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It's very hard to strike a balance. On one hand you want your kids to be successful, which on it's own has many nuances, and on the other, don't let them waste

It's very hard to strike a balance. On one hand you want your kids to be successful, which on it's own has many nuances, and on the other, don't let them waste their potential. Make sure that you provided them the opportunities to achieve their potential. And be happy in life. But also be able to sustain themselves without worrying about tomorrow. And so on. There is also the fact that if we all live and no one wants to be a high achiever, we'll still be in the dark ages.

rippeltippel 2y ago
> On one hand you want your kids to be successful How about wanting your kids to be just _happy_, regardless of what _you_ consider to be "successful"?
- tgv 2y ago
  If you don't instill the proper values (and I'm not saying you can, but you have to try), your kid will grow up and think he/she could have done better, and be unhappy. As the parent comment says: it's a balance, and it's a difficult one.
- tomrod 2y ago
  Success and Happy, while not perfect bedmates, cross paths quite often.
- gryn 2y ago
  because there's a necessary baseline to be considered an adult ? if you can't manage to earn a living after I'm dead how will you survive ? if you're not alive, how will you manage to even try to be happy ? I say this as someone who seen relatives and acquaintances try the just be happy approach with their children. now the children are close to their 40 and still not self sufficient and nowhere close to happy either.
  - TheOtherHobbes 2y ago
    The point of the studies is that this kind of parental pressure makes it harder to earn a living. Not easier. But when these parental and educational practices are clearly linked to addictions and emotional/mental health issues, parents and schools should certainly be asking themselves what they're doing. And why. Of course there's a balance between pushing too hard and not pushing at all, and between worthless-if-you-don't-win culture and get-a-prize-for-breathing culture. A friend of mine used to say that the perfect job was just challenging enough to be interesting, but not so challenging it was overwhelming, and not so unchallenging it was boring and pointless. Parenting is similar. There has to be some challenge and some unconditional support, but not an extreme of either. It's hard.
    - gryn 2y ago
      Yes, I agree. What I wrote was in defense of GP commenter who was downvoted at the time, not against the article. As with most things in life both too little and too much can have negative effects. The Hard part is figuring out where that middle values range lies for each task.
- ludovicianul 2y ago
  I truly do. Providing them opportunities and encouraging them to be their best version of themselves it's not contradicting happiness. Even adults need to be challenged to progress. The trick is knowing when to stop...
- C0mm0nS3ns3 2y ago
  In my opinion (which might be wrong) your duty as a parent is to equip your kid with the tools it needs to be able to face the challenges life throws at him/her. What would make your kid _happy_ would be to play all day and do nothing about their future (I'm yet to see a kid who would rather study than play). Wanting your kid to be _happy_ means you need to prepare him/her to be _successful_ (aka to be able to face the challenges life throws at him/her) which might not be _fun_ in the short term. As the OP mentions, striking a balance is a tricky part.
  - marklubi 2y ago
    The philosophy that I have as a parent, and try to impart on my son, is "always do your best, and always do better next time" It's alright to fail, but when you have the next opportunity, improve.
chasd00 2y ago
Yeah it’s a very delicate balance and no parent gets it perfect 100% of the time.
throwanem 2y ago
> On one hand you want your kids to be successful > on the other, don't let them waste their potential Those are the same hand.
- lucianbr 2y ago
  Yeah, the other hand should be something like "don't define their worth by some achievement score, and just be happy". It's hard to even put in clear words, let alone actually do the balance between these.
  - throwanem 2y ago
    And the third hand, I suspect, is "the world is fast growing crueler than it was when I was young and I'm terrified of what may happen to my child when I'm old or dead and they're all on their own, so I'd better do everything I can to frontload everything they'll need while I'm able." I don't know for sure; that all rather passed me by, though for where the state of the world seems heading I'm not actually sure I regret that too much. But they do also say the spectator sees more of the game.
m000 2y ago
I think what you are describing is the socializing of the burden of raising children, only to have mega-corps privately reap the output of their potential and your efforts raising them. Pretty much, modern-day serfdom. Just see how we still discuss sustainance as a non-given. Maybe we should instead start instead working on improving the society, so it better caters to develop the potential of its citizens and also give them better equity in return of their high achievements?

