4 ms·

Dating apps in particular have broken the social dynamics of dating. It's a big decision to stay off, it curtails the opportunities for meeting new people sever

Dating apps in particular have broken the social dynamics of dating. It's a big decision to stay off, it curtails the opportunities for meeting new people severely. You get restricted to the bar/party scene and that seem to attract a very specific sort of people.

emseetech 3y ago
Okcupid in 2011-2012 was the last time I remember online dating being fun in any way.
- namaria 3y ago
  Yeah it's sad really. It's become a worse version of social media where everything is fake, your data gets sold to the highest bidder, and you compete for a chance at mid, awkward sex with strangers.
  - flkiwi 3y ago
    TBH, that pretty much sounds like dating before the big apps, just distilled down even further.
- ethbr1 3y ago
  Eternal September of interpersonal relationships.
CaptArmchair 3y ago
Cooking classes, volunteering, sport clubs, the gym, group travel, boardgames, photography classes, dancing lessons, language classes, concerts, movie clubs, hiking groups, etc. etc. Of course, you wouldn't attend those with the explicit goal of finding someone special. I'd argue that the other way around is much healthier: go out there, explore activities that mesh with who you are, or get you a bit out of your comfort zone, and you'll likely meet new people who might just surprise you.
- namaria 3y ago
  Yeah you can always make genuine connections anywhere. This isn't insightful...
  - HelloMcFly 3y ago
    It's a fair comment in response to your "You get restricted to the bar/party scene" comment, which is a pretty significant overstatement.
    - namaria 3y ago
      I'm talking about the dating scene. Meeting people and making connections is not hard. It came across as condescending really. I'm talking about changing social dynamics and I'm getting life advice? Dating apps changed the dynamics of meeting people to the worse in my experience and I'm sharing that experience.
      - karlshea 3y ago
        > Meeting people and making connections is not hard. Wow, talk about condescending. You’re not wrong about what dating apps have changed but don’t discount issues others have faced that you may not have.
        namaria 3y ago
        Hey context matters. I'm not responding to someone who complained about that.
        bee_rider 3y ago
        People on this site have a really annoying habit of taking a selective quote to destroy any context. I think it actually is bad for writing, protecting against motivated mis-quotes is not something good authors worry about.
ab71e5 3y ago
Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now?
- sublinear 3y ago
  It's even easier now to just ask for a number than before the pandemic. The median person seems to have ditched dating apps around that time. Even the stock price of Match Group reflects that. They were in moderate use before and then had a few good years during before falling off a cliff. People who had, up until that point, not bothered trying to use these apps gave them a shot and then ran away. It's never been all that difficult to ask someone out anyway. Discovery of new people got easier when things opened back up. People now make it a point to go out when they didn't before.
- 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 3y ago
  It's very embarrassing to admit attraction to someone in person. On a dating site you're trusting the site to be the friend who says "Hey you two both like each other".
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- tivert 3y ago
  > Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now? I was always too shy to ask a stranger for her number, but do remember a push to make that inappropriate in the 2010s (though that might have been more of an angry online feminist thing, the gist was asking someone for their number was a non-consensual imposition, thus harassment, while online dating was consensual).
  - ethbr1 3y ago
    That is fucking insane, pardon my French. People (male and female) need to take ownership of the difference between being uncomfortable and assaulted, because they're very different things. If I ask someone for their number, and they're not comfortable giving it, they say "No thanks." I hear that and I say "No problem! It was nice meeting you" and then forget about it (or leave, as appropriate to the situation). There's discomfort in life, because we're not all psychic. Attempting to normalized discomfort out of life is just going to end up in some weird fun house mirror world, where we're still doing the same things, just through proxies or at arm's length.
nonrandomstring 3y ago
[dead]
bongodongobob 3y ago
It's not curtailing opportunities. I get probably 2 dates a year out of all the apps combined. The swipe right to match ratio is probably 0.5% or less. Asking someone for their number/date in RL is probably closer to 50%, at least for me. Without coming off sexist, it seems very apparent that a lot of women just use these apps for some attention and have no intention of actually meeting up. Ymmv.
- datadrivenangel 3y ago
  It feels good to be desired when you want it!
- bonton89 3y ago
  People who are looking for relationships in a serious way probably aren't on the apps very long before they're in some other kind of relationship. The majority are going to be those screwing around (figuratively but I guess also literally) because they never exit the main loop.
dspillett 3y ago
> You get restricted to the bar/party scene Or meeting people through work (though I wouldn't recommend that one generally on the basis of “don't shit where you eat”, I've seen it work for others). Or through hobbies (I know a few people who have found partners in the trail running community, for instance). Or just being happy single. Or, at least, no less happy than you feel you'd be with a partner. Take it from me, someone who is content to be an honorary mad cat lady, it can be a decent life. Many don't seem able to accept that life can be fulfilling this way, and every now & than they try to fix me by trying to nag me into the dating game. I'm not against dating, or finding a partner, I just don't care for it enough to make much effort, I'm not willing to lie about that or pretend to be someone I'm not more generally, and I doubt potential partners will find that very appealing! Many don't seem able to accept that life can be fulfilling this way, and feel like lesser people because they are single, which is possibly why people often assume my PoV is something I'm pretending about. And some just want the physical side of things, and see dating/relationships as a gateway to that, and they again see me as odd (or lying) when I say I can happily live without it.
- prmoustache 3y ago
  In my experience the less you seek, the easier it is. I've never been single for more than a couple of months in my adulthood and I don't see myself as particularly attractive. But everytime I met my new long time partners it was at a moment where I was not really in a mood to enter a new relationship and was pretty much looking forward to spend some time single. But that probably means I was more attractive and looking less like a predator than men who were actively looking. The funny part is that on 2 occasions I used dating apps because as much as I wanted to stay single, I wasn't against the occasional sex but was underwhelmed by the experience and it resulted in very few dates. I've never been much into "marketing" and didn't want to reveal too much which probably didn't help.
  - metalliqaz 3y ago
    ah, the life of an extrovert... it must be nice
- anal_reactor 3y ago
tithe 3y ago
Complicated by the fact that it may be in an online dating company's interest _to keep you single_ and thus on the platform: once you find someone, you don't need to use the platform anymore, and they lose an active user / subscription.

