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It’s probably a bad idea, but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways. I’m still prone to anxiety, but existential fears have
by Aeolun 3y ago
It’s probably a bad idea, but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways. I’m still prone to anxiety, but existential fears have been greatly reduced.
I attribute this mostly to lack of time to think too much, so you can probably find different ways to achieve the same effect.
I think somewhere along the way I’ve also become adult enough to realize that there will be days I accomplish absolutely nothing and that that is fine.
I stop comparing myself to the best people in the world, and start comparing myself to the best people in my immediate environment, and I feel a great deal better about myself.
- The_Colonel 3y ago> but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways A child answers the existentialist "why I'm here? what's the point?" question on a primal, fundamental level. The child needs you, your purpose is to care for it.
- cmrdporcupine 3y agoThis phase lasts until they are teenagers, and the questions come back but stronger. Unless you enjoy the answer to "why I'm here" being "driving my teen around to hang with their dubious friends", "nagging about homework", and "human paycheque." Just sayin' :-) I love my kids, but children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life. Having a mid-life crisis in your late 40s & 50s long after you've had kids is a cliche for a reason.
- throwaway_89282 3y agoeh, life expectancy for US males is 77 by that point you're practically dead (sarcasm). More generally, worrying about a mid-life crisis feels silly and probably only compounds angst.
- The_Colonel 3y agoI'm not that far along with my kids, but from my friends & family I see some examples of involved parents having a very close relationship with their children well into their adult years. > children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life Because the meaning may end (after many years/decades)? That seems strange, what answer to this hunger for meaning is guaranteed to fulfill you forever?
- cmrdporcupine 3y agoI'm pretty close to both my teens. But the relationship shifts. And every month you feel that they "need" you less. And they tend to go through a phase in mid-adolescence when they really make that clear, too... If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent. Oh well, I'll get back to you in 5-10 years when they've fully adult-ed.
- The_Colonel 3y ago> If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent. It's my primary answer which will do its job for many years. Again, it's not like you'll find a life-long meaning in building a B2B startup. It might work for a couple of years, then you need to find something else.
- Aeolun 3y agoMaybe, that gives you 10-15 years before you have to consider the question again :)
- ThePowerOfFuet 3y ago>It's probably a bad idea
- mettamage 3y agoThis answer is IMO a strong distractive strategy. I don't have children, but as a former gamer, I do know a thing or two about distraction! What I found: after the distraction has run its course, it will come back to you. Distraction suppresses. It doesn't actually allow you to work through it. That's my experience at least.
- hhjinks 3y agoSome things cannot be worked through. Sometimes a distraction lasts long enough for things to sort themselves out. That's my experience, at least.
- philomath_mn 3y agoSee your sibling comment: > A child answers the existentialist "why I'm here? what's the point?" question on a primal, fundamental level. The child needs you, your purpose is to care for it. A child is not a distraction from something else, they become your entire purpose.
- jf22 3y agoI've had the same experience with kids. After having kids, I'm living more day-to-day, and I don't care about so many things I used to care about. For me, seeing my kids smile washes away any feelings of anxiety and dread.
- philomath_mn 3y agoI suppose this is one benefit of having kids young: you can go straight from school into a purposeful life without the intervening anxiety and dread that a lot of people experience. I was one year out of grad school (age 24) when my son was born. My peers are just now having their kids 10 years later, but I definitely don't regret it.