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The big difference seems to come from self-reporting vs independent reporting. In other words, people around you think your personality is more similar to your
by crmd 2y ago
The big difference seems to come from self-reporting vs independent reporting. In other words, people around you think your personality is more similar to your dad’s than you think it is.
- alistairSH 2y agoAs I grow older, the number of "oh shit, I sound like my dad" moments grows exponentially. Good thing people seem to like him - if he was a gigantic ass, I'd be in trouble. ;)
- em-bee 2y agosame here. once i had children i recognized some of the behavior traits of how my dad treated me and my siblings. the difficult ones are the ones done unconsciously. i didn't recognize some until i saw my own kids repeating them. my wife also at one point recognized behaviors she learned from her parents. this recognition helped us both to better understand each other and accept our respective quirks.
- apwell23 2y agoMy dad has an habit of making an innocent remark that other party percives as offensive. He blurts out things in his enthusiasm. I used to feel second hand embarssement from it when i was younger. Now i see catch myself doing the same thing. I even got into trouble at work for it.
- eastbound 2y agoI have this. I don’t notice it. People must think I’m really socially stupid. I try to say things that I think are commonly-shared. Then, in every group, out of nowhere (it’s only months later that I remember what may have triggered it), I’m expelled (generally for another reason, because it would be too simple if people said “I don’t like you because…”). I’m 40 and since 4 years, my solution is to recluse myself and meet as few people as I can, with people who get over my defect. I must be able to do something about it, but it requires tremendous effort. Basically I have to try to remain silent and innocuous as much as I can, and guess people. It’s hell.
- throwaway22032 2y agoI have something similar but it's mostly just tended to mean that I socialise with others who don't take themselves too seriously. Life's too short to waste on those who don't appreciate you. :)
- skissane 2y agoI think mainstream culture used to be more tolerant of people saying unintentionally hurtful things. And that cultural change puts at an disadvantage individuals who have higher autistic traits, impulsivity, etc. Whereas, people at the opposite end of the personality trait spectrum aren’t disadvantaged by it to anywhere near the same degree
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- ortusdux 2y agoI agree. I've noticed that people tend to think they are average in comparison to someone else in their family with a slightly stronger expression of a trait. "You think I'm frugal! You should meet my mother! She always ..."
- NoMoreNicksLeft 2y agoA few weeks ago, I noticed a personality "quirk" in my 14 yr old daughter that had disappeared in my own teens. I've never told my wife, no one else has told her (not alot of my family left to tell it, they might not even have been aware). It's specific, non-subjective. It seems almost impossible that it should be genetic (but I have no other idea how it might heritably transmit). The idea that personality is heritable is, to me, not farfetched at all. My son is 11, I'll get to see if he does the same within a few years.
- marcosdumay 2y agoQuite possibly a quick of yours can cause your daughter's quirk, and a parent of yours had it too.
- monkeyfun 2y agoWhat kind of quirk?
- munk-a 2y agoWe tend to define ourselves by our differences and I think this is especially true when it comes to close contacts - our family is the large comparator so often times you might hear "Well, I'm more short tempered than my father" from an incredibly calm person - and that contrast that they've observed may be quite correct from their perspective but measured against others it is a relatively less significant difference.
- extr 2y agoSomething interesting to me is I have an 8 month old son. Everyone around me says he looks just like me. To me, he doesn't look like anyone in particular at all.
- sublinear 2y agoNot trying to be an edgy contrarian, but my dad was never around and I turned out very different as a result. My mother also worked a lot, so completely checked out and a neglectful enabler. I despised a lot about both my parents. When I would introduce them it tended to hurt my relationships unless they too had crappy parents, so I stopped doing that. I spent most of my childhood and early adult life with other people's families. The far more interesting study to me is how much genetics can be overcome due to harsh circumstances.