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I'll say it, the obvious no one wants to say: we've got a massive adult immaturity problem in our entire civilization. Not just men, but they're more able to ac

I'll say it, the obvious no one wants to say: we've got a massive adult immaturity problem in our entire civilization. Not just men, but they're more able to act out their immaturity.

ThrowawayTestr 2y ago
It's funny you consider adultery to be a sign of immaturity.
- bsenftner 2y ago
  Its damning you don't.
- saintfire 2y ago
  I find the unfaithfulness being considered objectively abhorrent as a pretty narrow minded take but I'm curious why you don't think it's immaturity? As far as I know, just by nature of there being more short than long relationships, In most cases cheating occurs rather early; so its a massive waste of time for every party. Seems short sighted and immature to me. Not telling you you're wrong, just asking for a different take.
  - SketchySeaBeast 2y ago
    Outside the context or marriages I have no idea, but it appears in marriage, which is the context for Ashley Madison, cheating occurs when the marriage is well established, at about seven to years. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202308/does-infidelity-peak-in-the-seventh-year-of-marriage https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202... https://www.businessinsider.com/how-long-married-people-wait-before-cheating-2017-11 https://www.businessinsider.com/how-long-married-people-wait...
  - ThrowawayTestr 2y ago
    Never said it is or it isn't, just that the word adultery has adult in it.
- cko 2y ago
  Something to do with impulse control, keeping your word, and honest and open communication in the context of a relationship. Maybe there's a better word for it than immaturity.
  - ThrowawayTestr 2y ago
    Selfish
- PawgerZ 2y ago
  It's funny you consider immaturity to be limited to those under 18.
shermantanktop 2y ago
Absolutely. With social animals, we have a name for what is missing: “socialization.” For so many men, they seem to have gotten the basic training but never finished the course. It’s the process of discovering that other people are different than you, that your unfiltered thoughts are bothersome to others, and that treating others as objects or targets will make you a pariah. And the internet doesn’t prevent socialization, it substitutes it with an online version which fails to do the full job. Go watch some movies from the 1930s or 1940s to see how expectations of men have changed. Yes, they are movies and idealized. But acting like an ass and then talking about why nobody will date you was not on the menu.
- fsckboy 2y ago
  movies from the 30's and 40's are filled with male ego stroking and routine and casual misogyny.
  - _yb2s 2y ago
    True but not mutually exclusive with having social finesse, e.g. being “suave.”
    - shermantanktop 2y ago
      Exactly.
  - shermantanktop 2y ago
    Sure, and racism, and lots of other bad stuff. Doesn’t mean the bar for being a functioning male in society has fallen through the floor since then. My point was that the contrast is striking, not that 1940 was a time we should go back to.
_yb2s 2y ago
I agree- cheating in my view is generally an immature way to deal with being unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship- instead of taking responsibility, communicating, setting boundaries, and ending the relationship if necessary people try to pretend everything is fine and cheat in secret. I don’t agree men are “more able to act out.” It’s easier for women to cheat so they don’t even need to go online, but just stop turning down interest they were getting anyways.
- bsenftner 2y ago
  The problem is much wider than simply people cheating on their spouses. It's the failure of people in aggregate to rein in their predator in virtually any interaction they can get away with being a predator.
  - _yb2s 2y ago
    I see what you’re getting at, but think predator is the wrong word. Narcissism might be more appropriate- it is just thinking about yourself and not caring about the well being of others or of the group. Usually rationalized by the idea that everyone else is as well, and if you don’t you’re just getting taken advantage of… which becomes increasingly true the more people act this way, a self fulfilling prophecy.
    - bsenftner 2y ago
      Yeah, you've got it. It's the inability to see oneself as a part of a larger harmonious whole they have responsibility to nurture.
      - _yb2s 2y ago
        I think this got so much worse during the covid pandemic. Really disheartening to see that when things get a little tough people become nasty and selfish, and create a new crisis within a crisis. I was naive enough to expect the opposite, that people would get some perspective and show some kindness, strength, and humanity.

