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Personally, I find 2 and 3 to be creepy and robotic. 3 also feels intrusive. The conscious analysis of tone and body language is obviously important for many p
by CipherThrowaway 3y ago
Personally, I find 2 and 3 to be creepy and robotic. 3 also feels intrusive.
The conscious analysis of tone and body language is obviously important for many people to get by socially, especially for neurodiverse people or people outside the norm of the situation. However, I think it is important to avoid remarking directly on body language.
You can still let these non-verbal observations guide a conversation, of course. Rather than remarking on someone's smile when they mention a subject, you might ask them to elaborate on the subject.
Unless they've asked to be psychoanalyzed, most people do not like the feeling of being analyzed.
- sooheon 3y agoLevel 4 is noticing the same things as 3 but not calling attention to it so conspicuously and presumptuously.
- mvkel 3y agoThat would still be listening level 1. If you're asking questions and worried about how it makes you look, that's focusing on yourself. My examples don't come across good via text; I would edit more fleshed out ones if I could. But in any context, if you're focused on yourself, you're not listening.
- CadmiumYellow 3y agoUhhhh no it's focusing on the fact that responding to someone in the way you describe as level 3 makes people uncomfortable. You want to put the other person at ease so you consciously avoid revealing the ways in which you've analyzed their behavior. Nobody wants to feel like they're being observed so intensely by the person they're talking to.
- mvkel 3y agoWithout their permission, absolutely. This is in the context of coaching in which there is an agreement that yes, you may be observed pretty intensely. It does feel vulnerable, and it's up to the coach to make the person feel safe.
- sooheon 3y agoLvl 4 is not worried about how it makes them look, they're worried about presuming to inexpertly psychoanalyze the other person when they're just wanting to be heard.
- vendiddy 3y agoI wonder if how it's done matters. Like if you are genuinely curious and non judgemental it might not come across as creepy. Of course depends on the circumstances.
- mvkel 3y agoYes, exactly right. My examples were pretty bad at conveying that but it's crucial
- mvkel 3y agoThis isn't party conversation. It's about observing, with both parties agreeing about the context