rippeltippel 2y ago

> On one hand you want your kids to be successful How about wanting your kids to be just _happy_, regardless of what _you_ consider to be "successful"?

tgv 2y ago
If you don't instill the proper values (and I'm not saying you can, but you have to try), your kid will grow up and think he/she could have done better, and be unhappy. As the parent comment says: it's a balance, and it's a difficult one.
tomrod 2y ago
Success and Happy, while not perfect bedmates, cross paths quite often.
gryn 2y ago
because there's a necessary baseline to be considered an adult ? if you can't manage to earn a living after I'm dead how will you survive ? if you're not alive, how will you manage to even try to be happy ? I say this as someone who seen relatives and acquaintances try the just be happy approach with their children. now the children are close to their 40 and still not self sufficient and nowhere close to happy either.
- TheOtherHobbes 2y ago
  The point of the studies is that this kind of parental pressure makes it harder to earn a living. Not easier. But when these parental and educational practices are clearly linked to addictions and emotional/mental health issues, parents and schools should certainly be asking themselves what they're doing. And why. Of course there's a balance between pushing too hard and not pushing at all, and between worthless-if-you-don't-win culture and get-a-prize-for-breathing culture. A friend of mine used to say that the perfect job was just challenging enough to be interesting, but not so challenging it was overwhelming, and not so unchallenging it was boring and pointless. Parenting is similar. There has to be some challenge and some unconditional support, but not an extreme of either. It's hard.
  - gryn 2y ago
    Yes, I agree. What I wrote was in defense of GP commenter who was downvoted at the time, not against the article. As with most things in life both too little and too much can have negative effects. The Hard part is figuring out where that middle values range lies for each task.
ludovicianul 2y ago
I truly do. Providing them opportunities and encouraging them to be their best version of themselves it's not contradicting happiness. Even adults need to be challenged to progress. The trick is knowing when to stop...
C0mm0nS3ns3 2y ago
In my opinion (which might be wrong) your duty as a parent is to equip your kid with the tools it needs to be able to face the challenges life throws at him/her. What would make your kid _happy_ would be to play all day and do nothing about their future (I'm yet to see a kid who would rather study than play). Wanting your kid to be _happy_ means you need to prepare him/her to be _successful_ (aka to be able to face the challenges life throws at him/her) which might not be _fun_ in the short term. As the OP mentions, striking a balance is a tricky part.
- marklubi 2y ago
  The philosophy that I have as a parent, and try to impart on my son, is "always do your best, and always do better next time" It's alright to fail, but when you have the next opportunity, improve.

chasd00 2y ago

Yeah it’s a very delicate balance and no parent gets it perfect 100% of the time.

throwanem 2y ago

> On one hand you want your kids to be successful > on the other, don't let them waste their potential Those are the same hand.

lucianbr 2y ago
Yeah, the other hand should be something like "don't define their worth by some achievement score, and just be happy". It's hard to even put in clear words, let alone actually do the balance between these.
- throwanem 2y ago
  And the third hand, I suspect, is "the world is fast growing crueler than it was when I was young and I'm terrified of what may happen to my child when I'm old or dead and they're all on their own, so I'd better do everything I can to frontload everything they'll need while I'm able." I don't know for sure; that all rather passed me by, though for where the state of the world seems heading I'm not actually sure I regret that too much. But they do also say the spectator sees more of the game.

m000 2y ago

I think what you are describing is the socializing of the burden of raising children, only to have mega-corps privately reap the output of their potential and your efforts raising them. Pretty much, modern-day serfdom. Just see how we still discuss sustainance as a non-given. Maybe we should instead start instead working on improving the society, so it better caters to develop the potential of its citizens and also give them better equity in return of their high achievements?