I'll say it, the obvious no one wants to say: we've got a massive adult immaturity problem in our entire civilization. Not just men, but they're more able to act out their immaturity.

ThrowawayTestr 2y ago

It's funny you consider adultery to be a sign of immaturity.

bsenftner 2y ago
Its damning you don't.
saintfire 2y ago
I find the unfaithfulness being considered objectively abhorrent as a pretty narrow minded take but I'm curious why you don't think it's immaturity? As far as I know, just by nature of there being more short than long relationships, In most cases cheating occurs rather early; so its a massive waste of time for every party. Seems short sighted and immature to me. Not telling you you're wrong, just asking for a different take.
- SketchySeaBeast 2y ago
  Outside the context or marriages I have no idea, but it appears in marriage, which is the context for Ashley Madison, cheating occurs when the marriage is well established, at about seven to years. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202308/does-infidelity-peak-in-the-seventh-year-of-marriage https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202... https://www.businessinsider.com/how-long-married-people-wait-before-cheating-2017-11 https://www.businessinsider.com/how-long-married-people-wait...
- ThrowawayTestr 2y ago
  Never said it is or it isn't, just that the word adultery has adult in it.
cko 2y ago
Something to do with impulse control, keeping your word, and honest and open communication in the context of a relationship. Maybe there's a better word for it than immaturity.
- ThrowawayTestr 2y ago
  Selfish
PawgerZ 2y ago
It's funny you consider immaturity to be limited to those under 18.

shermantanktop 2y ago

Absolutely. With social animals, we have a name for what is missing: “socialization.” For so many men, they seem to have gotten the basic training but never finished the course. It’s the process of discovering that other people are different than you, that your unfiltered thoughts are bothersome to others, and that treating others as objects or targets will make you a pariah. And the internet doesn’t prevent socialization, it substitutes it with an online version which fails to do the full job. Go watch some movies from the 1930s or 1940s to see how expectations of men have changed. Yes, they are movies and idealized. But acting like an ass and then talking about why nobody will date you was not on the menu.

fsckboy 2y ago
movies from the 30's and 40's are filled with male ego stroking and routine and casual misogyny.
- _yb2s 2y ago
  True but not mutually exclusive with having social finesse, e.g. being “suave.”
  - shermantanktop 2y ago
    Exactly.
- shermantanktop 2y ago
  Sure, and racism, and lots of other bad stuff. Doesn’t mean the bar for being a functioning male in society has fallen through the floor since then. My point was that the contrast is striking, not that 1940 was a time we should go back to.

_yb2s 2y ago

I agree- cheating in my view is generally an immature way to deal with being unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship- instead of taking responsibility, communicating, setting boundaries, and ending the relationship if necessary people try to pretend everything is fine and cheat in secret. I don’t agree men are “more able to act out.” It’s easier for women to cheat so they don’t even need to go online, but just stop turning down interest they were getting anyways.

bsenftner 2y ago
The problem is much wider than simply people cheating on their spouses. It's the failure of people in aggregate to rein in their predator in virtually any interaction they can get away with being a predator.
- _yb2s 2y ago
  I see what you’re getting at, but think predator is the wrong word. Narcissism might be more appropriate- it is just thinking about yourself and not caring about the well being of others or of the group. Usually rationalized by the idea that everyone else is as well, and if you don’t you’re just getting taken advantage of… which becomes increasingly true the more people act this way, a self fulfilling prophecy.
  - bsenftner 2y ago
    Yeah, you've got it. It's the inability to see oneself as a part of a larger harmonious whole they have responsibility to nurture.
    - _yb2s 2y ago
      I think this got so much worse during the covid pandemic. Really disheartening to see that when things get a little tough people become nasty and selfish, and create a new crisis within a crisis. I was naive enough to expect the opposite, that people would get some perspective and show some kindness, strength, and humanity.