdf https://www.3-6-9-12.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/flyer-ap...
- coldtea 2y agoMaybe hooking them to opium would help /s
- nottorp 2y agoQuite a few adult creative minds have been talking about the importance of being idle across the years too...
- qwertox 2y agoSame goes for adults. There's no way to get bored anymore, unless you turn your smartphone/tablet/computer off. There's a never ending stream of news, posts on social platforms, video streams, podcasts, stealing the time to think about things which could improve your life.
- zimpenfish 2y ago> There's no way to get bored anymore > stealing the time to think about things which could improve your life I don't think those two are the same.
- miika 2y agoSometimes it seems to me that many of us are in a state of permanent entertainment. It has become our default mode so any break from it may trigger even anxiety.. In my life I find that what works the best for my kid and for myself are physical activities such as climbing, swimming and walks in forest. I'm trying to find ways to replace dopamine with serotonin (replacing pleasure with happiness) and it seems that usually involves some form of physical activity where mind needs to focus on the movement and surroundings, so that there is simply not much room for thinking and desires.
- kvetching 2y agoIt's truly not a fair fight. There are literally trillions of dollars being spent to hijack our attention
- teekert 2y agoScrew getting bored and “fixing” it with a screen. I’ve been seeing a new trend: Parents with kids on the backs of their bikes (something everyone does here, but now) with the kids glued to a screen… So, instead of learning (without getting bored at all!) about the reality that they are one day going to have to navigate by themselves, they watch some cartoon, blaring annoying audio to people around them in the process. What’s wrong with humanity?
- hakuseki 2y agoIn what sense is looking at a screen a failure to prepare for the world that adults navigate? Adults also look at screens.
- teekert 2y agoIt’s a huge missed opportunity for the developing brain to learn about the world, its sights, its sounds, its interactions, its physics, its rules. Everything.
- watwut 2y ago700th bike trip to preschool or school is not teaching kids all that much.
- teekert 2y agoSo, we make them myopic and teach them that boredom is battles with a screen?
- watwut 2y agoNo, my point is that you dont have to turn every little mundane thing into a teaching-something-important moment. Overall, it is absurd, someone getting outraged over a kid not having a trip to preschool or whatever turned into as educational enriching character building exercise as possible.
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- interludead 2y agoPossibly off-topic: my sister practices a developmental game with her son. She gives him a toy with some kind of defect. And he figures out how to fix the defect by himself. With his mom's help, of course, but still.
- SebFender 2y agoWe got bored and did dangerous things as kids and it was fun. We broke bones and now when we meet we laugh at it and have a bunch of stories. Last week I showed a few teens how to chop some wood; it took .5 seconds for moms to get up and start freaking out saying it was too dangerous... An hour later we had a stack of wood and everybody had fun, learned and felt great about a good job done. People need to relax and let their kids have fun, learn and know what, sometimes get hurt. It's part of a process that is now much too rare...
- dang 2y agoDiscussed at the time: Children should be allowed to get bored - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5431188 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5431188 - March 2013 (52 comments)
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