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>It's her life so I leave her alone, not my place to tell her what to do, and the emotional upheaval from her isn't worth it either. In my culture this is exac

>It's her life so I leave her alone, not my place to tell her what to do, and the emotional upheaval from her isn't worth it either. In my culture this is exactly what family should do. "Soft doctors make stinking wounds".

worthless-trash 3y ago
> and the emotional upheaval from her isn't worth it either. If you loved your sister, you should do something, if direct confrontation isnt working, take another route. > In my culture this is exactly what family should do. I assume you mean "family should intervene here", because if you don't who would ?
- teekert 3y ago
  Sure, you may try (I did and don't regret it, sounds like OP also tried), if only for you to feel better about it yourself. But my experience with addiction in the family is that they can and will drag you down with them. To love is to let go, at some point. My experience (with alcohol addiction) is: Tried to help once, got into problems (set family up with house of a friend), almost got into financial problems myself (almost lend them money but was stopped by wife, would have lost it all). But at least I could tell myself I tried. But how far would you go? An addict will take you away from your family and kids if you let them. So what to do? Hope they take the first step themselves. Be clear that you will help them take steps, but only steps you agree with (I once got alcohol for said family, the begging and bad state got to me, at some point an alcoholic will improve on alcohol), but I still feel bad about that today.
  - worldsayshi 3y ago
    > So what to do? Hope they take the first step themselves. Be clear that you will help them take steps, but only steps you agree with (I once got alcohol for said family, the begging and bad state got to me, at some point an alcoholic will improve on alcohol), but I still feel bad about that today. As someone who had to give up on a close friend and addict, you have to set razor sharp boundaries for yourself. And if that doesn't work you have to leave. I think very few people have the capacity to make the right decisions when a loved one is slowly slipping into a hole of misery of their own making while begging you to keep them company on the way down.
  - slothtrop 3y ago
    Interventions can work, they're just no silver bullet. I think it's something you do in good faith, but after that for the sake of your sanity you have to let go as you said.
- apexalpha 3y ago
  >I assume you mean "family should intervene here", because if you don't who would ? yes
switch007 3y ago
Not really in my culture but still necessary sometimes I had to step in when my sister's post-natal drinking became too much. Everyone else turned a blind eye, but I couldn't stop thinking about my nephew and an emergency situation. In a mini intervention, we snapped her out of it by saying you can't drive your baby to hospital in an emergency after 2-4 big glasses of wine (she was often on her own in the evenings); and if you did, child protective services would come down on you like hellfire. Plus a bit of "well prove us wrong that you don't need it to relax" etc. It worked, quickly, luckily

worthless-trash 3y ago

> and the emotional upheaval from her isn't worth it either. If you loved your sister, you should do something, if direct confrontation isnt working, take another route. > In my culture this is exactly what family should do. I assume you mean "family should intervene here", because if you don't who would ?

teekert 3y ago
Sure, you may try (I did and don't regret it, sounds like OP also tried), if only for you to feel better about it yourself. But my experience with addiction in the family is that they can and will drag you down with them. To love is to let go, at some point. My experience (with alcohol addiction) is: Tried to help once, got into problems (set family up with house of a friend), almost got into financial problems myself (almost lend them money but was stopped by wife, would have lost it all). But at least I could tell myself I tried. But how far would you go? An addict will take you away from your family and kids if you let them. So what to do? Hope they take the first step themselves. Be clear that you will help them take steps, but only steps you agree with (I once got alcohol for said family, the begging and bad state got to me, at some point an alcoholic will improve on alcohol), but I still feel bad about that today.
- worldsayshi 3y ago
  > So what to do? Hope they take the first step themselves. Be clear that you will help them take steps, but only steps you agree with (I once got alcohol for said family, the begging and bad state got to me, at some point an alcoholic will improve on alcohol), but I still feel bad about that today. As someone who had to give up on a close friend and addict, you have to set razor sharp boundaries for yourself. And if that doesn't work you have to leave. I think very few people have the capacity to make the right decisions when a loved one is slowly slipping into a hole of misery of their own making while begging you to keep them company on the way down.
- slothtrop 3y ago
  Interventions can work, they're just no silver bullet. I think it's something you do in good faith, but after that for the sake of your sanity you have to let go as you said.
apexalpha 3y ago
>I assume you mean "family should intervene here", because if you don't who would ? yes

switch007 3y ago

Not really in my culture but still necessary sometimes I had to step in when my sister's post-natal drinking became too much. Everyone else turned a blind eye, but I couldn't stop thinking about my nephew and an emergency situation. In a mini intervention, we snapped her out of it by saying you can't drive your baby to hospital in an emergency after 2-4 big glasses of wine (she was often on her own in the evenings); and if you did, child protective services would come down on you like hellfire. Plus a bit of "well prove us wrong that you don't need it to relax" etc. It worked, quickly, luckily