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Were they Asian by any chance? I’m Asian American and it’s a cultural norm. We have a saying for the money we give to our parents (“family usage” in direct tran

Were they Asian by any chance? I’m Asian American and it’s a cultural norm. We have a saying for the money we give to our parents (“family usage” in direct translation). It’s quite a financial burden for some of my friends. Some parents expect their kids to buy them a house and you can imagine how brutal it is in the current housing market.

charlie0 2y ago
I don't think it's strictly an Asian thing. A lot of first generation Americans have this expectation. It's very common to see their parents remunerate money back their parents in foreign countries.
- MisterTea 2y ago
  It isn't. This is typical of most 1st gen immigrants. Growing up in NYC I have friends who were Sri Lankan, Polish, Italian, and Guyanese who's parents came here and worked their asses off to provide a better future for their kids while sending money back home.
otoburb 2y ago
>>Some parents expect their kids to buy them a house and you can imagine how brutal it is in the current housing market. Yes, but you left out that in most Asian-X cultures, first generation immigrant parents typically sacrificed almost everything they had, including in many cases the parental-filial relationship, to provide the children with enough education to claw their way out of their current situation and give them an extra leg up into a higher socioeconomic circumstance. My parents had this expectation, and my wife and I gladly and willingly obliged on both sides as only children. This expectation/obligation became even more poignant when we had our own kids and realized belatedly just how much our parents had sacrificed for us. Whether driven by cultural norms (or not), we appreciate what our parents did for us so that we can "pass it on" now that we're on better footing than either side ever was. While not always convenient or logistically possible, multi-generational housing (where one or both sets of parents live together or very close by) can go a long way to addressing astronomical housing costs at least until they need more intensive daily care due to aging.
- entropi 2y ago
  Kudos to you if you appreciate the moves your parents made in their lives and you have achieved a working relationship with your parents. But I don't think this is a fair expectation from the parents' side, at all. As a child, you did not ask to be burdened with this. If this is a contract, it was signed not by you, but by your parents unilaterally.
  - coldtea 2y ago
    Life is not a contract.
    - entropi 2y ago
      Exactly! In my opinion, one of the implications of this fact is that you cannot make trades like "I am sacrificing x now, so you will buy me a house/whatever when I am older" with your unborn children.
      - recursive 2y ago
        How about "I am sacrificing x now, in the hopes that you will buy me a house/whatever when I am older" Or what about "Sorry, kid, I technically provided you with food, water, and shelter. You can walk to soccer practice, as I have no legal obligations in this matter" Which fits into your world view better?
        sangnoir 2y ago
        > Which fits into your world view better? For some people, the answer may rest on whether the child is younger or older than 18. That said, I don't think people from collectivist and individualist cultures can ever agree on what the obligations a child has - if any - to their parents and extended family.
  - noufalibrahim 2y ago
    A signed contract is one way to frame it but this is informed by a religious/cultural world view. My own view is that it's at least a responsibility and at most a privilege to take care of my parents in any way that i can.
lambdasquirrel 2y ago
That much is complicated. In the SF Bay Area, predominantly South Bay, I knew Asian families (all of them well-to-do, because South Bay), whose parents and extended family helped the new grads buy a house after a few years out of college. Then those kids were expected to help the next generation, when the time came. It was like a multi-generation, extended-family economic collective of sorts. I didn't know what to make of it. On one hand I admired the effort, on some level. On the other hand, I think it really gimped the kids as far as pursuing entrepreneurship goes. But hey, at least they can afford the "rent" in South Bay, I guess? I have never wanted to live there, so I can't say I envy the arrangement.

charlie0 2y ago

I don't think it's strictly an Asian thing. A lot of first generation Americans have this expectation. It's very common to see their parents remunerate money back their parents in foreign countries.

MisterTea 2y ago
It isn't. This is typical of most 1st gen immigrants. Growing up in NYC I have friends who were Sri Lankan, Polish, Italian, and Guyanese who's parents came here and worked their asses off to provide a better future for their kids while sending money back home.

otoburb 2y ago

>>Some parents expect their kids to buy them a house and you can imagine how brutal it is in the current housing market. Yes, but you left out that in most Asian-X cultures, first generation immigrant parents typically sacrificed almost everything they had, including in many cases the parental-filial relationship, to provide the children with enough education to claw their way out of their current situation and give them an extra leg up into a higher socioeconomic circumstance. My parents had this expectation, and my wife and I gladly and willingly obliged on both sides as only children. This expectation/obligation became even more poignant when we had our own kids and realized belatedly just how much our parents had sacrificed for us. Whether driven by cultural norms (or not), we appreciate what our parents did for us so that we can "pass it on" now that we're on better footing than either side ever was. While not always convenient or logistically possible, multi-generational housing (where one or both sets of parents live together or very close by) can go a long way to addressing astronomical housing costs at least until they need more intensive daily care due to aging.

entropi 2y ago
Kudos to you if you appreciate the moves your parents made in their lives and you have achieved a working relationship with your parents. But I don't think this is a fair expectation from the parents' side, at all. As a child, you did not ask to be burdened with this. If this is a contract, it was signed not by you, but by your parents unilaterally.
- coldtea 2y ago
  Life is not a contract.
  - entropi 2y ago
    Exactly! In my opinion, one of the implications of this fact is that you cannot make trades like "I am sacrificing x now, so you will buy me a house/whatever when I am older" with your unborn children.
    - recursive 2y ago
      How about "I am sacrificing x now, in the hopes that you will buy me a house/whatever when I am older" Or what about "Sorry, kid, I technically provided you with food, water, and shelter. You can walk to soccer practice, as I have no legal obligations in this matter" Which fits into your world view better?
      - sangnoir 2y ago
        > Which fits into your world view better? For some people, the answer may rest on whether the child is younger or older than 18. That said, I don't think people from collectivist and individualist cultures can ever agree on what the obligations a child has - if any - to their parents and extended family.
- noufalibrahim 2y ago
  A signed contract is one way to frame it but this is informed by a religious/cultural world view. My own view is that it's at least a responsibility and at most a privilege to take care of my parents in any way that i can.

lambdasquirrel 2y ago

That much is complicated. In the SF Bay Area, predominantly South Bay, I knew Asian families (all of them well-to-do, because South Bay), whose parents and extended family helped the new grads buy a house after a few years out of college. Then those kids were expected to help the next generation, when the time came. It was like a multi-generation, extended-family economic collective of sorts. I didn't know what to make of it. On one hand I admired the effort, on some level. On the other hand, I think it really gimped the kids as far as pursuing entrepreneurship goes. But hey, at least they can afford the "rent" in South Bay, I guess? I have never wanted to live there, so I can't say I envy the arrangement.