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Oh boy, the asymmetry of modern dating is really something. Just imagine if a man tried to do what this woman is doing. Just imagine being a man and asking a w

Oh boy, the asymmetry of modern dating is really something. Just imagine if a man tried to do what this woman is doing. Just imagine being a man and asking a woman you're dating to "approach our relationship as an experiment" that runs in 2 week "sprints" where you require your partner to "commit to radical transparency and empathy" and "commit to continuous improvement" to find out every 2 weeks if you dump them. I guess being a woman means you can "co-create" your own rules for dating and men will just line up to compete each other for your favor. No matter how many obstacles you throw in your own way, you can still find happiness, because the world will bend over backwards to accommodate your every whim. Must be nice.

HyulianGrader 2y ago
[flagged]
jitl 2y ago
I don’t think any of this is really “obstacles”; the start of most relationships I’ve been in usually does feel like some kind of experiment where I and the other person are figuring out if when we mix, there’s chemistry, and, at least in the better ones we do talk about how it’s going (“retro”?) so if it turns out we’re both tepid on something we can try something else. I ask everyone I’m close to for transparency and empathy. I don’t really vibe with the specific and somewhat rigid Agile Nomenclature the author enjoys but generally the spirit of the ideas here make good sense to me and don’t seem wacky to do if you’re a he, she, or they. I’ve felt the big asymmetry in trying to find women to date online as a man, but after you start talking to someone enough to discuss what you want in a relationship, if they’re not excited about the stuff you’re excited about why bother?
- baobabKoodaa 2y ago
  > I ask everyone I’m close to for transparency and empathy. Asking for transparency I understand, but asking for empathy I don't understand. Empathy is a personality trait. Asking a person for more empathy will not make them more empathic, so what is the point of asking them? It's unreasonable and offensive. > I’ve felt the big asymmetry in trying to find women to date online as a man, but after you start talking to someone enough to discuss what you want in a relationship, if they’re not excited about the stuff you’re excited about why bother? If the "stuff you're excited about" is an Agile Menifesto intended to change your partner and/or their behavior, then it shouldn't come as a surprise if they're not excited about it (asking someone to change their behavior is of course more acceptable than asking to change their personality, but I wouldn't expect anyone to get excited about either of those things). > generally the spirit of the ideas here make good sense to me and don’t seem wacky to do if you’re a he, she, or they. Many ideas might sound good on paper. If you actually tried this (as a man who is not in the top 5% of men or whatever), you would quickly find out that all women will simply stop dating you when you start making these questions. The very first diagram that you draw in your kick-off meeting will be the point where they decide they will dump you. Each and every one of them.
  - jitl 2y ago
    > The very first diagram that you draw in your kick-off meeting will be the point where they decide they will dump you Maybe you and I are living in different cultural contexts? I lived in SF and hang out mostly with tech professional flavored people. I think the reaction of anyone I’ve dated in the last 10 years would fall somewhere between “amused and reluctantly playing along” to “enthusiastic/excited”. I’ve never really thought about my Percentile Of Men but I feel pretty mid except for my humor / personality possibly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ > Empathy is a personality trait Empathy is a behavior/skill and so it can be practiced!
    - baobabKoodaa 2y ago
      Hey, I appreciate the kind tone in your response. Let's agree to disagree. Have a nice summer!
naveen99 2y ago
You can find symmetry. Dating girls is hard for girls also. And dating guys is easy even for guys. It’s the premium on the ability to host and grow a baby inside their body for 9 months. the premium disappears past reproductive age. It’s also the premium on nvidia hardware, the ability to train a transformer for 9 months inside there body.

HyulianGrader 2y ago

[flagged]

jitl 2y ago

I don’t think any of this is really “obstacles”; the start of most relationships I’ve been in usually does feel like some kind of experiment where I and the other person are figuring out if when we mix, there’s chemistry, and, at least in the better ones we do talk about how it’s going (“retro”?) so if it turns out we’re both tepid on something we can try something else. I ask everyone I’m close to for transparency and empathy. I don’t really vibe with the specific and somewhat rigid Agile Nomenclature the author enjoys but generally the spirit of the ideas here make good sense to me and don’t seem wacky to do if you’re a he, she, or they. I’ve felt the big asymmetry in trying to find women to date online as a man, but after you start talking to someone enough to discuss what you want in a relationship, if they’re not excited about the stuff you’re excited about why bother?

baobabKoodaa 2y ago
> I ask everyone I’m close to for transparency and empathy. Asking for transparency I understand, but asking for empathy I don't understand. Empathy is a personality trait. Asking a person for more empathy will not make them more empathic, so what is the point of asking them? It's unreasonable and offensive. > I’ve felt the big asymmetry in trying to find women to date online as a man, but after you start talking to someone enough to discuss what you want in a relationship, if they’re not excited about the stuff you’re excited about why bother? If the "stuff you're excited about" is an Agile Menifesto intended to change your partner and/or their behavior, then it shouldn't come as a surprise if they're not excited about it (asking someone to change their behavior is of course more acceptable than asking to change their personality, but I wouldn't expect anyone to get excited about either of those things). > generally the spirit of the ideas here make good sense to me and don’t seem wacky to do if you’re a he, she, or they. Many ideas might sound good on paper. If you actually tried this (as a man who is not in the top 5% of men or whatever), you would quickly find out that all women will simply stop dating you when you start making these questions. The very first diagram that you draw in your kick-off meeting will be the point where they decide they will dump you. Each and every one of them.
- jitl 2y ago
  > The very first diagram that you draw in your kick-off meeting will be the point where they decide they will dump you Maybe you and I are living in different cultural contexts? I lived in SF and hang out mostly with tech professional flavored people. I think the reaction of anyone I’ve dated in the last 10 years would fall somewhere between “amused and reluctantly playing along” to “enthusiastic/excited”. I’ve never really thought about my Percentile Of Men but I feel pretty mid except for my humor / personality possibly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ > Empathy is a personality trait Empathy is a behavior/skill and so it can be practiced!
  - baobabKoodaa 2y ago
    Hey, I appreciate the kind tone in your response. Let's agree to disagree. Have a nice summer!

naveen99 2y ago

You can find symmetry. Dating girls is hard for girls also. And dating guys is easy even for guys. It’s the premium on the ability to host and grow a baby inside their body for 9 months. the premium disappears past reproductive age. It’s also the premium on nvidia hardware, the ability to train a transformer for 9 months inside there body.