4 ms·

Getting out of the bay area to date might be great advice. Blaming the inability of people to date on the "behavior of women" is uhm.. that's some card carryin

by neom 3y ago

Getting out of the bay area to date might be great advice. Blaming the inability of people to date on the "behavior of women" is uhm.. that's some card carrying misogynist talk right there...

LanceH 3y ago
Having lived in a series of places with far more men than women and seen the effects on the dating seen, he is speaking some truth. There is a vast difference between having equal numbers and large imbalance, and it does impact behavior.
tacon 3y ago
Sure, just as advising a woman to move from D.C. to San Jose because of the "behavior of men" would be misandry. Not.
jeffbee 3y ago
Yes, its obviously top-shelf misogyny. There's no amount of backtracking that can hide it now. Ironically, while there may be an overabundance of men in the Bay Area, with a particularly acute imbalance in center of the big tech industry, in Berkeley it's the other way around. Women have a +10% overrepresentation at the university, so at least numerically it is a piece of cake to find a female partner. At least, it should be for people who are normal and not creepy jerks with axes to grind.
- solenoid0937 3y ago
  Stating obvious fact is not misogyny, just because you don't like it. 90% percent of men that have dating experience outside the Bay Area will attest to the stark difference in women's behavior, and it's definitely not a good difference. It is simple human psychology that we grow more entitled the more desirable we are. This is why balanced gender ratios are important. You can't just call people's shared experience "misogyny." Pointing out commonly and repeatedly observed behavior differences is not that.
Buttons840 3y ago
If a man changing location improves his ability to date, what are the implications of that? Did the man improve his personal character just because he changed location? Or is he more successful because the pool of women he has to choose from is different? My point being, there seems to be some inconsistency in your comment. If simply changing location is helpful, as you claim, then that must have something to do with the dating pool (women in this case) in the two locations. (I don't have an opinion of my own on this, since I'm not dating.)
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
CharlesW 3y ago
> Getting out of the bay area to date might be great advice. It depends on the kind of partner you're looking for. I met my now-wife (and many other great women) in the Bay Area. But some men are threatened by women who are as smart/capable (or moreso) than they are.
anamax 3y ago
It's universally acknowledged that men "in high demand" behave differently than men in low demand. Thank god that women are different.
atq2119 3y ago
I haven't seen the original comment, only what is quoted in the article. What you're writing is a pretty gross misrepresentation of at least that quoted part, which simply makes a statement about gender ratios and that they can have significant effects on people's behavior. If you disagree with that, I'd be curious to hear the argument. Beating up a straw man, on the other hand, is bad form.
- nkurz 3y ago
  There are screenshots of the full comment thread here: https://old.reddit.com/r/berkeley/comments/1bitr75/another_day_in_berkeley_eecs/ https://old.reddit.com/r/berkeley/comments/1bitr75/another_d... Shewchuk's comment is on the third image.
  - solenoid0937 3y ago
    This guy was my professor at Cal. He has pretty bad self awareness, but he's absolutely not wrong. Both genders behave entitled and get an inflated sense of self worth when the gender ratio in the dating market favors them significantly. If you have lived and dated in different places, it is 10,000% true that women in the Bay Area behave on average differently (to put it kindly) than women in say NYC or a Midwest town. You can't just call people's experience misogyny if it you don't like it. This isn't misogyny, it's just straight up fact that nearly every guy in the Bay has experienced.
8f2ab37a-ed6c 3y ago
This is just human psychology of being on the winning side of an imbalanced market with limited supply, it's not a man vs woman phenomenon. If you were a senior SWE with sexy credentials in the Bay during its latest tech boom, say between 2010 and 2020, you were inundated daily with recruiter spam and offers to join sketchy early stage startups that were clearly never going to take off. Were you nice to those recruiters? Did you take the time to gracefully let them know that you weren't interested in that specific opportunity, wishing them good luck in their search? Maybe the first time? Maybe the first ten times? But after hundreds, possibly thousands of those requests years later, it becomes a joke, you start seeing them at the same level as Nigerian prince scammers, they're not even fully human in your mind.

by neom 3y ago

Getting out of the bay area to date might be great advice. Blaming the inability of people to date on the "behavior of women" is uhm.. that's some card carrying misogynist talk right there...

