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men attracted to the idea of women who are cheating are not themselves precisely cheating. there are some who would wish to stigmatize this, but other (men) who

men attracted to the idea of women who are cheating are not themselves precisely cheating. there are some who would wish to stigmatize this, but other (men) who would not.

codetrotter 2y ago
The slogan of Ashley Madison was “Life is short. Have an affair.” So the assumption should be that most of the real people on the site whether they are the man or the woman, are in a relationship with someone IRL but went to AM because they wanted to cheat. They ask you about your relationship status so probably the leaked data can tell us how many reported being in a relationship vs not. (But also keep in mind people might lie about it, in either direction.)
itishappy 2y ago
As a man, if I found out my partner was flirting with guys at the bar every weekend without my knowledge or consent, even if she didn't go home with any of them, I'd still stigmatize the hell out of that.
- taylodl 2y ago
  Hopefully you aren't married. There's a HUGE difference between "flirting" and "fscking."
  - itishappy 2y ago
    I know. I don't care. I don't want a partner who to all observers (myself included) appears to be trying to cheat. My bare minimum relationship standard is a partner who does neither, and I hold myself to the same standard.
    - taylodl 2y ago
      Flirting is healthy and isn't even remotely cheating. There's also a difference between flirting and trying to pick somebody up. I'm afraid your thinking is why so many marriages are failing today.
      - baobabKoodaa 2y ago
        I strongly agree with you, but I want to add that each relationship is different and people have the freedom to set their boundaries as they wish (they as in plural; the people who are in the same relationship decide together where the boundaries are). What I'm trying to say is, it's okay if the person you are responding to wants more strict boundaries than the rest of us. If flirting is cheating to them, then it is and that's that.
        taylodl 2y ago
        I'll concede that point. I guess I just don't understand why people are so possessive of their spouses and won't let them live a little.
  - foobarchu 2y ago
    For many people, if not most, the line is fuzzy enough to still be hurt by flirting. Just because it doesn't bother you doesn't mean it won't bother others/your partner. There IS an important distinction to be had between flirting and being friendly, though. Being friendly and even laughing at a joke is not flirting without the intent.

men attracted to the idea of women who are cheating are not themselves precisely cheating. there are some who would wish to stigmatize this, but other (men) who would not.

codetrotter 2y ago

The slogan of Ashley Madison was “Life is short. Have an affair.” So the assumption should be that most of the real people on the site whether they are the man or the woman, are in a relationship with someone IRL but went to AM because they wanted to cheat. They ask you about your relationship status so probably the leaked data can tell us how many reported being in a relationship vs not. (But also keep in mind people might lie about it, in either direction.)

itishappy 2y ago

As a man, if I found out my partner was flirting with guys at the bar every weekend without my knowledge or consent, even if she didn't go home with any of them, I'd still stigmatize the hell out of that.

taylodl 2y ago
Hopefully you aren't married. There's a HUGE difference between "flirting" and "fscking."
- itishappy 2y ago
  I know. I don't care. I don't want a partner who to all observers (myself included) appears to be trying to cheat. My bare minimum relationship standard is a partner who does neither, and I hold myself to the same standard.
  - taylodl 2y ago
    Flirting is healthy and isn't even remotely cheating. There's also a difference between flirting and trying to pick somebody up. I'm afraid your thinking is why so many marriages are failing today.
    - baobabKoodaa 2y ago
      I strongly agree with you, but I want to add that each relationship is different and people have the freedom to set their boundaries as they wish (they as in plural; the people who are in the same relationship decide together where the boundaries are). What I'm trying to say is, it's okay if the person you are responding to wants more strict boundaries than the rest of us. If flirting is cheating to them, then it is and that's that.
      - taylodl 2y ago
        I'll concede that point. I guess I just don't understand why people are so possessive of their spouses and won't let them live a little.
- foobarchu 2y ago
  For many people, if not most, the line is fuzzy enough to still be hurt by flirting. Just because it doesn't bother you doesn't mean it won't bother others/your partner. There IS an important distinction to be had between flirting and being friendly, though. Being friendly and even laughing at a joke is not flirting without the intent.