emseetech 3y ago

Okcupid in 2011-2012 was the last time I remember online dating being fun in any way.

namaria 3y ago
Yeah it's sad really. It's become a worse version of social media where everything is fake, your data gets sold to the highest bidder, and you compete for a chance at mid, awkward sex with strangers.
- flkiwi 3y ago
  TBH, that pretty much sounds like dating before the big apps, just distilled down even further.
ethbr1 3y ago
Eternal September of interpersonal relationships.

CaptArmchair 3y ago

Cooking classes, volunteering, sport clubs, the gym, group travel, boardgames, photography classes, dancing lessons, language classes, concerts, movie clubs, hiking groups, etc. etc. Of course, you wouldn't attend those with the explicit goal of finding someone special. I'd argue that the other way around is much healthier: go out there, explore activities that mesh with who you are, or get you a bit out of your comfort zone, and you'll likely meet new people who might just surprise you.

namaria 3y ago
Yeah you can always make genuine connections anywhere. This isn't insightful...
- HelloMcFly 3y ago
  It's a fair comment in response to your "You get restricted to the bar/party scene" comment, which is a pretty significant overstatement.
  - namaria 3y ago
    I'm talking about the dating scene. Meeting people and making connections is not hard. It came across as condescending really. I'm talking about changing social dynamics and I'm getting life advice? Dating apps changed the dynamics of meeting people to the worse in my experience and I'm sharing that experience.
    - karlshea 3y ago
      > Meeting people and making connections is not hard. Wow, talk about condescending. You’re not wrong about what dating apps have changed but don’t discount issues others have faced that you may not have.
      - namaria 3y ago
        Hey context matters. I'm not responding to someone who complained about that.
        bee_rider 3y ago
        People on this site have a really annoying habit of taking a selective quote to destroy any context. I think it actually is bad for writing, protecting against motivated mis-quotes is not something good authors worry about.

