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Stop Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People's Opinions
- Sai_ 3y agoSo the article doesn’t say not to base your self worth on others, it says to recognise that you are basing your self worth on the opinion of others and to plan accordingly.
- halfmatthalfcat 3y ago> high-performance psychologist Michael Gervais How does one become a "high-performance" psychologist?
- leetrout 3y agoStudy things and people that are high performing by societal measures.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- qup 3y agoYou get everyone's opinion, ironically
- HPsquared 3y agoProbably a psychologist who studies the phenomenon of "high performance" in humans. As in, they would study literal performers (music, sports, etc.) .. high-level execs, "10x engineers" or whoever. (Like the guy who came up with the rule for 10,000 hours of practice, that kind of thing)
- dkyc 3y agoI'm not a psychiatrist, but this bit stroke me as funny: > Solving the problem of conditional self-worth is less complicated than you might think. You don’t have to go through regression therapy and get a better understanding of how your early-life caretakers gave you implied messages of contingent worth, neither do you have to sift through the wreckage of emotional or physical suffering you endured growing up. > You simply need to recognize that you are worthy exactly as you. How's that different from telling a depressed person to 'simply stop being sad', or a disabled person 'simply stand up and walk'? I'm sure the point of regression therapy is to get to that point, and this 'realization' is not a shortcut to it (caveat: I don't actually know what regression therapy is).
- tekla 3y agoDepression is an actual medical condition. Disabled is a actual medical condition. Giving a fuck about other peoples opinions is a choice.
- i5heu 3y agoLow self-esteem is a medical condition ICD10 R45.81 https://www.cdek.liu.edu/icd10/R45.81/ https://www.cdek.liu.edu/icd10/R45.81/
- dartos 3y agoThat link says low self esteem is an unclassified symptom.
- i5heu 3y agoNo, it is in the category of "Symptoms, signs and abnormal clinical and laboratory findings, not elsewhere classified" which does not mean that it is unclassified.. Indeed the link shows the classification itself
- nradov 3y agoIt is classified as a symptom, not a condition. Those are different things. Only a subset of ICD-10 concept codes are considered conditions. But in certain areas of mental health that distinction is rather arbitrary.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- dimal 3y agoAll DSM disorders are just clusters of symptoms that a board of psychiatrists decided were disorders. They are no more or less real than any other mental phenomena that the APA board decided weren’t “disorders”. And if what you say is simply a choice, why do some people struggle with it? Maybe for person A it’s easy, but for person B it’s exceedingly difficult. It could be because of inborn traits or their upbringing or any number of other things, but for some people, making the “choice” doesn’t stick. The mind keeps going back to its old processes, regardless of the conscious choice that was made. People need to stop assuming that everyone else’s brain works the same as their own. Everyone is different. Neurodiversity is a thing.
- rTX5CMRXIfFG 3y agoBut not listening to other people's opinions can also mean internalizing justifications for bad or mediocre behavior
- vivekd 3y agoTrue I suppose it's a balance. You want to be open to constructive criticism. But you don't want to follow every critic including the malicious ones. You also don't want to get caught up in negative societal measures like seeking self worth in material possessions, the size of your bank account etc.
- echelon_musk 3y agoUltimately this title is just another persons opinion of what they think I should be doing. I wish titles could be phrased less condescendingly such as "Reasons to consider not allowing your self-worth to be defined by others". It better allows for a position in which the reader may actually already be doing this.
- Towaway69 3y agoHN rules are such that the original title should be preferred over rephrasing or reintrepretation. In this case, the original title is at fault. It does seem to be another self-improvement article.
- madaxe_again 3y agoHe also doesn’t consider for one moment that this cuts both ways. Others think the world of me - I am almost incessantly praised by friends, strangers, family, and even adversaries. You’re so smart. You’re so handsome. You’re so together. I disagree with them, profoundly, as I am just this guy, you know? I came to be here through a series of (for me) fortunate accidents. So I don’t derive my worth from others, and in my view correctly assess myself as a transient sack of mostly water, temporarily imbued with this thing we call consciousness. I honestly think that the majority of people suffer from delusionally elevated self worth, when they too are little more than interchangeable parts. You’re not precious and unique. You’re not that smart. You’re not special. You’re just another human. You eat, you shit, you fuck, you die. So do we all. This whole cult of the glorious, unique individual is pathological, in my view.