LanceH 3y ago

Having lived in a series of places with far more men than women and seen the effects on the dating seen, he is speaking some truth. There is a vast difference between having equal numbers and large imbalance, and it does impact behavior.

tacon 3y ago

Sure, just as advising a woman to move from D.C. to San Jose because of the "behavior of men" would be misandry. Not.

jeffbee 3y ago

Yes, its obviously top-shelf misogyny. There's no amount of backtracking that can hide it now. Ironically, while there may be an overabundance of men in the Bay Area, with a particularly acute imbalance in center of the big tech industry, in Berkeley it's the other way around. Women have a +10% overrepresentation at the university, so at least numerically it is a piece of cake to find a female partner. At least, it should be for people who are normal and not creepy jerks with axes to grind.

solenoid0937 3y ago
Stating obvious fact is not misogyny, just because you don't like it. 90% percent of men that have dating experience outside the Bay Area will attest to the stark difference in women's behavior, and it's definitely not a good difference. It is simple human psychology that we grow more entitled the more desirable we are. This is why balanced gender ratios are important. You can't just call people's shared experience "misogyny." Pointing out commonly and repeatedly observed behavior differences is not that.

Buttons840 3y ago

If a man changing location improves his ability to date, what are the implications of that? Did the man improve his personal character just because he changed location? Or is he more successful because the pool of women he has to choose from is different? My point being, there seems to be some inconsistency in your comment. If simply changing location is helpful, as you claim, then that must have something to do with the dating pool (women in this case) in the two locations. (I don't have an opinion of my own on this, since I'm not dating.)

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]

CharlesW 3y ago

> Getting out of the bay area to date might be great advice. It depends on the kind of partner you're looking for. I met my now-wife (and many other great women) in the Bay Area. But some men are threatened by women who are as smart/capable (or moreso) than they are.

anamax 3y ago

It's universally acknowledged that men "in high demand" behave differently than men in low demand. Thank god that women are different.

atq2119 3y ago

I haven't seen the original comment, only what is quoted in the article. What you're writing is a pretty gross misrepresentation of at least that quoted part, which simply makes a statement about gender ratios and that they can have significant effects on people's behavior. If you disagree with that, I'd be curious to hear the argument. Beating up a straw man, on the other hand, is bad form.

nkurz 3y ago
There are screenshots of the full comment thread here: https://old.reddit.com/r/berkeley/comments/1bitr75/another_day_in_berkeley_eecs/ https://old.reddit.com/r/berkeley/comments/1bitr75/another_d... Shewchuk's comment is on the third image.
- solenoid0937 3y ago
  This guy was my professor at Cal. He has pretty bad self awareness, but he's absolutely not wrong. Both genders behave entitled and get an inflated sense of self worth when the gender ratio in the dating market favors them significantly. If you have lived and dated in different places, it is 10,000% true that women in the Bay Area behave on average differently (to put it kindly) than women in say NYC or a Midwest town. You can't just call people's experience misogyny if it you don't like it. This isn't misogyny, it's just straight up fact that nearly every guy in the Bay has experienced.

8f2ab37a-ed6c 3y ago

This is just human psychology of being on the winning side of an imbalanced market with limited supply, it's not a man vs woman phenomenon. If you were a senior SWE with sexy credentials in the Bay during its latest tech boom, say between 2010 and 2020, you were inundated daily with recruiter spam and offers to join sketchy early stage startups that were clearly never going to take off. Were you nice to those recruiters? Did you take the time to gracefully let them know that you weren't interested in that specific opportunity, wishing them good luck in their search? Maybe the first time? Maybe the first ten times? But after hundreds, possibly thousands of those requests years later, it becomes a joke, you start seeing them at the same level as Nigerian prince scammers, they're not even fully human in your mind.