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> but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways A child answers the existentialist "why I'm here? what's the point?" question

> but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways A child answers the existentialist "why I'm here? what's the point?" question on a primal, fundamental level. The child needs you, your purpose is to care for it.

cmrdporcupine 3y ago
This phase lasts until they are teenagers, and the questions come back but stronger. Unless you enjoy the answer to "why I'm here" being "driving my teen around to hang with their dubious friends", "nagging about homework", and "human paycheque." Just sayin' :-) I love my kids, but children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life. Having a mid-life crisis in your late 40s & 50s long after you've had kids is a cliche for a reason.
- throwaway_89282 3y ago
  eh, life expectancy for US males is 77 by that point you're practically dead (sarcasm). More generally, worrying about a mid-life crisis feels silly and probably only compounds angst.
- The_Colonel 3y ago
  I'm not that far along with my kids, but from my friends & family I see some examples of involved parents having a very close relationship with their children well into their adult years. > children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life Because the meaning may end (after many years/decades)? That seems strange, what answer to this hunger for meaning is guaranteed to fulfill you forever?
  - cmrdporcupine 3y ago
    I'm pretty close to both my teens. But the relationship shifts. And every month you feel that they "need" you less. And they tend to go through a phase in mid-adolescence when they really make that clear, too... If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent. Oh well, I'll get back to you in 5-10 years when they've fully adult-ed.
    - The_Colonel 3y ago
      > If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent. It's my primary answer which will do its job for many years. Again, it's not like you'll find a life-long meaning in building a B2B startup. It might work for a couple of years, then you need to find something else.
- Aeolun 3y ago
  Maybe, that gives you 10-15 years before you have to consider the question again :)

cmrdporcupine 3y ago

This phase lasts until they are teenagers, and the questions come back but stronger. Unless you enjoy the answer to "why I'm here" being "driving my teen around to hang with their dubious friends", "nagging about homework", and "human paycheque." Just sayin' :-) I love my kids, but children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life. Having a mid-life crisis in your late 40s & 50s long after you've had kids is a cliche for a reason.

throwaway_89282 3y ago
eh, life expectancy for US males is 77 by that point you're practically dead (sarcasm). More generally, worrying about a mid-life crisis feels silly and probably only compounds angst.
The_Colonel 3y ago
I'm not that far along with my kids, but from my friends & family I see some examples of involved parents having a very close relationship with their children well into their adult years. > children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life Because the meaning may end (after many years/decades)? That seems strange, what answer to this hunger for meaning is guaranteed to fulfill you forever?
- cmrdporcupine 3y ago
  I'm pretty close to both my teens. But the relationship shifts. And every month you feel that they "need" you less. And they tend to go through a phase in mid-adolescence when they really make that clear, too... If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent. Oh well, I'll get back to you in 5-10 years when they've fully adult-ed.
  - The_Colonel 3y ago
    > If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent. It's my primary answer which will do its job for many years. Again, it's not like you'll find a life-long meaning in building a B2B startup. It might work for a couple of years, then you need to find something else.
Aeolun 3y ago
Maybe, that gives you 10-15 years before you have to consider the question again :)