- tejohnso 3y agoWhy the hell would I base my self worth on other people's opinions? Title is not at all intriguing.
- flappyeagle 3y agoIt’s not for you then
- jebarker 3y agoThis should be an auto-reply to 90% of comments on the Internet.
- FiddlerClamp 3y agoI agree that one shouldn't base one's self-worth on others, but often enough we rely on others for things that we want or need. A job, friends, dating, a relationship - all of these are contingent on 'approval' from others in a sense. So being concerned about how employers, potential friends or partners view you is a natural thing. Unless you plan to live entirely separate from society, somehow. If you find yourself an outlier to what others typically seek out, then it becomes a matter of whether you can find people and situations that accept your own offbeat, unique nature.
- Notatheist 3y agoWait is that 180 he does at the end him suggesting the path one must take to achieve self-worth post-nihilism? Or does he believe we're not basing our self-worth on the opinions of others properly?
- theGnuMe 3y agoThere's no 180, you've drawn the wrong conclusion. He saying be aware of where you place your self-worth on others opinions. It might be some areas and not others.
- bentt 3y agoI really don't care if you upvote this comment
- zafka 3y agoVery well played!
- bentt 3y agoDangit, I felt good when I read your response!
- K0balt 3y agoBut by not caring, you risk ignoring a valuable and sometimes critical source of information about your actions, as seen through the eyes of others. It’s a slippery slope from there to the “all opinions are equally valid” nonsense. So you should be mindful of others votes as feedback for the reception of your creative act, but not base your internal sense of self worth on this feedback, rather weighing it as a source of feedback to inform decisions going forward. (/s)
- TriangleEdge 3y agoOther peoples opinion of you is tied to your income, so I don't think there'll be a shift in this aspect of life.
- zafka 3y agoI really think this is one of those trite sayings that are worth looking at during periodic personal evaluations. This does not mean that I have great worth just because I am breathing. I need to base my worth on metrics that I value. And it just so happens that as my value goes up according to my standards, I will often see this reflected by people who's opinion I value- but not always.
- WalterBright 3y agoWhen you're young, you are very concerned about what other people think of you. When you're middle-aged, you stop caring about what other people think of you. When you're old, you realize that nobody is thinking of you.
- Syzygies 3y ago> The first words out of her mouth to her rescuer were: “Am I going to be okay?” RFK's last words were "Is everybody OK?"
- ta8645 3y agoOften, other people's opinion of you, is more reliable than your own. You should at least consider how likely it is that everyone else is wrong, and you are right. There are of course times when the world is wrong -- in which case you should think highly of yourself regardless of negative feedback. But there is also a chance that you should actually change your own poor behavior, rather than finding a way to accept yourself as-is.
- kayodelycaon 3y agoThere’s interesting corollary to this: you don’t get to decide what you are worth to other people. Before you start firing replies, let me put this in context. I have plenty of friends who like me for reasons I don’t understand. I’d never consider being friends with anyone like me. I don’t know why anyone puts up my mood swings, occasional bouts of stubborn overconfidence on something I read on Wikipedia once three years ago, and a long list of other bipolar bullshit. My friends see something in me that I don’t. They aren’t bothered by the same things I am. They get to choose how much I mean to them. And I am forever grateful for that.
- kunley 3y agoTypical American seems obsessed with what other people think. Everyone should have some healthy measures to absorb feedback from others, but better to do that when this feedback really happens. Instead, american society built a babel tower of preemptive behaviours anticipating imagined perception by others, there is some kind of religion built around that. Wokeism can be viewed as taking this mechanism to the extreme.
- almatabata 3y agoThere was a book that touched upon this concept: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43306206-the-courage-to-be-disliked https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43306206-the-courage-to-... The book is based around Adlerian psychology. One of the key theories is that you cannot be free if you are not disliked by someone.
- more_corn 3y agoI don’t care about your opinion about what I should base my self worth on.
- riehwvfbk 3y agoWhat was the purpose of the anecdote about the superwoman in the beginning? Put up this impossibly perfect human on a pedestal and then say "but you should think you have worth as you are", and "that's easy"?