6 ms·

I feel you - our son had about 6 months(from ~4 months old until 10 months old) where he just wouldn't sleep for more than an hour at the time, then would wake

I feel you - our son had about 6 months(from ~4 months old until 10 months old) where he just wouldn't sleep for more than an hour at the time, then would wake up screaming and it took at least 30-40 minutes to put him back to sleep. I think in that period me and my wife were actual zombies, just didn't get any sleep at all, there was a point where I thought to myself I haven't had more than 2 hours of continious unbroken sleep for few months, and that there is no way this can be healthy lol. Also, I know saying this now doesn't help, because at the moment you are in one of the most "intense" periods of their development where they need all of your attention but give relatively little back - but that will improve. They will eventually sleep better and they will start telling you how much they love you and kiss you goodnight - and then all of those early months are forgotten :-)

tutfbhuf 3y ago
I can relate, sleep deprivation can have serious health effects. We did night shifts on cycles every other day, where one parent slept through the night on the couch with hearing protection, while the other stayed with the baby in the bedroom. This method worked out quite well. The advantage is that the parent who slept on the couch has more energy during the day for the child and can enjoy the time more, which is also beneficial for the child.
- fullstackchris 3y ago
  so... what are you supposed to do if you have a full time job?
  - n4r9 3y ago
    I have an 8 month old and am full time while mum's on maternity leave. When the baby was ill recently, at times he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held by a standing person. I'm not kidding - there were nights where sitting or lying down as gently as possible would wake him up. We ended up doing half-night shifts where I'd have him from 8pm to 2am and then mum would take him from 2am-8am. I'd wake up at 8am, put him in the carrier for a nap while mum napped as well (30-60 mins) and then start work. How parents in the US do it when maternity is only 12 weeks unpaid... I have no idea!
    - Loughla 3y ago
      I caught shit from my ex-employer when out latest was born because I wanted to take 2 weeks off. 2 weeks. It was part of my review that year before I even took the time off. I left that company the same day. We lived VERY lean for a year or so while I figured out a new direction. Thank Christ for a supportive family.
      - n4r9 3y ago
        That's just awful. As a new parent I'm so much more keenly appreciative of these kinds of struggles. I found 4 weeks of pat leave and a very gentle re-introduction to work very challenging, let alone bringing up an infant without an income. I'm glad that you had family around to support you and that you did indeed find a new direction (which it sounds like you did).
        gambiting 3y ago
        As a dad I only had 1 month of paternity leave and I still found it incredibly difficult to go back to work(not because of work, but because my son needed a lot of support and I wasn't able to provide it). 2 weeks would be literally impossible, I think I'd resign.
    - MrDresden 3y ago
      And coming from the nordics I wonder how the parents in the rest of Europe do it when there is barely any paternity leave.
      - n4r9 3y ago
        Yes, I'm very jealous of what you get, "up north". Some companies in the UK are generous - I hear Google (or at least DeepMind) provides 3 months - but some dads in my antenatal class only got a single week off. And some of the mums went back to work after 6 months, putting the baby in nursery at that age.
        3y ago
  - InitialLastName 3y ago
    Answer A (because capitalism is for sociopaths): Sleep train Answer B: Work harder on the days you have energy.
  - tutfbhuf 3y ago
    It will be a challenge for a few months, but as other parents pointed out, it will improve over time. My advice is, if you plan to have kids, then try to reduce any other factors of stress, such as work-related, as much as possible, because your kid requires full attention, especially in the beginning.
  - mcntsh 3y ago
    This is why I love Germany, because you don't have to ask questions like this. You have the right to take a year off (or more) as a father and mother and the state pays you.
  - a_e_k 3y ago
    My experience as a working parent has been that you just have to muddle through some days one way or the other. (But taking longer shifts like GP mentioned works way better than trying to split the difference within a single night.)
  - jcul 3y ago
    What the parent comment is suggesting is every second night one person gets a solid night sleep. It's a great strategy for survival. We did this a lot with our second child and still so sometimes if there is a patch of disrupted sleep. The person with the child is not getting zero sleep. A small baby can't stay awake for an entire night. So you could get two or three hours in small batches. You are exhausted the next day, but at least you have the following night to recover. If you have a full time job you just do your job. You are really tired and not operating at 100℅ but you get through and it is better than having 2 or 3 hours broken sleep every night.
PaulHoule 3y ago
We just slept with our son in bed and didn't have a fraction of the problems in this department.
- lolinder 3y ago
  This should be obvious, but you also had a different child. Our oldest child wouldn't sleep until we got him not only out of the bed but the bassinet all the way out of the room. Our second child slept like a baby pretty much whenever. Our third did fine in the bassinet, but now that she's older and transferred to the nursery she wakes up if even the slightest bit of light comes in through her door. Kids are wildly different from one another from a very young age. I wouldn't assume that your cosleeping is the cause of your having fewer sleep troubles. If anything it might be the reverse.
  - skrbjc 3y ago
    Makes you wonder where "sleep like a baby" comes from, because it definitely seems like only some babies are great sleepers.
    - yayitswei 3y ago
      Older babies do tend to sleep very soundly though!
    - edmundsauto 3y ago
      It could also mean that you wake up every 2 hours and crap your pants crying! That’s why it’s such a great term - it can mean almost anything.
- gambiting 3y ago
  One thing I learnt a while ago is that every child is different and that everyone(me included!) love to extrapolate their own experiences on everyone else. But yes, in hindsight I would probably try some form of co-sleeping, even though everyone around us was advising against it(too much of a risk).
hzay 3y ago
> there was a point where I thought to myself I haven't had more than 2 hours of continious unbroken sleep for few months Omg same, but for more than 2 years, because I'm a breastfeeding mom. Idk how this is healthy or normal!

