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Not everyone is thrilled about existing, and they didn't get a say in that. I could never imagine having children and I never understood why people wanted them,

Not everyone is thrilled about existing, and they didn't get a say in that. I could never imagine having children and I never understood why people wanted them, and then I realized that these people must have actually enjoyed their childhood; a concept that was obviously foreign to me. I don't harbor any ill will towards my parents, but nothing for me is unconditional.

Aeolun 2y ago
I had a fantastic childhood (well, compared to the mean I guess), but that doesn’t mean my love of my parents is unconditional.
- silverquiet 2y ago
  I suppose the implication is that most people who say they had miserable childhoods blame their parents; I might be a bit odd in that I think my parents did really well, but my problems are inherent to me, and that is why I can't really be mad at them. In some sense, you can blame your parents for everything since they provide both the nature and the nurture, but if you think they truly meant well, it's hard to resent them.
  - iteria 2y ago
    > if you think they truly meant well, it's hard to resent them. It's easy to resent someone who means well if what they're trying to do is make you miserable because they can't see how you could be happy. That's my parents. They can't fathom how I can enjoy my life and and have done everything in their power to keep me from living the way I want to live. They are willfully ignoring that I'm not them. They may have good intentions but I had a happy childhood in spite of them, not because of them. If adults in the world didn't take an interest in and see me, I could have been a miserable person. So in that sense, I do resent them. Good intentions don't mean anything when you refuse to acknowledge people as they are instead of who they are.
    - silverquiet 2y ago
      My parents are religious and I am not, but I wish I could believe what they believe.
    - Aeolun 2y ago
      > Good intentions don't mean anything when you refuse to acknowledge people as they are instead of who they are. Was the last part meant to be: “Who you want them to be?” I mean, that’s kinda hard as a parent, since you bring children into the world to raise them as you think they should be. If they then ignore all of that and go their own way, while perfectly acceptable, I can see how that’d suck for them. I guess that’s my biggest worry as a parent anyway. I want them to be happy, but I also want them to be what I consider to be ‘good’.
slumberlust 2y ago
We have a 3.5 year old who is amazing and has brought a lot of joy to our lives. I had a great childhood and still questioned if it was irresponsible to bring a child into a world of inherent suffering. Ultimately, planned parenting is a selfish act.
- entropicdrifter 2y ago
  >Ultimately, planned parenting is a selfish act. I agree, but with the exception that parenting adopted children is not selfish
bombcar 2y ago
I know a decent handful of people who definitely did NOT enjoy their childhood (or at least had major issues that they'd rather not have had; it's not like they never had any fun whatsoever) who have quite enjoyable families now; they've intentionally set out to avoid the pitfalls that happened to them and actively work to identify other ones.
- silverquiet 2y ago
  Mine was due to medical issues; not all pitfalls are avoidable.

Aeolun 2y ago

I had a fantastic childhood (well, compared to the mean I guess), but that doesn’t mean my love of my parents is unconditional.

silverquiet 2y ago
I suppose the implication is that most people who say they had miserable childhoods blame their parents; I might be a bit odd in that I think my parents did really well, but my problems are inherent to me, and that is why I can't really be mad at them. In some sense, you can blame your parents for everything since they provide both the nature and the nurture, but if you think they truly meant well, it's hard to resent them.
- iteria 2y ago
  > if you think they truly meant well, it's hard to resent them. It's easy to resent someone who means well if what they're trying to do is make you miserable because they can't see how you could be happy. That's my parents. They can't fathom how I can enjoy my life and and have done everything in their power to keep me from living the way I want to live. They are willfully ignoring that I'm not them. They may have good intentions but I had a happy childhood in spite of them, not because of them. If adults in the world didn't take an interest in and see me, I could have been a miserable person. So in that sense, I do resent them. Good intentions don't mean anything when you refuse to acknowledge people as they are instead of who they are.
  - silverquiet 2y ago
    My parents are religious and I am not, but I wish I could believe what they believe.
  - Aeolun 2y ago
    > Good intentions don't mean anything when you refuse to acknowledge people as they are instead of who they are. Was the last part meant to be: “Who you want them to be?” I mean, that’s kinda hard as a parent, since you bring children into the world to raise them as you think they should be. If they then ignore all of that and go their own way, while perfectly acceptable, I can see how that’d suck for them. I guess that’s my biggest worry as a parent anyway. I want them to be happy, but I also want them to be what I consider to be ‘good’.

slumberlust 2y ago

We have a 3.5 year old who is amazing and has brought a lot of joy to our lives. I had a great childhood and still questioned if it was irresponsible to bring a child into a world of inherent suffering. Ultimately, planned parenting is a selfish act.

entropicdrifter 2y ago
>Ultimately, planned parenting is a selfish act. I agree, but with the exception that parenting adopted children is not selfish

bombcar 2y ago

I know a decent handful of people who definitely did NOT enjoy their childhood (or at least had major issues that they'd rather not have had; it's not like they never had any fun whatsoever) who have quite enjoyable families now; they've intentionally set out to avoid the pitfalls that happened to them and actively work to identify other ones.

silverquiet 2y ago
Mine was due to medical issues; not all pitfalls are avoidable.