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> Considering that what people want from dating apps is sex and partners, and that both are easier to obtain from people of matching attractiveness. But people

by lmm 3y ago

> Considering that what people want from dating apps is sex and partners, and that both are easier to obtain from people of matching attractiveness. But people don't have an accurate perception of matching attractiveness. The average person is a 5 who thinks they're an 8. And they've been looking at celebrities rather than average people, so if you match them with a 5 then they'll think that's a 3.

throw310822 3y ago
And yet the overwhelming majority of people of average attractiveness have mated and formed couples and married since forever. So that's possible. If an app is not able to match them, must be a failure of the app, not of nature.
- lmm 3y ago
  > And yet the overwhelming majority of people of average attractiveness have mated and formed couples and married since forever. This was true up until a few decades now, but the rate of all of that is now declining precipitously. > If an app is not able to match them, must be a failure of the app, not of nature. Or there is a broader societal problem causing a decline in all forms of dating, not just apps.
- shiroiushi 3y ago
  Ages ago, people had very, very limited dating options: generally only the suitable partners in their village. They didn't have porn to distract them, and they weren't allowed to just stay single because of social pressure and (for women) economic need. It was rare that anyone stayed single, and they were generally considered weird or "unmarriageable". So basically, people took what they could get, even if it meant someone they didn't care about or worse, someone who was downright abusive. The higher rate of singledom these days isn't necessarily a bad thing. Centuries ago, these people would have gotten married, had terrible marriages, and produced kids (remember, no contraception back then) that were neglected and abused and grew up to be awful people.
Spivak 3y ago
You're defining attractiveness like boomers handing out grades where in real life that's not how the 10 scale is used, it follows video game review rules where 7 is middling. And this is right to happen with humans same as video games. It's not centered at average it's centered where 5 is "not quite unattractive." And because the typical human is attractive the average sits at around 7.
- The_Colonel 3y ago
  That's a lot of subjectivity. For me, an average human is 5 and not really attractive.
- hbn 3y ago
  > And because the typical human is attractive Most people where I live are overweight, and even higher if you're only looking at women (my dating demographic). I don't think my standards are very high and I'd say 5 is high for the average woman I see, just because of weight alone.
  - Spivak 3y ago
    I mean look you're attracted to what you're attracted to but this is such a sad comment. You're not like doing anything wrong but reading this it's not so surprising that 2/3 of women have disordered eating.
    - hbn 3y ago
      What if I stopped showering and women found me unattractive for it? And I started blaming them, saying it’s their fault I can’t bring myself to shower?
      - Spivak 3y ago
        You're ignoring the magnitude. To make this a fair comparison it would have to be something like "Women find men's musk so repulsive that men who struggle with controlling it due to their hormones, diet, or lifestyle are showering with so much chemical exfoliant to keep it under control that it's destroying their skin." And in that world I think you have a case that women have to get over it. You can be like "just lose weight" up to the point where it drives a super-majority of women have an unhealthy relationship with food and starve themselves to do it. It looks like the new weight loss drugs might finally just fix the problem in a way that satisfies everyone. I have an ED and I will be so happy if I live to see generation of women who don't ruin their mental health to chase the thinness expected of us -- but it still sucks that the solution is drugging women to lose weight and not growing to find "heavier" (i.e. women with a BMI higher than 20) women attractive.

by lmm 3y ago

throw310822 3y ago

And yet the overwhelming majority of people of average attractiveness have mated and formed couples and married since forever. So that's possible. If an app is not able to match them, must be a failure of the app, not of nature.

lmm 3y ago
> And yet the overwhelming majority of people of average attractiveness have mated and formed couples and married since forever. This was true up until a few decades now, but the rate of all of that is now declining precipitously. > If an app is not able to match them, must be a failure of the app, not of nature. Or there is a broader societal problem causing a decline in all forms of dating, not just apps.
shiroiushi 3y ago
Ages ago, people had very, very limited dating options: generally only the suitable partners in their village. They didn't have porn to distract them, and they weren't allowed to just stay single because of social pressure and (for women) economic need. It was rare that anyone stayed single, and they were generally considered weird or "unmarriageable". So basically, people took what they could get, even if it meant someone they didn't care about or worse, someone who was downright abusive. The higher rate of singledom these days isn't necessarily a bad thing. Centuries ago, these people would have gotten married, had terrible marriages, and produced kids (remember, no contraception back then) that were neglected and abused and grew up to be awful people.

Spivak 3y ago

You're defining attractiveness like boomers handing out grades where in real life that's not how the 10 scale is used, it follows video game review rules where 7 is middling. And this is right to happen with humans same as video games. It's not centered at average it's centered where 5 is "not quite unattractive." And because the typical human is attractive the average sits at around 7.

The_Colonel 3y ago
That's a lot of subjectivity. For me, an average human is 5 and not really attractive.
hbn 3y ago
> And because the typical human is attractive Most people where I live are overweight, and even higher if you're only looking at women (my dating demographic). I don't think my standards are very high and I'd say 5 is high for the average woman I see, just because of weight alone.
- Spivak 3y ago
  I mean look you're attracted to what you're attracted to but this is such a sad comment. You're not like doing anything wrong but reading this it's not so surprising that 2/3 of women have disordered eating.
  - hbn 3y ago
    What if I stopped showering and women found me unattractive for it? And I started blaming them, saying it’s their fault I can’t bring myself to shower?
    - Spivak 3y ago
      You're ignoring the magnitude. To make this a fair comparison it would have to be something like "Women find men's musk so repulsive that men who struggle with controlling it due to their hormones, diet, or lifestyle are showering with so much chemical exfoliant to keep it under control that it's destroying their skin." And in that world I think you have a case that women have to get over it. You can be like "just lose weight" up to the point where it drives a super-majority of women have an unhealthy relationship with food and starve themselves to do it. It looks like the new weight loss drugs might finally just fix the problem in a way that satisfies everyone. I have an ED and I will be so happy if I live to see generation of women who don't ruin their mental health to chase the thinness expected of us -- but it still sucks that the solution is drugging women to lose weight and not growing to find "heavier" (i.e. women with a BMI higher than 20) women attractive.