tutfbhuf 3y ago

I can relate, sleep deprivation can have serious health effects. We did night shifts on cycles every other day, where one parent slept through the night on the couch with hearing protection, while the other stayed with the baby in the bedroom. This method worked out quite well. The advantage is that the parent who slept on the couch has more energy during the day for the child and can enjoy the time more, which is also beneficial for the child.

fullstackchris 3y ago
so... what are you supposed to do if you have a full time job?
- n4r9 3y ago
  I have an 8 month old and am full time while mum's on maternity leave. When the baby was ill recently, at times he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held by a standing person. I'm not kidding - there were nights where sitting or lying down as gently as possible would wake him up. We ended up doing half-night shifts where I'd have him from 8pm to 2am and then mum would take him from 2am-8am. I'd wake up at 8am, put him in the carrier for a nap while mum napped as well (30-60 mins) and then start work. How parents in the US do it when maternity is only 12 weeks unpaid... I have no idea!
  - Loughla 3y ago
    I caught shit from my ex-employer when out latest was born because I wanted to take 2 weeks off. 2 weeks. It was part of my review that year before I even took the time off. I left that company the same day. We lived VERY lean for a year or so while I figured out a new direction. Thank Christ for a supportive family.
    - n4r9 3y ago
      That's just awful. As a new parent I'm so much more keenly appreciative of these kinds of struggles. I found 4 weeks of pat leave and a very gentle re-introduction to work very challenging, let alone bringing up an infant without an income. I'm glad that you had family around to support you and that you did indeed find a new direction (which it sounds like you did).
      - gambiting 3y ago
        As a dad I only had 1 month of paternity leave and I still found it incredibly difficult to go back to work(not because of work, but because my son needed a lot of support and I wasn't able to provide it). 2 weeks would be literally impossible, I think I'd resign.
  - MrDresden 3y ago
    And coming from the nordics I wonder how the parents in the rest of Europe do it when there is barely any paternity leave.
    - n4r9 3y ago
      Yes, I'm very jealous of what you get, "up north". Some companies in the UK are generous - I hear Google (or at least DeepMind) provides 3 months - but some dads in my antenatal class only got a single week off. And some of the mums went back to work after 6 months, putting the baby in nursery at that age.
      - 3y ago
- InitialLastName 3y ago
  Answer A (because capitalism is for sociopaths): Sleep train Answer B: Work harder on the days you have energy.
- tutfbhuf 3y ago
  It will be a challenge for a few months, but as other parents pointed out, it will improve over time. My advice is, if you plan to have kids, then try to reduce any other factors of stress, such as work-related, as much as possible, because your kid requires full attention, especially in the beginning.
- mcntsh 3y ago
  This is why I love Germany, because you don't have to ask questions like this. You have the right to take a year off (or more) as a father and mother and the state pays you.
- a_e_k 3y ago
  My experience as a working parent has been that you just have to muddle through some days one way or the other. (But taking longer shifts like GP mentioned works way better than trying to split the difference within a single night.)
- jcul 3y ago
  What the parent comment is suggesting is every second night one person gets a solid night sleep. It's a great strategy for survival. We did this a lot with our second child and still so sometimes if there is a patch of disrupted sleep. The person with the child is not getting zero sleep. A small baby can't stay awake for an entire night. So you could get two or three hours in small batches. You are exhausted the next day, but at least you have the following night to recover. If you have a full time job you just do your job. You are really tired and not operating at 100℅ but you get through and it is better than having 2 or 3 hours broken sleep every night.

PaulHoule 3y ago

We just slept with our son in bed and didn't have a fraction of the problems in this department.

lolinder 3y ago
This should be obvious, but you also had a different child. Our oldest child wouldn't sleep until we got him not only out of the bed but the bassinet all the way out of the room. Our second child slept like a baby pretty much whenever. Our third did fine in the bassinet, but now that she's older and transferred to the nursery she wakes up if even the slightest bit of light comes in through her door. Kids are wildly different from one another from a very young age. I wouldn't assume that your cosleeping is the cause of your having fewer sleep troubles. If anything it might be the reverse.
- skrbjc 3y ago
  Makes you wonder where "sleep like a baby" comes from, because it definitely seems like only some babies are great sleepers.
  - yayitswei 3y ago
    Older babies do tend to sleep very soundly though!
  - edmundsauto 3y ago
    It could also mean that you wake up every 2 hours and crap your pants crying! That’s why it’s such a great term - it can mean almost anything.
gambiting 3y ago
One thing I learnt a while ago is that every child is different and that everyone(me included!) love to extrapolate their own experiences on everyone else. But yes, in hindsight I would probably try some form of co-sleeping, even though everyone around us was advising against it(too much of a risk).

hzay 3y ago

> there was a point where I thought to myself I haven't had more than 2 hours of continious unbroken sleep for few months Omg same, but for more than 2 years, because I'm a breastfeeding mom. Idk how this is healthy or normal!