ab71e5 3y ago

Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now?

sublinear 3y ago
It's even easier now to just ask for a number than before the pandemic. The median person seems to have ditched dating apps around that time. Even the stock price of Match Group reflects that. They were in moderate use before and then had a few good years during before falling off a cliff. People who had, up until that point, not bothered trying to use these apps gave them a shot and then ran away. It's never been all that difficult to ask someone out anyway. Discovery of new people got easier when things opened back up. People now make it a point to go out when they didn't before.
01HNNWZ0MV43FF 3y ago
It's very embarrassing to admit attraction to someone in person. On a dating site you're trusting the site to be the friend who says "Hey you two both like each other".
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
tivert 3y ago
> Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now? I was always too shy to ask a stranger for her number, but do remember a push to make that inappropriate in the 2010s (though that might have been more of an angry online feminist thing, the gist was asking someone for their number was a non-consensual imposition, thus harassment, while online dating was consensual).
- ethbr1 3y ago
  That is fucking insane, pardon my French. People (male and female) need to take ownership of the difference between being uncomfortable and assaulted, because they're very different things. If I ask someone for their number, and they're not comfortable giving it, they say "No thanks." I hear that and I say "No problem! It was nice meeting you" and then forget about it (or leave, as appropriate to the situation). There's discomfort in life, because we're not all psychic. Attempting to normalized discomfort out of life is just going to end up in some weird fun house mirror world, where we're still doing the same things, just through proxies or at arm's length.

nonrandomstring 3y ago

[dead]

bongodongobob 3y ago

It's not curtailing opportunities. I get probably 2 dates a year out of all the apps combined. The swipe right to match ratio is probably 0.5% or less. Asking someone for their number/date in RL is probably closer to 50%, at least for me. Without coming off sexist, it seems very apparent that a lot of women just use these apps for some attention and have no intention of actually meeting up. Ymmv.

datadrivenangel 3y ago
It feels good to be desired when you want it!
bonton89 3y ago
People who are looking for relationships in a serious way probably aren't on the apps very long before they're in some other kind of relationship. The majority are going to be those screwing around (figuratively but I guess also literally) because they never exit the main loop.

dspillett 3y ago

> You get restricted to the bar/party scene Or meeting people through work (though I wouldn't recommend that one generally on the basis of “don't shit where you eat”, I've seen it work for others). Or through hobbies (I know a few people who have found partners in the trail running community, for instance). Or just being happy single. Or, at least, no less happy than you feel you'd be with a partner. Take it from me, someone who is content to be an honorary mad cat lady, it can be a decent life. Many don't seem able to accept that life can be fulfilling this way, and every now & than they try to fix me by trying to nag me into the dating game. I'm not against dating, or finding a partner, I just don't care for it enough to make much effort, I'm not willing to lie about that or pretend to be someone I'm not more generally, and I doubt potential partners will find that very appealing! Many don't seem able to accept that life can be fulfilling this way, and feel like lesser people because they are single, which is possibly why people often assume my PoV is something I'm pretending about. And some just want the physical side of things, and see dating/relationships as a gateway to that, and they again see me as odd (or lying) when I say I can happily live without it.

prmoustache 3y ago
In my experience the less you seek, the easier it is. I've never been single for more than a couple of months in my adulthood and I don't see myself as particularly attractive. But everytime I met my new long time partners it was at a moment where I was not really in a mood to enter a new relationship and was pretty much looking forward to spend some time single. But that probably means I was more attractive and looking less like a predator than men who were actively looking. The funny part is that on 2 occasions I used dating apps because as much as I wanted to stay single, I wasn't against the occasional sex but was underwhelmed by the experience and it resulted in very few dates. I've never been much into "marketing" and didn't want to reveal too much which probably didn't help.
- metalliqaz 3y ago
  ah, the life of an extrovert... it must be nice
anal_reactor 3y ago

tithe 3y ago

Complicated by the fact that it may be in an online dating company's interest _to keep you single_ and thus on the platform: once you find someone, you don't need to use the platform anymore, and they lose an active user / subscription.